by Tokage

*** 

Back from L.A. Kind of hot and dry, lots of cars, people, glitter and sleazy. So different from here...it’s fun to visit and we got the video done plus some play time.

Now I’m back home. Where it’s safer but i can’t really just get up and go anywhere as I can in some places. It’s so muzukashii at times Hisashi thought. being so young with a big dream, moving to one of the biggest, coolest cities in the world, having to schlog at various crummy jobs...It looked as if we’d have to admit to another dream dying. How did Teru stay so positive even when he was going through bad times? He really kept us going along with Takuro’s leadership, even Jiro’s suggestions helped.

To think that I considered leaving. What would I be doing now? Now we’re so big, our time is barely our own. Our faces are on everything except oven toasters! I’m thinking about household appliances? Am I getting so conventional as I get closer to 30? I feel a void. Sometimes I just want to leave, get off the PR merry-go-round we’re on. Once we’ve come down from our pinnacle, how’s that gonna feel? A sense of relief and dread hit Hisashi. He didn’t exactly want to live in L.A. like mentor Yoshiki but felt trapped where he was. The recent photos with the woman...just doing everyday things.... They made such a big deal over it. Just because I like' pretty '...why is it such a shock I’m with a woman? Beautifully appointed men is such a part of our culture...kabuki,ne? We’re such an extension of all that.

It was pleasant having someone at home. Someone to talk to, take care of Ayu chan. The place stayed tidier, meals were more balanced and regular, being treated by a woman as myself; not a ‘star’. The loneliness was gone. Mostly. I’m slipping...Hisa thought as he styled his brown hair. I’m enjoying a regular lifestyle, so to speak....My hair isn’t any colour outside of nature!

Ugh. I should feel content but I’m restless. she’s away at her family’s. It’s just me and Ayu chan. Darling little Ayu...the sweet pink nose, the black and white fur that looked so much like the March ‘99 era. Hisa picked up Ayu and stroked the soft bunny fur. He held the cat and looked in the mirror.

"Hmmm, Ayu, how about I get some colour in my hair?"

Ayu just purred and blinked at the reflection. Hisa put him down and got out some clothes. Big cargo pants and a big, unironed cotton oxford shirt. He combed his down and ruffled it a bit. He put on his semiopaque glasses. Looking in the mirror he thought he looked like a university student embarking on salarymanhood. With no makeup at all, he wasn’t too recognisable. His delicate features gave him a boyish look so he decided to go to Harajuku.

It was a balmy late afternoon in Tokyo. He took the loop of the Marinouchi line and got through the crowds unscathed. Pleased with this, he walked on to the crowded youth filled streets of Harajuku.

I’m back at work. So many photo shoots done here for so many bands... he descended into a dark, basement rock attire shop. It was like being back in the indies days, lots of things for the gothic look. He eyed all the silver accessories, the chain jewellery...there! the hair colour creme in an array of shades, clear plastic jars that looked like elementary school art days.

He felt like he did in the early days of musicianhood. He still liked all those accessories and had fun looking at them and the colours. What colour? Several. I’ll do a mix. Emerald green, Amethyst, Navy Blue, Atlantis blue, that’d go well with Mermaid, he laughed to himself.

As he reached for the jar he bumped into someone.

"Oh! gomenasai..."

The taller, svelte person said "Daijobou desu yo!" and smiled a piercing smile.

Hisashi looked at the tall, small boned, willowy figure with the big dark almond eyes and felt a sense of familiarity. There was a moment of silence, questioning and muted recognition. Surprisingly, this place was quiet and empty compared to the throngs on the street above. Hisa had run across Dir en Grey while doing TV show appearances and just general music related things. Shyness and tight scheduling prevented him from really chatting; now he felt tongue tied as this beautiful person was still looking at him.

Finally. the taller guy asked, "How’s it going? Long time no see!"

Hisa asked him what was he doing here (so original, he berated himself) he noticed this person now had chestnut brown hair as well. what’s going on with two glamour guys of J-Rockdom ? Are they getting ready to do the karaoke lounge gig in suburbia? Hisa wondered about this guy-rumoured to be seeing Angie; well, who hasn’t been linked with her in our realm?

