***

MERRY CHIRSTMAS EVERYONE!!! – MERI KURI MINNASAN

This is pure torture, having to finish this long fic in a week! I'll try…I promise! I'll be good- okay, I'll stop! Anyway, thanks everyone for the comments and emails, and for kawaii ones who asked, "Could you tell me if gravity is going to be a sad ending? Coz I don’t wanna spend my time reading sad fics!" kawaii desu ne…ano, as a hint, I hate sad endings. But I might change my mind…and I have many many ideas for fics, but no more time to write them down! Guess this is what they meant by ‘so little time so much to do’ I hope you don’t mind lady7 writes stupid things here, coz this way she can actually ‘talks’ to everyone who reads gravity!!! Here’s it!

Gravity

***

Shinya opened his eyes and yawned prettily (one can never yawn prettily…tell me how? –L7) he sighed and stretched his arms, and winced slightly. The pain…it hurt. The drummer carefully shifted a little and rubbed his tired eyes, and suddenly he sensed the presence of another person in the room.

"Shinya…?"

Kaoru looked astonished as Shinya jumped and gripped the blanket tightly. The purple head gulped and walked closer, "Are you okay?" the younger one made no reply, merely stared at him with fearful eyes. The guitarist managed to smile, widely, "Hey…how are you?"

"Eh…" was the reply. Kaoru was feeling worried, more and more each second. The drummer rolled his eyes from Kaoru’s face to his hand. The older man laughed a little, "I bought you flowers…" he held his hand up and presented quite a big bouquet of various flowers tied up neatly in a knot.

Shinya blinked staring at it. Kaoru scratched his head, "It’s nothing compare to what Die gives…" he looked around, glancing at those bouquets of red roses in the room. Shinya blinked again, innocently. He moved and sat up.

"Die…?"

Kaoru looked confused for a quick second, but managed to control himself, "Yeah. Die…" he grinned seeing the flushed cheeks. Shinya sat on the bed, staring at his feet covered by the blanket. Kaoru thought Shinya looked thoughtful, he looked like as if he was thinking really hard…but maybe…more like thinking blankly about nothing!

There was nothing in Shinya’s mind right? Kaoru couldn’t tell what Shinya was thinking! Maybe nothing…his eyes widened as Shinya jerked his head up and stared at him in wonder.

"Kaoru-kun?"

The purple head gasped, nani? He didn’t-didn’t recognize me?! Kaoru smiled weirdly, "Hai…flowers for you…" he offered and Shinya took it with a tiny smile on his face, "Domo…you don’t have to…" the older man touched his chin nervously, this is bad…he didn’t seem to know me just now…

"Wa…you dyed your hair!" Shinya suddenly exclaimed. Kaoru laughed and nervously touched his hair, "Yeah...purple. but I’m changing it again…in few weeks time, probably" he put his hands in his pocket. Shinya watched him with interest. "I'll wait till the mood gets better"

Shinya joined his eyebrows, "Hm?"

Kaoru blushed, "Well…they said purple is the colour of sadness…"

Shinya pouted, "Are you feeling sad right now?" the older man made no reply, just shrugged and that was when the door was knock and Shinya lifted both eyebrows seeing a head popped out from outside, "Eh…are you awake Shinchan?"

Shinya giggled, "Come in Kyo…"

Kaoru looked surprised, more like…amazed. Was it the same Shinya…? no, it didn’t seem like it. The Shinya he was now facing was different! So different! He was actually smiling, acting as if nothing had happened! As if he was in the hospital coz…he fell on the stairs and injured himself or something…but Kaoru wasn’t going to question that! He…better kept it inside…and hoped Kyo wouldn’t say anything too!

"I bought you something…" Kyo shyly spoke, rubbing his nose. Shinya smiled funnily, "Why is everyone giving me presents? Is it flowers? I think I’ve had enough flowers!" Kyo laughed, "Iie! I can’t compete with Die in that!" he chuckled seeing the sudden red blush on the younger one’s cheeks.

"Nah, a book, of drums! I thought you might be interested" he handed it to Shinya, who curiously eyed the wrapping paper. The drummer flipped it in his hands, looking at Kyo. The vocalist nodded, feeling funny. Shinya smiled and nodded back, "Arigato…" Kyo waved a hand, "It’s nothing…"

"I’m leaving tomorrow, so maybe you guys want to come?" Shinya suddenly asked, looking at Kaoru, then back at Kyo. The two Ks nodded strongly, "Of course!" the drummer nodded, putting the book on his lap beside the flowers. Kaoru smiled and offered to help, so he put the bouquet on the table.

