*** 

Die glanced at Shinya while at the same time trying to concentrate on the road. The drummer’s eyes were shut and Die thought he was sleeping. So he felt relief but the next thing he knew was Shinya blinking his eyes few times; Shinya leaned forward and rested his head on the dashboard. Die sighed, "Shinya…if you do that you might feel really dizzy!" the guitarist said as he slowed the car down a little.

Shinya chuckled, "Whatever…" he whispered. He moved his hand and made tapping noises on the dashboard. Die looked at him worriedly but he couldn’t do anything. It wasn’t the first time he was with a drunken Shinya. It was better to leave him doing what he wanted or Shinya would be really pissed off and would started to…

Shinya held his face and choked. Die widened his eyes, "No! Shinya! You can’t puke here!" he yelled. Shinya smirked, "Who said I wanna puke, Die-chan?" the older man sweatdrop. He sighed in relief, so Shinya was only pretending.

When the drummer held his arm, Die held his breath. "Ne Die-chan…I really wanna puke…" the guitarist glanced at him and he turned pale. Shinya turned and opened the window. He stuck his head out, "No! Shinya! You can’t puke there either!" Die screamed louder; the drummer shook his head and ready to throw up. Die quickly stopped his car without even looking around. Thank God no cars were around. He rushed out and pulled Shinya.

*

Die stood up hugging himself while Shinya crouched down throwing up at the roadside.

"Shinya…you’re not supposed to puke here…" he mumbled and waited until Shinya finished. He waited and waited but it was taking too long! So he bent down and found out Shinya was sitting down sulking. Die looked at him in disbelief.

"Shinya! Why didn’t you get up? It’s so cold out here!" he pulled Shinya’s arm gently and helped him stood up. The drummer pouted and pushed him away.

"I wanna drink more…"

Die smiled, "You’ve puked so much and you still wanna drink?"

Shinya nodded then pulled Die’s hand, "Come…take me to that drinking place…" he led Die to the car. The guitarist shook his head; "No…I’m taking you back home!" hearing this Shinya protested but few minutes later Die found him sleeping peacefully.

The guitarist stroke Shinya’s cheek lightly, "My Shin-chan…" he whispered and looked at him sadly.

*

"Oh my God Shinya…where’s the key?!!!" Die let out a frustrated sigh as he went through Shinya’s petite bag. He couldn’t find the key and how was he supposed to open the door?! Shinya mumbled something as he sat on the floor. Die shook the bag and finally saw the keys flashing under the light. He took them out but…

Die froze.

He held a key up and studied it unbelieving his eyes.

"My key…my apartment’s key…" he looked at Shinya who sat on the floor. Why did he keep it? Did he forget about it…Why didn’t Shinya return it to him? And how could he forget about that?

Die crouched in front of Shinya and stared at the drummer. Shinya opened his eyes and looked back at him. The drummer smiled, "Did you find the key?" he moved his hand and touched Die’s cheek. The older man caught his hand and kissed it.

"Hai…" he found the key…and knew he had to leave soon.

*

Die put him on the couch then went to the kitchen making a cup of tea. Then he went to Shinya’s room and took out a towel. By the time he got to Shinya the drummer was already sleeping. Die sighed and picked him up.

Shinya opened his eyes and found himself on the bed. He whined and got up, "Why am I here?" he asked Die. The older man tried to smile, "This is where you belong…" Shinya pouted and went to bathroom. Die went out and came back with a cup of tea. The toilet was flushed and Die knew Shinya puked for the third time.

"Shinya…come out!" he called for him but Shinya didn’t reply. The guitarist narrowed his eyes and rushed to the bathroom. Maybe Shinya fainted or something. But instead he found Shinya hugging his knees sitting on the floor.

"Shinya? What’s wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"I’m sick…" he whined. Die smiled seeing Shinya pouted cutely. His nose was red and tears filled his eyes.

"No Shinya…you’re drunk!" Die tried but Shinya glared at him, "I’m not drunk! I’m sick! I can’t get up!" the drummer’s voice shook. Then he softened his look at Die,

"Die…"

"Hai…?"

