Heaven Cannot Wait

by Matrim

***********
Part 4a
Monday August 7 6:00 am



    There was a giggle as someone’s pajama top flew from the bed and onto the
ground. The pajama bottom followed after just as there was another giggle.
    Kaoru straddled a robed Toshiya and stretched provocatively, his head
falling back as his hands gently caressed his ribs. His hair tickled
Toshiya’s legs under him eliciting an appreciative smile from Toshiya.
Kaoru stopped and smirked lazily at Toshiya, his hands falling to stroke at
his own thighs, idly. “Ohayou gozaimasu, Kaoru.”
    “Ohayou,” Kaoru said softly. Toshiya’s smile widened, recognizing the
lust in Kaoru’s voice and he leaned forward to kiss Kaoru gently on the
lips. He would’ve pulled away to smirk at Kaoru and tease him but the other
man wouldn’t let him do that. Kaoru’s hand came up to stroke at Toshiya’s
cheek as he deepened to the kiss. He licked at Toshiya’s bottom lip, making
the other man part his lips. Kaoru slipped his tongue between them and
began to stroke Toshiya’s tongue sensuously. Toshiya moaned slightly, his
hands sliding down around Kaoru’s body to pull him closer as Kaoru ended the
kiss with a final slow lick to the roof of the Toshiya’s mouth.
    He pulled away and studied Toshiya’s face. The bassist’s eyes were closed
as if he were reliving the moment over again. He admired the crescent of
dark lashes against the pale cheek, the slight increase of breath and the
beautiful curve of Toshiya’s neck. Just as Toshiya opened his eyes to look
at Kaoru, Kaoru swept forward and kissed Toshiya’s cheek then began to kiss
his way down Toshiya’s neck. Toshiya sighed, happily. Kaoru pushed Toshiya
gently back into the pillows. Kaoru reached down and pulled Toshiya’s robe
sash, untying it and continued pulling until it was no longer part of the
robe. He tossed the sash down to the floor to join his discarded pajamas on
the floor. He parted the robe with an easy flick of his hands then purred.
No matter how many times they had done this, it was always seemed like a new
experience to him. Toshiya smiled a bit shyly at Kaoru and blushed when
Kaoru’s eyes narrowed with anticipation. “Toshiya…” Kaoru said, huskily,
dipping his head down to lick at one of Toshiya’s nipples. He looked up to
catch Toshiya’s eyes. “Beautiful Toshiya…look at what you’ve gotten
yourself into again.”
    “I did nothing—“ Toshiya gasped as Kaoru lowered his head to nip at his
nipple. He moaned as Kaoru licked it once again to make up for being so
rough. “I was just getting ready to go to work. As usual. When suddenly a
violet haired sex monster came up from behind me and chased me back to the
bed.”
    “Mmhmm…”
    Toshiya nodded and gave a moan when Kaoru shifted above him, “innocently”
rubbing against his erection. “It’s true…very true. Right about now, the
monster should be devouring me.”
    Kaoru chuckled, “Is that a way of telling me to hurry it up?”
    Toshiya shook his head and gasped when Kaoru shifted above him again,
sliding down his body. “Mmm…Kaoru…please…” Toshiya’s fingers tangled in
Kaoru’s hair, keeping his head in place as Kaoru licked a path down
Toshiya’s body. He swirled his tongue around Toshiya’s navel then dipped
his tongue in and pressed. Toshiya gasped and his body jumped as if he had
just been slightly shocked with electricity. Kaoru smirked against
Toshiya’s skin then made his way lower. Toshiya moaned in anticipation, his
breaths slightly increasing as his body slightly arched into Kaoru’s touch.
Kaoru nuzzled Toshiya’s pubic hair, making the other man whimper slightly in
need. “Kaoru!”
    “Patience, Totchi, patience,” Kaoru chided.
    Toshiya whined, panting out, “Patience! He chases me to the bed, telling
me that I have to take care of his erection which is harder than Shinya’s
stubbornness and now he has the nerve to tell ME to be patient!”
    Kaoru chuckled. Extreme lust was known to make Toshiya delirious. He
decided to be merciful (for once) and began to lick Toshiya’s erection
thoroughly, from base to crown. Toshiya cried out, his hands clenching
painfully on Kaoru’s hair. Kaoru winced but ignored it, as he finally took
the entire length into his mouth, deep throating him. He held Toshiya’s
hips down easily. In his case, extreme lust was known to make him stronger.
