"George Bush doesn't care about Black people. Neither do anarchists. What is the difference between the two, except that one has power?"
-The White Mouse
Some of you people (the Real/True Discordians(tm)) have decided that all of these crazy internet message board posters are not Discordian enough for you. Frankly, your stupidity is a vast deep sludge pit in which you think of yourself and your personal projects as being of such great importance that everyone should either join with you or should do as you claim to do. Yeah, that's right. You "claim" to be out there "changing the world" and you feel that this should give you some sort of higher position of respect within the halls of the Discordian Society. When other Discordians express the fact that they don't give a damn about whatever it is that makes you and your doings so important, you get all hissy and claim that you need to find "real" Discordians. Time for bluntness:
Your fundamentalism is astoundingly retarded. If you really feel that no one else but you and your little anarchist posing friends can be true Discordians, you have missed the proverbial boat and the proverbial point. Your retardation comes through loudly in that, while you claim to be out among society "changing the world," you seem to spend inordinate amounts of time on the internet berating other Discordians for spending too much time posting on forums instead of the great and holy "work" of doing as you think they should. Yet, you keep posting. You keep flapping your yap. You keep berating. You keep claiming to be doing important things as if Eris should care about you and your little deluded dopiness. Exactly what have you done to "change the world" besides going online to Discordian forums and berating people who spend time there? Exactly not a bobdamned thing, that's what you have done. You pineal gland is clogged with the snot of your own self importance. You have not yet realized that we care nothing for whatever it is you are trying to sell us because frankly we have heard the same sales pitches by most of the religions and political ideologies of our day. We have heard it all before. What makes you think that your little delusion of grandeur is any different than any of the others?
Why do you even bother coming to any internet forums if you feel that you can't find any true Discordians there? And besides that, if some of them are actually engaged in any Operations Mindfuck, why would you feel that they should tell you about it. After all, you are nothing but a bunch of pixels to anyone else online, as they are to you. You ever heard of taking time in getting to know others better? This rule goes for online as well as offline. If you don't understand the way the internet works, how it is really just a grand central electronic bulletin board and messaging system, then perhaps you need to truck yourself over to Indy Media, where you can give yourself the illusion that you are changing the world with every anarchist website you read in your favorite coffee shop, while you use their free hotspots, sitting there in comfort, wasting hours away posing as someone who is doing something for the world.
Frankly, Eris doesn't give a damn about what you are doing for this world, unless it makes Her look grander than She already is. If this is not the Goddess for you, pick or choose another. She really doesn't give a damn about whether you literally believe in Her, much like the rest of us don't really give a damn about whether you think we are "real" Discordians. It is funny to think that you serious Discordians pretend you have gotten it, that you understand it, that you can go around telling others that your unresolved childhood rebellion issues are the "True Discordianism." Put down that copy of Illuminatus and take a look around you at the world in which you live for once. (Yeah, you! I know you got the idea that Discordians should be out there "changing the world" from the Illuminatus Trilogy.) You don't get Robert Anton Wilson's little joke, do you? He was making fun of serious true believers just like you. Look at all the carnage caused by those people who wish to "change the world" when what they really mean to do is remake the world into their own image. In this the anarchists and the fascists show no difference.
Instead of bitching and whining at internet posters about "doing something" out there in the "real world(tm)", you could realize that your pretensions are pretty much of a nothing. You only moan and nag because you want people to think of how cool or "real" your Discordianism is. What absolute nonsense! Yet, your mental retardation can be of some use to us since we like our targets to be obstinate....all the more explosive the entertainment is when you snap. The best part of the deal is that some of you snap and snap over and over again, providing us with more entertainment. Dogs couldn't be trained to dance any better than you, the way some of you have been going at it.
We offer, again and again, enlightenment on a silver platter. Yet you push it away and refuse it because it doesn't seem "serious" or "real" enough to you. That's why we call you a little deluded dupe....a cabbage-mongering thuddite whose heart is small and grey and afraid that others will see the "real" person inside, so you have made up a fictitious idea ("True/Real Discordianism") to make yourself feel and look better in the eyes of all the rest of us. My point is this: If you think that the rest of us (some of whom have been truly Discordian since before you were a twinkle in your parents' eyes) are not up to your "standards" as to what constitutes Discordianism, why do you continue to keep trying to impress us? You do have the option of starting your own fucking cabal and/or sect, remember? Gather around yourself those that like what you say, or those you have cajoled into buying your bottled air, and do your own thing. If you keep going around online and making posts about how all the others who make posts aren't "real" enough because "making posts" on the internet doesn't "change the world," then exactly what are you doing?
In closing, don't whine if the Discordian Jihad should notice you and show you that Eris is real enough, at least for some of our purposes. Some of us actually do have lives and do have things to do in the world. Some of us are putting some beauty back into this world since we now have air and food and shelter and energy (and thus don't have much excuse to whine). Some of us don't bother bragging or posting about what we do in the world, because who should care except for people who already know us? Besides all this, if certain of us decided to post what we and our cohorts were doing in the world, it would either scare the snot out of your sinus cavities or you would laugh yourself into old age, or both. Or maybe something else entirely. As for me, I do this for Eris and for myself. When many of you have moved on to the next cool underground alternative thing, I and many of my cohorts will still be here. Probably until the end, saying "Hail Eris!" as we stand at the top of the rubbish heap that was your dream society. Eris is real. You are just what is left over with all the materials when She got finished with not-you.
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC
PMM Co-Episkopos, Pan-Goddess Diddling Witch of the Coven of Macha, Arch-Deacon and Rabbi of the International Great Discordian Jihad, spokesperson of slack, and covert cohort of the Church of Eris. (And a whole lot of other amusing titles and credentials which may or may not have any relevance, depending on who you are and what you want.)
November 28th, 2005