"Can you carry me up?"

*

"Okay…" Die put the empty cup on the bedside table. Shinya stared as Die gently covered him with the blanket.

"Oyasumi…" Die sounded really sad as he turned away and stood up. Seeing this Shinya kicked the blanket away, "Where are you going?" he asked innocently. Die tried not to look at him.

"Home…my going back to my place…sleep okay?" he said and walked away. Shinya whined, "No! Come back!" Die ignored it and opened the door. Suddenly he heard a faint sob. He wished he had the heart to walk out the room. He wished he never heard that faint sob…because hearing it pained his heart so much. Therefore he turned his head around and was greeted by the view of Shinya crying with tears wetting his delicate cheeks.

"You don’t want me…?" Shinya managed to ask through his sobs.

Die stared at him.

"You don’t love me anymore…?"

Shinya’s drunk! Drunk! Drunk!

Shinya bit his lip hard and stared at him.

"You hate me…I thought you loved me…and you’re gonna stay…" he wiped his wet cheek. Die closed the door and Shinya’s eyes lit up. Slowly the older man approached him who sat on the bed. Shinya’s eyes looked at him innocently as Die touched his cheek.

"I never hate you…never even stop loving you…" Die looked at him tenderly whispering. Shinya stopped sobbing and smiled sweetly. He too began to touch Die’s face. The older man felt a finger ran down from his cheekbone to his strong jaw. He could see Shinya’s eyes filled with love and care.

He wanted to cry now…because he wanted to bury his face down Shinya’s hair and hugged the frail drummer tightly…he didn’t want to let him go…he wanted to love Shinya…

But Shinya doesn’t know what’s going on! He’s drunk!

Die swallowed the bitterness in his mouth.

"Shin-chan…I have to go…" he felt hot in his eyes. Tears were threatening to fall.

Shinya’s eyes grew dark. They shook a little and Shinya pouted. Die could see tears filled Shinya’s eyes again. The guitarist sighed and wiped Shinya’s already wet cheeks.

"I’m going back okay?" he got up and stood beside the bed; unwilling to leave the room himself. He wished he didn’t have to do that…he wished he could just leave the room…he was so into his thought didn’t even realize Shinya had pulled his arm gently.

"Take me with you…" the younger man whispered.

"Shin-chan…" Die blinked and a single fat tear rolled down his cheek. He felt himself being pulled down sitting on the bed. Shinya brushed his cheeks lightly and parted his lips. Die didn’t know what to do…

"I want to go…to your house…" Shinya stared at his eyes sadly.

Die winced slightly. Was he dreaming? Was this the same Shinya who left his place and didn’t intend to go back there? Did he just say he wanted to go back there? Why? Alcohol?

Shinya held his face close only few inches from Die’s.

Die slowly moved his trembled hands and held Shinya’s head. Touching the beautiful man’s hair felt like heaven…

"You want to go back? To my place…stay with me, live with me…be with me?" Die asked with shaking voice. He didn’t know if he did care or not…Die only wanted to know what Shinya would say…no matter how drunk Shinya was…hearing it from Shinya himself would be enough for him. After that…he would leave…

"Forever…" Shinya whispered and dreamingly smiled staring at him. Die thought he had just heard the most beautiful thing in the world. He held his breath as Shinya moved his head and closed his eyes. The drummer held his head up waiting for a kiss. Die stared at those parted lips. They were so inviting…so enthralling…

But Shinya was drunk…would he…?

Shinya waited patiently right in front of him…waiting for Die to kiss him. Die gulped,

Only a kiss I’ve been dreaming of…only a kiss! I promise! A kiss on those lips…Shinya’s lips…then I’ll leave! I promise!

Die’s lips trembled before he pressed them lightly against Shinya’s. He felt the drummer sighed then greeted his lips passionately. Shinya’s already parted lips allowed his tongue to enter. The younger man wrapped his arms around Die’s neck then slowly without stopping the beautiful kiss he laid himself on the bed pulling Die with him.