    “Kaoru! Kaoru!!”
    Goodness…Toshiya’s loud enough to wake the neighbors! Oh, well, they
should be used to it by now, Kaoru decided. He bobbed his head up and down
causing Toshiya to cry out again. Kaoru’s hands stroked Toshiya’s stomach
then disappeared to stroke at his thighs. Toshiya parted his legs a bit
more and Kaoru’s hands slipped down Toshiya’s thighs to massage Toshiya’s
balls. The bassist squirmed and cried out again. Kaoru continued to stroke
Toshiya between the legs, then prepared for Toshiya’s climax. He didn’t
have to wait long. Toshiya’s grip on his hair tightened again and Kaoru
felt Toshiya stiffen. “K-Kaoru,” he breathed out, about the same time a
hot liquid erupted in Kaoru’s mouth. Kaoru swallowed as much as he could
but still managed to make a bit of a mess. Not like Toshiya would notice
right about now. Kaoru wiped his mouth on the sheet and turned back to
Toshiya. The bassist’s eyes were closed, his breaths slowly returning back
to normal. Well, at least one of us is satisfied. Kaoru crawled over like
a huge feline stalking his prey and stopped over Toshiya’s body. He laid
himself gently atop of Toshiya; not enough to crush him with his weight but
enough to remind him of his presence. Kaoru lowered his head to nibble at
Toshiya’s pale neck. Toshiya moaned again, happily, his arms coming up to
enfold Kaoru in an embrace.
    Kaoru groaned as one of Toshiya’s thighs rubbed up against his erection.
He will not lose control. He closed his eyes as his mind repeatedly
lectured his body. You will have control. You will not lose it and flip
Toshiya over and fuck his brains out mercilessly. No matter how appealing
the idea sounds right about now.
    But he looks so damn tempting right now!! His body screamed back.
    “Kaoru—“ Toshiya’s voice interrupted the argument between Kaoru’s mind and
body. One of his hands drifted down between them, took hold of arousal and
squeezed gently. “Would you like me to take care of that now?” He winked
at Kaoru playfully.
    Kaoru groaned and opened his eyes. “Yes, please.”
    Toshiya reached over to the nightstand and handed some oil to Kaoru. He
took it gratefully and poured some oil into his hand. He tossed the bottle
over his shoulder to land on the ground. He rubbed the oil onto his shaft
then slipped a finger gently into Toshiya. He thrust it in back and forth
then pressed. Toshiya’s breath hitched and Kaoru smirked. Two fingers were
inserted this time, doing the same as before until Toshiya reached out,
grabbed Kaoru and whispered into his ear. “Now, Kaoru. You don’t have to
hold back for me. Please don’t. I want you now.”
    Kaoru whispered back, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
    “You won’t hurt me. We’ve done this plenty times before. Now, do you want
me or do you want to be the uke again?” Kaoru and Toshiya chuckled as one
long leg snaked around Kaoru and pushed him forward. Kaoru didn’t need much
more encouragement after that. He entered Toshiya, sliding past the initial
resistance of muscles and stopped to revel in the tight bliss. Toshiya was
panting a bit until Kaoru captured Toshiya’s lips in a heated kiss. He slid
out of Toshiya slowly, then thrust forward. Toshiya gasped, breaking off
the kiss, his hands slipping down Kaoru’s back and gently ran his fingertips
up his spine.
    Long and slow.
    Torturously delicious.
    Gasps and pants filled the room along with the sounds of a sheet moving
across heated skin and eventually sliding down to meet the floor. Kaoru
lapped up some of the sweat that appeared on Toshiya’s skin as the bassist
rocked in time with Kaoru. “Faster, Kaoru—please.” Kaoru did so as the
scent of Toshiya’s skin, the moans filling his ears and his warmth filled
Kaoru’s senses. They were both so lost in the moment and with each other to
notice a puff of pink smoke appear in the bedroom with them. Kaoru felt
Toshiya begin to tighten under him and he was just about to orgasm with
Toshiya until a cheerful voice rang out.
    “Ohayo gozaimasu—whoa!”
    Of all the worst times that hide could’ve shown up, he just had to show up
now!! Kaoru groaned with frustration and stopped. He turned and growled at
hide, “Do you mind?! We’re in the middle of something here!”