"Where is Toshiya? Is he not here?"

Kaoru gulped and tried to look as normal as possible. But to Kyo, he failed. The singer shrugged, "I-I don’t know where he is…" Shinya looked at Kaoru, the man whom he thought had the answer. But Kaoru, like Kyo, shrugged and made a funny noise down his throat, "I…don’t know…"

Shinya’s eyes widened and he parted his lips, ready to ask more about Toshiya when the door was suddenly knocked and somebody opened it carefully. Everybody turned and saw Toshiya walking in with something in his hand. Kyo smirk, "Heh…speak of the devil…"

Kaoru smiled a little as Toshiya pouted and eyed Kyo suspiciously, "What did you say?" he hissed and pinched Kyo’s arm. Shinya’s hand flew to his mouth, trying not to laugh.

"Itai!!!"

Toshiya stuck his tongue out at Kyo, turned away and noticed Kaoru. The purple head nodded to him, and he nodded back, slightly awkwardly. Shinya skipped that; he was too focused on the present Kyo gave him. And Shinya was busy trying not to rip the wrapping paper off. But it was a kawaii one…Shinya smiled.

"Eh…who gave you a present?" Toshiya asked aloud. The drummer pointed at a glaring Kyo, "Him, and Kaoru gave me something too!" he pointed at the flowers on the table. Toshiya mouthed an O before grinning from ear to ear.

"I have something for you too!!!" he exclaimed presenting his gift. It was quite flat and wide…and it looked so much like a book! Kyo pouted, "Hey, if you’re giving him a book…" Toshiya hushed him and pushed Shinya to unwrap it. The drummer gasped as he looked at the cover. Toshiya grinned. Kaoru tried to peer while Kyo glomped Toshiya.

"Wa…okonomiyaki…cooking book?" Shinya stuttered, trying to read the writings on the cover. Kyo blinked, looked at the book then looked at Toshiya then fell back laughing. Kaoru hid a smile. Toshiya’s lower lip curled up, "What?! What’s so funny?!" Shinya coughed a little, "Toshiya, what is this?"

Toshiya replied cheerfully, "Eh, it’s a cooking book! You have to learn so you can cook for me!!!" Kyo held back more laughter, "So it’s for you own good ne?" Toshiya shook his head, "Nope! I’m smart! Shinya should learn how to cook! So he makes a good house wife for Die ne?"

Shinya blushed as Toshiya teased him more and more…making Kyo jumped in and did the same until Kaoru cleared his throat and said something sensible. But bratty ones didn’t stop.

*

"So go back tonight and tidy things up ne? It’s better not to leave him in chaos!" Die laughed shyly hearing that. "My place isn’t that untidy…" but he nodded and was going to walk away as the doctor grabbed his arm, "Remember what I told you…" Die nodded.

"Come here twice a week…until I tell you he doesn’t have to anymore…" Die nodded again. He watched with curiousity as the older man sighed staring at him with an amused look. The red head raised an eyebrow, "Hai?"

"Seeing both of you…Die and Shinya…" he stopped, "Makes me believe that love DOES exist!" Die’s casual look disappeared. He looked at the doc thoughtfully as he continued, "You two make me feel the power of love…it’s so strong!" he smiled and patted Die’s arm lightly. The younger one blushed, rubbed his nose and hung his head down shyly.

The doc let go and Die bowed in respect. The older man laughed and walked away. But little did Die knew he turned back and watched Die’s retreating back. With something in his eyes…

*

Die stood in front of the door, opening it slowly, wishing it wouldn’t wake Shinya up. But as it opened Die was greeted by a really loud noise coming from inside. The red head panicked, wondering…when suddenly he heard a scream. He swore, remembering what the doc had said and quickly rushed inside.

"Ma, Toshi-kun so stupid! You should’ve bought the book for yourself!" Kyo stuck his tongue out at the bassist and hid behind Kaoru, who looked amused. Die watched as Shinya suddenly turned serious and hoped that the drummer wouldn’t react to the loud noise. Toshiya noticed the strangeness, panicked but then noticed Die’s presence.

"Hey…let’s see who it is!" he grinned turning to Shinya, "The prince is here…Shin-chan…" everyone turned towards the door direction and Shinya blushed, turning away shyly. Die sighed in relief seeing that, patted Toshiya’s arm who winked and approached the bed, "Hey Shin-chan…how are you?" he gave Shinya a loving kiss on the forehead.

