***

"Where were you last night?!" Toshiya yelled at him. Shinya gulped seeing the angry bassist. But he had a good excuse. Toshiya looked at him suspiciously. Shinya only pouted. He knew how weird he looked in Yoshiki’s clothes.

Toshiya made a face, "Shinya…where’s your sense of fashion?" he pulled the shirt up, "This thing looks too old for you…and the pants…aren’t they too big?" the bassist made another weird face. Shinya only kept quiet. Toshiya shook his arm demanding for answers.

"This is what I found lying around my cupboard" Shinya sighed as he replied. There was no way for him to tell the truth. Toshiya would get even more suspicious though, but he didn’t care. He knew he couldn’t trust the pretty bassist anymore.

"Where did you go?" Toshiya asked studying his face.

"I went back home" Shinya said dryly.

"Dooshite? You know we were so worried about you! we looked for you everywhere!" Toshiya lied. He didn’t even know Shinya left until Kaoru told him, and that was few minutes after Shinya disappeared and he didn’t even attempted to look for the drummer. Toshiya thought Die would.

Kaoru had told him Shinya didn’t go back to his apartment last night.

Shinya pouted, "Nothing…"

"Liar!" Toshiya spoke glaring at the drummer. He wanted to know the truth. Shinya never told him how he felt. Shinya glared back at him.

"Toshiya, I thought we were friends!" Shinya stated in the tone that made everyone scared. Toshiya widened his eyes. The drummer’s glare could kill nine cats. The bassist shook his head,

"Shinya…we –are- friends! What’s wrong?" he asked confusedly. His heartbeat grew faster.

Shinya sighed and walked few steps away from him, "You’re now on Die’s side right? You and Kaoru…" the drummer looked upset. Toshiya gasped in disbelief. What was he saying? Why was Shinya acting so weird?

"I knew you were planning something last night! I saw Die talking to you and you acted as if you didn’t know he was there! I trusted you…I…" Shinya continued but his voice weakened in the end of the sentence.

"Shinya! …this whole thing is misunderstanding! Die-"

"Toshiya! You don’t know how I feel! Die doesn’t love me anymore!" Shinya snapped. Toshiya held his breath seeing Shinya’s red eyes. The drummer rubbed his eyes then quickly ran away from him. Toshiya gulped.

Shinya told him what happened.

Shinya trusted him.

But he was helping Die not Shinya.

Die had Kaoru and all his friends but Shinya…he knew Shinya only had him…Toshiya wiped his tears and quickly ran towards the rest area. He found Shinya standing alone crying. Toshiya took a deep breath. He slowly walked towards the drummer. Shinya heard footsteps behind him then quickly turned back brushing his cheeks. He widened his eyes seeing Toshiya.

"Shinya…I’m sorry…" the bassist said weakly. "I’m not doing it again…I’m sorry…" Toshiya sobbed quietly. The drummer sighed, then he moved forward wrapping his arms around Toshiya’s neck. Shinya shook his head,

"Don’t cry…"

Shinya understood how Toshiya felt. The bassist was confused between his bandmates and Shinya wasn’t going to make it hard for him. He wasn’t going ask Toshiya choosing between him and Die. But Shinya had decided…whatever happened he couldn’t trust Toshiya anymore.

*

"Help me…"

"I can’t!" Toshiya sighed shaking his head violently. Die kneeled in front of him, pleading.

"Please…Toshiya…help me…" the bassist sighed. He couldn’t do it. A part of him wanted to help Die. The guitarist looked really hurt. But another part of him didn’t want to betray Shinya, his good friend. Toshiya rolled his eyes away from Die. He sat down placing his chin on his hands. He couldn’t do it…but he had never seen Die looking so lost…so upset!

"Please…Toshiya…where did he go last night?" Die asked carefully.

Toshiya sighed again. Shinya told him he was with Yoshiki. The older man picked him up from the police station. But that was it! He slept in Yoshiki’s house and they didn’t do anything. Shinya couldn’t trust Toshiya anymore he didn’t tell him what exactly happened. Like when they almost kissed…

Die pulled his skirt, ‘Toshiya…" he whined.

Toshiya sighed, "He was with Yoshiki…" finally he replied. I’m sorry Shin-chan…

Die widened his eyes. He sat down on the floor staring at the bassist in confusion. Yoshiki… The producer? Yoshiki…Shinya’s idol? Die couldn’t believe his ears. Toshiya gasped, panicked as he knew what Die had in mind.

"No! nothing happened between them! Shinya was in police station and…" Toshiya quickly added.

"What?! Police station?!" Die jumped. Toshiya made a face, "No! nothing happened! Yoshiki picked him up and they didn’t do anything! Shinya slept in the guest room…and…"

"Why was he in police station?" Die was more interested in that part of subject for a while. Toshiya sighed, he told Die what Shinya had told him. Die shook his head, "stupid Shinya! He could’ve got himself killed!" his feeling was proven. He couldn’t sleep all night worrying about Shinya and the drummer almost got himself in danger. Toshiya frowned. How could he not helping Die? The red head looked so worried but Shinya was really upset too!

