***

Die puffed out the cigarette smoke out of his mouth. The wind blew his short hair around covering his eyes from vision. Die closed his eyes. He wet his lips. They tasted bitter.

No! stop! Die…!

Die smiled sadly thinking about that memory. He remembered seeing Shinya’s face that night…when the drummer caught him smoking in the balcony. He looked so upset…Die smiled remembering Shinya’s blushing cheeks asking Die to substitute cigarettes with him.

Shinya…my beautiful Shinya…I love the way you look at me…I love the way you rest you head on my chest…I love the way you love me…

"Shinya…I can write a book about you…" Die spoke softly to no one. Memories came into his mind. Those times when Shinya was still in his arms…when Shinya was still in his apartment… the place looked so dead now. It felt so cold. Die bit his lower lip, "My sweet Shin-chan…" he said again in the same tone. Memories of Shinya when the drummer waited patiently on him…Shinya had always waited on him…he never complained…

Shinya had cried himself to sleep that night!

"I didn’t even know that…"

When you were drunk you told me the truth!

"I didn’t know the truth…" Die shook his head slowly. He didn’t know how precious Shinya was to him until he lost him. He had made Shinya cried. He could die seeing those tears again. He had once sworn no one could ever hurt his Shin-chan…he would take care of Shinya with his love.

"But I’ve hurt you the way nobody could…"

Die took a deep breath then exhaled. If he did feel bored with Shinya…now he knew he didn’t feel so. Shinya was the most precious thing in the world. If he was stuck with Shinya before now he wanted to be with the younger man…

"Shin-chan…I want to be with you…" Die released the cigarette and it fell down the ground slowly. He had made up his mind. Whatever happened…he wanted Shinya back! Even if that meant killing Shinya with his own hands…he would! Die felt his vision blurred. He blinked and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

*

Kyo crept into the bathroom slowly. He looked around carefully and held his ears. He smiled hearing faint sobs. He exhaled. What had happened?

Kaoru looked tired and worried. Toshiya was so quiet. Shinya…well…Shinya cried. Die looked lost. Kyo himself didn’t want to sit there not doing anything. He wanted to help. But he knew helping Die would be useless. Kyo and Die doesn’t rhyme. Kyo and Shinya sounds better. Besides, Shinya needed somebody right now. Somehow Kyo knew Toshiya couldn’t be with the drummer anymore. He was torn between Shinya, Kaoru and Die.

"Shinya…it’s me" Kyo knocked at the toilet door. He thought he heard a sigh. There was a pause but few seconds later the door opened. Kyo tried not to say how bad Shinya looked. He only exhaled.

"Shinya…if you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay…but I want to be with you…" Kyo blushed a little. It was quite hard for him to say those words. "Em…" the small guy fell silent as Shinya looked at him. "Ano…I think you need a friend…somebody to talk to…"

Kyo didn’t finish his sentence. He gasped as Shinya threw his arms around the small neck. He brushed Shinya’s back gently. The drummer sobbed quietly. He wanted to say ‘thank you’ but he couldn’t find his voice.

"From now on, if Toshiya can’t be with you…I will be there…" Kyo said uneasily. He blushed more. Shinya merely nodded. The drummer knew Toshiya wasn’t bond with Die but Kaoru. Kaoru had helped Die in the first place and Toshiya was the one who suggested the breaking up idea. But now Toshiya was confused. Kyo knew it too. He could see it…Toshiya was torn not between Shinya and Die but Kaoru who helped Die.

"That stupid lad doesn’t know he’s in love…" Kyo added slowly. Shinya nodded again. He didn’t want to make it hard for Toshiya. So he wouldn’t.

Kyo would be with him…Kyo wasn’t in love with anyone…

*

The practice went on quietly. Kaoru looked as calm as usual. He looked as if he enjoyed the music so much. Once in a while, he glanced at Toshiya who studied his own feet all the time. Kyo sang as usual. Die played his guitar lazily. He made small mistakes few times but everyone had the sense not to stop or say something. Shinya was really into the music. The drummer acted this way only when he had something to forget in his mind. He played louder than usual. Shinya looked angry.

The practice ended when Yoshiki said so. Everyone was packing all their things when Yoshiki greeted Shinya. Die glanced at them with anger in his eyes. Shinya ignored Die’s stare and looked happy enjoying his conversation with the older man.

Toshiya walked towards the drummer when Yoshiki finally left the room.

"Hey…you wanna go out? We can have dinner together…and go back to your place…" The bassist asked nervously. He hoped Shinya would say yes. He wanted the friendship back as normal. Shinya thought for a while before nodding to him. Toshiya smiled. Suddenly Kyo jumped in.

"I want to go too…" he looked at Shinya hopefully. Shinya smiled nodding to him. Kyo grinned in satisfaction at Toshiya. The bassist stuck his tongue out.

