***

Let me say something before I start. Today is Sunday 31^st of Dec 2000. Everyone is talking about the plans tonight, where to go, what to wear, who to go with and how much fun they will get celebrating new year’s eve. Lady7 is here, sitting right in front of the screen, typing madly!!! Gravity will end at part 70? I’m not sure, but I do know one thing that I have to finish this by tonight!!! I’ve been typing so much, my eyes watered and painful, and I have to worry about tomorrow, coz I’m going to Singapore alone and will not be back for a long time, and I have to be at the airport by 8 am! God I hate this life! But I love this fic. I just love it. I might sound so up myself or something, "God, this girl likes her own fic!" you might say. But I love how much effort I put in writing it, and how much attention, how much support, how much feelings that I feel (gosh where’s this going? VM if you think this paragraph is crap, cut it!) yet I want you girls (no guys right?) to know how I feel.

Gravity

***

"Hey! Everyone is here!" Die exclaimed seeming happy. But all the smiles and happy faces of his bandmates disappeared as they realised how he actually looked like. Die looked horrible! Yoshii was right. He must be exhausted! All those black rings, and the tired expression, and the weary looking face…

"Oh God, Die…" Kyo muttered but Yoshiki quickly nudged him. Die looked at the singer, "What?" Kyo blinked, trying to find something to say. "You-you, it’s good to see you!" Kyo laughed nervously. The red head smiled, "Oookay…" he walked into the apartment leaving the door for the others to get in.

Toshiya looked around, "Where’s Shinya?" he asked. Die winced slightly, "Well, you see…he’s in the bed room" Die pointed at a door, "Sleeping I’m afraid"

Toshiya pouted while Kaoru looked at Die concernedly. Yoshiki and Kyo exchanged looks. "But if you want to talk to him…" Die offered and the next second he saw the others speaking at the same time.

"Oh, no! Don’t!"

"If he’s asleep then…"

"I want to talk to you ne…"

Die sighed, "Do you want anything to drink?" Kyo shook his head, Toshiya shrugged while Kaoru and Yoshiki had the same excuse, "We’re driving" Die laughed, "Come on! You drive when you’re drunk!" the other guitarist laughed as Die hit his arm.

"Do you want to look at him?" Die asked Toshiya, smiling funnily. The bassist joined his eyebrows, "Hm? You mean Shinya while he’s sleeping?" the red head nodded. "Hai! Can I?"

Die got up and walked towards the room with Toshiya walking behind him followed by the rest of them. Die bit his lip, opening the door slowly without making any noise and entered. Toshiya tiptoed slightly and the room was dim. The red head stood by the bed, Toshiya behind him while Kyo stood few steps away with Yoshiki beside him. Kaoru opened the bathroom door slightly so the room wasn’t that dark and they could see Shinya sleeping peacefully on the bed.

Yoshiki smiled, "Kawaii ne?"

Die nodded, brushing Shinya’s forehead tenderly. The drummer shifted a little but didn’t opened his eyes. Toshiya sighed and bent down, looking at the drummer. The cuts were gone, the bruise wasn’t really visible but the cut on the lip was still there. Kaoru tiled his head to a side, getting a better view of the sleeping drummer.

"He sleeps a lot…the doctor said he needed it so the recovery is fast!" Die smiled idly brushing Shinya’s hair. After few touches the drummer somehow, was used to it. So he calmly drifted off. Toshiya watched with a sweet smile on his face. Kyo unconsciously leaned on the producer, who took his arm. Kaoru sighed in relief but smiled wider seeing Toshiya’s kawaii smile.

Die smiled, staring at his sleeping lover. But there was something in his eyes, and Yoshiki noted that. So he glanced at Kaoru, who was now looking at Die weirdly. He sensed it too eh? The look in those eyes…it wasn’t one of the relief or glad looks. Shouldn’t Die be happy? Having Shinya back in his arms all safe and peaceful?

The red head straightened his back, suddenly realising something. "Oh, did you hear phone?" he looked up. Toshiya shook his head; Kyo bit his lip, Yoshiki nodded while Kaoru looked at the phone on the bedside table. Die walked towards the door, "I plugged this one off coz Shinya might not like it. He needs good rest" he rushed out to the living room. Kaoru nodded.

