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Once, Someone decided to do Something. Instantly, three Others appeared.
"Who are you?" asked Someone. "I am Church," said Church. "I am State," said State. "I am Self," said Self. "Oh," said Someone. "Well, why are you here?" "We heard you had decided to do Something. We've come to appeal to your principles, and determine whether you should actually do it," said the three Others. Someone frowned. "I don't understand. Why is it your business?" Church replied first. "I stand for those principles highest to you: what you believe is right or wrong, your morality, so to speak. I appeal to purposes and guiding principles in your life beyond mere personal desires-" Here Self winced "-and societal cares." Here State winced. State replied second. "I stand for the guiding principles behind civilized man, and behind the government to which you have pledged obedience, allegiance and cooperation. My principles are the protective and collective, standing well apart from religion-" Here Church sighed. "-and providing a needed order to the often harmful whims of Self." Here Self sighed. Self replied third. "I stand for the rights of you, the individual. The principles I urge you to consider are your rights and freedoms, which nobody, not the deluded religious establishment-" Here Church groaned. "-nor the idiotic governmental bureaucracy-" Here State groaned. "-should strive to suppress." "But I just want to do Something," said Someone, "and you all are making it so complicated!" "You have responsibilities," said the Others. "To your God," said Church. "To your society," said State. "To yourself," said Self. "To heck with this!" said Eris, entering from a dark corner where she had been hiding, unseen. She reached inside Her dark robes, letting them part just enough to give Someone a fascinating look at the Goddess-flesh beneath, and produced a golden apple. "I've got sumpin' ummy!" She said, holding the apple by the stem and dangling it in front of the three Others. "And I want to give it to the one of you that most deserves to have Someone listen to what you say." She then tossed the apple into the midst of the Others, who fought after it in a comic cloud-of-smoke arms-and-legs-akimbo fashion. She laughed loudly. "Now, what was it you wanted to do?" She asked Someone. "Something," said Someone. "I know that!" Eris snapped. "WHAT WAS IT?" Someone recoiled from the fire in Eris' eyes. "I-I wanted to go eat a hot dog. Without any bun." Slowly, Eris smiled. "Hey, you know, you just might be *my* kind of someone." The two of them then went to the Zen Hotdog Stand at the corner of Yin Street and Yang Avenue (next to the HodgePodge Lodge, you know?). There, without thought to Church, State, or even Self, they asked the vendor to make them One With Everything. |
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