***

Shinya opened his eyes, and was greeted by the clean white ceiling. He blinked few times, wondering where he was. Then he heard few sounds near him, so the drummer turned his head.

"Eh, are you awake Shinya-kun?" came a voice. Shinya tired to remember. Oh…yeah, the doctor. The drummer sighed tiredly and closed his eyes again as the older man went on, "Feeling tired? Hm. I thought you had promised to come back in few minutes!" Shinya pouted.

"Okay, I don’t think you need another injection! Your back seems fine"

There was no reply. The doctor sighed and Shinya heard other noises.

Die stood up from the couch and walked towards the doctor. The older man nodded his head, "Shinya-kun…I think it’s the time to do some talking" Yoshida-san patted Die’s shoulder, "Be careful with his back" he whispered, but was loud enough for Shiny to hear it. Die nodded and watched as the doctor left the room.

Shinya had turned his body to a side so he was facing the window. His heart beating faster as Die called his name, softly.

"Shinya…" Die stopped right beside the bed, staring at Shinya’s back. The drummer closed his eyes, his fingers clutched on the white sheet. The red head moved his hand, reaching out and touched the frail looking shoulder. Shinya winced at that sudden action.

"Shinya…" Die muttered sadly. Biting his lip, Die took the risk holding the younger one’s shoulder. Shinya struggled as Die tried to turn him around. The guitarist blinked in surprise as Shinya’s hands started to move violently, "Shinya!" he gasped.

"Let me go! Don’t touch me!!!" Shinya hissed in fear and hit Die’s chest hard with his fists. The older man tried to hold his arms, but Shinya tired everyway to make Die go away. He started to move his legs, and winced. It hurt, and Die, who noticed, took it as a chance to hold Shinya’s arms.

Shinya gasped, "No!!! Let me go!" he tried but failed. Somehow whenever he forced more strength out of his body. It hurt like hell. It was too painful, so Shinya merely shook his head, mumbling something inaudibly. Die bit his lip, "Shinya…why are you doing this? Why?"

Shinya managed to move his hands closer to his own face, "Don’t look at me…" Die joined his eyebrows, not getting it at all! Why didn’t Shinya let him take a look? The drummer shriek as Die pulled his hands away from his face, "No!!! go away!"

"Why?! I want to look! Shinya! I want to look at you!!!" Die cupped Shinya’s face with his hands, "I want to look! Forever!" he whispered staring deep into Shinya’s eyes. The drummer parted his lips, staring back at Die in shock. He began shaking his head violently, "No…No…don’t…"

"Shinya!"

"It’s all my fault!"

Die narrowed his eyes, "Nani? What’s your fault? Nothing is your fault!" he hissed back. Shinya squeezed his eyes shut, "Let me go!" the older man grabbed Shinya’s arms, leaning forward, "Why?! What are you talking about?!"

"It’s a punishment!"

*

Toshiya pouted glancing at the red head, who had just been asked to walk out of Shinya’s room. Die sighed and shook his head, "I can’t believe this! He doesn’t want to see me! He- I don’t know! Shinya’s…" he stopped. Kyo looked at him sympathetically. "He even said something about punishment!" Die continued. Toshiya felt his heart panged.

Punishment…

Toshiya cleared his throat and turned away quickly. Kyo, who noticed, held his hand. Toshiya gave a nervous smile.

"Yoshiki’s on the way here!" Kaoru stood beside Kyo, just finishing his brief conversation with the producer. Kyo snorted, "Oh, really? So what did you tell him?" the pink head blinked and Toshiya looked up at him. The older guitarist shrugged, "Well, just explaining what just happened!"

Die looked up to him, "Is he surprised to hear about Shinya waking up? He even walked around the hospital and almost made me have a heart attack!" he asked, a little bit innocently. Kyo glared at Kaoru while Toshiya stood up and held his arm. Kaoru, noticing Kyo’s glare, cleared his throat, "Well, only briefly. Can’t talk by the phone…"

Kyo snorted, "Ma, coz some people are around?"

Kaoru bit his lip. Toshiya joined his eyebrows, "You guys should be happy Shinya’s awake! Why so snappy guys?!" there was a tone of fake brightness in the bassist’s voice. Die laughed, "Happy? I was kicked out of the room, and you want me to be happy?" Toshiya looked guilty and turned to Kaoru. the older guitarist gave a slow smile.

"Guys, is Yoshiki-san coming?" came a voice. The doc stood behind Kyo, who’s still glaring at Kaoru. Toshiya answered the question, not realising Kyo speaking softly. Die sat down with his eyes staring at the floor.

"Nice job keeping it from us!"

Everyone turned to Kyo. Kaoru’s jaw tightened, Toshiya joined his eyebrows, and Die looked up. Yoshida-san coughed a little, "Kyo-kun…it’s not his fault! Kaoru-kun doesn’t want to keep it from you! you should know that!" the oldest looked at the confused faces, "And I’m sure Yoshiki-san also want to tell you! but he can’t! this was the secret!"

Kaoru covered his face, "No…I haven’t told them yet…"

The doc turned pale, "Oh!" he glanced at Die, who turned away and waved his hands, "I don’t want to know! I don’t want to know! Whatever secrets!!!" the red head hissed and walked away. Kyo watched as Die sat on the other bench, which was far away from them.

