***

"What did you say?!" Die muttered, standing frozen in front of the older man, shock. The doctor shook his head, "No, this is normal" but the red head demanded, "Just tell me what you mean by that please!"

"Okay, physically he will be fine. He was no more fever and the cuts and bruises will go away, in few days. But mentally…"

"What are you talking about?!" Die hissed, his fingers tighten into fists. Yoshida-san pulled his arm, "Come, sit down here. We need to talk…" the red head obeyed, waiting.

*

"Are you okay?" Yoshiki watched worriedly as Toshiya took a long sip of the water from the glass. The younger man cleared his throat, wiped his mouth then nodded slowly, "Yeah…" his voice cracked. Toshiya couched few times, sipping more of the water. Enjoying the nice feeling how it soothed his throat.

"You need to lay down…come to my office?" Yoshiki offered. Toshiya nodded and got up, walking weakly.

*

"He might act differently from before"

Die listened carefully as the doctor spoke, "Shinya-kun is not in a good state. The first week was hell, I’m sure you knew that. He attacked a nurse, woke up and lied about his condition. We’re getting to the second week which, usually…along with the third week, the worst moment for the victims"

The red head rubbed his face, "What…what should I do? What do you mean by acting differently?"

"He might talk to himself…" Die looked at him in disbelief, "Shinya-kun does that a lot. You probably never notice. But sometimes, he talks a lot. And there’s something really important" the doctor’s voice suddenly turned serious. Die jerked his head up.

"Shinya-kun…might talk in his sleep…not just talk, or whispering mumbling something. He might screams"

Die’s heart panged, "You mean…nightmares?"

The doctor nodded, "Yeah. There’s none of this on the first week. But it usually comes around the second week. And all you have to do, listen to me Die-kun…wake him up!"

Die nervously nodded, "Wake him up…" he whispered, repeating the words. The older man leaned forward, "Gently! You can’t jump up and quickly make him open his eyes in shock. You have to be calm, so when he’s awake and sees your calm face he knows he’s safe"

Die bit his fingernail, "Calm…I have to be calm, and gentle" he nodded to the doctor, "Yeah…calm…"

"You have to call his name softly, so he’s not scared of you!" Die nodded strongly, repeating the doctor’s words again.

"And…Shinya-kun might complain about things that…don’t exist. For example, fever! Or water. He might say the water isn’t warm enough for shower, or the food isn’t good enough. Or maybe the shirt’s color faded, even curtains or windows…the wind blows too strong…things that don’t really matter for you…"

Die looked at him confusedly, scared. The doctor held his arm, "They matter a lot for him!" the red head thought hard for a while before asking, "Then what should I do?"

"Make him happy. Just do whatever he wants! If he wants the water boiling hot, let him have it. You just need to be careful…if he wants the window wide open even though there’s a storm outside, let it opens. Just remember to keep him warm"

Die gulped and nodded strongly, "Okay…just…be really careful and listen to him"

The doctor smiled, nodding back, "Hai. But remember this. If he says he’s in pain, or fever…don’t listen to him!" Die’s eyes widened, "Make him believe that he’s NOT in pain, not having some illness! The last thing we want is Shinya-kun thinking, believing that he’s in pain, danger…"

Die took a deep breath, "Yeah…I think I get it…" he managed a smile, "I thin I know what to do…" he whispered. The older man looked at him for a long time, his eyes narrowed a little.

"Die-kun…sometimes he will get really spoilt. He does it to get your attention. He wants to feel love and care from you" the younger one smiled, thinking about it. Shinya’s face filled his mind…Ah…sweet Shin-chan…

"Don’t shout at him, don’t talk in loud voice"

"Hai…"

"There’s something else…"

Die jerked his head up, the doc was standing in front of him, "Die-kun. You have to understand this. He NEEDS you, only you! I can see that" the younger one stood up and bit his lip, "This is a huge responsibility, and I’m warning you about it. Can you take it?"

Die laughed sadly, "What do you think doctor? Do you think I can take it?" Yoshida-san laughed back, "Hai! I’m quite sure you can. But this is hard. And unfair for you. he will only bother you, asking for you, talking to you" the doctor stopped, waiting for a reaction. Die merely stood there, thinking.

"He doesn’t want anybody else…he won’t talk to them if he doesn’t want to…"

Die leaned on the wall, trying to control his feelings. A big responsibility, a hard task…scared. He’s scared…really scared. How if he couldn’t take a good care for Shinya? then he heard the doctor spoke again.

"And…he might spill it out…"

Die looked at him suspiciously, "What do you mean by spill it out?" the older man grabbed his shoulders and held them tightly.