    “Kaoru, forget him! I was almost there—“ Toshiya bucked under Kaoru, not
caring whether hide left or stayed to watch.
    Kaoru bit his lip and groaned, but glared at hide, “hide, please leave,
whatever you want to say you can tell me five minutes from now.”
    hide waved it off, “Go ahead! Don’t mind me. I won’t be in your way or
anything. You can finish now if you like.”
    “hide. Leave. Please.” Kaoru said, feeling the start of headache near
his temples. Toshiya wiggled a bit under him, taking his mind off of hide
and the headache for a minute.
    “Would it help if I said you had a nice ass?”
    Kaoru growled again as Toshiya giggled. His hand slid down Kaoru’s back
and squeezed one of Kaoru’s butt cheeks. “He does, doesn’t he?” He gave
Kaoru’s butt a gentle slap and Kaoru turned around to look down at Toshiya,
who was giving him an evil grin.
    “You’re just going to be wicked to me today, aren’t you?”
    “Yes, because I know you’re going to punish me,” Toshiya licked his lips,
raising himself up to kiss Kaoru. He winked at hide, giving him a signal to
leave and the angel disappeared. “Now where were we?”
    “Here.” Kaoru began again.
    Toshiya moaned in bliss.

Ten minutes later

    hide sat at the dining table, slightly tipping his chair back with his legs
up on the table. He was reading the current Shoxx magazine, pretending to
be interested in it when Kaoru and a very smug and happy looking Toshiya
made their appearance. hide ignored them for a bit and turned the page
slowly. Toshiya reached out for some toast and spread jam over it,
occasionally humming while Kaoru turned to hide. “Okay, what did you want
to talk to me about?”
    hide closed the magazine slowly and set it gently on the table. He
unzipped the pocket in his jacket and pulled out the white envelope. He
cleared his throat, “By Thursday, August 10, Kaoru must prove his love to
Toshiya or he will die at 3:00 pm.”
    Kaoru and Toshiya froze and stared at hide. “Prove his/my love to
Toshiya/me by Thursday?” They both said simultaneously.
    “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kaoru demanded. “Toshiya knows I love
him!”
    hide looked at Kaoru, with his head tilted to the side. “Really?” He
turned to Toshiya, “Toshiya, did you know Kaoru loves you?”
    The bassist blushed and looked down at his lap, “Yes and it does feel good
to be reminded.”
    “I love you,” Kaoru told Toshiya, who blushed harder and hid behind his
cup of coffee. Kaoru smirked and looked back at hide, who shook his head.
“What do you mean prove my love?”
    “Hey, I don’t interpret them, sonny, I just read them to you and you do
while I guide.”
    “You interpreted the other tasks fine!”
    “Yeah, because they were easy to understand.”
    “You know,” Toshiya piped up and the other two men turned to look at him.
“This task could be easy to understand, too, if you just thought about it.”
    hide gave Kaoru a knowing look and turned to Toshiya. “Okay, Toshiya.
What do you think this task means?”
    Toshiya refused to meet any of their gazes, instead preferring to stare
into his coffee as he replied, “Well, I know Kaoru loves me and you know
that Kaoru loves me and you know how I said that I like to be reminded of
that. There are those times though that I—that others don’t know that I
have Kaoru and they try to come onto me. They won’t leave me alone. They
think that because I used to go out every single night and date around and
sometimes sleep around that I still do it, but a lot has changed and Kaoru
is the only one I love. But Kaoru doesn’t say anything, doesn’t stop anyone
from hitting on me…well, except for Kamijo but that wasn’t in public…maybe
the task is telling him that he should prove his love to me before the world
to show that…that I am taken and that I’m not lying.” He stopped and
finally raised his eyes. “I hope that made sense.”
    hide began to rock back and forth on the tilted chair as he stared
contemplatively at the ceiling. “So…what you’re saying is that the task is
demanding that Kaoru actually tells the rest of the world that he loves you
in order to save you from everyone else?”
    “Maybe.” Toshiya said and immediately blurted out afterwards, “I know it
sounds a bit stupid and selfish but I can’t…I…oh, hell.”
    Kaoru stared at Toshiya then took a sip of his coffee. “Well, I do love
him. And I’ll prove it somehow.” He looked at his watch and swore.