Toshiya looked at the others, "Do you feel that Die has changed? Or is it just me? I mean, he’s so…a better person now. He cares so much, thinks so much about Shinya" Kaoru nodded, "Yeah. He’s a better person now" Yoshiki agreed while Kyo shut up staring at Shinya.

"The bruise is gone! The cuts too…" he noted.

Mnn…

Toshiya gasped while Kaoru widened his eyes. Yoshiki saw Shinya, shifting his head to another side, his eyelids moved. Kyo took a step forward to get a better view when suddenly Shinya moaned again.

"No…" came a whisper.

Kaoru blinked in surprise. Toshiya looked back at the others confusedly. Had they been talking too loud that Shinya was awake?! Yoshiki bit his lip nervously. Kyo listened carefully.

"Don’t…" Shinya mumbled, turning his head to his left. And everything suddenly hit Toshiya! The bassist gasped, quickly covered his lips with a palm. He looked at Kyo, who turned pale. But the dim light didn’t really show that. Kaoru was getting tensed. What? What was it? What was happening? Shinya moaned a little and Toshiya suddenly went shock and Kyo froze.

"Please…go away …" Shinya whispered.

There was no sound at all, except the sound of Toshiya leaning on the cupboard and Shinya’s whispers.

"It’s painful…"

Yoshiki felt the air was sucked away from him that he couldn’t breathe. He bit his lip, looking at Shinya in shock. Kaoru looked at Toshiya, as if trying to find the answer on that hurt face. Kyo gripped Yoshiki’s arm tightly but the older man didn’t seem to realize the pain.

"No…no…" Shinya began to moan louder, his head shook from side to side. Toshiya saw how the tears flew down from those shut eyes, and nobody could say or do anything except hearing Shinya’s whimpers grew louder and louder continuously. All they heard was Shinya saying no and pain the whole time. And the younger one was already crying, sobbing and Toshiya thought he could feel the pain too.

Yoshiki took a step back and opened the door. Die had just hung up and seeing Yoshiki’s pale face he quickly rushed to the room, "Die! Shinya, he…" the older man lost his words.

Die walked in, hissed something in a low voice and quickly approached the bed. Toshiya watched as Die sat beside the sleeping Shinya, "Kaoru! Turn the other lamp on!" he ordered and Kaoru hurriedly did so. Kyo looked at Toshiya and Kaoru also looked at the bassist for a short while.

"Shinya…" Die’s voice turned soft, "Shin-chan, it’s me" he patted Shinya’s cheek gently. The drummer was still sobbing and murmuring somethings indistinct with eyes wide closed. Die sighed held Shinya’s shoulders firmly and shook the frail body a little, "Shin-chan…it’s me…Die" he spoke in such a comforting voice.

Shinya didn’t open his eyes.

"Shinya…wake up ne?" he stroke his lover’s cheek gently and placed his forehead on Shinya’s, "Shin-chan…" he whispered still patting Shinya’s cheeks lightly. Kyo bit hi lip, blinked then reached out for Toshiya’s arm. Yoshiki examined in surprise how Die was so calm and seemed so used to it. Kaoru looked at Die worriedly, and from his angle Kaoru saw Shinya finally blinking slowly.

"Shin-chan…" Die smiled, holding his hands tightly. The drummer opened his eyes, and looked up.

"Die?" the red head nodded, "Yeah" he gave Shinya a knowing smile. The drummer merely looked at him for few seconds before smiling a little. Shinya threw his arms around Die, "Cold…" the red head hugged back tightly, "I'll keep you warm ne?" the younger one nodded.

Yoshiki patted Kaoru’s arm and the two walked out the room quietly. The producer shut the door and Kaoru saw the other two sitting on the couch. Kyo had an arm around Toshiya and the bassist was trembling in the embrace. The purple head crouched on the carpeted floor, "Totchi…" he called out softly.

Toshiya turned to face him, and Kaoru saw fear in his eyes. The younger one opened his mouth, about to say something. But his voice seemed to disappear. Kaoru smiled slowly and Toshiya saw his mesmeric stare. The older one ran his fingers trough Toshiya’s hair tenderly.