Shinya smiled a little and placed his hand on Die’s arm, "I’m fine…" Die purposely wrapped an arm around him, trying to make him feel safe. And the drummer’s head fell on his shoulder. Toshiya sighed in relief but there was somekind of sadness in those eyes…like jealousy…longing…seeing Die hugged Shinya so protectively and seeing Shinya let himself rested on Die…

"I want that too…" came a mutter, and Toshiya thought he had said it outloud! But it wasn’t Toshiya…it was Kyo. Die laughed and Shinya turned away, looking at the vocalist. "You guys not fair! Trying to rub it in…" he pouted. Kaoru brushed Kyo’s hair lightly, as if trying to comfort him. Die stuck his tongue out and hugged Shinya carefully.

Kyo looked at Toshiya, "Kaoru-kun…make me happy…comfort me…" he hugged Kaoru so tightly that the older man chocked his breath, "K-yo…let m-e go-o…" to everyone’s surprise, Shinya laughed. Die blinked and looked at his lover weirdly. Toshiya’s attention was on the drummer, his jealously gone replaced by the shock.

"Toshi, you better do something there before anything happens!" Shinya gave a cute pout as he spoke. Kaoru turned serious all the sudden while Toshiya’s heart panged. Kyo realized what he had just did and Die looked at Kaoru…in confusion. The drummer looked at Die, "What happened? Did I say something wrong? Why’s everyone so quiet?" there was a trace of worry in those eyes.

"Oh, it’s nothing…Kaoru and Toshiya are having a fight! As usual…" Die quickly answered, not bothering about the other three. Any answer would do right now…

"Hai…" Kyo added rather weirdly, "They’re not talking to each other, but later they will! This is Kaoru and Toshiya we’re talking about!" he laughed nervously. Die nodded to Shinya, who pondered about it for a while before changing the subject, "Are you staying here tonight?" he wrapped his arms around Die’s neck. Toshiya backed away slowly, and Kyo followed. Kaoru tried to say something but Shinya didn’t seem to notice his presence anymore, so he followed Kyo.

Die watched as the door being shut softly and apologized in his heart. He turned back to Shinya, who was waiting for a reply.

"No…" Shinya whined, "The doctor said I had to go back and clean my apartment! And I don’t want you to go back and complain about how untidy it is!" he brushed Shinya’s hair idly. The drummer pouted, "But I want you to stay!" die laughed, having no heart to say no…but the doc had told him to do so! And it was probably the best thing to do! he had to make it easy for Shinya! there were few things to throw away…

And the tap…ah! He had to fix it!!!

"How if I get worse at night? I might get fever…and…" Die hushed him quietly, "No…you’re not getting worse before nothing is wrong with you! and you’re not getting fever coz fever is scared at me!" he held Shinya’s hands and the younger one giggled, "Scared of you?"

"Yeah!" Die pretended to look scary but then laughed, "Nah…you’re really fine. And you’re going back to home tomorrow, so I have to clean my place. You don’t want sitting on a pile of junk ne?" Shinya protested but Die tired his best to soothe him, and finally the drummer lay on the bed, slowly dropping his eyes to sleep.

Die waited for a while until he was convinced that Shinya had really fallen asleep. Then he got up, landing a soft kiss on his forehead before walking out the room.

*

"Where are you now?!" Kyo bit his apple while talking on the phone. He yawned slightly and walked towards the living room, his eyes looking for the remote control. "nani?! Toshiya…come back home tonight please…I don’t want anything happens to you…"

"Oh…" he found the remote and turned the TV on, "Your brother? So? Okay, ja…" he pouted, watching the show, which was rather stupid and turned it off. Kyo was about to fall asleep if the doorbell didn’t ring. He sighed and walked cross the living room, "Dare a?!"

Kyo opened the door, yawning.

"Hey…" it was Yoshiki. Kyo narrowed his eyes, grabbed the doorknob and quickly pushed it close but a strong arm held it and Kyo lost his strength.

"I’m here for Toshiya!!!" came a quick reply and Kyo blinked, letting the door open, "Is Toshiya here?!" Kyo looked at the older man suspiciously, "What are you doing with Toshiya?! Why are you looking for him?!" he asked, curiously. Yoshiki shook his head smiling, "This!" he held a bag up, and Kyo knew it was Toshiya’s.