“Dammit. I have a meeting at seven with our manager and some agent.” He
stood, placed the coffee down on the table and gave Toshiya a quick kiss on
the lips. “I’ll see you later at the studio, okay?”
    Toshiya nodded, slightly, as Kaoru dashed back into their bedroom to get
dressed and zipped out of the door with his briefcase. Hide glanced back at
Toshiya, who was poking at his toast, “Daijyoubu?”
    The bassist gave a slight nod then looked up, “I don’t know whether to be
flattered or afraid.”
    “That Kaoru could live or die depending on his love for you?”
    Toshiya nodded.
    “Be afraid. Be very afraid.”
    Toshiya frowned and grabbed an apple off the table to throw at hide. “Stop
that! And using that stupid clich? or saying to make it even worse!!!”
    hide caught the apple before it hit him and took a bite out of it. “Should
prove to you what we’ve been saying all along though. God sent you here to
be with Kaoru and if he can’t appreciate what he has, well then, it’ll be
taken away from him.” He couldn’t help but see the hurt expression on
Toshiya’s face.
    “But…but what about me? I don’t want to be taken away from him! Kaoru
treats me better than anyone else I’ve been with.”
    hide swallowed, examined the apple and took another bite. “Well, don’t you
think he could treat you a bit better?”
    Toshiya pushed his toast around again, “Not every relationship is perfect!
My mother and father are in a good relationship and they occasionally fight
and have pet peeves with each other but not enough to actually be a problem
enough for them to divorce!”
    “Well, at least you understand that. I wonder if Kaoru understands that.”
hide said cryptically and Toshiya miserably took a bite out of the cold
toast, worrying about Kaoru.

************

    Kaoru sat at the meeting table, staring at his hands. Half of him listened
to his agent and his manager argue over something with the representative
from Shoxx, another representative from Music Stage and another
representative of some cooking show that Kaoru really wasn’t interested in.
The other half of him was currently engaged in a secret battle with the man
sitting across from him.
    Kirito. Of Pierrot. Who had appeared in full makeup and regalia to attend
this meeting and he was currently glaring at Kaoru like he had just stolen
his soul and told Kirito that he destroyed in a blender or something. It
was so bad that Kaoru couldn’t even think of a good comparison anymore.
Kaoru studied his hands. Small. Delicate. He looked at Kirito’s hands.
Long fingers. Big like every man’s hands. He looked back at his hands
again. His hands however could do some pretty bad damage despite the fact
that they were small. He flexed them once and then lay them flat against
the table. He then took that moment to look up straight at Kirito.
    Normally, Kaoru hated staring contests and tried to avoid them at all
costs. But Kirito’s stare was no match for Toshiya’s. Kaoru was sure he
could win this one.
    Around them agents, managers and representatives went nuts, trying to
figure out a schedule and publicity rights while Kaoru and Kirito engaged in
a heated battle of wills. Kirito’s cold gaze met Kaoru’s stony death stare.
Inwardly, Kaoru cackled with glee. Yes, that’s right, Kirito. You know
me. You hate me, too, don’t you? I stole Toshiya from you. Because face
it! I’m handsomer than you! Kirito’s eyes widened as if hearing that
thought then his eyes narrowed. His hands clenched the edge of the table
and Kaoru prevented a smirk from appearing on his face. Yes, that’s right.
I’ve got killer cheekbones and small hands and I look just as hot in a dress
as I am in pants! And if hide heard this, he’d be laughing his ass off.
Oh, yes…and I stole your Toshiya away from you. Or should I say, my
Toshiya? He likes my small hands. But you’ve moved on, haven’t you?
You’ve got a new boyfriend…or is it pet? Kaoru leaned back in his chair,
his gaze still defiant while Kirito practically simmered. Finally, Kaoru
said idly to the other man, “Genki?”
    “Hai. And you?”
    “Hai. I heard you had a new love interest.”
    Kirito stiffened at that and glared even more so at Kaoru, who just looked
at him in the same way. “Yes, I do. His name is Ryutaro.”
    “Oh, another pretty one. Plastic Tree’s vocalist, ne?”
    Kirito barely nodded. He only said, “Hai. And you’re not stealing this
one either. He’s mine.”
    Kaoru looked innocent, “Oh, it wasn’t me who stole him. Wasn’t his
original boyfriend Hakuei?”
