by Lady7

II-Le matin

***

Shinya…..

A soft voice called out his name…He looked around but there was no one. It was so blurry, he couldn’t see. Who is it? Please tell me…Then he turned around, but his head ached very painfully. What happened to me? My head…it’s so painful! Help!

Shinya…Shin"…ya!…Shinya! WAKE UP!"

Shinya opened his eyes widely as he heard somebody yelled near his ears. He got up, but his head was spinning. "Ouch! My head!" Where am I? The voice sounds so familiar

"Must be the hangover from last night! Shinya, all right now?"

Shinya looked up and saw Kaoru standing beside the bed, his hands crossed his chest. Kaoru looked grumpy Uh-oh. Shinya sat up on the bed, he couldn’t lift his eyes up, scared of the guitarist.

"Shinya are you ok?" Kaoru sat beside him, actually he didn’t look grumpy. In fact, he looked worried. Shinya looked around the room, and he realised that it was not his. He turned to Kaoru carefully seeking for an explanation. Kaoru smiled, knowing what he was thinking about.

"Welcome to my place, my room exactly" he sounded confident. But then he blushed as Shinya couldn’t help staring at a pile of junk in the corner. "It’s not like your place ne, better than nothing" There was no time for him to tidy up. It was 3 o’clock in the morning when they arrived in his apartment. Besides, it was only Shinya. He was too high anyway, and they had to call for taxi.

"How can I end up here?" Shinya pouted, he had never been to Kaoru’s house. Now he was in his room, lying on his bed. Suddenly Shinya’s eyes widened. Quickly, he looked down. Then he exhaled, Fuh! I’m still fully dressed! Kaoru saw Shinya’s relief expression. He narrowed his eyes, pouted his lips.

"It’s not what you think it is Shinya"

Shinya blushed, he looked down, embarrassed. "Gomen ne, I can’t help myself…thinking…"

Suddenly he felt that something DID happen to him last night. He touched his head, trying to remember. He reached out for Kaoru’s hand, which was placed right beside him. He could blurry see the place…

"toilet…" he mumbled. Suddenly Kaoru jumped up the bed, "you remember?!"

"Huh?"

Kaoru looked at Shinya deeply into his eyes, hoping that Shinya would remember what happened, because I didn’t! He turned away feeling guilty. Kaoru only remembered taking Shinya back to his house. He remembered everything except what happened in the toilet. I knew I saw Shinya in the toilet…but why? How?…I can’t remember! I didn’t even know what happen to Toshiya, Kyo and Die!

Kaoru suddenly felt Shinya’s hand grabbing his tightly. He looked up only to find Shinya’s face grew paler and paler. Shinya’s eyes watered and his breath was stuck in his throat. His body shook as if he couldn’t breathe. Kaoru joined his eyebrows, he had never seen Shinya behaving like this before!

"Shinya? Are you ok?" Kaoru was so worried. Was it the alcohol last night?!

"Toi..let…, Kaoru…" Shinya looked at him as tears rolled down his cheeks. Shinya then let go off Kaoru’s hand, he held his head instead.

Say my name…Shin-chan…

"What..?" Shinya could hear somebody whispering.

Say my name pretty Shin-chan…or I won’t do it…

Shinya shook his head as he held it, he grabbed few locks of his hair, pulling them like a mad person. The voice kept echoing in his head, he could hear it when he close his eyes, when he turned to look at Kaoru, even when he stared at the pile of dirty clothes on the dark corner of the room. He shook his head even more, ignoring the shock in Kaoru’s eyes. He bit his lower lip, his eyes widened as the voice grew louder…and with seductive tone, it went again…

Say my name…yes…that’s it…

He started to sob loudly, almost like a faint scream. He closed his eyes again, then he could blurry see the image. In the dark toilet, somebody was holding him. Somebody who touched him with warm hands, grabbing his face, kissing him violently…, he could even feel pain in his tongue. Suddenly he heard a moan, a soft gentle moan which sounded very familiar…then it grew louder and louder…

Shinya opened his eyes, then he could see the image clearly in his mind, and felt how hard he bit his own tongue and how much…pleasure…he got last night. Whatever the person did to him, he knew what he was doing to Shinya.

Say my name…

Shinya’s heart was filled in anger and embarrassment. He enjoyed whatever it was, and whoever it was, he didn’t care…last night. But he did now, and the fact that he didn’t know who the person was pained him so much…he started to cry.

"Shinya?" Kaoru’s voice shook. He didn’t know what happen, didn’t know what to do. He remembered finding Shinya in the bathroom…rumpled! He remembered having the thought that something bad had happened to the drummer…he had been raped or…seduced? Now Shinya was in his room, crying, he obviously knew what had happened to him. Should I ask him? Or should I just…

Suddenly, between his sob, Shinya managed to speak.

