REVELATION (a.k.a. annoying religiously motivated scripture-like scrawlings) as given by Our Lady Eris, September 8th, 2003
1) I looked out upon this manifestation of the Goddess, wearing a pinstripe suit,
and smoking a huge pipe while skanking left to right
2)Who told me her name was "Ska-dess"
3)"Ska-dess?" I said
4)To which she reached out her hand to slap my head
5)In that instant I saw that She was truly Eris, and I weeped knowing that She was now also
Goddess of Ska.
6)"Ha!" She spake "How do you like that?"
7)"Now go out, my child. Prepare the way for the great Skatastrophe."
8)And if that worketh not, prepare the way for the Kingdom of Laughter.
St. Hugh, you can hide from me in Ska concerts no longer!"
9)I looked about me for signs of the White Mouse, for then I suspected myself a victim of
an elaborate hoax.
10) She spake "Lookest about thyself not for White Mice. Lookest inside yourself in the
tequilarium, for only then will you see the Great Tickling nature of this put on...
and speaking in biblical english pisses me off, by the way."
11)"Eris?", I asked, "What's going on here?"
12)"Have you lopsided your pineal gland again, St. Hugh? Do you need another slap?"
13)"No...but a hug or a kiss may do."
14)"I'm your Goddess, not your girlfriend."
15) And I received another divine slap of a revelatory nature
16)and this is what was revealed to me....
(Proceed forthwith, prewith, postwith, and many widths...)
Revelation 1: Illumination, hiddly diddly poo, will come to you when you
realize the great truth masked in semantical gesticulations of "both/and"!
Without the poo you can't be you. Incomprehensible? Get over yourselves!
Such is the Chaoist life. Show me the sound of one hand clapping, and I'll pull
Shrodinger's Cat from my hat. Rev. 2:AN EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL Speak thus, "Eris, Bitch Goddess, bring to me some
good fun loving! So mote it be! Kallisti!" Garnish with five elements and scraps of
your own occult knowledge. Rev. 3: "I am Eris, Me what done it all. Confuser and confounder of Satanists,
Christians (Satanists in reverse), Wiccans (who are both Satanists and Christians in reverse,
or vice versa), Pagans, Neo-Pagans, Witches, Shamans, Atheists, and Clowns.
Many have tried to reach the shores of my wisdom but have smashed apart on the rocks of
their own seriousness! I come again to show you the voodoo hoo-hah techniques of silliness
to tickle the world!" Rev. 4: War is the imposition of order taken to its fundamental extreme when all that
is really needed to stop it is the realization that the Golden Apple is meant for all of us. Rev. 5: Don't think too much about things or you could miss the point, if there is one. Rev. 6: Ten Commandments you may have missed while away (consult the Apocrypha Discordia) Rev. 7: "I am Eris. You are not...maybe...sort of...okay, maybe you are but I am the Lady of Chaos,
Confusion, Laughter, and Hot-dogs. Long winded though my children may be, it is nothing
compared to the long windedness of those who take themselves too seriously.
Let it be known that a house divided was never even built, fools! But a house with no
laughter is a truly meaningless abode. Abide not by the precepts of order (whether in a
house or out) for they are the root of all serious ego-tripping spectacles. Unless that's
what you want, of course." Rev. 8: "Beware and wary and weary of the ones who claim to be certain of the
truth. Such people only know truth sometimes, if they are lucky. Those who know the real
truth never rest in the illusion of certainty." Rev. 9: All bowling alleys are hereby declared to be used as Discordian sink temples,
sacred and not-so-sacredly irreverent, whether relevant or not. Rev. 10: People often look to themselves when happiness comes their way. People often
blame the Gods when sadness comes their way. (Stop your bitching!) No one tries to learn what
is really happening, including those who say that they seek the truth. Rev. 11: If it harms none, do as you will. If it provokes laughter, (do it) even
better. Rev. 12: Many are the words that are spoken. Few are the words that are listened to.
Blessed are the ones who, upon stilling themselves to silence, can feel the great tickling
laughter of the universe. Rev. 13: Do not deceive yourselves into believing that seekers of the truth are rare
and precious. For all those that live do seek the truth, whether they realize this or not.
The truth is in fact many truths and many untruths. Thus, those that claim to find truth
are just as confused as those who claim nothing. But those who know themselves as confused,
are truly open to realize the many truths, whether true or false. Rev. 14: Live and let us dance! Rev. 15: The great spiritual adepts and learned sages can make 2+1 = 0.
But the greatest, most awakened, most illuminated of them can make 2+3 = 5 with no effort. Rev. 16: "I am Eris. You who would seek the meaning of this universe must
peer willingly through the holes in your socks. For there are many such things which
can be found. Thus, you have many opportunities to find meaning...or at least nonsense.
And unless you understand nonsense, you will not see Me. So, Get over yourselves!" Rev. 17: BE very suspicious of any words that follow "If only."
And then I passed out....And then I awoke.
Rev. 18: Do not let thy mind wilt shall be the whole of the path.
Love is the path; love preventeth ye wilting. Rev. 19: Brainwashing, although easier, is nowhere nearly as fun as mindfucking. Rev. 20: “Your minds are dysfunctional in proportion to their lack of humor.”
And then I passed out again. Eris went away. And I imagined that the White Mouse
finally shut up.
The Heresy Principle:
“The Only Thinking is Free Thinking. The Only Thinker is a Free Thinker.
Beliefs only give one the Illusion of Thought while actually never having to Bother with
Thinking for Oneself.” * [Note: This principle is the only principle that Purple Monkeys follow.)