    Kirito bristled, “You knew those two didn’t belong to each other! Hakuei
was treating him badly every night! And I know you hated it when Toshiya
came into work late, walking funny!”
    Kaoru ignored that and went on, “And then you tried to steal him away from
Hakuei. Didn’t work, did it?” He smiled, almost evilly. Kirito narrowed
his eyes. “Yes…because there was someone with violet hair that my beautiful
bassist adored.”
    Kirito growled and Kaoru was sure that Kirito was about to do something to
him just as the other people in the room interrupted their little
conversation. “Well, Kaoru-san, Kirito-san? What do you think?”
    Kaoru took his attention off of a bristling Kirito and replied, “I think
it’s a fine idea. A competition between musicians on who can cook the best
food with surprise ingredients. It’ll show our fans that their parents are
right and that they shouldn’t waste their time on us trying to get us
married to them.” Kaoru said smartly. His manager and agent glared at him.
Kaoru ignored them. It was true. He couldn’t cook for crap. Not even
magical crap. “In any case, we do get to choose our team members, right?”
    “Yes, of course! There are rules though. You cannot choose someone from
your own band and you can only choose one member from each band. There will
be five judges. We shall choose those judges ourselves and send them and
you a notification about it in the mail. Do you understand? Good. Choose
your teams wisely and call us and tell us about it. Your teammates will be
notified of it.” The Shoxx representative said with a smile. “Thank you.
That is all for today.”
    The meeting ended and Kaoru rose from his seat, noting the peculiar
expression on Kirito’s face. He tried not to let it bother him but…
    He couldn’t help it.

*********

Monday 10:00 am

    Kyo peeked over Kaoru’s shoulder. “Is that a new song or—what is that?
Why are people’s names written on that piece of paper? Are you thinking of
stealing people from other bands? Are you going to form a new band?”
    Kaoru frowned and tried to elbow Kyo away from him. “No, I’m not and why
are you so curious all of a sudden?” Shinya walked up on his other side and
quietly took the paper away from Kaoru. “Shinya!”
    The drummer ignored him as Die peeked over his lover’s shoulder. “Hmm.
People to have sex with,” The guitarist solemnly announced. Shinya looked
just as serious as they read off the names.
    “Yuki of Raphael.” Shinya read out. “Hmm…going for the young hentai types
again, I see, Kaoru.”
    Kaoru glowered at them as Die smirked, “It’s always the young cute ones.
Ne, Shin-chan?”
    Shinya went on as Toshiya frowned and crossed his legs, sitting on the amp.
Kaoru put his head on the table. He knew once that Die and Shinya were on
the same side and in the teasing mood, nothing would save you…except for the
rare case of a near death experience. And that only tended to happen on
Fridays. How he wished it was Friday. “Kamijo…Lareine. Hmm. Didn’t you
say you two were enemies? And now what? Your secret lover?”
    Die looked off into the distance, “You two did look so very cute at his
birthday night.” Kaoru began to bang his head against the table lightly.
Kyo began to snicker. “Ara? Who else is on this list? Miyabi of Due’le
quartz? Toshiya’s long lost twin brother? I know you love Toshiya, but
isn’t this going a bit too far?”
    “Maybe it’s a fantasy of his. Wanting to be with two Toshiyas.”
    Die pretended to think about this and looked down at Shinya. “Having two
of a current lover. Mm….Shinya, are you sure you’re the only child?”
    Shinya rolled his eyes and elbowed Die lightly in the ribs. Toshiya stood
and snatched the paper away from him. He glared at them then ran his hand
through Kaoru’s hair soothingly. “Team mates for the ultimate cooking
challenge? So, that’s why you’ve been slacking off all day and trying to
get us to do something else. Why aren’t we on this list? More
importantly…why am I not on this list?”
    Kaoru looked up at Toshiya, “The rules said we couldn’t have two of the
same band on the team. And we couldn’t have our own band mate on our team.
However, you might be called to be judge. This’ll be televised…”
    “So you’re doing this for more publicity?” Die observed, still
dramatically clutching his ribs and peeking at the paper. “Oh, the things
Kaoru does for us! Well, this is a bit better than that stupid kendo match
you got us into.”
    Kaoru raised his head and tossed Die an annoyed look. “That wasn’t me!
That was Yoshiki!”
    “Whatever…either way both of you almost managed to get Shinya killed.”
