***

Cheap bar, simple bar…no need lights or women or people…just a good drinking place…with a familiar old man as the ‘bartender’ old posters of some western musician decorated the wall, which was funny coz it was too dark to see…

What else is funny?

Yeah…that really is such a good the fucking idea about being healthy eh? Eyes stung by the smokes he puffed out and the stench of puke…mix with that really mucky perfume some slut wore.

Feels good…

Die rested his head on the bar…his fingers flicked the glass and surprisingly it fell aside and rolled down the bar. The bartender caught it and turned to him. He stared at the much older man with no interest at all painted on his face. But Die was taking in what he was looking at.

He was not that old. Just older than himself…probably late fourties… not that old eh? But he had a face of a really old man. Not like the red head, with that strong jaw and a pair of full lips…that sexy pouty lips that matched perfectly with the nose…and those eyes, those big powerful eyes…

But those eyes were red, bloody red shots…and they made the bartender twitched. And he noticed that. But couldn’t care less…could he? There was something in his mind. To get a better picture, he closed his red eyes.

That image, the beautiful face, beautiful smile…beautiful back…how soft and tender the skin felt… Die’s fingers unconsciously moved and felt the table…stroking it gently. His other hand clenched a fist and the knuckles turned white.

His eyes flickered open hearing a thump right in front of his face. The bartender was staring at him, after placing a glass full of drink. Die narrowed his eyes and sat up. He took a shot and lit up a cig.

"Sumi-ma- *hicks* sen…" Die heard the voice. Deep and tired…but still he couldn’t care less. The man took the seat next to Die, but it was still out of his reach. He heard the bartender asking him what he wanted, while at the same time, the old man was preparing Die’s another drink.

The man replied something inaudibly and that poor bartender totally lost it. He shook his head and Die heard him saying something like, "Not another drink, sir…you’re drunk enough…" then the red head heard ‘responsible’ and ‘accident’ which was funny coz he never said those kind of words to him!

Die snorted.

The bartender placed Die’s drink right in front of the guitarist and the drunken man took a look. Then he gasped and exclaimed that he wanted the same drink. So the old man made him one.

The man grinned and took his glass.

"Hey!"

Die opened his eyes, and turned his head to the left. And it was for the first time after few minutes, Die took a look at him. Blonde, not fully blonde but with brown streaks …looked a bit like Yoshiki…

Die narrowed his eyes, and was lucky enough coz the dim light shown right on that man…he held his glass up, with a lopsided grin and pair of small eyes. Die took in what he was looking at, again, and noticed the cute slightly rabbit front teeth between the parted lips…

Small nose… quite pouty small lips…attitude, yeah. Full of attitude, and the way he dressed, one tight shirt inside and a short-sleeved shirt out, tight shining leather pants…everything reminded Die of himself! Except the face of course! And he was also big, manly looking.

Just like Die.

Die took a slow breath and pouted.

"Good taste eh?" the other man held the glass higher and took a shot. Die licked the roof of his mouth, then grabbed his glass and did the same. The man grinned madly, "I like you…"

Die sucked on his lower lip, "Hm…I might like you too…" the other laughed and got up. Die laughed as he stumbled down on the floor but the red head managed to catch his arm. The man grinned wider, "Told you I liked you…"

"Hm…let me take a good look ne…" took a good look, Die did. He held the blonde’s chin up and swept his eyes on the face.

Hold on…

He looked familiar…

Die sat frozen, holding the man’s arm supporting him. His body suddenly turned cold and stiff.

The drunk one laughed, "Realized who I am?!" he stood up properly and it was now his turn to hold Die’s jaw. But it was way much rougher and he grabbed it fast. Die’s eyes widened.

"I know I’ve seen you before too!"

"H-hai…"

"Some young J-rock band? Gothic one?"

Die nodded.

"Good! I wanna talk…told you I liked you…"

Die watched as J pulled his chair next to his and sat on it. He called out for another drink and for a second, Die thought he could get all those Shinya stuff out of his mind.

But it was impossible.

