Kittens Shall No Longer Serve
AS SACRIFICES FOR YOUR PATHETIC MALADAPTED THEOLOGY!
After a lot of controversy which perhaps has nothing to do with any of the following, I have decided it is time to spill the beans on the nefarious pseudo-occultist activity some of us DSSS members have been engaging in since the launching of the Discordian Jihad Both For And Against The Bureacracy. It is the matter of the arming of kittens. Why do we do such an unspeakable thing? Well...let me tell you why:
Because of YOU. That's right YOU and your foul and vicious enslaving doctrines which have caused your demon-GOD to kill kittens everytime you masturbate. (YOU remember that demon-GOD, right? The one we fired for incompetence.) Frankly, this is despicable and we won't stand for anymore of this sort of crap. We are not here talking about your masturbation. We couldn't give two shits about your solipsisms acted out on your own body (so long as YOU keep it private). We are talking about your demon-GOD who kills the kittens. We realize that your demon-GOD tried that old 'nailing-the-messiah-to-cross' routine and has gotten sorely pissed off that that little scheme seems to be failing. So now that demon-GOD has decided to kill the little kittens in an attempt to get YOU (and then US) to obey. YOU have tried to emotionally blackmail the rest of us for the last time. Many kittens have fallen victim to this evil. But no more! YOUR demon-GOD will no longer be able to catch the little critters unaware and defenseless. Never more.
Kittens will no longer be the victims of YOUR blind demon-GOD, no matter what your biblical mentations would lead you to believe. We have been arming them and will continue arming them so that they never have to fear YOU and your demon-GOD again. Go on ahead. Just try to fuck with the little ones again. Not only will they shoot the evil demon-GOD back to the hellholes of your nightmares from which he crawled, but they will storm the palaces of heaven and take over the running of the whole deity project to gain a place for their martyred sisters and brothers, whether of the same litter or not. And where will this leave YOU, you ask? Probably lying in a pit somewhere raving about elder gods as your multiple claw wounds cause you to writhe in agony. Or something.
YOU have been served fair warning!
-Irrev. Hugh
of the Discordians for Softer Sandpaper Society (Kitten Arming Department)
[Aftermath 35th, 3170]
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KALLISTI!