"I’m OK, just thought some colour would be interesting"

"Yeah, me too. Which one you gonna use?"

"A mix, but I think Atlantis Blue will really set it off..." Hisa glanced at the taller guy’s T-shirt. It was big and had Kid rock on it. Must be from an L.A. trip, he thought. He had on big khakis and no makeup either; but still; what a face! The narrow rectangular grey glasses were down on his nose. A cool librarian... ?

"oh! i was gonna go for a teal blue...What do you think???"

"Oh...eto...it’s OK…"

"U oh. It looks like you got the last one!" Hisashi took it from his stash and handed it to the taller guy.

He looked at Hisa and said, "How about we share?"

"Share?"

"Yeah. You have a mix of colours in your arms..." Hisashi blushed slightly as Toshiya suggested the colour plan.

"Yes. We can share, if you don’t mind. I only want a little for a few streaks. and I can help you with your hair. Would that be OK?" Hisa’s heart did a little hop and he felt a bit of a rush. He felt as if he were 19 again...doing one’s hair with someone at home.

"Well...uh....OK."

"When would be good?"

"How about tonight? We can get some soba and then get the bleach and do it."

Hisa was struck by the boldness and the chance to go out so he said yes They got their stuff and then ascended the steps to the street as they adjusted their glasses. Hisa felt like a spy. He felt a burst of happiness surge through him. What was it about feeling younger, more playful that made him feel so? Certainly his younger days had pain, but there was the feeling of hope, something was going to happen, now that could still happen but it was different. so much happened, achievements been done...The double edge sword of fame; adoration, having your music reach out to many, the royalties, the thrill of recognition and the lack of privacy. for now it was a carefree feeling, getting something to eat but not having to worry so much about the price.

They went into a noodle shop on one of the quiet off streets. Since it wasn’t a peak time there were only a few people in there. It was a traditional style place; lots of wood in dark hues with caramel toned walls and lighting. They sat in a booth by a wood slatted window. Each glanced at one another as they looked at the menu . While waiting for the soba, they drank tea.

Toshiya held up his cup and said "Here’s to big brother Yoshiki san!"

Hisashi followed the motion and they barely clinked the cups and drank. As they slurped the noodles Toshiya asked Hisa if he was getting fed regularly now. Hisa gulped and nearly choked. Toshiya explained that since Hisa was with a woman now, he was surprised at Hisashi’s hunger. An intense pink swelled on Hisa’s oval face.

"Uh, yeah, that may be true.…She’s away for the week.

Toshiya looked at Hisa, raised a perfectly arched eyebrow and in a low tone said "Oh?...Your place or mine?"

Hisa’s delicate oval face went from rosy pink to a near burnt red. Totchi laughed and said it looked as if it was enkai time on Hisa’s face. Hisa looked down and replied that it was the hot broth and the effect of L.A. sun.

"Hmmm...well, OK…I’m just teasing, that’s all." as he poured more tea and said. "Here’s to L.A...."

Hisa felt some sense of relief as their teacups chimed. They sipped then Toshiya announced, "We need some high bleach to really make the colour come out<as if his alleged companion didn’t have an ample amount on her head-scrawny , ignoble bubble-brain Hisa thought. She was perfect for that Zipper photo shoot with Teru where they looked like a Japanese homage to; what was it some Americans said; Oh yeah, white trash. The chain link fence, the old muscle car, cigarette hanging from Teru’s lips, the long chain and the tacky bleach blonde>

He snapped out of the reverie as Toshiya recited a small list of what they needed to become peacocks again.

Toshiya said they had go on the way home and emphatically asked, "Where do you wanna do it?"

"Oh! I’ve got to feed my pet cat, Ayu-chan! If you don’t mind, we’d better go to my place."

Toshiya thought how sweet this guy was: big rock star and he still cares so much about his furry little friend. Just as they decided to go, Toshiya looked at Hisa’s clear, smooth skin in the soft lighting. He didn’t even notice the mass slurping of the recent influx of salary men in the place. Ah, the oval face and small mouth; so delicate with eyes like a cat. A flawless piece of porcelain that seems so untouchable at times yet on stage so wild. He kept his crush on Hisa a secret, when interviewers asked about his favourite musicians, Toshiya wouldn’t mention names, only who inspired him when he was in his early teens.