"Die…talk to Shinya…" he said weakly. Die looked at him for a long long time. Then he nodded.

*

Shinya sighed. He felt really tired…physically and mentally.

"Shinya!" he turned and saw Yoshiki smiling widely. The drummer blushed. The older man looked at him from head to toe. But it wasn’t one of those stare that made him feel naked. Shinya blushed more deeply. Only Die could do that…

Yoshiki laughed. "You look weird in my clothes" Shinya smiled. He was happy though. Not every fan could get into their idols’ clothes. Yoshiki touched Shinya’s shirt. "It’s quite old you know?" Shinya nodded. Suddenly Yoshiki gasped. "Ah! I remember now! I wore this to one of the…" he stopped.

I wore this shirt to see him…he looked so happy that time…

Shinya widened his eyes, "Yoshiki-sama? Did you say something?" he asked carefully. The older man turned away, "No…em…nevermind…" he suddenly blushed.

Die stood behind the drinking machine eyeing Shinya.

Nothing happened? Ya right! What’s that shyness Yoshiki had? Die bit his lip.

Yoshiki-sama is my hero…he remembered what Shinya said one time.

Die…you are my boyfriend

But now he wasn’t… and a hero could be a boyfriend right? Die stared at Shinya worriedly. He wanted to talk to Shinya now but he was with Yoshiki…did anything happen that night? Die gulped as Yoshiki walked away. Shinya was alone. He had to do it now!

"Shinya…"

Shinya’s heartbeat stopped as that voice called out his name. The drummer gulped before turning back slowly to face him. Die held his breath. Shinya was looking at him. The drummer never did that anymore ever since they broke up. Now looking at him…Shinya looked so beautiful…even in those worn-out t-shirt and baggy jeans.

Shinya waited.

"Ano…I was looking for you last night…"

"Oh…" was the reply. Shinya chew his lips nervously. What was he going to say?

"Shinya…I really need to talk to you…" Die began. Shinya turned away. Die panicked thinking that Shinya would walk away.

"Don’t avoid me!" Die moved forward grabbing Shinya’s thin arm.

"What do you want?" Shinya squirmed away trying to free himself. He could feel Die’s palm through the thin material. He moved uneasily, attempted to walk away but instead he only blushed and let Die held his arm tightly. He missed Die…but…

"Shinya…can’t you give another chance? You know I didn’t mean what I said…" Die couldn’t finish the sentence. Shinya pushed him hard then quickly ran away disappearing at the end of the corridor. Die sighed in frustration. He ran quickly following the drummer. He looked for Shinya everywhere and found the drummer sitting beside Kyo in the rehearsal room. The small guy lifted his eyes up looking at Die then at Shinya.

"Shinya…" he called his name softly.

The drummer turned away. Die kneeled on the floor holding Shinya’s arms. The drummer bit his lip and blushed furiously. Kyo moved away uncomfortably. He raised an eyebrow wanting to know what happened. This kind of thing happened before and usually Die succeed persuading Shinya back to his arms. They would fight about anything but mainly about Die teasing Shinya too much. Kyo pouted, few minutes later Shinya would be in Die’s arms sobbing quietly…as usual.

But he widened his eyes as Shinya, surprisingly pushed Die aside. The drummer then stood up.

"What are you going to say? That you didn’t mean everything you said that night? Come on Die, you…"

"Shinya!" Die yelled. "I was pissed that night! I wasn’t being serious…I had an argument with Noisy then I went back drunk I didn’t know what I was saying!" Die explained. Kyo rolled his eyes away from them. So that was what happened. But what did Die say? The red head stood up too.

‘Exactly Die! You were drunk you didn’t know what you were saying that night!" Shinya stopped as he felt fat tears rolled down his cheeks. "How do you know maybe that was what you really felt? Unconsciously you didn’t want me…but you made yourself think you did! And when you were drunk you told me the truth!" Shinya snapped.

Die froze.

"You’re stuck with me…you felt bored being with me…that’s why you said those words Die…" Shinya covered his mouth as his voice shook.

"They came from your heart…" he whispered.

Kyo held his breath looking up to Shinya. The drummer was crying. He had tears rolling down his cheeks! Kyo gulped, Shinya never cried this much! Die must have done something really bad…Kyo looked at Die. The red head stared at Shinya for a long long time. Once again he felt his ears betraying him.

Me? Telling the truth?

Shinya sighed as Die didn’t say anything. The drummer walked away brushing his cheeks. He thought Die would say something…he thought Die would…at least said he loved him…that he wanted to be with him…but Die only stood frozen in front of him.

Does that mean whatever I said was true? So Die was telling me his true feelings that night?

***

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