Die concentrated on the kiss…which was probably his last kiss with Shinya…he held Shinya’s head closer so he could deepen his kiss. His fingers brushed Shinya’s hair gently slowly caressing Shinya till the younger man moaned even only by the light loving touches. The younger man raised his left leg and warily Die held it down. Shinya tried again and for the second time…Die held it down as well. Shinya broke off the kiss and that pulled Die back to reality.

They stared at each other for a while before Die realized he was on the bed, on top of Shinya who lay horizontally on the bed. The drummer touched his chin then gave him light kiss on the cheek. His lips moved down kissing Die’s chin, his neck and moved down kissing Die’s collar bone lightly. Die rolled his eyes around confusedly. What was he doing? He felt Shinya’s leg already wrapping his waist. He knew what was next. He knew…but…

Shinya moaned and undid the first button of Die’s shirt. Then his fingers moved down undoing the second button gently. Die could only freeze. What was he thinking? Shinya was drunk! He didn’t even know what was going on! Scolding himself Die held Shinya’s both arms and pulled him down the bed. Shinya gasped and stared at him with eyes wide opened.

The next thing he knew was hearing the door being slammed hard and another slam could be heard then he ran and ran as fast as he could screaming in frustration as he did so. Die finally opened his eyes and found himself running towards his car. The cold air swept his body and semi bared chest and it hurt. The cold wind was piercing his skin…and he wanted to cry…for the pain he felt on his skin and for the pain he felt in his heart.

He reached his car punched it hard. Panting heavily Die shut his eyes. He had to calm himself down…he had to think clearly. What he just did was the right thing! Die looked down and bit his lip hard.

Shinya was drunk. If he found Die next to him tomorrow…he would rather kill himself and hated Die even more! It was Shinya’s place and he would accuse him rape. He knew Shinya…he knew Shinya too well…what he did was right! He told himself again…and again…and again…

"I love you Shinya…I love you…" he whispered trying not to sob. But tears already rolled down freely on his face. He couldn’t control that…

Die sighed; he had calmed down…at least he thought so.

He shivered.

It was so cold…so dark…so lonely…

That was when he felt warm…and realized arms that wrapped around his waist tightly. Die sighed again…it was dream…it was fate…and he could never believe it happen…so he shut his eyes and hoped it was a hallucination.

But it didn’t go away.

Die opened his eyes and touched those arms. Slowly he spread them wide and turned back.

Shinya was staring at him with no expression on his face. No expression at all…

"Shinya…"

Die wanted to say more but he couldn’t. What was to say anyway? Shinya with a hand covered Die’s lips.

"Shin-chan…" he spoke. "You call me Shin-chan…"

Die with mind floating in the air could only obey.

"Shin-chan…" he said. Shinya suddenly smiled. A smiled that melted Die’s heart ever since the first time he saw the beautiful delicate man. Shinya touched both Die’s hands.

"You can’t go anywhere…you’re not leaving without me…" he spoke slowly. Die narrowed his eyes. Shinya let go his hands then stepped backwards, "You’re mine…"

"Shinya!!!" Die screamed as Shinya shut his eyes and fell.

*

He lay the younger man on the bed…slowly, gently…and the younger man didn’t stop staring at his face studying his expression. He bent down kissing those parted lips, his hands moved gently brushing the naked chest.

The younger man moved his head and deepened his kiss; his hands wrapped around the red head’s neck then slowly moved down caressing the soft back…then moved even lower brushing the soft skin of his buttocks. He gasped feeling the cold palms there but he didn’t stop the kiss. He too began to run his hands along the smooth thighs and when one of them rose kissing his waist…he held it higher and kissed it lovingly.

Shinya moaned as Die touched and cupped his arousal. Slowly the older man moved his hand, his lips kissing nibbling gently on his chest. He writhed under the strong body moaning and slowly began to move. His eyes fluttered opened as the other man entered him. He didn’t scream in pain or anything…instead he hugged the well muscled body tightly and guided him to a better position.