"He left it…"

Kyo gasped, jerking his head up, "You…and Toshiya…" there was something eh? Shock…and some other feeling. Yeah. Jealousy, the thought of Yoshiki and Toshiya…having the pretty sexy longhaired bassist in Yoshiki’s arm…Kyo bit his lip, feeling the pain woke him up.

Yoshiki shook his head, "No, Kyo! It’s not what you think it is! Toshiya talked to me in the office that he went home forgetting about his bag!" he explained briefly. The singer glared at him suspiciously, "There’s no way Toshiya wants to talk to you! And Toshiya never went to your office!"

Yoshiki peered inside the apartment, "Well, you don’t seem to know your roommate well Kyo-kun!" he teased. Kyo grunted as he continued, "And he’s not in is he? Bet you don’t know where he is right now!"

"Yes I do! His brother is here…" Kyo replied snappily. Yoshiki took a step forward, "So you’re not letting me in? Or maybe I should give the password?" the younger one looked confused, "What password?" the producer laughed, shaking his head, "Nevermind…let me in eh? I want you tot ell me what happened today in the hospital, I was too busy to come!"

Kyo shook his head but when Yoshiki mentioned something about Shinya’s sake he greeted his teeth, stepped aside and glared at Yoshiki’s back.

*

"I have bought a present for him, but I couldn’t give it today, coz I was really busy!" Yoshiki stated disappointedly, "So what was your present?" he asked, smiling. Kyo turned away, "A book about drums and…Shinya’s equipment! I hope it’s good enough" Yoshiki smiled, ‘Of course it is! It’s about drums! Eh, you should’ve seen me before you gave it to him!" Kyo joined his eyebrows,

"Why?"

"So I can put my autograph…Shinya never asks for one" Yoshiki pondered for a while. Kyo held back laughter, "Gosh that’s vain! Maybe Shinya thinks you’re not as great as he used to think you were!" the producer glared at him, "No! Shinya is too shy to ask!" Kyo shook his head, "You remind me of Toshiya…he gave Shinya a cooking book!"

"Nani?!"

"Yeah! So Shinya can cook for him!" Kyo laughed, "Silly Toshiya…but it’s so cute!" Yoshiki looked dreamy for few seconds, staring at Kyo. The singer, noticing that, threw him a cushion, "Stop staring the way you do! It reminds me of what you said before…kawaii Kyo-chan…" Kyo yelled at him.

They fell silent for a long while, Yoshiki leaned on the couch, staring up the ceiling while Kyo sat on the opposite couch, wondering what the other man was thinking about.

"Don’t you feel lonely…?"

Kyo lifted his eyes up.

"I thought being a drummer would be so unsocialized. And I thought sometimes I knew how Shinya felt, being placed at the back alone while the others go crazy in front of the stage" The producer laughed, "I thought the vocalist would be the front person…close to the audience…" he looked at Kyo.

"It’s hard, isn’t it? Being a vocalist…"

Kyo made no reply coz he wasn’t really sure where Yoshiki was going. The smile and the friendly face had gone…Yoshiki was now the usual scary Yoshiki-sama the producer. The singer stared at him, trying to read what was going on in there. And he realized something.

It wasn’t the usual Yoshiki…it felt different. Yoshiki’s eyes shown sadness, cold and alone. Kyo felt his heart beating faster in his chest. But he didn’t know why…

"Don’t you feel awkward? Seeing the others pair off? Die and Shinya Kaoru and Toshiya…leaving you alone under the spotlight? Which is really ironic! You’re the vocalist…" Yoshiki laughed humorlessly. Kyo shut up, thinking hard. Maybe he should just left Yoshiki doing all the talking.

"Just like me…Kyo, you don’t know how it feels…" he shook his head, "I was the drummer but getting all the attention and the spotlight shone to me…then people started to talk about it, and it hurt like hell"

"…"

"Shizuka was nice, but she went away, things didn’t work so well as I expected. I wanted everything to be perfect, idealist!" Kyo raised an eyebrow at the mention of the woman’s name. Where was it going?!

"There were many many more after her, I couldn’t even know when I actually fell in love…" he stopped, "With Hide" Kyo’s eyes widened. That was the interesting bit. Hide…

"But nothing is perfect, no one is perfect…and again, I was left in disappointment! Until I learned to accept it, to accept Hide for the person he was, and for the first time in my life, I was truly happy!" Yoshiki ignored the confused look in Kyo’s face, or the fact that maybe Kyo didn’t care at all…he just wanted to talk.