Poor Hisa, he seems to have a tinge of loneliness or something of longing. A touch of pity was within Totchi as they paid they bill, then left. Toshiya drove up to a conveni but left when he saw so many school kids hanging out. Must’ve gotten out of club, a break before juku, he thought...So they took the longer way and went to a chain store drugstore. "I’ll be right back, please take a rest."

"uh, you sure?"

"yeah it’s OK."

"No I’ll go in..."

"No, really. I know what to get. No worries."

"Well, um, okay…Thanks. I think I need to recover from jet lag." Hisa rested in the reclining car seat while Toshiya knowingly surveyed the drugstore.

<Great, only some housewives and obachans. Being recognised is highly unlikely.> There’s the hair colour section!

There’s the bleach with the chameleon mascot and the promo picture with Izam and Shazna. What a life we have. Toshiya thought. It looks like fun but it’s a lot of hard work and worrying. At least we can have some fun in it, especially with our images. All those kids who’d love to be like us. Toshiya enjoyed looking at the cosplayers and felt rather proud that so many were in DEG’s likeness. So many...well.. back to work...get the creme type... Better get a basting brush too since the enclosed one is only good for the beginning.

After getting the soft brush he surveyed the array of boxes with funny cartoons and then he decided to get a little surprise with a rainbow of bright Benetton colours. He smiled at the various colours and scents. yes, scents.

<You mean flavours. Well, maybe. Why not?> with that, he tossed the box into the basket.

Toshiya wondered what cashiers thought of some purchases and then went to the car. Hisa opened the door and asked how much he owed. Toshiya said it was his treat. "What’d ya get?"

"I got the Izam stuff with the chameleon." Hisa laughed. "L’arc did a group hair colour promo, Shazna did too, why not us? We have TDK I guess... at least we’re not doing the comfy sanitary towel advert like that SMAPster did. Oh...stay free my misery..."

" About the stuff, I’ll get you next time." Toshiya smiled and thought <No, sweet, I want you to get me THIS time.>

As Hisa opened his door, precious little Ayu ran up and rubbed around his ankles.

"NYA, NNNYYAAAA..."

"Ayu-chan, are you hungry?"

"NYAAAAAAA..!"

"OK,OK, I’ll attend to you in a second. Toshiya kun, this is Ayu chan. Ayu-chan, this is Toshiya kun."

Toshiya giggled, saying, "Kawaii…"(how Kyo kun hates that word!) as he stroked the kitty’s soft fur. "You’ve got the same eyes!" There’s that blush again. Hisa looked down, excused himself and took Ayu to get dinner. As he put the (o-miyage) moist nibbles into Ayu’s dish Toshiya sauntered into the kitchen. Hisa offered a drink, Toshiya looked around and noticed the bottle of Fauchon cabernet.

"You can open that, if you like. The wine glasses are in the cupboard to your right," Hisashi offered.

"You’re sure?"

"Yes." After that, Hisa brought out a couple of old towels, a timer, hair clips and two ragged shirts from "Never mind. If those got dye on them it would be OK. Part of the punkish charm, ne? OK let’s wear these and get started. Who’s first?"

"We’ll janken (Roshambo)."

Hisa lost and thought how he didn’t win back in high school with Takuro. But, did that count? Takuro refused to even hold out his hand! As they prepared the bleach mix, they laughed and mentioned how they felt like kids again. Hisa told Totchi that he was closer to it. Totchi just looked at him and said "You don’t look much older than those drunken pics of you and Teru! Besides, you’re not really old. You’re not a ‘man’ until you’re 41, remember?!"

Hisa said, "Thanks, but I wish you didn’t remember those silly pics. I’m 28 now, dealing with the death of my youth and nowhere to go but down the charts." Hisa laughed a bit and thought how he was nearly 30 and getting to be rather suburban. Yet, he was with a gorgeous younger man on his way up the charts. Colouring each other’s hair.

