OFFICIAL PURPLE MONKEY CABAL INTERNAL/INFERNAL/VERNAL MEMO
Today's Date: It does vary and tends to be forgotten
Yesterday's Date: Next Tuesday
From: St. Hugh, KSC, Tequilarius I, Ignifactus of Sinisterium,
also Ignifactus of Dexterium, Pecan, et al.; Episkopos, something or other
To: All Cabal members who can be found and who bother to read this;
The random stray Discordians who may read this and/or tuned in
via pineal gland; The Bavarian Illuminati; The Office of Homeland
Security for the USA (I KNOW you're reading this!)
Regarding: There Are Still Holes In My Socks!
Greetings, My fellow liberated folk, well...except for you Homeland Sec. people.
None of you responded to my earlier memo yet. That's all well and good. Maybe.
As to why I have addressed the Homeland Sec. People:
This is to inform The Office of Homeland Security, USA, that you have, in fact, been awarded
a most majestic distinction bestowed upon the Orders Of Discordia by being herewith elevated to command of
both the Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE and the Political Order of
THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL. Congrats! We here at the PM Cabal wish you all the best luck in your
new position as bombers/gassers and inquisitors of the world. We recognize all the hard work
you have put in to zealously guard your sense of truth, justice, televised football and the
American way. Thank you for helping us all. Please note: Since the Cabal does not
discriminate on the basis of Name, Race, Language, Haircut, Nudity, Species, Sex, or lack
thereof, Status of Proven Existence, Substance Habits, Religion, Politics, etc.;
You will be very pleased to know that we have elevated your 'so-called' enemies in the
Al-Qaeda Office of Homeland Insecurity to the same position, as they have proven to be
just as zealous in their bombing and inquisition activities.
Now as to important matters:
There are still Bavarian Illuminati in our little
group who are confused as to the nature of the organization. Let me thoroughly confuse them
further by stating clearly, there is no organization in our Cabal. Period. They are clearly
victims of the WhistlePiss. Purple Monkeys who are not Bavarian Illuminati please treat our
confused sestren and brethren with compassion. (Laugh at them when they're not around, etc.)
Please also find the time to explain to our confused sestren and brethren that the Bavarian
Illuminati is in fact a front organization for the Cabal and that we are sorry for any
misunderstandings this may cause. Those Illuminati still unwilling to see the truth should
be taken straightaway to the Tequilarium for further elucidation.
As for the prairie
squid menace, I can only speculate as to the source of the great beasts.
And no one wants to hear me ramble for hours about it. Just note that we at the
Tequilarium will keep all Cabal members updated via telepathy from here on out as we
have discovered that prairie squid can read.
There are still holes in my socks. Whoever is doing it, please stop now. I get the point.
Well, just some thoughts. BTW, someone tell the Tequila Mística people that the next sink
party was cancelled due to the prairie squid menace, but we will still
have the tequila contest as prairie squid are known to dislike and avoid people inebriated
from the beverage. I would write a memo to them but I am in an irritable mood as Eris came
over today and smoked all of my tobacco while She, yet again, gave me far more revelations
than I could write down. But I’m NOT bitching.
Kallisti!
END OF OFFICIAL PURPLE MONKEY CABAL MEMO
Put that in your fax machine and smoke it!
Abolish Stupidity
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