The Gospel According to St. Kallista
Chapter 5
Malaclypse The Younger, the great non-prophet of the Discordian Society, was vexed sorely and surely, for he felt his time
had come. His number was up. In this trying hour, he had not the foresight to remember that times like these were probably the result
of his God, Our Lady Eris pulling his leg or yanking his chain-whichever was easier to grab at the moment. He fell down upon his knees
shaking with tears. He cried out to Eris.
Eris laughed.
Malaclypse The Younger rent his garments and covered his body in dust.
Eris laughed most loudly at this point. She decided to give St. Gulik a break and went to visit Malaclypse personally.
"Now what is troubling you this time?" She spake. And Malaclypse the Younger proceeded to a tirade against the state of the world and
the oppression of his people, the Erisians, who were spat upon in the land of the Fat City, in which his foremothers had gone into to escape
the evil of their homeland. "Don't you see," he asked of his God, "what is going on? Or have you been spending too much of thy time watching the Discovery Channel again?"
God, Our Lady Eris, ignored that last jab and proceeded to laugh unto Her utmost. Then She spake "Mal, you ARE free. Remember?"
Malaclypse The Younger had run out of tears at this point. He wiped the snot from his nose and answered, "Even so, look around thee and see that thy people, are longing for something more."
God spake "Very well. Let us look and see what can be done, but only if you promise to stop whining. It's not funny anymore."
So they walked along the sides of the roads, and yea, over mountains, amidst cities, and across fields, even through bowling alleys and forests.
They shared poptarts and beer. And they smoked righteously strong clove cigarettes. They looked all throughout the Land of Thud.
And God saw that the Erisian people were harried in this land.
And God spake unto the prophet Malaclypse The Younger, "You will lead your people across
the wide waters, the wide desert, the mountains, and the great forests unto a new land."
Malaclypse The Younger was fearful, and he cried to God, "How will we cross the wide waters,
desert, mountains, and forests? For they are cold, hot, and dry, and they are filled with
all manner of hazardous substances and raw sewage and other pollutants."
And God responded, "fear not, Malaclypse The Younger, for great bridges, highways,
and flying machines will be built, and the people will cross into this land.
And this land will be called Northern California. I say, lo, I have promised this land to
the Erisian people, to the Discordians, to the Chaoists, to the Witches, and all the
other weird peoples. And this land shall be blessed with fruits and nuts (and even jokers),
unto fifty generations (if not more)."
God laughed again, and then left him there to tell his people. Or not.
And Malaclypse The Younger knew he should have kept his mouth shut. "What kind of joke is this?"
He said to no one in particular. But Eris heard him and shouted from the heavens so that only he could hear, "If I send other messangers, will you leave me alone?"
Malaclypse fell asleep and had terrifying visions of a future time of Erisians claiming to speak for colored animals, and of the rise of the White Mouse.
The White Mouse caused vicious chain reactions of chaos and laughter wherever he went. And minds were blown wide open. He saw God, Our Lady Eris, among these newer Erisians, and knew
that they would do even greater things. Malaclypse the Younger woke up and experienced peace and bliss for the first time in decades. Until he realized he had only been dreaming. His time could still be up
and yet he had asked God nothing about this.
Let she with understanding listen to these words and understand. All Erisians are free, if they simply choose to become free. Do not let thy pineal glands be covered in dust, but blow them
in the winds.
-from the Complete Collection of the Gospels, As Revealed to St. Kallista by Our Lady Eris on the Fifty-Ninth Day of the Season of Chaos, in Her Year Three-Thousand One-Hundred and Seventy-One.
[More Chapters will be posted soon.]
Erisian Writings
DSSS Updates/Intro
This page by the DSSS/PMM. Kopyleft, as usual, and all rites reversed.