<Will I be like an oba-chan: old, wrinkled and sporting bright, acidic hair?>

Don’t think about it. Keep your mind on NOW. Suburbia...I removed a tattoo and am left with 2 of them. Will I get rid of those too? The pain was more intense than getting them. Should I not have Tani-chan spike up my hair now? (so much for being in the moment)

As they put on the tattered shirts, they stole glances at each other’s svelte, smooth torsos. "We better do the bleach now."

Hisa sipped some wine as did Totchi. Hisa put on the gloves and dabbed cold cream on Toshiya’s hair line. Every now and then Totchi would look out the corner of his almond eyes and grin into Hisa’s cat eyes. After getting the bleach creme and foil on, it was Hisa’s turn to have it done. While they waited for it to take effect, they tidied the mess. Ayu came out and stopped. He got saucer eyed and would not stop the eerie stare. Hisa tried to calm Ayu with words but Ayu just ran like a bullet.

"We must’ve scared Ayu chan. He’s not really seen me like this. We look like something out of ‘Metropolis’."

Toshiya thought how Hisa was such a techie, more so after seeing all the computer stuff in the place. He should be the poster boy for high tech education, Toshiya thought to himself and chuckled. It was time to rinse, so they did. Now it was time for the colour. They sat there and decided on which colours to use. Toshiya wanted more blue with a touch of purple around the face, whereas Hisashi decided on using all of them across his hair. That solved them looking like bookends.

Holding the dryer like a zap gun, Hisa dried Toshiya’s hair. Toshiya followed by doing similar, saying "Bazooka!"

They laughed at their playing and painted on the colours. Wrapping the hair in foil again, Hisa thought how Totchi would make a brilliant model, fairly tall, slender, perfect legs, beautiful bone structure.

Totchi thought how Hisa would be an elegant woman and how he was so lovely to look at. As they waited for the colour to set, they tidied and finished the delicious, fruity wine. After rinsing, the duo looked at their brightly hued hair and each smiled at each other.

"Why do we need stylists?"

"Because it’s easier!"

Their hair glimmered like the prettiest koi in a clear pond. It was a game of eye tag. Toshiya held his gaze to Hisa’s reflection and Hisa looked at Toshiya’s reflection. This stopped when Ayu nearly began howling. Hisa quickly went into the room and kneeled. There was Ayu, under the bed all this time. Probably cat napping, now wide awake. As if from a bad dream. Maybe it was Ayu missing Hisa so much when he was gone. Ayu looked at the face peering at him and ran out, then sat. it was OK. The familiar human was there now. Hisa bent toward the cat, who immediately jumped in his arms. As Ayu was purring and Hisa getting up from the floor, Toshiya swayed in. Toshiya thought about Hisa having some solace from the cat. Maybe it’s not so bad, he’s just rather shy and I’m not really...

Toshiya and Hisa walked towards each other. When Hisa got near the bedroom door, he leaped out toward the living room.

"Cats!" Hisa sighed. "Thanks for the gorgeous colour, Toshiya. You are a good artist."

Toshiya gave a slight bow and said, "thank-you, I am your humble servant." They laughed again. Hisa thought how they both cross dressed. Nothing’s compartmentalised. That’s why he loved GLAY so mush; what the name meant and the various music styles they played. It fit in with androgyny. Even the effeminence, maybe. Toshiya told Hisashi how he liked his colours as well.

Hisashi returned the bow. "At your service, kind sir."

Hisa started to move away from the threshold. Toshiya stood in his way and reached out to his hair. Stroking the soft strands, Hisa didn’t move but looked downward. Toshiya softly took Hisa’s chin and lifted it. He moved closer and lightly kissed both sides of Hisa’s lips then the mouth.

Hisa blinked and blushed. Toshiya asked if it was OK.

Hisa was silent. He didn’t want to say no or yes. "I don’t know."

With that, Toshiya put his hand on Hisa’s small waist and leaned forward. This time he kissed his mouth longer. Hisa’s mouth loosened up a bit then opened. He allowed Toshiya’s tongue and then wrapped his tongues around it. Their tongues wrapped and pulled each other as their mouths became much more moist.