Shinya kissed his shoulder, once…twice…and his body moved faster and faster at the same beat with his hand. Shinya felt the mind spinning around…and he heard Die moaning…gasping breathing heavily on top of him. So Shinya arched his back and hugged Die even tighter. He too began to moan…and gasped…and when he felt himself coming he let out a long silent scream of Die’s name. After that he was completely blurred. He could only hear a moan of his name near his ear then a hot burst in him. Then he exhaled…and smiled.

*

Die lay on his stomach staring at Shinya who lay right next to him. His fingers played with Shinya’s hair idly. The drummer was looking at him, studying his face with a serene expression on his face. Die smiled and touched his cheek. Shinya moved his hand and held Die’s. He smiled back.

How long had they been lying like that…staring at each other? Die didn’t even know…he had been dreaming…what just happened was a dream…it was too good to be true!

Shinya held his hand and kissed it lovingly.

"Shin-chan…" he whispered. The drummer’s eyes lifted up.

"Promise me …" Die had decided, if this was a dream…then it had to be a real dream…his beautiful dream and he wanted to do what he had in mind. He wanted to talk to Shinya…hearing his voice and looked at Shinya deeply into his eyes.

This was the only chance…I will never see Shinya this way again…let it be a dream…my dream…

"Promise you…" Shinya’s eyes showed confusion. "I will…whatever you want me to…" he finally replied.

Die smiled sadly wishing it was real. But when the morning came Shinya would forget everything…Die knew it because it was what usually happened. Shinya would be really warm and sweet…but then the next day he would be the same Shinya…

The guitarist held Shinya’s hand tightly, "Promise me you’ll never put yourself in danger again!" he whispered. Shinya stared. "Promise me you will never make me worry about you again!" he bit his lower lip, waiting for the younger man.

Shinya smiled, "I promise" he stated firmly. "I promise I will never ever put myself in danger ever again…so you don’t have to be worry about me…" he added. Die stared into Shinya’s eyes and he could see Shinya was serious. He meant what he had just said.

Die held back his tears, "promise me too that you will never cry again…" his voice shook. Shinya looked at him weirdly. He wondered why.

"Die…how can I promise if you cry too…?" Shinya wiped his tears away. Die blinked and more tears fell down from his eyes. The younger man looked at him concernedly. "If you promise me you never cry again then I’ll promise you…" he softly added. Die could only stared.

"What’s wrong Die? You never cried before…" Shinya sounded really worried. "Is it…me?" he asked sadly followed by faint sobs. The older man panicked, Shin-chan…don’t cry! But he couldn’t find his voice. "Die…don’t cry! It hurt so much here…" Shinya took Die’s hand and placed it on his chest. The younger man gasped as Die suddenly hugged him tightly.

"Why don’t you understand? Why can’t you get it?" Die’s voice cracked and his body racked to sobs. Shinya’s eyes wide open in shock. But he quickly hugged the other man. I love you so much Shinya…but why can’t you get it?

"I understand…" Shinya soothed him patting his back gently. "Don’t cry…I understand you Die…" Shinya let go and stared at him tenderly.

"Aishiteru…"

Die closed his eyes and nodded, "I love you too…" Shinya kissed him before snuggled up happily and shut his eyes.

"Warm…" he mouthed. The guitarist hugged him tighter, "Sleep…" he whispered near Shinya’s ear.

*

Die sat on he bed slowly carefully fearing that he might wake Shinya up. But he didn’t; Die massaged the area between his eyes slowly. He felt like a bad guy…sleeping with Shinya then left him alone in bed. He had put on his clothes; Die gently touched Shinya’s hand. The drummer was fully clothed too.

What’s this Die? Are you leaving him alone? What’s last night?

Shaking his head as the answer, Die tried not to squeeze Shinya’s hand. He looked so peaceful…so innocent…so soft…what had you done to him Die? The guitarist smiled ironically. He knew Shinya too well…last night was-

A mistake? How dare you say that Die?! Last night was the most beautiful moment you have ever had with Shinya! So you have to explain to him!

The most beautiful moment…it was too beautiful to be true…that’s why…it’s a dream…

Die lovingly stroke Shinya’s cheek with his fingers.

Shin-chan…my Shinya…

"I love you…" he bent down giving him one last kiss. Then slowly without turning back he walked out of the room.

*

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