"Listen to me really carefully! Shinya-kun will feel safe with you, he’ll feel comfortable that there will be a moment that he doesn’t feel that you’re his lover that you might get hurt…but he might tell you what had happened!"

Die blinked few times, trying to digest all the words properly.

"Die-kun, do you remember the time when you asked me…" he stopped, "How many people had hurt him?" Die felt his knees shook for no reason at all that he had to sit down. The younger one nodded slightly. "He might tell you that…exactly what happened!"

"W-Why?"

"Because he trusts you!"

Die looked up with disbelief looks in his eyes, "But-but…" the doctor crouched in front of him, holding his arms, "Die-kun…can you accept it? Will you take this responsibility?" he looked straight into the red head’s eyes, "Will you still feel the same towards him, though everything, everything will never be the same again?" he gave Die’s arms a squeeze.

The red head looked back into those eyes…

Would he? After knowing the real condition Shinya’s in, would he still love Shinya? Take the responsibility of taking a good care of Shinya, be with him…

Forever…

Die smiled, a genuine smile, "Hai…"

The doctor smiled back, satisfied.

"I will…I will always love him, be with him, stay with him, take a really good care of him"

*

Yoshiki studied the younger man’s face, trying to read it. If he could read Shinya then Toshiya shouldn’t be a problem. Yeah, he knew something was wrong. Toshiya looked pale, and he just threw up. Not a result of food poisoning, not even sickness…maybe the nerves, the tension…

Of what had been happening…it was a possibility.

"So…how do you feel now?" Yoshiki asked, carefully. The bassist nodded, "I’m fine…thanks" it felt kind of awkward. Very awkward very weird! Here he’s, sitting down on the couch in Yoshiki’s office holding tissue papers and a glass of warm water. The older man would ask, he knew it. Toshiya got the sense, he knew.

But should he tell?

"You must be wondering what’s going on with me…right?" Toshiya boldly began, but ended uncertainly. The older man smiled sitting opposite him, "Yeah…of course! I was thinking maybe you’re sick…but then I thought maybe it ‘s something else…" Toshiya narrowed his eyes.

"Hm…" the bassist leaned on the couch, stretching his legs and made himself comfortable. Yoshiki watched with a smile on his face. A really weird smile…a knowing smile. And Toshiya noticed that but said nothing.

"So…you don’t look very well…and you look like as if you’re hating me more and more each second…" Yoshiki tried, speaking aloud. The younger one crossed his arms and raised a manicured eyebrow, "Eh, how do you know?" the producer laughed, ‘I’m just like you Toshiya…I have the sense…"

The instinct

Toshiya stared at the older man sharply, more like glaring at him. Yoshiki gave a slow smile, "It’s Kaoru isn’t it?"

Toshiya pouted

"And you’re hating me coz I drag him along? Into this whole secretive business?" Yoshiki leaned forward, deeply stared at the pretty man. Toshiya made no reply. Not even gazing back at the older man…merely stared at a corner. The producer smiled, "Care to share?"

"I hate you…"

Yoshiki narrowed his eyes, "You’re not blaming Kaoru, are you?"

Toshiya shook his head, "I want to…but I can’t…" he turned to Yoshiki, "It’s Kaoru’s nature to be knowing…to know everything that happens in the whole world, to solve every single problem and to be the mature one" the older man hung his head down.

"How can I blame him…if he finds out something really important about some other people and try to hide it from his big mouth lover?" Toshiya added, obstinately. Then his face softened, "How can I blame Kaoru…for being so nice to his good friend, Die. Being supportive but at the same time, carries a big burden on his shoulders about a secret about Shinya…and he has to hide it, can’t talk about it to anyone?! Not even his good friend, not even his lover…"

Toshiya’s voice shook a little, but Yoshiki knew he was trying really hard not to break down.

"You have a great guy with you Toshiya…" he began and Toshiya couldn’t help snapping ‘had’ in his mind.

"Kaoru is very calm about things. He’s still young, yet he holds his emotions very well. He helps the doctor, the police…he’s doing such a good job. He even be there for his friends, and…" Yoshiki stopped staring at Toshiya, who already covered his face.

"He sacrifices his own life, putting the special relationship he has with you to the edge, near the end of the road…"

Toshiya bit his lip hard, trying not to let a single sob escaped from his lips.

"Poor guy…"

Toshiya curled up into a ball on the couch and started to sob aloud. Yoshiki sighed, moved forward and slowly wrapped his arms around Toshiya. Despite the sadness and the pain he felt inside, Toshiya couldn’t help thinking that he finally knew how Die and Shinya felt…being in Yoshiki’s arms.

*

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