***

Die blinked his eyes and coughed, "Gosh…" his voice cracked, so the red head got up holding his neck. "I need *cough* water…" he coughed again. The guitarist walked towards the only table in the room and held up a bottle of water. Die gulped the water quickly; it felt like being soothed by the water.

The red head threw the empty bottle to the bin and walked towards the bed. He tilted his head to get a better view of Shinya, and smiled affectionately. Die moved his arm and with the back of his hand, gently touched Shinya’s forehead.

*

The nurse poured the black coffee into a cup and politely handed it to the doctor, "Yoshida-san, I’m sure it’s not you shift tonight!" she asked, smiling as he took the cup from her.

"Hai. But there’re things I need to do" he took a tiny sip, since it was hot enough to burn his tongue. The nurse laughed, "What will your family think about this? Won’t they feel that you like your occupation more than them? They will feel upset, and as a doctor, you know that don’t you?" her eyes flashed, kind of in mischievous way.

He laughed, "Well, Kimura-san, don’t tease me please…" the man looked up, looking at her. She looked mature, wise and responsible. Of course, the head nurse. "You know I don’t have a family waiting for me at home…" he leaned back on his chair.

"Then find one! Go and get married and make a family!" she waved her hand carelessly and laughed. The doctor laughed too, for a short while, before his eyes darkened.

"It’s a bit too late. I was too busy to be a doctor, and now, I’m still busy…" her expression turned soft as she noted the loneliness in that tone. "Are you upset about it, doctor?"

He shook his head, "No. I’m not. Even if I am, there are many things to think about, to worry about… that thing seems unimportant anymore. It feels so good to see a patient recovering right in front of my eyes! _my_ patients! It feels so warm in my heart to see them getting their life back!" he held the cup. (La, maybe he’s into yaoi too ne?)

The nurse sighed and smiled, "That’s when they pass the test. If they don’t?"

The doc joined his eyebrows, "Kimura-san! Let’s don’t talk about bad things shall we?" he was about to continue but the beep-beep sound from the phone on the table made him picked it up, "Yoshida here"

"Nani?! Fever? Did you check?" the nurse joined her eyebrows, wondering which patient he was talking about.

"That’s high. Give him some-you did? How long has he- nani?!!! Half an hour?!" he glanced at the table clock next to the phone, and shook his head, "You should’ve told me earlier!" he spoke in complaining tone. The young nurse apologized.

"I'll be right there. And nurse, check his wounds okay? Maybe some complication appears because-okay. Wait for me then" he hung up and stood. The nurse shot a worried look, "Anything wrong?"

"Well, just a young nurse obeying the rules" he picked his glasses up and put it in his pocket, "Sometimes rules are made for us know the taste of breaking them!" the woman joined her eyebrows and watched as he paced towards the door, "Come with me, I might need your help" she nodded and followed.

*

"I don’t know …I touched his forehead and it felt hot, really hot! So I called fro the nurse, and she gave him something. But it didn’t seem to make him any better" the head nurse listened carefully to what the red haired man told her while Yoshida-san entered Shinya’s room.

"Sometimes he has fever, but it goes away in 30 to 45 minutes! I don’t know…he gets worse!"

The woman felt herself smiling to that sentence, "Wow! Did you count or something? Care to be a nurse?" Die laughed nervously, "NO. I think it’s for women" the nurse laughed too, "Well let’s wait for the doc! He knows what to do" she looked thoughtful, wondering if that patient in the room was the reason Yoshida stayed that night.

Yoshida-san walked out the room quickly, "He’s just having a normal fever, but we should be careful with his back, I’ve told you right?" he turned to Die, who nodded quickly, "Kimura-san, I think we need to clean it" the nurse nodded and ordered few nurses to come with her.

Die watched carefully as they took some trays and walked into Shinya’s room.

"It’s okay…" he pulled Die’s arm, "Let’s get you some water. You need something for your throat, Die-kun. Your voice is cracking so badly"

*

Shinya opened his eyes, and winced instantly. He heard somebody talking. A man, he was talking to some women, probably nurses. He closed his eyes and opened them again. The pain was still there. He heard the door closing and footsteps approaching the bed.