"Kaoru…" Toshiya finally found his voice. But that was the only thing he could say. Kyo smiled as Toshiya hugged Kaoru tightly. If Shinya was to link with Toshiya, then Kaoru was in Die’s position. Only Die could calm Shinya down, therefore only Kaoru who could calm Toshiya down.

Yoshiki sat on the couch and looked at Kyo, "Is he okay?" he whispered. The singer nodded, "Yeah. He’s just fine. Maybe a bit shock of what he had just seen…" the older man smiled as Kaoru whispered reassuring words into Toshiya’s ear.

"Sorry…" came a voice and everyone turned. Die walked out and didn’t close the door completely. He left a small gap and approached his bandmates. Blinking, Die looked surprise to see Toshiya in Kaoru’s arms. Then he took a deep breath, "I’m sorry you have to see that"

Kaoru shook his head and sat beside Toshiya. The pretty one submissively rested his head on Kaoru’s shoulder. Kyo shrugged and Yoshiki looked up, "You don’t look so panic, it happened before?" he asked plainly.

Die sighed, sat down and leaned back on the couch opposite, "Hm! Once in every thirty minutes! Sometimes twenty…I don’t know. Don’t really bother to count!" he shut his eyes. Kyo looked at Toshiya who was staring at Die.

"How’s his back?"

"Healing well…"

"What else?"

Die shook his head, "I don’t know…you’ve just seen one of the worst things he experiences" his voice shook. "Sometimes, he knew what had happened to him. Then he would go all timid and scared!" Die stopped, "Then other times, he didn’t even seem to be there! He’s just, gone. Not in the room, not in the body" he took a deep breath. "The rest of it, Shinya seemed so sweet and tender and loving…"

"Is that what’s been bothering you?" Kaoru suddenly asked. And Kyo noticed the pure shock in Die’s eyes.

"Hai…"

Kaoru narrowed his eyes, "Are you okay Die?" he asked in a serious tone. Toshiya pulled back and looked at Kyo, "I couldn’t believe it! Shinya, has nightmares!" he stated. Kyo bit his lip, "That’s pretty obvious! I think the doc knew right?" he asked Die. The red head nodded, "Yeah, he warned me about it. Totchi, what actually happened in the dreams? Do you know? Did you experience?"

Kaoru’s head snapped up, "Die!" but Toshiya touched his hand, "It’s okay" the bassist gave Kaoru an assuring smile, "He can ask anything he wants. I did experience nightmares" Kaoru looked at him confusedly, "You did?" he whispered. The thought of Toshiya lying on the bed, sobbing unconsciously the way Shinya did…it was so painful!

"Shinya would probably dream about being alone, in the dark…" Toshiya began, still holding Kaoru’s hand. "I can imagine how he feels!" he looked at Die, "Firstly, he wouldn’t really feel scared becoz he’s in the dream. He knew that. But once the voices started, Shinya would be so scared that he thought the dream was actually real"

Die nodded, "Yeah. That’s why I have to wake him up gently" Toshiya nodded, "I guess so. Well, in my nightmares, they were calling out my name! Coz they did know my name, and …while…" he stopped. Kyo moved closer, "You don’t have to do it" the younger man shook his head, "I want to do it for Shinya!"

"Why did he say it’s painful?" Die asked. Toshiya casted down and shrugged, "Maybe coz he went through it again? Maybe it wasn’t only, once" the red head eyes’ darkened. "Becoz it hurt so much, and I think I’m different from the old person I was before!" he unconsciously began to talk about himself.

"Shinya might feel the same! Did he tell you how it happened? I mean…" he looked at Kyo, "After a while, few days, I told Kyo everything! Exactly what happened!!" Toshiya looked at Die nervously. The red haired guitarist shook his head, "No. He didn’t" his voice all cold and distant.