Die must be so upset…all those time, waiting and waiting…waiting for Shinya to open his eyes…and when he finally did, Shinya didn’t want him! Kyo shook his head slowly, "Look at him now! Just take a good look at him!" Kyo hissed. Toshiya glanced at the shorter guy, and all anger all rage in the world could be found in those big eyes.

Kyo looked up to the pink head, "You call yourself a friend?!"

Toshiya bit his lip and glanced at Kaoru, "Nani?! Why…what are you talking about?!" Kaoru shook his head, "Toshiya, there’s something I have to tell you-"

"What? Like…" Toshiya’s expression was full of fear, and something else. "I thought, everyone would be in relief after he wakes up! Why are behaving so badly now?! What…secret?" he looked at the doctor. Kyo’s eyes looked into Kaoru’s as if demanding for a reply. But Kaoru made none.

"Come here Totchi…" Kaoru pulled his arm, "Shinya… is never in coma!"

Toshiya joined his eyebrows.

"Yoshiki found out about it, and I was there, so we decided to push the doctor!" Toshiya’s eyes narrowed, "But then only Yoshiki got to see Shinya. The doctor told us to keep it as a secret! But now…he’s been found walking around the hospital…" Toshiya sat on the seat Die had just got up from.

"You mean…Shinya was pretending to be in coma?"

"Hai…"

"So he’s awake the whole time? He’s just…just pretending to be in coma?!"

Kaoru nodded.

"Why…?"

Kaoru looked away, towards some certain red head who sat quite far away, "Because he doesn’t want to face us…he doesn’t want to face Die. He can’t see Die staring at him"

Toshiya looked up, "So the doctor knew…"

Kaoru nodded.

"And you knew too…?" Toshiya’s voice shook this time, with tearful eyes looking up to his lover. Kaoru made no reply, but then he nodded slightly, "Hai…" he muttered, softly. The bassist got up and stood right in front of Kaoru. Kyo looked at the younger one, studying his expression. The vocalist knew it wasn’t going to be easy for Kaoru…

"Why didn’t you tell me?"

Kaoru gulped, "Because…"

"Because you’re not supposed to? You’re not allowed to?" Toshiya glared at his lover. "Totchi! I thought about you, and maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to talk about it!" the younger one laughed.

"Really? I thought you’re proud of me!" his lips quivered. Kaoru shut his eyes, where’s this going…What’s this leading to…

"Toshiya…"

"So you think just becoz I was raped too, you think I'll go all weak so it’s better for you to keep things away from me?!!! I thought you promised to tell me everything! I thought-" Toshiya spoke in such a loud voice that Die, jerked his head up to see Toshiya struggling to free himself form Kaoru’s hold.

"Let me go!" the younger one screamed. Kyo looked at the doc, who looked back with confused look on his face.

"Toshiya!!!" Kaoru shook his lover’s body, "Calm down!!!"

"Why?! Are you afraid that everyone in this world knows that your lover was raped?!!! Why can’t you learn to take things like Die does?!" Toshiya spat out, "Are you scared of being humiliated?" Kaoru tightened his hold on Toshiya’s shoulders, "Let me tell you something Kaoru-sama! You don’t know how much pain I feel! And you’re just adding it more!!!"

"Toshiya! Calm down!" but Toshiya’s moves were more violent that Kaoru couldn’t help moving his arm, swinging it in the air, and the loud noise made Die jumped and stood up with jaw dropping far down. Kyo watched with wide eyes and the doc gasping.

And all Toshiya could feel was the sudden tight pain coming with a quick heavy touch of his lover’s palm on his cheek.

Kaoru froze.

Kyo winced shaking his head. The doctor almost choked for breath. Far away, Die clenched his fingers into fist.

Toshiya blinked and a single tear rolled down his reddening cheek. Kaoru watched the blank expression turned into a shock one, and his lover’s pretty face turned pale. And that slender body shook a little. The pink head stared at his own left palm. The one had just swung in the air.

Then back to Toshiya…who silently backed away, and shot a last hurt look into Kaoru’s face before he turned away, running.

"Tot-" Die found his voice stuck down his throat, trying to call out fro the younger man but the pretty one ran pass him. The red head turned back to his friends, with a disbelief expression on his face. Kaoru swore silently.

"Kaoru!"

Came a cold voice, and Kaoru turned back.

"Leave him alone…"

Kaoru stared at Kyo’s darkened eyes, "I’m going to talk to him, and nobody is going to stop me! Not even you, Kyo!" the singer narrowed his eyes to slits. The pink head turned around and walked towards where Toshiya had disappeared, walking pass Die, who looked a bit startled.

Kaoru looked around the corridor, but then suddenly somebody touched his arm. He turned his head, and gasped.

"Are you…Kaoru-kun?" the man asked politely, with a clear unsure tone pasted in his voice. Kaoru nodded suspiciously, "You forgot who I am? I’m the police officer, who’s in charge of the case of your band mate…" the older man looked at his note, "Shinya-kun?"

Kaoru widened his eyes.

"We found something…about the jerks…"

Kaoru felt his heart skipped a beat.

*

to be continued

*

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