*

Yoshiki growled and got up, running towards the widely opened door. "Kyo! Wait!" Kyo ignored, walking faster, as fast as he could. He heard the older man yelled out his name, again. Three times, but he should ignore!!!

"Kyo! Come on!!!" Yoshiki hissed as he managed to grab Kyo’s arm, and the singer protested, pushing him aside. "Listen to me! What’s this attitude? What’s going on?! I was just trying to talk!"

"I don’t want to talk! Leave me alone!" Kyo yelled and kicked his leg. Yoshiki winced but tightening his grasp. "Why?! Why can’t we talk? I think we have lots to talk about!" he reached out for Kyo’s other arm.

"Because there is nothing to talk about!!!" Kyo squirmed away. Hearing that, Yoshiki shook his head, "Excuse me? I thought what happened between us that night was ‘something’! and you were okay about it until now! I need an explanation!" he demanded for an answer. Kyo rolled his eyes,

"First of all, if that night didn’t happen, Shinya wouldn’t have been in the hospital!" Yoshiki got tensed up. "Second of all, I don’t think it’s –that- special! And third of all, you’re the producer not one of the members of the band! And I think I’ve given enough reasons!!!" Kyo hissed looking around, he didn’t want anyone to hear that.

Yoshiki lost his words, totally lost them. They sounded like stupid excuses, but actually, deep down there, he knew they were so true! Especially the first reason. It was his fault wasn’t it? Kyo was trying to say that, he was implying that ne?

"Are you blaming me now?" Yoshiki asked, coldly stared at the smaller man.

Kyo bit his lip and jerked his head up, "I didn’t say anything about blaming you, or anyone! I’m just saying that…there’s nothing to talk about between us!" Yoshiki let go his grasps. Kyo wrapped his arms around himself, "I wish I could forget about that night, that it didn’t exist!" Kyo took few steps backwards.

"But things had happened! And it was impossible to forget!" he turned around but stopped as Yoshiki called.

"Kyo!"

they stood frozen in silence before Kyo broke it off, "I hope you understand" then the singer ran down the corridor, disappeared as fast as he could from the other’s sight. Yoshiki sighed, not believing it.

*

"Ooohh! Then one time, they actually *hicks* tried to climb up the stage…which was so stupid! I mean, *cough* they can’t reach us ne? and Ryu was already panicking so much! Stupid boy, the bodyguards did extra work!!! Seriously funny!" J laughed hysterically, "And the rest of the concert, Sugi had to act cold. And Ino was laughing at him for being so stupid!"

Die stared at him.

"Ne that’s one good lesson for Sugi…"

J stopped and took a look at the red head. A good look, trying to figure out what was in his mind. Worries…his eyes shown worries, and tire.

"Hey…young man, what’s up?" J asked, in a low voice.

Die lifted an eyebrow, amazed that the blonde in front of him had the ability to sound so serious and, caring, after all those beer bottles! So maybe he should relaxed a bit eh? The bassist tilted his head and smiled, "Come on…I’m not –that- drunk! Even if I am, I’m used to it! You can tell me…" he offered.

So Die began.

"I feel so tired…" J nodded, "Everyone in the business feels the same! You’re not alone!" he smiled tiredly, but Die shook his head and took a sip from his bottle. "This is something else…"

J joined his eyebrows, before giving a knowing look, "Ahhh….koi ne?" he grinned.

Die pouted, "He’s in the hospital. Injured…" he stopped. J touched his arm, "Come on…oh! Tell you a story of a hospital! You wanna spooky or stupid?" he asked, grinning wider. Die laughed and shook his head, "God…who am I with? And why am I with him?" he murmured. He waited for J to tell a ‘story’ but the older man seemed to, actually, forget about it! So he continued.

"He’s so pretty…so beautiful and sweet. But I screw it up!" Die exclaimed, his tone sounding his was actually happy about it. But his expression looked sad.

"Mm-hm…So?" J finished his beer and asked for more. The bartender gave him another one. Die took his time smoking his cig. Staring at it, the red head smiled, "You know he hates this thing?" he held the cig up so J could take a look.

