***

Yoshiki smiled, his fingers brushed few strands of hair absentmindedly. Shinya looked up and smiled back a little. The older drummer sighed and held Shinya’s hand.

"Do you want to rest?"

Shinya nodded, and closed his eyes. Yoshiki wet his drying lips and sighed again before walking out the room slowly. Little did he know Shinya opened his eyes and stared at his retreating back.

*

"Yoshiki-san…how’s he? Did he talk to you?"

The producer looked at Yoshida-san, "Hai. A little. But I don’t ask anything about his feelings and what happened that night. I also didn’t ask about his physical and mental pain" which means he didn’t really talk at all!

Yoshiki sat on a chair, brushing his short blond hair, "Doctor, is it normal for him to be so quiet? I mean he’s always the quiet one, but just now, he doesn’t seem to have an emotion at all!"

"There are two possibilities of this kind of case. Some victims will try to avoid public and keep themselves away from what they call human because they are scared! They think they’re ugly!" Yoshiki looked up , " The other type?"

The doc shrugged, "Well, they usually try to forget about it, by denying the pain. So they try to be all bright and cheerful outside, trying to wash away the pain inside, which is really bad coz one day they might explode!"

Yoshiki nodded, "Both are bad…"

"Hai. The pain never goes away. It’s there…keeping and haunting" the doc placed himself beside Yoshiki, "I have to talk to you. something about Shinya and-" he stopped as Kaoru and Die walked approaching them. The producer widened his eyes, heart beating madly inside.

"Eh, doctors don’t have lunch?" Die asked, surprised. The doctor shook his head, "Well, patients are more important" Yoshiki stood up, wanted to ask about Shinya. But wasn’t sure if he could, in front of Die.

"Come, everyone. My office"

*

"Nani?!" Die, Kaoru and Yoshiki exclaimed at the same time. The doc leaned back on his chair, "Don’t shout" Yoshiki closed his eyes, "I don’t get this. What do you mean by that injury?" Die turned pale. Kaoru bit his lip.

"It’s not really bad. It’s not going to kill him, but he has a long, big cut along his back" The doc looked at Die, "I don’t know what they did to him, but they cut him there, long cut on the back" Kaoru touched Die’s shoulder, "Is it deep? Is it near the spine?"

The doc shook his head, "Iie. Not deep, just long. It won’t do anything to his spine, but he has to be really careful!" Die gulped and looked at Kaoru, "So is it okay for him to lay down on his back?" the red head asked.

"Hai. As long as the wound stays clean and sterile, it will heal in few weeks. I’m just worried if it gets infected" the doc explained really briefly, "Don’t worry. I’m just saying this becoz I want you to know. It worries me a lot, but I think if things go normal, he’ll be fine"

Yoshiki nodded and got up, "Thank you doctor" then he walked out the room. Die turned to the doc, "So…is he going to wake up soon? Or do we have to wait…" Kaoru looked up to the doctor, who gave him a look. "Well, Die-kun. I’m not sure about that. But we will inform you if anything happens! Like that night…"

Kaoru cleared his throat, "Ano…I have to go, somethings to do" he got up and shook the doctor’s hand, patted Die’s arm the walked out rather in rush. As Kaoru reached outside, he was right.

Yoshiki was standing there, waiting for him. Both men walked towards the parking lot, got into Yoshiki’s car and talked. The producer talked about Shinya’s condition, about Shinya being so extremely quiet and how he didn’t want Die to see him like that.

"Shinya said it hurt more everytime he realized Die watching him, holding his hands, calling his name softly, and kissing his forehead…" Yoshiki trailed off. Kaoru looked at him sympathetically, "Yoshiki-san…"

"The doctor said it was normal for him to behave that way. And there are two types of ways to deal with that problem. The victims like Shinya, would try to keep away from public. The other type will try to cover the pain by going all cheerful and bright..."

It hurt. It hit Kaoru right in his heart. It hurt.