"Then I went stupid! I left…"

Kyo suppress a sigh, the way Yoshiki had said it, …it hurt. With regret written clearly on his face, Yoshiki went on, "And Hide was very upset. But I came back to Japan, and everything went back normal. We were happy, together…just like in heaven. I couldn’t even believe those day actually existed!"

All Kyo wanted to do was yelling at Yoshiki, telling him to stop before he went spilling everything out any further! It was to depressing, …no, but Kyo wanted to know what happened! So he merely sat on the couch, frozen, waiting.

"Then I went again…to LA. And I received a phone call, telling me that something had happened, that Hide had been hiding something from me!" Yoshiki stopped biting his lower lip hard, "I called him, asking him but he refused to tell!" the producer suddenly laughed sadly, "And I was furious! I yelled at him, angry at him…"

Kyo sat up straight.

"Then we didn’t talk for weeks, and one day, Hide called, just to say ‘ai shiteru’ then he hung up" Yoshiki shook his head as if telling Kyo that he didn’t know what Hide was trying to say…"I didn’t get it…that was the last time I got the chance to hear his voice, …" Yoshiki felt hot in his eyes.

"Then somebody informed me…Hide’s dead…accident…he-" Yoshiki stopped. "I rushed back to Japan, not believing what was going on at that time, and when I saw it with my own eyes, I knew nothing would be the same again…" Kyo gulped, trying to control himself. It was too late to tell him to go…to tell him not to continue…

"Few days later I found out that they had been telling Hide something, hurting his feelings but stupid silly Hide didn’t want to hurt MY feelings…that he didn’t tell me!!!" Yoshiki greeted his teeth, his fingers gripped the cushion tightly.

"I was crushed…broke down and cried in public…in the funeral…on the piano…on my bed…the cold tiled floor" Yoshiki trailed off softly, but Kyo could hear every single word. And Yoshiki didn’t care, anymore. He pulled his legs, curled up into a ball, and really reminded Kyo of Toshiya.

"I knew when Hide went away, he took the fire, the passion, the happiness…in my life!" Yoshiki stated miserably, leaning on the couch, "Hide took the light away with him…" Kyo heard his voice shook.

"And I was left, with grief, alone in cold and pain…" Yoshiki whispered. Kyo stared at him sympathetically, not trusting his own ears. The man in front of him, was Yoshiki? His producer? The scary Yoshiki-sama? It was impossible! Unbelievable!!! Yoshiki was staring into a corner, not noticing the stare Kyo was giving him. But then he rolled his eyes to the younger one…

"That’s why…Kyo…I don’t want to let the chance slip away from my fingers, again!!!"

Kyo blinked confusedly.

"I don’t expect you to feel the same way, but it was so special…I…I could feel it!" he turned away, "But nothing is perfect! That night was a mistake because Shinya-he-" Yoshiki smiled a little and fidgeted his seat "That made me realized again, that nothing is perfect!"

He stared at Kyo, "You asked me, why you? Kyo the normal Kyo?" the singer met his gaze boldly, "Because we are both human, and you’re not perfect, I’m not perfect…it’s real, right in front of me!" he stated. Kyo looked at him weirdly. Like tensely, and fearfully…

"But then again…nothing is perfect! You don’t get it! You don’t feel it!" Yoshiki shook his head and got up, "I was wrong…again…" Kyo looked up and parted his lips, trying to say something. But he couldn’t find his voice, and if there WAS something to say, he couldn’t say it…

Yoshiki cleared his throat and started to walk across the living room towards the exit before he realized arms wrapped around his waist and the warmth he felt surrounding his body. His heart skipped a beat.

Kyo shut his eyes, not caring to think what he had just done, not wanting to imagine what it might lead to. But it felt right this way, hugging the older man from behind…and felt the older man tensed up. Yoshiki tried to say something, but all came out from his parted lips was…nothing.

Yoshiki turned around and saw Kyo’s sad face. Hey stared at each other for a long long time before Yoshiki shut his eyes, grabbed Kyo’s arms and pulled him close for a tight embrace. Kyo shut his eyes again, hugging him back tightly, and bit his lip, trying not to sob aloud, the way the other man did.

I know how it feels…he wanted to say but maybe he shouldn’t

It felt right the way it was…

*

*

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