"Sometimes Shinya didn’t seem to be in his body, you know what I mean?" Die asked. Toshiya nodded to him, "I do know. It makes it hard when you’re in love if somebody" he tried not to look at Kaoru as he continued, "When it happened to me, I wasn’t with anyone, so it’s easier for me"

Kaoru sighed, "Can we stop this?" he asked a bit impatiently. Toshiya continued, "But Shinya’s with you! In love with you, and everytime he thought about you, the whole thing came up. It’s pretty obvious right?" Die rubbed his tired eyes, and massaged his temple.

"And the more he thought, the more pain he felt! Then his mind would wonder around, and he wouldn’t seem to be alive" Kyo surprisingly spoke. "That’s what happened to Toshiya too! And I saw him sobbing in his sleep. He screamed at me, and threw things" Toshiya laughed bitterly.

Yoshiki cleared his throat, "Stop talking about this. Let’s stop okay?" he looked at Die, "I have a question" everyone looked at him, except Die who seemed to have something else in his mind. "The question isn’t about Shinya or Toshiya….but YOU!"

"Die, how do you feel?"

The red head shrugged, "I’m fine" Yoshiki looked at him worriedly, "Die, I know you okay?" Kaoru sighed, "Yeah. I know you too Die. This isn’t the time to talk about Shinya" he turned his head, "Or Toshiya. This is about you! You look like crap! I’m sorry to be honest!" Kaoru hissed.

Die licked his lip, "I’m fine. Told you that!" the red head replied quite snappily. Kyo stood up, "Okay, then. I think we should go. Get some good sleep Die, you look really tired!" the rest stood up too, following Kyo. Toshiya gasped as Die held his arm and since he was the last one and since Kaoru was talking to Yoshiki, nobody noticed.

"He never said he loved me…he didn’t say it anymore" Die whispered. Toshiya looked at him sympathetically, "He’s thinking about it! You know he does, he knows he does! He loves you, but he tried not to think about it. As I said just now, the more he thought of it, the more pain he felt!" Toshiya hugged Die and patted his back. "It’s okay…Shinya loves you, and he knows you love him too!"

Die smiled.

"He’s not silly like me, okay?" Toshiya joked. The red head cupped the pretty face, "You’re not silly" Toshiya smiled sweetly,

"You’re just young…just like Shinya!"

*

"What do you think of that?" Kyo asked to no one in particular but he got some answers.

"Die looks horrible. He’s losing it! I’m so sure!" Kaoru mumbled while Toshiya sighed and sighed, "Poor Die…" Yoshiki stopped walking and those three who didn’t realize kept walking until Kaoru stopped and turned back.

"Yoshiki-san?"

Toshiya turned and Kyo looked at him weirdly, "What happen to you?"

The much wiser looking man put his hands in his pocket, "I’m worried" Kyo walked to him, "We’re all worried!" and took his arm. Yoshiki smiled at that light yet so full of attention contact. He walked towards the other two, "Die. Something is going on…"

Kaoru nodded, "Yeah! Did you see that strange flash in his eyes? Just now when I asked him what’s bothered him" Toshiya shrugged, "I was too much in tears" he looked at Kyo, who nodded, ‘I did, very much! Is aw it, it’s strange!"

"Exactly! That’s why I’m so worried!" Yoshiki took out a pack of cigarette, "You know what, Kaoru was right"

"Die’s losing it"

"You mean…? What?" Toshiya looked very worried. Losing what? And how? What would happen?

"Die is going to explode, very soon!" Yoshiki lit the cig and gazed at the apartment building. "And as much as I know Die, this won’t be easy for everyone! Die will do something really dangerous!"

Kyo frowned, "Come on! He’s not going to! Can’t you just trust him?" he pouted, hitting his lover’s arm. Kaoru wet his lip, "Kyo, do you think he’ll just watch Shinya acting that way? Do you think he won’t feel the pain, more than the pain Shinya felt?"

Toshiya looked at Kaoru and blushed.

"That’s it. No more talking about this subject! Not now. Good night Kaoru, sleep well Toshiya!" he nodded to them and both younger ones bowed. Kyo was about to say his goodbyes when Yoshiki grabbed his arm and practically dragged him to the car.

"Totchi…are you okay?" Kaoru asked softly. The bassist nodded, "Hai. I’m fine. It’s just some memories"

"I'll drive you home…"

Toshiya nodded

*

*

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