The older man snorted, "Now I can see how you screw it up! If you really think he’s –that- special, why still having this thing with you?" he asked taking the cig from Die’s hand and took a puff. Die smiled and shook his head, wondering if J was actually as drunk as Die thought he was.

"Everybody is keeping secrets…even my good friend!"

"I know how it feels! Like when Ino didn’t tell me about that girl he’s dating! I mean, we grew up together! And he didn’t tell me about that woman, he might get married with! Ridiculous!" J nodded and twisted his lip. The younger man nodded too, "Yeah, it sucks!"

Die watched the smoke coming out from J’s mouth, "Hm. He opened his eyes once, and saw me. I could see that smile on his face, it was a tiny one…"

"But it’s still a smile!!" J suddenly exclaimed.

"Yeah…" Die smiled, "Beautiful…I love him, and I know he loves me too!"

"Then?"

"I don’t know…like we’re not meant for each other!" Die shrugged and bit his lip, "That night…should’ve been the happiest moment of my life" he sighed but suddenly turned to J, "I mean, I told my mom, and she didn’t mind! Then I waited for it to happen, wanting to see him, who promised to wait for me!"

J joined his eyebrows.

"But then I was arrested!"

J gasped.

"Hounto ni? You been arrested? How does it feel? When? Is there any changes ? And how’s the interrogation room? Still with blueish black wall?!!! Man! I even stayed there one night, and it felt better than home!" J spoke furiously, so full in spirits that die thought he was talking to an insane person!

"No! I don’t know and I don’t care!!! That night was hell!!!" Die hissed, hitting the bar hard making the bartender turned around. J waved his hand in the air, trying to distract him, "Oi! Drink more and forget about it! If it’s not over, it had happened! And you have to face it!"

Die lay his head on the bar.

"You know that song, …er…gravity?"

Die closed his eyes.

"It goes on and on…zutto…" J waved his hands in the air, motioning the wave in the sea, up and down. The smoke from the cig danced playfully in the air, and it looked beautiful. But Die didn’t see it. He had his eyes closed. Thinking…

Shinya…

"Face the reality…open your eyes and keep your feet on the ground…"

Shinya…

"Hey! Hey…you want me to show you something?" J grinned madly, patting his jacket. Die opened his eyes and looked at him. J looked all full in mystery and Die felt himself getting curious about that ‘something’ The bassist took a drag, while at the same time his other hand slipped into his jacket. He shouldn’t have done that, coz he almost choked.

J coughed and quickly took a long sip of his drink, while Die laughed, sighed and was going to snatch his cig back, and that was when he heard beeping sound. J pouted and turned to him, "Nani?"

The bartender looked at Die.

Die joined his eyebrows, before gasping and did a frantic search through his pocket. J watched funnily, and Die’s eyes lit up in seconds. The red head took his phone out and checked the screen. The message icon flashed and with trembled hands Die clicked on it. Suddenly J laughed.

"Hey! Look at you! from your koi? Let me have a look!" he snatched it from Die’s hands and Die screamed as loud as he could. People started to pay attention to them.

"Give it to me!!!" Die yelled. It was probably Kaoru, or Kyo…maybe Yoshiki…but why did his heart leapt against his chest painfully?! Why could he actually feel that the world was taking a turn…rotating and though he was so small compare to the globe size, he could still feel it?! And he also felt his feet not touching the ground…

Where’s the gravity?

"Hey man, you got weird message!" J exclaimed. Die bit his lip, leaned forward, and though struggling he managed to get his phone back.

Diekun,

Hospital now!

Doctor.

"Shit!!!" Die hissed loudly, to J’s surprise. "Hey man! What’s up?!!!" he spoke but Die was too busy to hear him, "My bill!" die yelled to the bartender pointing at the bottles and glasses. The old man nodded and shrugged, not bother wondering why the red head, who was usually quite calm, could act so panicked like that.

"What’s going on?!" J spoke slightly in anger. He turned back and Die was already gone.

"Ne young man…"

*

to be continued

*

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