A pat on his shoulder got him back to reality. Die turned his head around seeing Kaoru smiling to him. "Die…do you wanna go out?" Die raised an eyebrow thinking, Alisa. "No, I’m kind of sick with alcohol right now" Thank God he didn’t remember anything from that night or he had to go for brainwash. Kaoru smiled, "How about my place? We can talk…" Kaoru roller his eyes towards Shinya. "We need to talk…anyway…" the red head sighed then nodded to him.

*

"Kyaaa!" Toshiya screamed as Michelle Preiffer jumped up from the bathtub. They were watching a horror movie in Shinya’s place with lights out. (‘What lies beneath’-have u guys watch it?-L7) Kyo moved closer to Shinya silently. The drummer smiled as he glanced at Toshiya. The bassist looked so scared. He was biting a cushion. Shinya tried not to giggled as he glanced at Kyo. The small guy’s eyes were wide shut for few seconds. He remembered how Kyo widened his eyes when they watched a sex scene from the other movie. Slowly, Shinya moved his hands.

"Bwahhh!!!" Shinya screamed pushing Toshiya and Kyo’s back at the same time. Toshiya lost his voice and collapsed on the floor. Kyo let out a long fearful shriek. Shinya laughed holding his stomach.

"Shinya! That’s not funny!" Toshiya managed to say. He rubbed his chest gently while Kyo pouted glaring at the drummer. Shinya giggled seeing their face.

"Okay! Gomen ne…you know we shouldn’t watch this now? Kyo closed his eyes all the time while you screamed and gasped too loud" Shinya turned to the bassist. Toshiya pouted, "I didn’t scream all the time…" Kyo grinned, ‘but you covered your face with the cushion!" Shinya turned the TV off.

"let’s get out of here"

*

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Alisa pouted, "Japan is a free country and I’m sure as a citizen I have the right to go anywhere I want! Including this small lovely restaurant" she stated lightly. Die rolled his eyes. Kaoru smiled. He liked this woman…one glanced at her he thought she was okay. But what a sharp tongue she had…he glanced at Die who looked really irritated. Kaoru couldn’t help smiling wider. He really wondered how the hell Die could get along with this girl before (oh…sex talks, Kaoru-sama…-L7)

"Ano…why don’t we sit together so we can chat about your band?" Alisa’s friend suggested. She smiled archly as she glanced at Kaoru. The guitarist raised an eyebrow and smiled back the same way she did. Alisa clapped her hands, "ah! That’s such a good idea, right Die-kun?" she turned to the waiter, "table for four please"

Die glared at her while Kaoru hid a smile.

*

"I’m hungry!" Kyo pouted.

"I thought you had dinner!" Shinya’s eyes widened looking at the small guy. Kyo was small but he ate quite a lot. Toshiya grinned, "well…you don’t know Kyo, Shinya" he touched his own stomach, "actually I’m kind of hungry too! Hey! Let’s have dinner there!" he pointed somewhere few blocks away.

"Hn?"

"Kaoru goes there a lot!" Toshiya smiled.

*

"So what do you want to eat?" Alisa handed him the menu. He didn’t take it.

"Don’t worry…I’ll pay! As an apology for bugging you right now" She glanced at Kaoru. Die glared at her. He was totally speechless. His words had gone to hell along with his anger and they collided together in his head waiting to explode. Kaoru sighed and took the menu from Alisa’s hand.

"So what do you wanna eat Die? You heard the woman…she pays" Kaoru had a grin on his face.

*

"How many of you?" the waiter asked.

"Three…" Toshiya replied with a smile while Shinya looked at the menu. Kyo looked around narrowing his eyes. Suddenly his jaw dropped. He made a nervous gesture before pulling Toshiya away.

"Hey…let’s get out of here…" he whispered. Toshiya raised an eyebrow before looking around. His eyes narrowed in anger as he saw what Kyo had just seen.

*

"Kaoru-san…try this" she held her spoon right in front of his mouth. Kaoru nodded then sensuously (Hm…) took a spoonful of egg white. He chewed it slowly nodding his head again. The girl smiled, "Nice eh?" the purple head smiled back the same way she did.

Die sighed as Alisa shook her head seeing her friend trying to flirt with Kaoru. She herself had been trying hard melting that iceberg in front of her. Alisa jerked her head up smiling sweetly to Die.

"Eat, Die…or maybe you want me to feed you?" Alisa pouted sexily.

Die grunted.

*

"Sick! Sick! Sick!" Toshiya stuck his tongue out in disgust. Kyo rolled his eyes. Shinya joined his eyebrows,

"What’s wrong with you?" he asked the bassist.

Toshiya gasped and quickly shook his head. "Nothing! Er…I change my mind! You won’t like the food in this place" he waved his hands violently so Shinya couldn’t see Die. But it was too late. Shinya stood frozen as he saw Die sitting with the woman he hugged in the studio. That woman…also took him home…that night.

Kyo walked to the waiter telling him that hey had decided to cancel the table. The waiter only nodded in confusion. Toshiya bit his lip until he could taste blood. Shinya studied his feet. Finally,

‘Let’s go out party!" Toshiya stated dryly. Shinya nodded violently, "Hai!"

***

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