The last song in Macabre…

***

Die sat up and rested his back on the headboard. He remembered what Toshiya had said. Shinya NEED him…the red head covered his face with a pillow, not knowing what to do. Toshiya had said Shinya wanted him…but it wasn’t from Shinya himself! How could Toshiya know…

Because Toshiya knew how Shinya felt? Did he talk to Shinya? did Shinya tell him?

No

The red head leaned forward and lay on his stomach, throwing the pillow to the floor. He remembered how Shinya had complained about his bad habit throwing things around…remembered how it felt having Shinya on his bed, by his side, in his arms…and he remembered how he swore doing anything to get Shinya back…

And I’m giving up now…

Die turned to the window, staring at the dim light which would soon brightened. The sun would come up completely…

Today…

Today will be the day …Die laughed, he didn’t even know why Toshiya told him to go today! Why? Shinya wanted to talk to him? No. Then…? Is today the last day of Shinya’s stay in the hospital? No. Then what is the big deal of going to the hospital if today is just another day of waiting for him outside the room, hoping he will see him wishing he will be fine?

Die gripped the sheets tightly, his knuckles turned white. Then his shoulders shook…and suddenly Die felt as if he was trying so hard not to sob aloud.

Painful…it was so painful. It wasn’t fair either. He waited, waited, putting all his hope on that tiny smile on Shinya’s face when he woke up choking blood. That slight smile…could be anything! Maybe Shinya was never happy to see him there…how stupid of him thinking that one day Shinya would wake up and he would have him back in his arms…

A dream…nothing real…

Die felt salty taste around the corner of his mouth, but refused to think what it was.

Shinya had kicked him out, he was in some way banned? How could Shinya do it? Shinya KNEW Die was there…the whole time! Shinya wasn’t in coma, he knew how Die had been staying over…he knew how Die had said something private about his feelings and Shinya knew how Die had touched his hands, touched his forehead, checking for any fever…brushed his hair, buying all those roses just for him…

HE KNEW

So he doesn’t want me…anymore?

Don’t touch me! don’t look at me…

Die shook his head slowly…he wanted to look, forever…he had made it clear! But Shinya…

Punishment…

What punishment? What was his fault? Why is Shinya saying it’s his fault?!

Die jerked his head up, but he was too tired, it fell back again on the bed. So many questions unanswered. Maybe that was what Toshiya meant? Going to the hospital to talk to Shinya? But Shinya didn’t even want to see him…how can he dig it out from Shinya? Actually TALK to him…?

Die bit his lip, shamelessly began to cry…

Shinya…

My love…has died

*

Toshiya opened his eyes, stretching his long arms and long legs and made loud noises. He yawned and looked at the window. The sun was still somewhere behind the clouds, or mountain…it would come out soon, but not right now. The bassist sighed and yawned again.

Blinking, he decided to get up. So Toshiya walked towards the window, brushing his long flowing hair as he did so and sat on a cushion and rested his head on the frame (meaningless word sorry. Nanchan is just really stuck right now–L7) his hair fell down freely, and Toshiya sighed again, trying to look through the window, but there was not much to see. The young man placed his palm on the glass.

It felt cold.

Toshiya pouted, rested his forehead on the cold glass.

He felt cold, he was cold…he had turned cold.

Toshiya shut his eyes, and his mind took off to places, many places he had ever been…and it stopped as an image of some man with violet hair popped out. The man smiled, tilting his head to a side. Then the man spread his arms wide…just for him. Then Toshiya smiled as the arms wrapped themselves around his body.

He didn’t feel cold, he wasn’t cold…he felt warmth hugging his body tightly…

Then Toshiya opened his eyes…and he felt cold, again. He hugged his body and brushed his palms against his skin. He was cold…and one drop of tear rolled down his cheek. It was cold too…

Toshiya had turned cold…

KAORU did that to him. And he felt too cold that nothing seemed important anymore. Nothing…so Toshiya rested his head on the cold glass, and felt the cold tears streaming down his cheeks. Then his arms, and legs, his whole body…numb by the coldness. Not the cold of the sunless morning, but a more painful one…

Cold that the violet man had created.

*

Kyo walked around the apartment with a cigarette between his index and middle fingers. It was unusual for him to wake up so early, in the sunless morning. But it was more unusual to find himself lying on somebody else’s bed.

Kaoru’s bed

And no, he wasn’t naked or anything. He remembered drinking too much that a drunken Kaoru had drove him back to a place he wasn’t really familiar with. Then on a bed bigger than his, and he instantly fell into blissful sleep. Where was the pink head? Kyo looked around, Kaoru was in the kitchen trying to make something for breakfast.

Kyo remembered, opening his eyes and was greeted by darkness, then his vision cleared and he thought hearing faint sobs…or something. Then Kyo rubbed his sleepy eyes, and saw somebody’s naked back facing him. And it was shaking…and when Kyo called out in surprise, Kaoru had cleared his throat and in a quick second wiped his cheek.

Kaoru called out, calling his name. Kyo sighed and ran to the kitchen, "Breakfast is ready…" the vocalist nodded and put his mobile on the table and stubbed his cig.

"Kaoru…"

"Hm?"

"We have to go to hospital today…I think Shinya’s…well, we just have to go today" Kyo cleared his throat and took a sip of his tea. The guitarist nodded, "Yeah. Okay…"

Kyo glanced at his phone, two calls from Toshiya…and many many calls from Yoshiki.

Yoshiki

*

"Well, so how are you today Shinya-kun?"

The doctor said it in such a cheerful way that Shinya felt his ears panged. But he didn’t really show how he felt. Shinya stared at his own fingers, not answering the question. The doctor smiled and approached him, "So how’s the fever?" the drummer turned away, "I’m feeling cold" he spoke.

Yoshida-san placed a palm on his forehead, "Hm…maybe it’s the morning atmosphere. But it’s really good for health, and I’m sure you know that!" the doc put his hands in the pockets, "Do you want to walk around the garden?"

Shinya looked up, "I can?" the doc laughed shortly, "Of course you can! Come, I'll accompany you…" Shinya let the older man led him down the bed, then walked towards the door. "Must wear a jacket. Nurse, bring me one…"

Shinya put his hands in the pockets and looked down, his feet were cold. But it was such a nice feeling walking around in the morning…so fresh and pure…

Nice feeling…

Right feeling…

Shinya’s cheeks turned crimson.

*

to be continued

*

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