by Lady7

Raison d’etre

***

Die walked quickly towards the room. Something happened, but he didn’t know what! His feeling told him that it wasn’t a good thing at all! It had to be something bad! Maybe something happened to Kaoru that’s what Shinya told him. But who trusted Shinya?

He opened the door quickly and was shocked to see somebody lying on the floor. He quickly rushed to the person’s side and found out that it was Toshiya lying on the floor. He panicked, Toshiya?!

"Toshiya! What happened to you?!" Die yelled pulling Toshiya up. He placed the bassist on the couch. Toshiya didn’t even look at him. The bassist only shook his head. Die bit his lip, I thought something bad happened to Kaoru! he sat beside Toshiya holding the younger man’s face.

"Oi! Toshiya!!! It’s me!" Die patted Toshiya’s cheeks gently.

Toshiya glared at him, "I know it’s you! And it hurts, Die!" Toshiya pushed Die’s hands away from his face, then he straightened his back and leaned on the couch.

"What’s wrong with you?" Die asked carefully.

"Nothing!" Toshiya turned away wiping his face. Die joined his eyebrows, "Ya right! Wet eyes again! What’s wrong with you? You’re being too emotional!!!" Toshiya sighed, "Nothing…"

"Fine…you don’t have to tell me!" Die leaned on the couch, "Hey…" he wanted to ask about Shinya and Kaoru…but decided better not to. Toshiya wouldn’t care about them right now.

"Nani?" Toshiya asked. He turned to look at Die. The guitarist bit his lip, "Nevermind" he said softly.

"Tell me! What?! Everyone is keeping secrets these days!!! Tell me!" Toshiya moved his hands and started to hit Die’s arm. The guitarist winced, "Toshiya! What the heck…Itai!!!" Toshiya landed punches on his body. Die widened his eyes, "Enough! Why do people punch me these days?!!!" he quickly grabbed Toshiya’s hands. Toshiya pouted, "Huh?"

"Kaoru punched me, Shinya did it too…and now you!" Die pushed Toshiya away. The bassist blinked few times, "Shinya? He hit you…?" Die glared as Toshiya laughed. "Gomenasai…I can’t imagine that…" Toshiya finally stopped as Die raised his left hand ready to hit Toshiya. Die blushed, "Shut up!"

"Why did he do that?" Toshiya glanced at Die, "Must be you right? You did something bad…" Die shook his head, "No…" Toshiya raised an eyebrow, Die didn’t sound convincing to him. He sighed, Shinya…Kaoru…

I’m back to the subject! I bet Die didn’t know anything about that…

"You want me to tell you something Die?" Toshiya pouted.

Don’t tell anyone!

Die moved closer to Toshiya, "Sounds really important. What?" Die looked at him suspiciously. Toshiya thought about Shinya for a while. The drummer told him not to tell anyone. Screw Shinya! I don’t care anymore!

"Kaoru slept with Shinya that night"

Die stopped breathing. He looked at Toshiya with eyes wide opened.

"You…are…jok…ing…" Die stuttered. Toshiya shook his head.

"No…Shinya told me!"

*

"What do you know?"

No reply.

"Kyo! If you know something…tell me! If you don’t know anything…please go away! I’m so confused right now!" Kaoru yelled at the vocalist. Shinya bit his lip. He never saw Kaoru behaving so weird. He was getting too emotional.

"I think you need to sit" Kyo said softly. The vocalist sounded scared. Kaoru blushed, "What am I, an old man?" Kyo raised an eyebrow, "Aren’t you?" Shinya giggled softly but stopped as Kaoru glared at him. But the guitarist sat on a chair in front of him. Kyo did too. Shinya stood frozen beside Kaoru. The guitarist looked at Kyo, "What do you want to tell me? And why are we in the canteen?" Kaoru asked.

So you can’t kill me in front of people Kyo wanted to say.

"Well…it’s about that night!" Kyo looked up to Shinya. Kaoru widened his eyes. Shinya pouted, "What?"

*

"Kaoru did it with Shinya! He told me!" Toshiya grabbed Die’s shirt. Die shook his head, "No…No…" Die pulled away, "Kaoru couldn’t do that".

"It’s true! In the toilet!" Toshiya yelled looking at Die. Why am I lying?

Die stopped shaking his head; he looked at Toshiya in disbelief.

"Toilet?" Toshiya felt guilty, but…

*

"We drank so much…after you left" Kyo bit his lip; "And then we took a taxi to Die’s apartment" Shinya joined his eyebrows, "Really? That’s what happened?" The drummer knew nothing since he was too drunk to remember (except that toilet incident, Shinya oh Shinya…L7)

"We had a drinking competition in the pub and Die won. Toshiya drank a lot too…" Kyo narrowed his eyes, "I can’t believe they won over me!" Kaoru glared at Kyo, "Is that all?"