Kaoru smiled sadly and turned away, "Really…" he replied. They fell silent for a long while, before Yoshiki finally placed his palm on Kaoru’s shoulder.

"Kaoru…I promised Shinya not to tell anyone about this. He thought you didn’t know…he thought…"

"…"

"Do you understand? Do you want to accept it? I’m sorry…"

Kaoru smiled, "No. it’s okay" the pink head chuckled, "It’s fine by me. It’s better this way…" he shrugged. Yoshiki looked at him confusedly, "What do you mean?"

"Because the less I know about this, the less those lies I tell Toshiya…"

Yoshiki sighed.

*

Toshiya blew smoke out his mouth and threw the cig towards the man beside him. The smaller one opened his eyes and yelped. The bassist watched with no interest at all. Kyo looked up with anger in his eyes, kicking Toshiya’s arm with his leg. The younger one whimpered and held Kyo’s leg tightly, "Stop being so annoying!!!"

"Nani?!" Kyo let out his powerful voice. "You started first! I was trying to sleep! And why did you throw cig on me? Want me get burnt or something?!"

Toshiya pouted and held his cheeks, "I’m bored" he whined. Kyo kicked him again, "Go and see your old man, don’t play with me!" the smaller man leaned down again and closed his eyes. He heard some whines and whimpers but tried to ignore it. Kyo growled as faint sobs could be heard.

"For my sake, Totchi!!! Yameru!!!"

"Kyo-kun don’t love me anymore?"

"I never love you…" Kyo replied snappily and turned away. The bassist started to sob, "Fine! Nobody seems to care about me…"

Kyo sighed and looked at Toshiya. He took a deep breath and spread his arms, "Come here Totchi…"

Toshiya gasped excitedly and quickly wrapped his slender arms around Kyo’s waist, "Kyo-kun so kawaii…" he giggled as Kyo made few angry sounds but finally both men fell asleep on the couch.

*

Kaoru cursed and cursed and cursed as he rushed towards the lift. Great ne…an hour late! He brushed some strands of hair that fell in front of his face and glanced at his watch. Maybe Toshiya would forgive him if he told him the truth. Kaoru sighed and stepped into the elevator.

Truth? He wondered leaning his tired body on the glass. He couldn’t tell Toshiya the truth! How could he? He had promised!

"Totchi…" he mumbled and some people stared at him. Kaoru blinked, blushed and cleared his throat. He walked out quickly and rushed to the rest room. Opened the door softly, the pink head was surprised greeted by darkness. He looked for the switch and turned it on.

"Totchi…" his eyes quickly locked on the figure lying on the couch, sleeping. Kaoru walked closer, and realized it wasn’t the couch Toshiya was lying on. But some small kawaii blond. The pink head smiled and crouched down, poking on Toshiya’s arm.

"Totchi…"

Toshiya whined, blinked his eyes and got up. Kyo was still peacefully asleep. The bassist scratched his head and yawned. His long hair (hai, still with long hair-L7) fell carelessly, covering half of his face. Kaoru brushed them away gently and touched his lover’s cheek. Cute how Totchi didn’t realize he was sitting on Kyo.

"Hn…Kaoru…" Toshiya whined and bent down, resting his head on Kaoru’s shoulder. The pink head smiled slowly and patted Toshiya’s head gently, "Nani?"

"Hmph!" Kaoru gasped, startled being pushed so hard that he fell down sitting on the carpeted floor. He looked up only to see Toshiya shooting glares at him, straight into his eyes. Kaoru frowned, "Nani?!!!"

The bassist pointed an accusing index finger right in front of his nose, "You! don’t think with slow smile and tender touches, you can make me forget about- what time is it?" Toshiya glanced at his watch, "Nani?! Already this late?!" he screamed and Kaoru noticed how Kyo was still sleeping peacefully.

"How could you be an hour late?! Baka old man!" Toshiya pouted, "You don’t love me anymore…"

Kaoru sighed aloud, "Totchi…first of all, I’m sorry. really sorry for being late" Toshiya narrowed his eyes, "Okay! I know I shouldn’t be saying sorry everytime I screw up! But I have a really good reason for it! The doc told us something about Shinya" Kaoru watched how Toshiya’s eyes lit up.