"Where did you …find me? Last night." Shinya’s eyes were closed. He couldn’t bear to look at Kaoru.

Kaoru was scared to speak…but he had to do this… "Toilet" he said quietly. Then he saw Shinya opened his eyes. Looking deep into Kaoru’s eyes among the tears, Shinya froze. It was true…Kaoru was there! Kaoru moved his hand up to touch Shinya’s wet cheek.

"Shinya…?"

Shinya looked down, "Was I with anyone?" he asked, trying to sound calm.

"No…" what a soft reply but for Shinya it came like a thunder attacking his ears and his heart.

"Oh…" Shinya gasped. He shook his head. No! No! How could it happen to me?!

Kaoru moved closer to Shinya, his hands covered the drummers’ tightly. His eyes showed how worried he was, but he tried to dismiss the thought. "Shinya…maybe it’s not what you think it is…maybe it didn’t happen…"Kaoru tried to cheer him up, he tried to smile but he stopped as Shinya glared at him.

"Really? What is it Kaoru?! What exactly do you mean by ‘it’?!" Shinya snapped. Tears rolled down his cheeks, his eyes looked sharply into Kaoru’s. Kaoru was speechless, he couldn’t answer the question. How could he anyway speaking plainly what he had in mind? Denying something so obvious for both of them. Shinya pulled his hands from Kaoru’s, sighing,

"I just want to know who it was…" Shinya spoke softly.

Suddenly Kaoru stood up, determined, he moved towards the door. As he turned the knob, he looked back to Shinya who was on his own bed.

"Shinya, just rest. I’ll find out what happened for you…but don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone"

Kaoru saw Shinya’s disbelief expression. He smiled, painfully, he added, "Trust me" then he closed the door leaving Shinya alone sobbing quietly.

Let’s do tango…

*

He walked down the shaded parking lot; the sun was shining brightly out there. Kaoru couldn’t stop thinking, remembering. I knew something…I knew something…I saw something last night! Why can’t I remember?! He kept thinking, he hoped he could help Shinya. The drummer was so hurt. It wasn’t a pleasant birthday at all…poor Shinya…If I knew who it was, at least the birthday present…

It’s Shinya’s birthday…

Kaoru suddenly stopped his steps.

Don’t you know?! He’s turning 21!

He froze.

-He- wants me to have it today! Right now!

Kaoru quickly ran to his car,

*

The sun was torturing him. He lay on the ground, naked and it was burning him. He felt so hot and he couldn’t open his eyes. He tried to scream but he couldn’t. He was sweating so much…I’m dying, he thought. Then he tried to open his eyes ignoring the sunshine. When he finally did, Toshiya found himself lying on a bed facing the window. The sun shone straight to him brightly. He looked around, oh! It’s a dream. I’m not dying! Toshiya was glad he was in a room instead of a big outdoor space. Quite a nice room actually. He felt comfy on a king size bed, and glad he wasn’t …

Toshiya looked down, staring at his own body. He was sweating. The blanket was quite thick. Last night must be really cold. Then he lift the blanket up, and…wasn’t glad at all…he –was- naked! Not just half naked but fully naked, butt naked!

What happened last night?

He tried to think about last night. He remembered getting rejected by Kaoru, and how much jealousy grew in him seeing Shinya in Kaoru’s arms. He remembered nothing except those. Slowly, he got up sitting on the bed, thinking that it wasn’t the end of the world. He looked around the room, I’m sure I’ve been here before! Suddenly the bed moved a little, somebody was beside Toshiya, uh-oh!

"Hn…it’s so hot! Where the hell is the air-con remote?!" Toshiya saw the person got up, the long hair…what?!

Die got up not realizing somebody was beside him. He threw the blanket aside freely so he was sitting naked on the bed. Suddenly he heard a scream. The blanket was pulled up again back to its then position. Confused, he turned around. Toshiya was glaring at him, holding the blanket tightly covering his naked body. Die blinked few times, looking down at himself and Toshiya. After a moment, he seemed to get what was going on. Then he yawned loudly ignoring Toshiya’s glare.

"Toshiya, it’s hot!" Die said slowly, his eyes half-opened.

"…" Toshiya looked down.

"I’m not hurt anywhere. Are you?" Die asked him. He sounded casual.

Toshiya was surprised; he was amazed actually. Die didn’t even look shock or anything considering this was the first time they did…if they did it! Is this how he treats all his one nightstands?! Die got up from the bed, stretching his naked body. Toshiya’s eyes widened, what is this?! Doesn’t he realize I’m still here? Doesn’t he care?!!! He’s flippin’ naked! However, Toshiya couldn’t help staring at Die. Actually... not bad. I won’t regret if it –did- happen.