"Iie! All of us lay on the floor. Die was talking to himself; Toshiya was sober. I wasn’t drunk…" Shinya smiled to Kyo, ‘Fine! I was…a little bit" the vocalist blushed. "Then all of us managed to sleep on Die’s bed" Kaoru joined his eyebrows. Kyo nodded as he saw Kaoru’s expression. "All of us…three guys in Die’s room"

Shinya pouted, "Then what did you guys do?" Kyo glared at him, "We sang a song, of course we slept!" Shinya blushed, "How do I know what you guys did?" Kyo stuck his tongue out.

"Wait! You mean…nothing happened?"

Kyo rolled his eyes, "Nothing happened…until the first time in my life I woke up at five o’clock, and I saw them sleeping beside me"

Shinya sat down between Kyo and Kaoru, "Were they doing…" he asked carefully.

Kyo hit Shinya’s arm "Shinya!! Stop being so hentai!" Shinya glared at the vocalist. Kaoru bit his lip, he looked at Kyo nervously.

*

"Toilet? Ha! No! Not in the toilet. I was in the toilet the whole time! And I didn’t see Kaoru until I went out of it! I saw Kaoru getting into the toilet! There’s no way Kaoru could do it with Shinya! Trust me!" Die straightened his back, shaking his head violently. Toshiya pouted. Die turned to look at him,

"Why are you lying to me?" he asked the bassist. Die sounded sympathetic. Toshiya blushed. Die put his arm around Toshiya, "Hey…what did Shinya tell you?" Die asked carefully. He didn’t want Toshiya to cry again.

Toshiya leaned on Die, "Kaoru didn’t know who it was…but he told Shinya it was him!" Die nodded, he smiled to Toshiya, "Is that why you look sad?" Toshiya didn’t reply but when Die pulled him closer he started to cry.

"He was so nice…so kind! I feel so bad!" Toshiya managed to speak through his sobs. Die sighed; he knew Toshiya liked that pink hair guy for so long…suddenly he bit his lip remembering the time when Kaoru entered his room. He closed his eyes, "Toshiya, I’m so sorry I didn’t realize…that time in my room, gomenasai…" he remembered how bad he behaved rubbing it in Kaoru’s eyes.

Toshiya shook his head, he knew it was too late to do anything. Die stroke his face gently. Toshiya smiled, it had been so long since somebody cared for him. So he threw his arms around Die, Nevermind it’s not Kaoru…

Die closed his eyes, he let Toshiya hugged him tightly. The bassist needed somebody right now.

*

"When you saw Toshiya with Die that morning on the same bed you thought they had sex right?" Kyo asked Kaoru. The guitarist looked hurt with that question. He didn’t want to remember what he saw. How Die pulled the blanket away from Toshiya, how Die rubbed it in…

Shinya gasped, "Die and Toshiya?!! He didn’t tell me that! Seriously?" He quickly shut up as Kyo glared at him.

"I got up and suddenly had that idea. I mean I was kind of mad with Die and Toshiya for winning over me" Shinya joined his eyebrows. Kaoru glared at the vocalist.

"I took their clothes off carefully. Then I crushed those jeans and shirts and threw them on the floor" Kyo bit his lip. Kaoru looked at Kyo in shock. He parted his lips trying to say something…but he couldn’t. Kyo covered his face. Shinya looked at Kaoru, he didn’t know what to say.

"Nothing happened that night…they were too drunk to do anything…I’m sorry…I should’ve told you before…but…" Kyo looked down as he stuttered. Kaoru touched his chin and then covered his mouth. "You mean nothing happened…nothing actually happened? So what I saw wasn’t what I …thought…?" Kaoru couldn’t believe his voice shook so much. He was so shock and so sure that Toshiya did it with Die!

"You know he cried after you left him for Shinya?" Kyo asked carefully. He wanted Kaoru to know that Toshiya wasn’t the old Toshiya anymore.

"You left him for me?" Shinya asked confusedly. Kyo kicked his leg, "Shinya, shut up!" Shinya glared at the vocalist, "Hey! I don’t know what happened okay?" he protested. "I couldn’t remember anything!" Shinya added. Kyo suddenly grinned widely, "Really?" Shinya widened his eyes, and he blushed. What does Kyo know? He was so scared that maybe Kyo knew what happened to him in the toilet. (Uh-oh!)

‘He did…?" Kaoru asked softly. He knew Toshiya cried when a guy tried to kiss him. Kyo seemed to know what Kaoru had in mind.

"A guy tried to molest him on the dance floor. It was so disgusting! I rushed to his side but all he wanted was you!" Kaoru joined his eyebrows, Toshiya? Really?

"He really likes you!" Kyo tried to convince the guitarist. Shinya looked at Kyo; he wanted to say something.

