***

" Toshiya!!" Kaoru picked the young man up from the pavement. Toshiya’s head lolled lifelessly across his arm; his face flushed red. Panic coursed through the guitarist as he pressed a palm to his forehead. Hot.

" Nnn…" Toshiya groaned and his eyes fluttered open then shut again. His lips felt dry and tasteless as his tongue wet it. Kaoru’s bleary image appeared in his vision; a face struck by concern and anxiety.

" Toshiya, are you okay?"

Meekly, he nodded. He steadied himself on his feet, the world still tilting a little; he leaned against his lover. "I…feel sick," he grimaced.

" Wait here, okay? I’ll drive the car here and we’ll bring you to a doctor!" Kaoru said, finding a bench for Toshiya to sit. He kissed Toshiya’s forehead. "I’ll be fast." He said as he broke off, running through the maze of people.

Toshiya slumped down against the wooden bench; fatigue plaguing him. Rubbing his tired eyes, he managed to sit upright but suddenly his stomach churned and he stumbled to the side of the pavement. A hand against the railing, he heaved nothing but dry air and his abdomen painfully turned upside-down. Breathing heavily, he slipped down to the grey stones.

" God…I’m gonna die…" he groaned and took a deep breath. His head was beginning to ache.

At the same time, Kaoru got out of his car, ignoring the angry blares of honks from drivers behind him. Spotting Toshiya on the floor, he rushed over to his side and carried him into the vehicle.

" Daijoubu ka?" Carefully, he clasped the seatbelt.

Toshiya nodded feebly. Kaoru went over to the driver’s side and drove off heading for the nearest clinic or hospital he could think of while Toshiya was overcome by a tense feeling. His palms had begun to sweat.

" Kaoru…?" he called out, looking at the profile of the older man. "I…"

" It’s not too far more. Just take a rest first," Kaoru made a turn.

" No…" Toshiya bit his lips and placed a hand on the steering wheel. "I don’t want to see a doctor."

" Huh?" He slowed down the car. "You’re sick! You have too!"

Toshiya gulped; his eyes felt as if they were burning with his fever. "I’m sure I’m alright…like you said, all I need is a bit of rest and I’ll be fine. I want to go home."

Kaoru shook his head. "Don’t be stubborn! What if something’s wrong??"

" Kaoru…please," Toshiya plead. " Let’s go home." Tears clouded his eyes.

Kaoru took a look at his love. Sighing, he gave up and turned back.

***

Holding a glass of water, Kaoru sat beside Toshiya who was in bed with a fever but refused to seek medical help. He helped Toshiya sit up as he swallowed two aspirins and drank the glass.

"Off the light; it’s hurting my eyes…" Toshiya said, falling back onto the pillow. The room dimmed with the only source of light coming from the hallway.

" Are you feeling better now?" Gently, Kaoru brushed his fringe away from his face. " Why won’t you see a doctor?"

The bassist smiled weakly and held Kaoru’s hands with both his hands, bringing it close to his cheek. " Will you hold me?"

Kaoru caressed his cheek tenderly, gazing at the face hidden partially by the darkness. " Spoilt brat," he slid under the covers and wrapped his arms around Toshiya. The younger man merely snuggled closer and hid his face in the crook of Kaoru’s neck.

" Kaoru?"

" Hm?" Kaoru stroked his back slowly.

" A weird thought struck me," Toshiya lifted his head and looked up at the man.

Kaoru’s eyebrow arched considerably. "How weird?"

" Do you want to have a child?" he asked.

" Me? I don’t know. Haven’t thought much about it. Why?"

Outside, it had started to drizzle. The droplets were hitting the window panes, softly pattering and pattering.

" What if…I’m having your child now?" Toshiya hugged him.

Kaoru smiled at that wishful thinking. Sometimes Toshiya could just be cute. Asking silly questions like this. " You’re not, okay, Totchi?" He kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Men don’t get pregnant!" he added with a chuckle.

" No! Just…what if!" Toshiya whined.

" Okay. Let me ask you instead…would you want to have my child, in you, now?" Toshiya’s fever was getting better, Kaoru noted as he felt his forehead. " Let’s say, if you had a choice. Would you give me a baby?"

Toshiya gave it a thought; being pregnant with Kaoru’s seed growing inside him…and he had to look away from Kaoru coz’ he felt his face burning crimson. The thought was not bad. Not bad at all…If he could…-if-…he would gladly give Kaoru a child.

" I would…just like I would do anything for you," Toshiya smiled and kissed Kaoru on his nose. Suddenly his smile turned sad. " But I can’t, can I? I could never give you a child…" Toshiya bit his lips.

Why did I have to be born a male? If only I was a girl…

New tears formed at the rims of his almond-shaped eyes as he traced Kaoru’s lips with a finger.

" I’m sorry, Kaoru." Sobbing, he buried his face in Kaoru’s chest.

" No, it’s okay, Toshiya! Don’t cry!"

" It’s all my fault!" Toshiya wailed.

" Why?" Lovingly, the guitarist stroked his hair.

" I want to have your baby but I can’t!" he cried harder, pouring his tears onto Kaoru’s shirt.

" Huh? That’s not your fault! You were born like that! You were not meant to have babies! You think I don’t know that??? But I love you and that’s the most important thing!" Kaoru assured him.

" But…" Toshiya bit his lower lip, tears still streaming down his fair face.

" Having you is more than enough! Please…don’t cry; you’ll break my heart…" The older man held him closer. "The fact that you even thought about being pregnant with my flesh and blood…" Kaoru smiled softly. " Let’s sleep, okay…"

Toshiya nodded and swallowed his last sob. "Give me a goodnight kiss???" Round dark brown orbs looked up at Kaoru.

" You’re gonna pass the fever to me!" Kaoru said but nonetheless kissed Toshiya on his delicate cheeks.

Giggling, Toshiya snuggled in the comfy space of Kaoru’s arms. His long legs wrapping around one of Kaoru’s. He still felt a bit flushed from the fever and he knew he should stop thinking nonsensical things…But silently he wished that he could give Kaoru a child.

…borne from the seed of our love…

Outside the thunder rumbled noisily. 

 ***

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