*** 

Yoshiki shook his head slowly as somebody knocked on the door. He had just arrived in his office and he knew who it would be. Only Die could find such a perfect time to see him.

"Come in…"

He was right. The door opened and Die entered the room nervously.

"What can I do for you?" he asked innocently. Die felt his palm getting wet. How should he start? The younger man stood frozen right in front of the desk. Yoshiki moved his head telling him to sit on the couch. Die nodded and walked towards the couch. Yoshiki watched as Die sat on it, then he leaned forward.

"What’s up?" The older man asked. He sounded so casual, so normal that Die thought maybe Shinya didn’t tell Yoshiki what happened. He leaned on the couch.

"I had a dream…" he mumbled but was loud enough for the other man to hear it.

Yoshiki chuckled, "Funny, Shinya told me the same thing…" Die’s heart beat grew faster. So he did know! Yoshiki suddenly got up his seat and walked towards the guitarist. Die gulped and stood up waiting for Yoshiki. The producer walked slowly with eyes staring sharply at him and Die felt even more nervous. And the next thing he knew was his face being smacked hard. So hard that he fell back on the couch.

Die’s breath caught in his throat. He didn’t dare to lift his eyes up. The guitarist touched his lips and could taste blood. Yoshiki stood frozen right in front of him.

"Look at me!" he commanded. Die could only obey. He tried to hide behind his fringe that brushed his eyes but failed. Yoshiki told him to get up, he obeyed too. But this time he prepared for another punch. And he didn’t get any.

"What did I tell you before?" asking coldly, Yoshiki turned away and walked towards the window.

Silence filled the air.

‘What did I tell you?!!" Yoshiki suddenly yelled. Die gasped but he didn’t answer the question. Yoshiki walked towards him and Die bit his already swollen lip hard. He could feel blood dripping on one side of his lip. But he didn’t care! The older man glared at him,

"Didn’t I tell you not to hurt him?! Didn’t I tell you…not to do things that could possibly make Shinya being hurt?" Yoshiki hissed narrowing his eyes at Die. The guitarist’s head fell down. "Do you know how he looked like when he went to my house?" Yoshiki snorted, "Of course you don’t! You only know how to hurt him!"

"I-I…know I’ve hurt him so much…" Die mumbled without looking at Yoshiki. "And…I really regretted it…but…" he stopped.

"Shinya cried so much…" the producer looked away, his expression turned from angry to sad. "I thought you loved him…"

Die gasped, "I do! I –do- love Shinya!" he stood beside the older man, "I love Shinya so much! And that’s the whole problem! I love him but keep hurting him…the way people…can’t!"

"Do you know why?"

"…"

"Because he loves you…you know he loves you right?" Yoshiki held his arm. Die gulped. "Do you know?!!" Yoshiki yelled again near his ear shaking his body. Die nodded strongly few times. He tried to move away but Yoshiki’s grip was too strong. "Then why did you leave?"

"Because…because I love him…and I don’t want to hurt him even more…I-" Die held back his words. There was no point explaining. Yoshiki should know the reason…if he really knew Shinya. The older man smiled bitterly and let him go. He walked tiredly to the window and stared at the traffic for a long long time.

"Do you know he looked for you?" Yoshiki asked softly breaking the silence. Die gasped and quickly walked to him, "He did?!" Yoshiki looked at him, "It’s a bit too late now isn’t it?" the older man smiled arching an eyebrow.

"You told me it’s never too late…" he whispered. Yoshiki looked at him in surprise, "What did you just say?" Die blushed.

"Die…is it your habit or something…it seems to me that you always do the ‘right’ thing after ‘mistakes’ happened!" Yoshiki put a hand on his waist. "Remember when I told you that I slept with Shinya? You only promised me not to give up after I told you the lie…" he pat Die’s chest.

"Wake up!" Die backed away.

Yoshiki pouted and thought for a while, "You know what…I can’t be in this position forever!" Die’s eyes grew big. "If you’re not doing it, -I- will! His voice turned cold. Die looked at him suspiciously.

"Get out from my office!"

Die hesitated for a while but there was no point staying…so he bowed then walked out the room. Yoshiki sighed, "That’s a lie too…"

*

"Waaa…what the heck happened to you?!!!" Die made a face when Toshiya’s jaw dropped seeing his bloody lips. Kaoru pouted looking at him. Kyo looked pale sitting down on the couch. He didn’t even notice Die’s poor condition. All he wanted to do that morning was waiting for Shinya to appear, healthily. But where was Shinya? It wasn’t his nature to be late.

"Argh…just a bit…" Toshiya waited for an explanation but Die didn’t even look at him. Pouting, Toshiya grabbed his arm and shook it, "Tell me!!! Who beat you up?" he looked at Die eagerly, wanting to know what happened! Die shook his head, "Nothing!" he moved away.

Kaoru, getting tired of Toshiya’s manner only shook his head, "It’s Die’s face not yours…why do you care so much?" The bassist pretended to look really worried. He winced as Die touched his lower lip. Kaoru laughed, "Toshi-chan! Die didn’t even wince!" he glared at Toshiya in jealousy. The bassist pouted and sat on his lap, "Ne Kaoru…somebody is jealous…" he moved forward kissing his lover then leaned on his shoulder, "I’m yours…" he closed his eyes hugging Kaoru tightly.

Suddenly Shinya entered the room. Kyo gasped, Toshiya smiled, "Shinya! Why are you late?!!!" he got up from Kaoru’s lap and rushed to the drummer. Kaoru stared at his lover in disbelief. Die snorted, "I thought he’s yours…" Kaoru glared but Die didn’t notice, he was too busy staring at Shinya.