"I think so too! He usually cared for cute guys" Kyo looked at Shinya in disbelief, "Hey Shinya, you’re not helping!" Shinya kicked Kyo back, "let me finish!" he quickly turned to Kaoru. "Kaoru, Toshiya saw a cute guy just now but he didn’t respond!"

Kyo nodded his head, "See…he’s changed!" when Kaoru looked up he saw Kyo smiling sheepishly.

Totchi…oh my God! I’ve said those words! Kaoru gasped. Kyo quickly added, "And I think you should say sorry to him!" Shinya joined his eyebrows but finally he nodded agreeing with Kyo.

"Those words you have said hurt Toshiya a lot!"

Kaoru covered his face and sighed; he hoped Toshiya would forgive him.

*

Silence filled the room for a while. Toshiya had stopped crying. Die was sitting with his hand stroking Toshiya’s head slowly. The guitarist did it unconsciously; he had something else in mind. Suddenly Toshiya asked,

"Die…do you actually remember what happened that night?"

Die laughed, "What? In my room?" Toshiya jerked his head up looking at Die. The guitarist shook his head and smiled, "It felt like nothing happened" Toshiya pouted, "Maybe nothing happened! But I found out Kaoru hate me!" Die raised an eyebrow. "It’s true! He hates me and seeing me with you disgust him so much!" Die quickly held Toshiya face.

"What did that man tell you?" Die realized that maybe Toshiya cried not only because of what Shinya told him. Maybe Kaoru said something to the bassist.

"He said he’s sick of me! In front of Kyo and Shinya!" Toshiya sit up facing Die. The guitarist bit his own lip. Suddenly Toshiya’s eyes flapped widely. Die moved his head backwards, "Nani?"

Toshiya smiled, "You have pouty lips" the bassist touched Die’s lips gently. Die looked at him weirdly. Toshiya looked at his eyes. "You have big eyes…" Die blinked few times, "And…?" he joined his eyebrows. Toshiya is getting weird!

"Kaoru has natural pout"

Die raised an eyebrow, Okay…

"And he has small eyes" Toshiya smiled to Die. The guitarist narrowed his eyes; "I can see you’ve been observing a lot" Toshiya held Die’s hand and looked at his fingers. "You have long slender fingers. His are small. They’re so cute!" Die nodded slowly for a few times. "Hm…" he replied. Toshiya touched his face; he panicked, "You have cheekbones but Kaoru’s are stronger" Die looked at Toshiya with a weird expression. Suddenly the bassist blushed, "I’m sorry…I’m getting mad right?" he looked down at Die’s fingers and played with them. Die laughed softly, "Iie…it’s okay…but don’t get too weird" Die touched Toshiya’s face gently.

The kiss happened so fast, and they didn’t know what happened. Their eyes were closed tightly as their lips brushed gently against each other’s, and Toshiya parted his lips allowing Die’s tongue to enter. The room had spun as their tongue rubbed slowly and no sound could be heard. When they broke apart to breathe Toshiya looked at Die confusedly. Die himself didn’t even know what had just happened.

"Waa! You guys! I was just trying to have fun but you guys take it seriously!!!" Toshiya gasped and quickly turned. Die bit his lip as he saw Kyo standing beside the opened door. Behind him stood Kaoru and Shinya!

Toshiya wanted to turned away avoiding Kaoru’s piercing eyes but he couldn’t. Kaoru looked as shocked as that time! Die finally picked up Kyo’s words, "What do you mean?" he asked carefully looking at Kaoru’s angry face. The pink hair guy actually looked upset.

"Nothing happened between you guys that night! I thought you guys knew!" Kyo said aloud. Toshiya choked as he tried to breathe. Die looked at Kaoru…

Toshiya finally felt glad and happy…but only for a second when he finally realized that Kaoru had seen them kissing. He jerked his head up; Kaoru was staring at him with no expression on his face. Finally he shook his face and smiled sadly. Kaoru walked out of the room. For the third time he walked away from Toshiya leaving the bassist behind.

Toshiya saw Shinya’s expression. The drummer looked sad but shock too. Shinya threw a look at Die. The older man was staring at him. Shinya blushed in anger; he didn’t even know why. I thought Toshiya had changed…but he didn’t! And Die! He’s such a bad influence Shinya joined his eyebrows, and why am I so mad? Kyo rushed after Shinya as the drummer left the room.

"Shinya! Don’t say anything to Kaoru!" Kyo yelled at him. He turned and shook his head "I’ll leave him alone" Kyo nodded smiling to him.

"Good boy…Shin-chan" The vocalist grinned at him before disappeared to the rest area. Shinya widened his eyes. He held his breath thinking…

Good boy…Shin-chan…

Shinya panicked, he walked up and down the corridor for few times biting his fingernails. It can’t be Kyo! Kaoru said it’s…Suddenly he stopped moving.

Why do I trust Kaoru? He is probably not being honest to me!

But who can I trust?!!!

 ***

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