Toshiya now had both hands on Hisa’s body. One hand fondled the waist while the other hand stroked Hisa’s head. Hisa’s hands touched Toshiya’s hair; soft like Ayu’s fur- then went to the base of the neck his long fingers perched on Toshiya’s broad shoulder.

As they broke away for oxygen, Toshiya kissed and licked the nape of Hisa’s slender neck. Hisa tilted his head to the side and made small sounds of pleasure.

It was such a turn on to Toshiya that he wasted no time in quickly taking off his T shirt and Hisa’s. Toshiya nudged Hisa toward the bed.

The room was silvery lit from the moonlight. The room was done up in a cool platinum with touches of jewel toned blue and deep purple accents. The bed was full of pillows, an eiderdown, and looked as if it was Pratesi bedding. He’s even fashionable when it comes to the bed; Toshiya smiled. There they were, standing in the moonlight. Near the well appointed bed.

Totchi stroked the slender, muscle toned arms as he gazed at Hisa’s smooth, flawless, narrow chest and ribs. So perfect ! Hisa looked at Toshiya’s arm and held on to them near the elbows. Not doing much but squeezing a bit. Toshiya kissed him again. On the forehead, on the eyes, ears, then the mouth. He traced the lip line and grazed the lips with his tongues. Hisashi began to whimper and shake a little.

Toshiya whispered into the most dreamy seductive voice, "Take me to your bed." Hisa nodded and took his hand. They went to the bed and turned down the sheets. Toshiya let his pants drop to the floor. Hisashi felt embarrassed but elated. His heartbeat was in overdrive at the anticipation of sex with this beautiful, talented, taller guy.

Toshiya stood in his charmeuse boxers and looked down at Hisa. He lightly ran his fingertips over Hisa’s torso, lips, then belly. As he did this he sat on the side of the bed. Hisa rubbed his arm and lightly ran his fingers over Totchi’s back. Totchi undid the button and the zip on Hisa’s pants. Hisa lifted up his narrow hips. As Totchi slid the pants down Hisa’s slim legs, he grazed the skin with his fingers. Every cell was jumping, it was almost painful. An exquisite pain. Now Hisa was only clad in boxers. Plaid Dior in Blue. Totchi lay on his side next to Hisa. They kissed and explored each other mouths with their tongues, each others’ bodies with their skilled long hands, and their slim legs with their feet.

Toshiya began to breathe much harder. Each guy was hard as well. Totchi pulled Hisa closer and they rubbed against each other. Finally, Totchi pulled the boxers off Hisa and got towards the side of the bed. Hisa moved a little and glided Toshiya’s boxers down his legs to the floor. Toshiya sat on the bed side and opened a box. The Benetton box.

He got some out and gently pushed Hisa down against the silky cotton covered pillows. Hisa held on to Toshiya’s shoulders and Toshiya kissed Hisa’s nipples and lightly pulled on them with his teeth. Hisa tried to hold Toshiya’s sex but Toshiya breathed "Not now, I don’t want to come now. There’s much to do."

With that, Hisa relaxed into the pillows and ran his long fingers through Toshiya’s hair. Toshiya went farther down and licked and nibbled the area below the flat belly. Hisa was so hard it looked as if he’d burst soon. Toshiya pinched and rolled a bright red condom and then took Hisa into his mouth. Hisa moaned. Toshiya moved his mouth up and down the shaft then put in his cheek and moved it back and forth, all the while gently squeezing on it. This produced an unreal sensation in Hisashi. All he could do was whimper and move his hips. Toshiya held his down somewhat and grasped his balls as he continued sucking on the scented/flavoured well dressed penis. When he swished his tongue near the point, Hisa thought he was about to die. Even more extacy came when Toshiya gummed the tip and swirled his tongue around the tip and back down the shaft, then the whole thing in his mouth as he caressed the balls. At last he felt the contracting of Hisashi and withdrew and unrolled the condom. Hisa ejaculated as Toshiya held Hisa’s sex tightly against his smooth chest. Hisa cried out and panted. He looked so exquisite against all those pillows and rumpled sheets. Toshiya grabbed a tissue and delicately wiped Hisa’s manhood.

