"Try it. Fail. Try again. Fail better."
-Samuel Beckett
"Fuck Mr. Beckett and fuck existentialism!"
-The White Mouse
I have had enough of telling you all that there is no real difference between an Erisian and a Discordian (though I could be lying). What kind of Erisian-Discordian or Discordian or Erisian would I be if I did not contradict myself further and further anyway? (It's a habit I picked up from the Guide to Episkoposes from the old days way back before the rise of the internet.) So at last...a working definition of an Erisian: One who reveres and or worships the Goddess of Discord, Chaos and Confusion, or at least the personalized form of the ideas, if that makes any sense. Erisian: One who has been at the Discordian game for so long that it actually works spectacularly well, regardless of the individual Erisian's literal or metaphorical "belief" in Eris Herself. (It doesn't matter to Her much, since She is Eris after all.) Discordian: one who calls themselves Discordian. By all gods, if one is nutty enough to call oneself Discordian, then one deserves the label. "The label?" You ask.
Some people get so caught up in the labels of the whole movement that they get whiny and tripped up over the perceived differences, and then get angry or bothered that others don't recognize them. Hell, sit and think about it for a minute. The vast majority of the population on Earth would say "?" if you told them you were Discordian. It means about as much as calling oneself a Radical Hematologist or a Marxist Histopathologist. (Unless there are cases of radical blood types or Marxist tissue diseases that I don't yet know about.) The word Discordian means absolutely fuck all to anyone outside of the Discordian Society, really. (Except for a few Neo-Pagans who know their history.) The word Erisian means little to nothing to anyone, except for the few human beings on the planet who can make the connection to Eris. Even then, what does Erisian mean to the greater society at large? (And if you think I stand by this you should read some of the previous rants wherein I provide contradictory ideas and definitions which have as much to do with the practice of Discordianism or Erisianism as they would have with underwater basket weaving. Now there's an ancient Discordian art if ever there was one.)
As usual I asked Eris about it (I tend to have polytheistic days when I am not slipping in or out of agnostic or non-theistic modes), but She said "Hugh, you step into this, you had better throw some apples." She is not talking about it any further, but I bet She'll have a grand old time watching the rest of us argue and fight over something so silly and innocuous as definitions of terms. Thinking that the Principia Discordia is full of shit is just as much of a dogma as thinking of it as the greatest holy scripture ever written. Both sides or views have merit, but they are both simply approaches. Neither one any more true or real than the other, no matter what personal stake you have in your opinion of it. Kill the Buddha if he happens to be blocking your path, but remember that the Buddha may just smack the crap out of you...and then what? You lay there writhing in agony looking like a retard because you thought you were so cool that you could read some pithy Zen saying and think you could understand it. Like Zen, Discordianism cares nothing about whether or not you "get it" or "understand it." People who rush to a conclusive understanding of anything are simply those who confuse their prejudices with reality. (Discordianism=Other Discordians.) Like Zen, Discordianism has been constructed precisely to screw with the mind states of the fools who rush around thinking that they can or must understand things.
I may or may not care about whether you feel or think you understand it. I may or may not even care or like your own version of Discordianism. Hell, I may even rant and rave about how much of a jerk you are. But so what? Arguing over the fakeness or the realness of certain Discordians is just as fruitful as taking all of your hard earned money and flushing it down the toilet. And besides, you ever stop to think about what you sound like when you do it? No one has to take anything or anyone else seriously. And there isn't a damned thing in the world or in your mind that can change that. You can coerce others to agree with you, but those people are just sheep anyway, and why would you want to surround yourself with acolytes anyway? Perhaps, another religion or ideology would serve you better in that regard. You can't coerce a free person into even acknowledging that there is a point to your existence. And why would you need someone else to validate your life anyway? Why do you really care what other Discordians do or think or say? What do you care about other Discordian sects or approaches or any of that? Why do you feel the need for any sort of orthodoxy?
I'd rather have a bunch of people running around confused about what Discordianism is then to have some sort of official truths proclaimed as the one and true "real" Discordianism. Though it would be better to just have some sort of agreements as to what may or may not be Discordian, we don't have to go to the other extreme and think that we need to clarify and define exactly every little idea or action that we do. Besides, Discordianism isn't some sort of bottled-air spirituality on sale at your latest new age seminar. If you want tight definitions and easy answers, go convert to one of the fundamentalist faiths. Remember no one asked you to become Discordian, not even Eris. And we'll be just fine without hordes of people running around trying to define something that has "nonsense as salvation" (or was it salivation?) as one of its starting ideas.
Stop taking it all so damned personally. It's not as if the whole of the Discordian-Erisian family belongs to you. And if you think it does, then we have jihads and vexations to give you. In the end, who really gives a shit? It's just fun to do. And don't worry about Eris. Don't start thinking that She gives a shit, especially if you don't even care enough to say "hello" to Her when She shows up and gives you a little nudge, or steals your tequila. She could care less about whether you believe in Her. She's not like that other god who holds you hostage and threatens to send you to hell for not believing. She's also not one of those "pray-to-and-get-things" gods that is so busy trying to garner up huge numbers of followers that they'll do anything for anyone who calls upon them. She is Eris. She may just wipe out your entire collection of leftover pizza crusts that you had carelessly left underneath the cushions of that old couch in your front room.
In conclusion: I have already told you to stop picking your nose in public. So stop it. Otherwise jihad will be called.
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC
(Nicotine withdrawal again; this time cold-turkey)
September 23rd, 2005