"Hey…how are you?" Kyo gripped his shirt while Toshiya studied his face closely. Shinya pouted, "Morning…I’m fine…Dooshite?"

"Ano…I left you…remember?" Kyo asked looking up sheepishly. Toshiya narrowed his eyes. Shinya shut his eyes, "I…don’t…" he pushed Kyo and Toshiya out of his way and walked towards his drumset. Die’s eyes followed where he went. Kaoru looked around. Kyo exchanged worried look with Toshiya.

"There’s no point! Shinya doesn’t wanna tell us…" the bassist sighed then walked back to Kaoru. Kyo bit his fingernail. The room fell silent for a long long time before Kaoru broke it off, "Okay! Let’s start!" he got up pulling Toshiya’s hand.

The door opened slightly as the band started their practice. Yoshiki peered from the gap staring at Die, then Shinya.

*

"Die! Catch!" Kaoru threw a peanut towards Die. The red head could only have the time to turn his head. He yelped as something went into his shirt. The older man laughed looking at Die’s panicked face. Toshiya giggled. Hearing those noises Kyo woke up and decided to join the crowd.

"Wa! What the heck happened to you?! Who beat you up?!!!" Kyo suddenly yelled. Die glared at him tiredly, "Thanks you notice…" Kaoru smiled, "What happened anyway? You didn’t tell us…" he glanced at Toshiya. The red head mumbled something like, "None of your business"

"Heh…nevermind then…" Kaoru pouted wrapping an arm around Toshiya’s shoulder. The bassist smiled mischievously. Kaoru grinned and yelled, "Die! Catch!" Again. The other guitarist jerked his head up expecting peanuts but what landed on his face was a huge cushion.

‘Itai!!!" he shrieked as it brushed his lips. Kyo laughed, Toshiya gasped and Kaoru grinned.

Shinya, sitting far away from the others rolled his eyes. He glanced at Die worriedly. The red head was cursing the older guitarist touching his semi-swollen lip gently. The drummer sighed. A sudden tap on his shoulder made him looked up.

"Yoshiki-san…" the older man smiled warmly. He sat down beside Shinya, looking up to the others. "Why are you sitting here? Why don’t you join them?"

Shinya blushed, "…"

Yoshiki didn’t expect an answer anyway…

"Do you feel like eating? I wanna go out and buy some food…seeing you like this doing nothing at all, I really think you should get some fresh air!" Yoshiki looked around, "This room is so full of smoke! Wanna join me?" Shinya smiled shaking his head. "I’m not hungry…" he replied. The older man sighed, "When are you hungry anyway?" he patted Shinya’s shoulder then walked off.

Shinya smiled at Yoshiki’s receding back. He turned his head and saw Die staring at him. The drummer flustered then looked away quickly. He blushed deeply not realising that Die could see that.

*

Shinya wiped his wet hands with the napkin and was heading towards the rehearsal space to pack. He felt tired and really wanted to go home. The practice was over and he expected the room to be empty. But when he entered Die was there, kind of waiting for him.

Shinya’s heart leapt but he managed to walk casually towards his drumset, where his stuff was. He walked pass Die and heard the older man following him. He bit his lip.

"Shinya…I have to talk to you…" he ignored picking all his things up.

"About that night!" Die added. Shinya shut his eyes and let out a tired sigh. He held his back pack and walked pass Die heading towards the door. Die gasped.

"Shinya! Listen!" the guitarist held his arm but Shinya slapped his hands away. Die winced rubbing the spot. Shinya looked at him worriedly for a second before walking away quickly. Die chase him to the lift but was too late. He rushed down the stairs and found Shinya in the lobby.

"Shinya!" he yelled making people turned. Ignoring the stares, Die grabbed Shinya and held the young man’s shoulders tightly. Shinya turned away.

"Listen! Please! That night I was-"

"Let me go!" Shinya hissed without looking at him. Die saw the tears in those innocent eyes threatening to fall. Then he heard people whispering. He moved his hands away. Shinya bit his lip hard and rushed outside leaving Die, who cursed himself.

*

He brushed his hair and opened the door. He let Puppy ran in and put the keys on the table. Shinya sighed looking at his dog. Puppy itself looked up to him. If it could talk Puppy would have asked Shinya what happened to him. The drummer crouched down and Puppy jumped on him. Hugging his dog, Shinya started to sob quietly.

Stupid Shinya…

Puppy let out a whine looking at him worriedly. Shinya smiled bitterly.

Stubborn, selfish, cold…

Shin-chan…my Shinya…

Shinya stared at his palms. Die’s tears…he wiped them with his palms…

Promise me too that you will never cry again…

Shinya suddenly stood up laughing humorlessly. Puppy backed away a little. He walked around the room with eyes shut.

What had he done? Die made up a lie that it was a dream…but he was worse! He was the one pushing Die to do that…he was the one who made up the whole thing…the lie…he made Die believed that…

A dream…ya right! What dream?

Shinya looked out the window. His fingers gripped the curtain tightly.

"Nobody…is to hurt me…" a single fat tear rolled down his cheek. But his eyes lit up in sudden. Shinya shook his head,

"No…Die left you Shinya! He left you…that’s the most important thing! It’s not the lie you should be thinking about!" he tried to convince himself. But how could he? He lied to Die! He faked the whole night!

"But I was just trying to get Die back…even only for a night…" he whispered. Shinya’s slim body trembled as he held the sobs.

"I didn’t mean to hurt him…I was just trying to have a night I had been dreaming of…" he defended himself talking aloud to the other Shinya.

You even lied to Yoshiki!!! How do you think Die got that swollen lip?!

Shinya shook his head slowly.

*

 *

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