"So? Toshiya! Did I hurt you?" Die looked at Toshiya who pulled the blanket upwards. He smiled at the blushing bassist.

"I don’t think so…I can’t remember" Toshiya tried to sound as casual as Die but somehow he failed. The idea of one nightstands was alright for him…but now…something slipped in. The feeling that he had done a mistake; a regret. He felt something was wrong; something was really wrong…

"Does this remind you then?" Die pointed to the floor. Toshiya saw his shirt lying there, rumpled, and crushed. Then he saw Die’s lying beside it. Toshiya hugged his knees looking at his tight jeans near the bed. Die looked around but he couldn’t find his pants. He winked at Toshiya, "Must be a wild night, eh?" Toshiya blushed. Die opened the cupboard and took a towel.

"I remember Kyo came back here too. Where do you think he is now? Probably outside ne?" Die covered his lower body with the towel; then he walked towards the bathroom but when he turned back, he saw Toshiya’s expression. Impatiently, he walked quickly towards the younger man. Toshiya screamed as Die got up the bed, pulling the blanket away from him.

"Die?!" Toshiya blushed even more.

"What? Stop that I’m-so-hurt expression! I know you Toshiya! You don’t really care right?!" Die smiled wickedly to him; pulling the blanket off Toshiya’s naked body. Toshiya screamed as loud as he could, but he couldn’t stop Die.

"We did it right? So why are you so shy?!" Die teased Toshiya even more. The blanket was almost torn, but both of them didn’t seem to care. Toshiya used all his strength to push Die away, but again he failed. Die laughed as Toshiya started to kick him,

"Get off!!! Go away! So what if we did do it?! I have the right to be embarrassed! Get…off…"

Suddenly Toshiya saw a figure standing in front of the opened door. Die, facing the door didn’t see it. He pulled the blanket away, but as he looked up he knew somebody –else- was in the room. Toshiya looked pale, he was speechless.

*

Kaoru just arrived at Die’s apartment. He knocked few times but there was no answer. He turned the door knob and it opened. He walked straight to the living room and found Kyo lying on the couch. He attempted to wake him up but the vocalist was already awake. He asked for Die and Kyo pointed at the bedroom. He walked quickly towards the door, but faintly he could hear noises inside. Somebody screamed. Kaoru felt that the voice sounded familiar. But he wasn’t sure who it was. Nervously, he opened the door…

*

Die turned back. Toshiya froze. Kaoru was standing near the door, looking at them. Die was naked, half naked with a towel covering only half of his body, knelling on the bed. Kaoru didn’t have to look at his face. He recognised the hair; it fell freely down to its owner’s back. Toshiya was beside him, sitting on the bed. The blanket only covered his lower body. It was obvious that Toshiya was butt naked underneath. Seeing them like that pained Kaoru so much. He could even hear the sound of his heart breaking into pieces.

"Kaoru…" Toshiya called out for him softly. He sounded so weak, Kaoru felt like rushing to Toshiya, stopping him from crying. But now it was different. Kaoru was the one being hurt, not Toshiya. Somebody he loved, somebody he cared so much was in bed with…not with him. He thought he had a chance. He thought…

"Hey Kaoru, why didn’t you knock first?" Die got up slowly; he held the towel and fastened it. Toshiya looked at Kaoru, he couldn’t say anything. What could he say anyway? Kaoru wasn’t his lover or anything. Kaoru doesn’t like me…if I try to explain…he won’t care! Will he? Toshiya bit his lips, now he knew what was wrong. He didn’t want Kaoru to know…

"Toshiya is so shy for no reason" Die picked up Toshiya’s clothes on the floor and threw them to the bassist. "You shouldn’t be like that if we really did it, right Kaoru?" He turned to Kaoru; "if you have one night stand will you get embarrassed with whoever it is?" Die kept talking and talking as he walked into the bathroom. Toshiya bit his lower lip, he shut his eyes, Die, shut up! Suddenly he stopped, "hey, Toshiya. If you want to join, I don’t mind", he winked. He closed the bathroom door gently. Few seconds later, the water was running and from outside soft humming could be heard. Die didn’t realize what was going on. He didn’t know about Toshiya’s guilt and Kaoru’s broken heart.

Toshiya stayed in bed. Kaoru looked at him in anger, one nightstand? I can’t believe it…Suddenly he turned and walked away; he closed the door behind him. Toshiya gasped, he didn’t talk to me at all! Maybe it’s too late, but Kaoru won’t care right? He doesn’t like me at all! He prefers Shinya than me! Toshiya sobbed quietly, he bit the blanket cursing himself for being so stupid. It’s too late to tell Kaoru how much Toshiya loved him. Toshiya only realized it just now…when he saw Kaoru stood in front of him, when Kaoru saw him with Die!

Too late

***

 To Part 2

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