    Kaoru was about to snap back at that but Shinya calmly replied, “Yes and
you managed to get me almost killed about…” He looked up thoughtfully and
began to count on his fingers. “One. Two. Three. Four when you tried to
cook last week. Five when you—“
    “Okay okay!” Die pouted and bent over the paper again. “Why Yuki of
Raphael?”
    “I heard that he could cook.”
    “And you think Kamijo can too?”
    Kaoru adjusted the black furry hat on his head. “Hey. If someone can
speak a relative amount of French and English and is always very
elegant—give me that paper, please, thank you, Toshiya,” he gave a smile to
Toshiya and a glare at Die and put the paper back on the table in front of
him, “Then they must be able to cook. Mana can cook. He can name several
different spices by scent and taste. Hey. I want to have Mana on my team.”
    Kyo shook his head, “No…Mana said he likes to cook. Not that he can cook.
He lives alone. You ever hear of his bandmates talking about his food? No.
It’s because the man probably cannot cook and to stay safe, they just
don’t mention it.”
    Kaoru looked at Kyo, grabbed the vocalist and gave him a kiss on the head.
“You are a genius. Thank you for saving me from inevitable defeat!”
    “Who are you against anyway?” Toshiya asked.
    “Kirito.”
    Toshiya froze at the name. “Oh. The frightening one.”
    “You’re the one who went out with him.”
    “Not officially and look, you’re frightening too so—“
    Kaoru looked up at Toshiya, “I’m frightening now?”
    Toshiya nodded.
    “I’ll show you frightening.”
    “Oh, please do, Kaorusama, onegai?” Toshiya licked his lips and walked
back to his bass, slightly wiggling his hips. The other members of Dir en
Grey sighed and rolled their eyes. Suddenly, a phone rang and everyone
reached for their mobile phone. They stopped when they realized it was
Toshiya’s and went back to hassling Kaoru about his list.
    “So what is Miyabi doing on this list anyway?”
    “I just wanted to see if he really looked as much as Toshiya as they said.
I don’t even care if he cooks.”
    “Baka!”
    “Bah!”
    Kaoru turned to see Toshiya hang up the phone, looking a bit shakier than
usual. “Totchi, daijyoubu?” Toshiya was staring somewhere off into space
and Kaoru tried again, “Totchi?”
    Toshiya snapped out of his little trance and gave Kaoru an apologetic
smile, “Gomenasai, Kaoru.”
    “What’s wrong?”
    Toshiya shook his head a bit too frantically. “Nothing’s wrong, Kaoru!
Really!”
    Kaoru didn’t believe it for a second but had no choice but to say, “Alright
then, Toshiya. If you say so.” He tugged at his hat, a secret sign saying
that he’d talk about it later with Toshiya. The bassist only turned away
and continued playing a tune on his bass. There was something seriously
wrong with Toshiya.
    For the rest of the day, Toshiya refused to talk to Kaoru for long.
Whenever Kaoru tried to ask what was wrong, he skirted the subject and
managed to bring some other topic off. At first, Kaoru didn’t notice it but
after the third or fourth time of Toshiya distracting him with his smile and
walking away from him with a stupid (yet somehow sensible) excuse, Kaoru was
dying to find out what was wrong with him. But no matter what Kaoru did,
Toshiya either pretended he didn’t hear, did what he had been doing for the
past couple of hours or one of the others would interrupt Kaoru and Toshiya.
It was getting on his nerves! Why wouldn’t Toshiya tell him?!
    He drove home a little faster than normal not bothering to start any
conversation. That seemed to be okay with Toshiya. The bassist just stared
out of the window as if he wanted to get as far as he could away from Kaoru.
He finally reached the apartment complex parking lot and got out of the
car, inadvertedly slamming the door in the process, scaring Toshiya. The
guitarist walked into the building with Toshiya, trailing behind. The only
time Kaoru ever waited for Toshiya was when he reached the apartment. He
held the door open for the taller man and slammed it as soon as Toshiya
walked in.
    Toshiya whirled and stared at Kaoru with confusion and bit of fear.
“Kaoru-chan? What’s wrong?”
    “Indeed.” Kaoru returned. “Sit, Toshiya. We have something to talk
about.” He pointed at the couch.
