"Not while I'm in the toilet, man. Quit it!"
-Hakim Bey
"-If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
We might, if they screamed all the time for no good reason."
-Discordian Saying
"¡Y ahora si quieren bailar, búsquense otro timbalero!"
-Ibrahim Ferrer (singing "Ay, Candela" aa Faustino Oramas piece.)
"You can't lick the system, but you can sure give it a damned good fondling."
"Every man thinks the people are part of the swinish herd, the mob, when the masses go against him. Every man thinks the people are intelligent and independent thinkers when the masses support him."
-Anderson's Law of Infinite Stupidity
A lot of shit slinging has been going on lately. This is only a mirror of the way things are in global politics and societies. Someone does something. Someone else calls it shit. The first person then calls the second person shit because they had the temerity to call the first person's actions shit. And then the second person calls the first person shit for slinging more shit. And then the first person calls the second person shit for pointing out the continuation of the first person's shit slinging. Then others join in by either calling one or the other of the two people shit. Then some others voice their loud opposition to the whole shit slinging situation by calling all the shit slingers shit. Then some people, whether shit slingers or not, call those who aren't shit slinging shit. It becomes an infinite regress of shit slinging stupidity. This is shit, everyone agrees, just before they sling some more shit of their own. Before you know it, everyone is slinging shit or getting mad and stomping off to shit somewhere else. Fecal matter, ladies and gentlemen. We are crawling in it up to our ears. I for one, am going to stop shit slinging. It was fun for about 23 seconds, give or take a day or two, until I realized that hardly anyone has a sense of humor anymore. The only thing left to do, is to take our over loaded colons, void them, and flush the crap down the toilet.
Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, people! If I knew it was going to be this boring, I would have simply returned to my own herd of prairie squid, instead of trying to fuck around with the poor wasted tortured prairie squid some of us have been sharing for the past few weeks. Give it a break, if not for anyone's sake but the poor tired creature's. Enough is enough. And it is enough precisely because you disagree with it being enough. The jihad of 2004 was called off and pulled back in (and beaten severely with wet socks for its failure at stamina) because after a while, that naughty monkey had been spanked sore by some of you. So sore that it was no longer even a shred of its former silliness. You want a revolution? Go and start one for Chaos' sake. Stop the yap clap trap about this that and the other. You may find you can smile again after all. Hell, I have still been laughing through it all, but I am concerned for the little ones who have rightly pointed out over and over and over again that shit should rightly be flushed down the toilet. If you have no toilet, go down to the nearest gas station.
All the shit stirring and the attempts at slinging shit have only dirtied our own hands. Nothing more. It is still funny to see how serious some of you are taking this. But even I know when to cut people some slack. Which is all we are really here for anyway: SLACK.
Regardless of it all, those with a lack of humor have proven themselves true to the task of hanging themselves on the rope that was freely provided. Besides, it's time for other projects and doings and sayings. (Isn't it always that time?)
Another thing some of you may wish to ponder on is the over-use of the word "greyface." Some of you have rightly pointed out that certain moments when some of us appear to lack a sense of humor or whatnot that we are behaving like snotty greyfaces. While some of you have gone around and cried "greyface" whenever some one of us expressed irritation or anger, as if you have never expressed irritation or anger. Being tired, irritated or angry has nothing to do with being gray. Unless there are some of you out there who can truly say that you have never been irritated or even irritable. Then, by all means, through the first stone. Just remember from this latest shit slinging debacle how boring that will get quickly.
Regardless of where you stand or what you stand on, or what side you take- whether this, that, maybe, nothing, or something else- or whatever else, nothing will stop the Erisian Movement. Not even hundreds of little rats who gnaw and squeak and squeal. Not even racebapingfats or claw shrimp attacks or zombies or even thousands of illegitimate unions between activists and bunny rabbits. Not even the hundreds of times some shmuck comes along and says "you all suck!" Not even the Christians who run the USA and thus much of the globe. Not even the boasting matches of ten thousand drunken Subgenii amplified over every municipal PSA system on the planet. Not even the rising price of gasoline. Not even the fact that my pipe is running out of tobacco. Not even a throng a ninja-pirate half-breeds stripping every car in your parking lot. Not even the hundreds of Islamic Jihadist cells that like blowing up shit. Not even the myriad of fnords piled sky high on every newspaper and over much of the internet. Not even millions of migrating Mexicans (that for some reason seem to scare or provoke anger in Anglo-America). Hell, not even a horde of young Republicans armed to the teeth with Chick tracts and copies of the ten commandments. Nothing will stop the Erisian Movement. Not until you wise up. And even then it's just a small chance. You don't have to like anyone else having anything to do with it. You don't even have to talk to anyone else (at least you can talk to yourself, right?). But stopping the Erisian Movement (or the Discordian Society, if you prefer), or even disrupting it, via shit slinging or any other thing slinging, is pretty much as impossible as stopping the Earth rotating, and even that is more possible. (Supposedly some prophet from the Old Testament got Yahweh to stop the Earth once...and that is another reason why we like our irreligion to be non-Prophet.)
If you want your revolutions or other projects, be my guest...but do note that none of the territorial pissing contests that such projects almost always entail would interest all of us in the slightest bit, unless you have some funny or good stories to tell. Try to smash the damned fictional machine if you feel you must. Good luck to you and be courteous enough to try to avoid having pieces of you hit us as they fly off the spinning blades. And do remember that if you need an audience for your narcissism, you'd probably have better luck at getting a rise from a bored crowd at a bar during some open-mic show than you would have with a pack of Discordians or Erisians or other assorted oddballs on the internet. Also remember that if the Discordian Society or the Erisian Movement disgusts you, or you think it is irrelevant, then why bother saying so, or why bother trying to keep trying to irk or stir up crap or any of that sort? Unless, of course, you need some more rope. As they used to say in the circus, one or two monkeys don't stop the show. As the song goes "It's not going to stop till you wise up" and then the fun really starts.
<And now, the rant machine will focus on some other things such as lightning, thunder, and smoking gods or some other such ideas. Coming soon to a theater near you, even nearer than the local chain-coffee-shop franchise.>
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC; Tequilarius Malignatus
(Driving under the influence of medical dictionaries.)
August 9th, 2005