Hisa was still breathing heavily but managed to ask "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Oh yes my dear ,please. Soon." Totchi rubbed his torso up on Hisa’s and they did a deep full throated, lingering kiss. It tasted of strawberry. Hisa licked Toshiya’s lips. "Do you like my surprise?"

"I love it. Thank-you. I think I saw stars…"

Totchi sighed and licked Hisa from the jawbone, down the side of the neck and then concentrated nibbling at the base of the neck as he rubbed the side of Hisa’s bum. With this he pulled Hisa around. Now Hisa was on top. Toshiya had his eyes halved closed and asked for Hisa to do him. Hisa began to rub Totchi’s sex. it was fairly hard but got even harder.

Totchi reached down to the bedside and was able to get a couple more condoms. He put them near his side then grabbed Hisa’s loins. Hisa pushed himself against the soft fleshy part beneath Totchi’s balls. it felt so good, he was becoming hard again.

Toshiya used his long arms to stroke Hisa’s chest and moved him in a bit so he could rub his bottom. Hisa jumped a little.

"Does that hurt??"

"No, no."

"Does that tickle?"

Hisa turned pink again and only mumbled, "mm.."

Toshiya’s voice was as smooth as the highest quality silk charmeuse. "Let’s try using this..." With that he inserted a finger into Hisa. At first it felt a bit like an intruder, but Totchi wriggled his finger as if he was thumping a bass. Hisa became even harder and moved up and down on top of Totchi’s lap. Totchi reached for the condoms and told Hisa to use them. "We need to be dressed for the occasion. I like these. Kakkoi ne?"

As Hisa rode Totchi , Totchi deftly rolled 2 condoms (blue and yellow) on Hisa’s pulsating sex.

"Hisa-chan, please? I’m ready now."

"Uh, OK" Hisa moved upward as Totchi rearranged some pillows and guided Hisashi’s hips. His long legs circled Hisa’s waist and Hisa held his sex. Pushing it against Totchi’s hole area then putting in the tip. He moved it back and forth a little, then twirled it in a spiral. Totchi was panting and had his back arched. His head practically upside down over the bedside. His body was moving along with Hisa’s. Hisa said he didn’t want to hurt him.

"That’s Ok. You won’t. Please, now..." Hisa held his sex and pushed it in the tight hole. The feeling was unlike anything he’d experienced before. Toshiya was swaying and contracting his inner muscles. Hisa thought it was tight it’d hurt but it didn’t seem to after the initial penetration.

They heaved and moved. in and out slowly, spiralling...which brought Toshiya into raising his legs near Hisa’s shoulders and pointing his feet straighter than any ballerina. "Stay still.." Hisa did then Toshiya began to rock a little. Hisa took the cue and moved in a deeper rocking motion then faster and faster until he withdrew, ripped the condom off and oozed sticky fluid on Toshiya’s flat belly. "Sorry. that’s the second time it got on you."

Toshiya replied that he had no complaint and pushed Hisa down on his sex. He propped the guitarist just so and held him with his hands. Hisa rubbed Totchi with his belly and Toshiya spilled onto Hisa’s belly. It was so thick and warm then became cold and sticky in an instant. A really satisfying feeling though. Holding each other in their arms. Hisa moved so they were both on their sides. They kissed and squeezed each other tightly. Finally, they got tissues and wiped each other. Smiling.

"I’ve wanted to do that for so long." Toshiya said.

Hisa looked embarrassed then tightly clasped Toshiya there was a still silence. As if reading his mind, Toshiya rubbed Hisa’s neck and smoothed his hair. "It’s OK. We did nothing wrong." Hisa felt more complete but felt bad about unfaithful.

"Should I leave?"

"No! Please stay. It’s something I have to work out."

"It’s our secret and I wish to continue being with you. It’s not the same as if you were with a woman is it?" Hisa put his head on Totchi’s chest and thought. "You’re right. Still, this is new to me..." Toshiya smiled and closed his eyes as he stroked Hisa who was now asleep on his chest.