    “Kaoru, I am not your damn dog. You don’t tell me what to do unless I’m in
the mood. And to tell you the truth, I am not in the mood especially when
you’re like this.” Toshiya replied, icily and crossed his arms, practically
challenging Kaoru to do something about it.
    Kaoru clenched his jaw, then motioned the couch with a bit more civility
than he had before. “Toshiya. My love. Please sit down. There is
something we need to discuss.” Toshiya sat and crossed his legs, eyeing
Kaoru suspiciously. Kaoru paced the room, trying to calm himself. Toshiya
gave a sigh, his eyes following Kaoru around the room. “Toshiya. Who
called you today on your mobile phone after we were looking at the list of
people I wanted on my cooking team?”
    “It wasn’t important—“
    “If it wasn’t important, then why were you so jumpy afterwards?”
    Toshiya fell silent and decided that his hands were a good place to rest
the eyes. Kaoru continued to pace the room.
    “I…see…” Kaoru stopped pacing and came toward Toshiya. He dropped down to
kneel at Toshiya’s feet. “Totchi…please don’t do this to me. If there is
something bothering you, I need to know what it is. We are a couple. We’re
a we. If there is something wrong with one of us, the other needs to know
to see if he can fix it. This is how we stay together, Toshiya. This is
how we managed to last.”
    Toshiya’s lips barely moved but a small mumble came out, “I know.”
    “We’ve been together for three years now, right?”
    “Right.”
    “And how long was that relationship with Hakuei? And Kirito?”
    “Hakuei was seven months. Kirito was nine.”
    “And didn’t you say that Kirito had been your longest standing relationship
at the time?”
    “Yes.”
    “It’s changed now, hasn’t it?”
    “Yes.”
    “And why do you suppose that is?”
    Toshiya raised his eyes to meet Kaoru’s and a small happy smile graced his
lips. “Because you trust me. And I trust you. And you don’t think of me
as an object to own. You don’t think of me as just a fuck toy. And…and…you
love me.”
    “Exactly. Now, tell me what’s wrong. Why were you so jumpy?”
    Toshiya nibbled on his lip for a second then took Kaoru’s hands and played
with them a bit. “You promise you won’t get upset like you do sometimes?”
    “I promise.” Kaoru gave Toshiya’s hands a squeeze and Toshiya smiled
again. Kaoru smiled fondly at him. Oh, the little things he did because he
knew Toshiya liked it.
    Toshiya hesitated for a second, licked his lips then took a deep breath.
“It was a call from those people that set up your meeting this morning about
the cooking show and stuff.” He looked up at Kaoru, examining his face for
a reaction.
Kaoru gave him an encouraging nod. “Did they ask you to be a judge? You
shouldn’t be upset—“
Toshiya shook his head, his grip on Kaoru’s hands tightening, “Kaoru, I’m
not finished. Please listen and please promise me again that you will not
get upset.” Kaoru frowned, his heart growing a bit cold, as if it were a
premonition of disaster. Toshiya took another deep breath and said, “They
called me to inform me that I was selected to be on Kirito’s team.”
    Kaoru felt like the world had just dropped out from under him. He stared
at Toshiya and before he knew it, he was ranting and raving around the
apartment like a lunatic. “Oh, no!! No no no no no no no no no no no no!!!
You are not going to be on that team. No. I absolutely—no. No. No.
You are not! You will not be on his team. The man is just…he has a new toy
to play with so he should just stay away from you!”
    Toshiya gave a frustrated sigh. “Mou! Kaoru! You broke your promise and
now you’re upset!! Do you see why I didn’t want to tell you?”
    “But this is important! But of course, you’ll say no, won’t you, Toshiya?”
    Toshiya stared at him with shock. “Kaoru, I already said yes.”
    “You’ll have to call them back and tell them you’re not interested
anymore.”
    “Kaoru! That’s impolite!”
    “Just tell them something came up!”
    “Like what?”
    “Your mother died.”
    Toshiya stood, “Watch your mouth, Kaoru! I am not going to lie about
something like that! That’s bad luck!”
    “Gomenasai, Totchi. But you can’t—“
    “You can’t tell me what to do, Kaoru! I told you that already! Kaoru,
didn’t I also tell you before that I loved you because you never told me
what I could or couldn’t do? You only told me what to do when it was
important to the band. If you said something like, ‘Toshiya, you can’t do
that because there is a tour we have to prepare for.’ I would understand.
