Rant 127: Discordianism


"Our view, conversely, is that the only truth worth holding is that there is no truth, because there is no external truth out there for us to perceive -- there is merely that which makes sense to us and that which doesn't. Reality exists (although some philosophers debate that, too) -- reality is objective, whereas truth is entirely subjective. If you hold out a rock and let it go, it will drop. That's because gravity is an objective force -- it's an aspect of what IS -- reality. Truth derives from reality (e.g., let go of a rock and it will drop), not the other way around...Freethinking is the only methodology you can safely rely on, in the absence of external Truth -- that is, thinking and evaluating for yourself what is and isn't, rather than letting someone else define your world for you."
-David Neal, small "a" anarchist (1997)


Those who hate Discordianism have said a lot of things in a malicious attempt to try and block our acts of having fun. They have even made the stupid suggestion that they are trying to get us to wise up, even as they declare that we are hopeless. THEY act like the enemy. Make no mistake about it and reserve no pity or compassion for THEM. (Unless you are Buddhist or something, in which case you may have your own nefarious reasons.) We can at least thank THEM for being shining examples of the lobsters-in-the-pot effect. Whenever THEY feel or believe that someone has done something of merit or something creative, or whenever THEY perceive that someone may be getting more attention than THEMSELVES, THEY start an immediate campaign to distort, discredit, and attack the person. Thus anyone who tries to develop something or anyone who shows any evidence that they are living a fulfilled life makes a potential target for THEM to try to drag down.

Like authoritarians (whether wittingly or not) everywhere, THEY have tried to control and dictate for you what you should be talking about, viewing, or even thinking. THEY have tried to tell you that your Discordianism is stupid, even as THEY have attempted to impose definitions from without. THEY have tried to tell you "correct ways" of being Discordian, which THEY deem as "intelligent," even while pretending to do otherwise. THEY have tried to tell you that fucking around and horseplay and all sorts of other silly and spurious things are pointless and stupid. (Unless, of course, it is all some elaborate joke on THEIR part...in which case, cheers!) As if anything needed a point.

These idiots who know not Eris, and who claim that those who do know Eris are full of shit, are inexplicable to THEMSELVES and thus have much hatred for those who know themselves and are comfortable with that. THEIR armored and bruised psyches give THEM much irritation which THEY then try to make us feel. THEY hate us even more if any of us (or anyone else) points out their weakness and vulnerability. THEY don't want a revolution where everyone can live and let dance, thus THEY hang around along the walls watching and waiting and criticizing the rest of us whether we dance like arrhythmic Caucasians or smooth curvy soul members. THEY hate pop-tarts and swordfish and other damned things. Hell, THEY'd even hate the holes in our socks, if THEY could justify it. THEY are like the proverbial Zen master hitting people with a stick because she herself was hit by a stick by her master and that's just the way it's always been done. Have THEY ever stopped to think about it? THEY call you greyface if you get angry at THEM for riding roughshod over any of your boundaries, yet THEY get angry at your slightest protest or act of calling THEM out. (It has even been rumored that THEY are even angry that some of us feel that we have a right to prairies squid. But that is just too horrible to contemplate...worse than the thought of Jeb Bush taking the White House.)

My fellow Erisians, Discordians, and/or Chaoists (or whatever you choose to call yourselves, in case you're into labels), lend me your eyes a moment for the following: Is it time for another Discordian Jihad? If so, it means little and says absolutely nothing for only the retard is absolutely sure of anything. Contrary to what many may say, we need stick together little if it means we can't stick apart. Every woman and man is a star, and all the rest of the cliches. If there is any justice in this world, it is each one of you. No matter what any of THEM may say, you are intelligent, ready for developing your own wisdom (if not doing so already), and you need take no crap from anyone...unless you find it amusing. (Or you need to fertilize your gardens. Which is why we can say that resistance is fertile.) If anyone wishes to try to stop you, perhaps you were about to walk into danger anyway, so they have helped you more than THEY realize, as the old prayer goes. Nothing need be personal, unless you choose to take it that way. And it is your choice after all. Read that again and let it bounce around your skull a minute or two.