"Shinyakun, how do you feel?"

It was the doctor.

"Hm…it hurts…my back" Shinya whimpered in a really soft voice, the doc could barely hear it.

"It’s okay. Nothing really wrong about it. Don’t move too much! Can you turn over? Maybe it’s better to lay on your stomach" the doctor reached out to help Shinya turned his body around, but Shinya refused.

"Shinyakun?"

There was no reply, Shinya’s face looked cold, and his eyes didn’t show that he was there, in the room. Yoshida-san looked worried and touched the younger man’s forehead, "Nah, your fever is gone! Take few sips of water ne? then go back to sleep" the doctor poured some water into the glass and Shinya drank from it, with the doctor’s help. When he finished and lay down on the bed, Shinya bit his lip, suppressing a whimper.

"Shinyakun…it’s better to lay on your stomach" the doc suggested again, but he noticed how Shinya’s face got tensed up. Maybe…maybe lying on his stomach reminded him about something…maybe…so the doc didn’t go on about it. He put the glass on the bedside table.

"…doc…" came a weak voice. The older man smiled, "Hai" he looked at Shinya, and felt something inside his heart melt. He was staring at a really fragile looking person. A young man, body full of small wounds…and he couldn’t help thinking about the long cut on the beautiful man’s back.

Heartless

How could they do that to him?

"Is-is…" Shinya bit his lower lip lightly, and the older man knew it hurt even to do that. "Is Die-kun…outside…?" Shinya shyly asked. The other man smiled warmly, "Hai, he is. Do you want him to be here?"

Shinya nodded slightly, "H-hai…I don’t want to sleep alone…" the doc thought he saw a slight tinge of red sweeping those cheeks. Yoshida-san adjusted the drip and sighed, "Are you going to talk to him?" Shinya turned away, "No…"

"Then? When will you talk to him?"

"I-I don’t know…" Shinya whispered. He moved his hand and wiped his nose, "I don’t think…I want him to see me, and I don’t want to see him…"

"Yet you want to be with him…"

Shinya rubbed his eyes, and closed them slowly, drifted off sleeping. The doctor brushed the strands of hair that fell on Shinya’s side. "Sleep Shinyakun…you’re really tired…" he knew Shinya couldn’t hear him. And he knew many other things that they didn’t expect him to know…

"I’m just a doctor…"

*

Die stood up and walked towards the older man, "How’s he?"

The doctor looked up and stared at Die through his glasses. The first thing he saw was the hair. Red hair, then the big eyes…and full lips. There was something in those eyes…something he never had before…

"Tonight…why don’t you sleep on the chair by the bed and hold his hand?" he saw a strange glint in Die’s eyes and they turned bright. The red head smiled and bowed, "Oyasumi…"

Yoshida walked slowly down the corridor. It was dark, and empty. He walked pass few nurses and they bowed politely. This was what he did. Everytime, everyday, every morning, every night…even on a night like this, when he was supposed to be at home, resting his head on the comfy pillow. His cold bed…

He noticed something in Yoshiki-san’s eyes when he stared at Shinya, and he noted how Kaoru’s eyes were like when he talked about Shinya…he knew what it was. He had seen it so many times…among patients and their family. And the doctor knew he stared at his patients the same way.

He saw Shinya’s eyes while he talked about Die, and he found the same shine in Die’s eyes when he talked about Shinya…and he didn’t understand that. What was it? Love? If it was really love, then why did such thing happen between lovers? Did they fight? And Shinya ran away, and that incident happen?! Or was Shinya waiting for Die…in the place where they were supposed to meet?

If they really love each other…why fight?

Why didn’t Shinya want to see Die? Ashamed? If he really loves Die…then he should know Die doesn’t mind the new Shinya…shouldn’t he? Maybe Shinya didn’t trust Die? Or maybe Die hurt him before? Or maybe Shinya was just too stubborn? Or maybe-

Ahhh…there are just so many maybes…to many maybes…too many possibilities. The doctor reached the ground floor, and walked towards the main door. This is real world, with much confusion in life…He opened the door, and breath in fresh air.

Sometimes, like now, he liked it better to be alone…

*

to be continued

*

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