If you said, ‘Toshiya, fix your makeup because it’s smudged and I know you
hate looking terrible at any photoshoot.’ I would understand. But this
isn’t for the band, Kaoru!” Toshiya’s voice rose even though it looked like
he was trying to prevent it from doing so.
    “It is for the band, Toshiya!”
    “No, it isn’t! Kaoru! This is just for your own insecurity! You don’t
like the idea of Kirito being near me—“
    “Who would enjoy the thought of their boyfriend near their ex?”
    Toshiya went on as if Kaoru hadn’t interrupted him, “—so you try to force
me to break off something that I already committed myself to! Kaoru, you
said you trusted me! You know I wouldn’t go back to Kirito even if
you—yourself—made me! I love you! Only you!”
    “Then you wouldn’t be on his team!”
    “You missed the fucking point, Kaoru!!” Toshiya snapped. Kaoru stared at
him in shock. “You missed the damn point.” He wiped his eyes quickly but
Kaoru saw the tears in them. “I love you. You said you trusted me. You
lied. What else are you lying to me about?”
    Kaoru shook his head and sighed. “Toshiya, please understand…I don’t want
you on his team.”
    “Why not?” There was a wavery edge in Toshiya’s voice. Good God, Kaoru
was about to make him cry. And Kaoru had never made Toshiya cry on purpose
or accident before. Well, not unless he did something that made the other
man extremely happy.
    “Because…because I just don’t want you on his team.” He didn’t know how to
explain it. He didn’t want his Toshiya on that team because…he just didn’t.
Did he really need an explanation? Toshiya was his. His koibito. His
aijin. His everything. He couldn’t stand the idea of anyone that felt like
competition near his Toshiya—especially Kirito.
    Toshiya was staring at him, tears leaking down his face. He didn’t bother
to wipe them away anymore. “That was a bad answer, Kaoru. You shouldn’t be
this way. You shouldn’t feel like Kirito is your competition or anything.
You beat him once before and got me. So why are you upset now? And you’re
never this way when other people hit on me. In fact, you never say a word.
You just let them. Why?”
    Kaoru blinked at Toshiya, incomprehensively. He had no answer for that.
And that was bad because Toshiya gave a weak sad smile. “I’m sorry, Kaoru,
even though I shouldn’t be the one apologizing right now.” He shook his
head and headed toward the bedroom, with Kaoru in tow. He grabbed his bag
and shoved some clothes into it.
    “What are you doing, Totchi? What—why—“ Kaoru tried to stop him but it
wasn’t working. “You’re not leaving me, Totchi, please say you’re
not—please—“ Toshiya zipped up the bag and embraced Kaoru, suddenly and gave
a whimper. Kaoru hugged him tightly, closing his eyes. “Totchi, don’t
leave me. I don’t want you to go.”
    Toshiya sobbed into Kaoru’s shoulder, wetting his shirt with tears.
“Gomenasai, Kaoru.” He pushed Kaoru away, looking pained and shouldered the
bag. “But…I can’t stay here with you tonight or maybe for the rest of this
week.”
    “Totchi, why?”
    Toshiya shook his head, wiped at his left eye and sniffled. “I just…I
can’t. It’s painful to be here with you right now.” He swallowed and
looked away.
    Kaoru bit his lip and tried not to be too emotional because that just
wasn’t his way. But he couldn’t help it when tears began to blur his vision
and his throat became sore from holding back a sob. “Where are you going to
stay then? So I know if you’re safe or not…”
    “I’m going to go to Die and Shinya’s. I’m sure they won’t mind someone
sleeping on their couch. That is if my guardian angel isn’t sleeping on
it.” Toshiya gave a weak laugh but it didn’t work. The tense atmosphere
still remained. He swallowed and tried not to sniffle again. Kaoru reached
over to his night stand and gave Toshiya a tissue. The bassist took it with
a grateful small smile, blew his nose and wiped his eyes. “I’ll be going
now…” He turned and made his way to the door and Kaoru was frozen as he
watched him go. Just before Toshiya stepped out of the door, Kaoru stopped
him.
    “Toshiya!!”
    The bassist stopped and turned, the light from the hallway illuminating his
face. “Yes, Kaoru?”
    “Remember…Heaven gave you to me…”
    Toshiya gave a sad smile. “I know, Kaoru. That’s why it hurts…”


To be continued



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