Where is your god now? Eris won't save you but She will play with you. It really matters to Her little whether you believe in Her. Both sides are merely part of the same coin. Yin and Yang. Sweet and Sour. Night and Day. Moon and Sun. Alpha and Omega. Top and Bottom. Male and Female. Black and Red. Apples and Oranges. Forward and Backward. Right and Left. Foot and Hand. Tongue and Cheek. Horses of all other Colors. This or That. Why pick sides? That's what THEY would want you to do, because no matter which side you take, THEY will try to bring you down and call it stupid. THEY live in the fear of DOOM and the dazzling clouds of DUMB. Laugh at THEM. Laugh with THEM. Hell, just laugh. THEY can hate you because you know who you are and thus don't care about proving it with any certainty, since THEY are caught up in reifying and proving THEIR existence. Hah. The suckers! We living beings simply exist. What more proof is necessary? One doesn't have to believe Eris exists. She knows we all exist. THEY can argue about the metaphors and the symbols until THEY turn blue.

Discordianism is not just the written things like the Principia Discordia, Apocrypha Discordia, the Book of Eris, or the Metaclysmia Discordia...things which no one in any right or wrong (or left) minds need believe in. Discordianism is more than just squabbling about whether Eris really exists or not. (You ever hear what it sounds like to even argue that? Anyone remember the argument over the number of angels that could fit on the head of a pin? And if that's not evidence of the far-reaching influence of our confusing misinformation campaigns through the centuries, I don't know what is.) Discordianism, contrary to the popular dogma that masquerades as non-dogma, is not without definitions. It's just that there is a wide allowable variation in the ways people choose to define it. On the one hand, we don't want to ossify the whole thing into a fixed set of presuppositions and catechisms. On the other hand, if we let any definition be equally valid and accepted as Discordianism, then what is it that makes Discordianism any different than any other religious tradition or superstition? It is a precarious place to be in. One that needs a certain iconoclastic and freethinking stance. One that also needs a certain willingness to fess up and learn that we are just as screwed up and screwed over as the rest of the population (the Non-Discordians). The difference is that we know this and we are either not putting up with the bullshit denial games anymore (unless it amuses us), or we are seeking ways out of it. Discordianism has a different flavor for as many people who choose Discordianism as either a spiritual base or as a way of life or as anything else. We Discordians will validate our own existence, regardless of whether or not that means eventually dropping the Discordian moniker or not. We see the social games that make up the bases for almost every human endeavor, but unlike many people, we see them as the games they are and can choose to play or stay inside our proverbial home, whatever the case may be. The main distinction is that we Discordians like the fact that we can enjoy the hell out of life, even surrounded as we are by multitudes that want to keep thinking of it all as a serious existence. Life contains a tremendous potential for suffering, so we may as well enjoy it to the fullest.

There are other things that make Discordians "Discordian" as opposed to some of the other labels such as: Respecting the life of others. Not coercing others. Not bullying or harassing others. Reverence for Eris as an ideal or metaphor, if not literally as a Goddess. The willingness to explore all systems of knowledge and of perception. And a tendency towards parodying all of those supposed heavy handed rituals and customs that give life meaning. What is the meaning of Discordianism? You will figure it out on your own or with the help of any of the rest of us. Perhaps that is why THEY exist after all. THEY may actually be of some service and of some benefit to you if THEIR attacks and THEIR criticism of Discordianism as stupid will bring you to the point where you can tell THEM to shut the fuck up and either start putting some beauty back on this planet (from which THEY have sucked so much from) or get out of the way. Let THEM jump from our ship and into the seas of chaos. In the long run, THEY go back to chaos just as we do. Isn't funny that THEY insist that THEY are somehow exempt from that?

In conclusion, let the crap-screamers and muck-eaters bark all THEY want. THEY'll only die tired. And Eris' laughter will still be there long after the daisies THEY have pushed up have withered away or crumbled into dust. All Hail Discordia! Hail the Messiah! We are all the Messiah! Hail Eris!

-Irreverend Hugh, KSC
September 1st, 2005


<I needed to write something to take my mind off of New Orleans. Hopefully it gave you a minute or two of diversion as well.>

Rant 128
Rants Vol. 2 Index