"Second of all, I don’t intend to make you forget about my lateness! It’s just my nature how I give away beautiful smiles and tender touches" Kaoru pouted proudly. Toshiya raised an eyebrow.

"And thirdly, Totchi I never stop loving you…" Kaoru gave away his ‘beautiful smile’ and stroke Toshiya’s cheek gently and played with the dark blue strands, tenderly. Toshiya sighed, turned away without noticing Kyo and blushed. The bassist threw his arms around Kaoru. The guitarist kissed his cheek and hugged Toshiya.

"Toshiya…lastly, I think you’re sitting on Kyo…" The younger one pulled away and gasped,

"Eh? Ah, Kyo wake up!"

*

Toshiya yawned as he entered the apartment. Kaoru locked the door and slapped Toshiya’s butt, "Sleepy?" the younger one gasped. Kaoru smiled and kissed the smooth flesh of his lover’s neck but the younger one pushed him away, "Hm. Not tonight!" Kaoru smiled and nodded.

Toshiya watched Kaoru’s back and quickly glomped Kaoru, "Eh, baka-chan…tell me what happened with Shinya ne" Toshiya wrapped his arms around Kaoru’s neck and proceeded climbing up the older one’s back. Kaoru winced slightly but helped his lover.

"Shinya? Well…" Kaoru’s voice lost as he carried Toshiya towards the bedroom. "There’s something wrong about Shinya’s back" Toshiya screamed as Kaoru threw him to the bed, "Back? What do you mean?" he joined his eyebrows and looked up with confusion feeling his eyes.

Kaoru sat beside him, "Hm. Yoshiki and I were worried about the wound. It might prevent Shinya from getting his strength to recover…you know. He’s the drummer, he needs power the most" Kaoru spoke while his finger busy playing with Toshiya’s long hair. The bassist sighed, "So many things coming up…the inner bleeding, the coma thing, now the back wound…how many troubles does Shinya have to gone through?" he pouted.

Kaoru stayed silent.

"I mean, I didn’t have that much physical pain, and I didn’t really feel…I don’t know. I think, for me, the pain gone away faster than that. Maybe Shinya will feel more pain…" he held Kaoru’s hands tightly, "Poor Shinya…" Toshiya closed his eyes and winced.

"Totchi…’ Kaoru pulled him closer, "Yoshiki told me what the doc told him…"

"Hm?"

Kaoru suddenly hugged him, "The pain never goes away…" he whispered, and felt Toshiya’s body tensed up. Few seconds later he heard faint sobs, and his lover was shaking slowly. Kaoru sighed and tenderly brushed the younger man’s back.

"Totchi…"

Toshiya pulled away and wiped his cheeks. Kaoru smiled back as Toshiya smiled to him shyly, "I will be strong for Shinya, so when he feels weak I can be there for him. No tears and sobs, I'll make you proud of me" (I feel like crying. Why is the song so sad?-L7) Kaoru’s smile widened and Toshiya thought he saw something different in his lover’s eyes. Kaoru held his cheeks.

"Totchi, I’m already really proud of you…"

Toshiya laughed nervously and rubbed his eyes. Kaoru touched Toshiya’s forehead with his, "I love you, Kaoru" the guitarist’s feather light kiss came as a reply and Toshiya knew what it meant. The younger one smiled as Kaoru pulled away, "Toshiya…I feel that talking to you about this, makes you feel…uncomfortable"

Toshiya stared into his eyes, not replying.

"Maybe we shouldn’t talk about his anymore?"

the younger one hugged him tightly, "Iie. I want to…I want to talk to you…about everything! And I want to know about Shinya! I want to know how you think…I want to know your opinion, I want to hear your voice and see your face while you’re thinking!" Toshiya insisted.

So Kaoru smiled and merely nodded slowly, "Okay…"

*

to be continued

*

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