For people who claim to be open minded, some of you have gotten suckered into your own lines of bullshit, enslaved to your own lies worse than a tweaker to his crystal candy. And as I have said before, in this circus we call life, that won't do. If you think that you are level headed and smart...not out to be suckered by persons or gods, why then do you not see when you sucker yourself into believing some bullshit about either yourself or the world?
Those of you who are atheists consider the religious to be suckers, even though you atheists are just as suckered into your own ignorance as anyone else. Likewise, you religious people who believe in gods. Neither of you are special. Whether gods exist or not, or whether magic works or not, are just two sides of the same coin. And all of your hollering and hooting is frankly, starting to bore the rest of the circus. (Not to mention the audience! They paid good money for the show, remember?) We like our suckers to at least be able to sing and dance, and you are frankly not doing either all that well.
Now to the meat of the speech. The heart of the matter. The bottom of the barrel. The powder of the keg. The power in the engine. The shot of whisky in the pint of Guinness. The kernel. The nugget. The egg before the chicken. And some other metaphors you can insert here.
When I tell you something or other about the universe, I don't expect you to say "Irrev, that is so true." I also don't want you to immediately say "Irrev, that is so wrong" just because I said it. And if you do, I will reach out and slap you silly with my copy of the Principia Discordia (it has its uses). Because all the more likely, when I am getting all metaphysical or philosophical, I am purposely being a dirty rotten bastard liar. Why? Because I think some of you need to quit being such suckers. How do I know? Because I catch myself suckering myself too. I count myself blessed that I can see it and that some part of my mind can intervene and say "Hey you silly git, wake up!" to myself before it gets too bad.
What? You say. "Hugh, you're full of crap. We aren't suckers." Sure you are. Every last one of you. (Well, except for a handful of you who know who you are.) You know why you think you aren't a sucker? Because deep down inside you know you are. I know it. You know it. Let's cut the crap. Let's just quit being such suckers. Can you do that? Can I do that? Can we do that? Hey, if the little engine could do it, why not the rest of us?
When you look in the mirror, before you walk out your door and go into the circus' bigtop (or the "larger society", the world outside our home, where we do most of our performance act, as those unaware we are in a circus like to call it), what do you think? Do you think "what a sucker for falling for my own bullshit"? Or do you think "look at me, I am so good and important and my nose is permanently stuck on upwards"? Or do you think "who the hell is this jerk looking back at me and why do I brush his/her/its teeth"? You think those Zen masters who like to poke and slap their students are just being malicious little snots? Well, they could be, but there is a method to their madness, or there should be, even if I wouldn't put up with some old strangely robed bald dude abusing me. (But then I am not into Zen, so this point is moot.)
Which one of the above responses tells that you are a sucker? All of them. Though the last one shows promise. Hell, I only say that because that is what happens to me often enough. But you already know that because hopefully you won't get suckered by me. Believe me, I have a lot of bottled air I can sell you. But I'd rather you learn the tricks of the trade from me than go out and keep suckering yourself. When you sucker yourself, you are prey to being suckered by others. And then the whole con-game starts. In fact, you can't get suckered by someone else unless you first sucker yourself. Thus are religions born. But I digress.
Eris doesn't like a sucker. Apparently this explains a lot about the fucked-up state of the world we live in. I suspect a lot of the madness running about in today's world is precisely due to Eris getting even with some of the suckers who run things. I don't like a sucker either, although I'll treat one better than Eris might. At least I'll only slap them with a paperback version of our holey scriptures. Eris uses a fricken sledgehammer, for god's sake. (I have seen it in action. Just look around you. Eris can get fricken crazy. I'd rather not be in Her way when She goes on the warpath, thank you very much.)
I know you all like to go around thinking that the other guy or gal is a sucker, but this is only another version of suckering yourself. Trust me. Some of us play the sucker role pretty damned well in our attempt to get you to realize you are playing in a circus. (Though sometimes we have been known to call it Eris' Playground.) Wondering whether or not this makes us suckers is simply another form of suckering ourselves. Hell, I understand pulling the wool over one's own eyes when it's about 23 below zero outside. But some of you like doing this at all hours. And you have forgotten that now you are blind to that boom pole that is about to crack into your head, because the winds have shifted and the sail must follow. And whether the ship of fools sinks or floats becomes irrelevant to you if you get knocked clear off the deck by a swinging piece of tree, probably out for revenge for what our species has done to it. Think you can't swim in choppy waters? Try doing it while knocked unconscious. And what will you do when you see the concussive stars? Will you sucker yourself into blaming someone else for what happened, or will you look around and learn WTF is actually happening? Glug glug. Can you wake up before you start drowning, or will you just keep dreaming and blaming the other guy or gal as you start sinking beneath the waves, refusing all of our offers of help to pull you up aboard the life raft?
Simply put. Stop blaming the other performers in the circus for the quality of your performance.
Quit being such suckers! (And note that I am saying this myself as much as I am saying it to you, all the while hoping this isn't some more elaborate con-job that is suckering me in even further.)
Now, will you stop all the crap and go bowling with me, or what?
February 14th, 2006
(Valentine's Day and Lupercalia; apparently this may mean something to some of you.)
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC, of the DSSS/PMM
Conspirator with High Papessa Bella
Agent Provocateur in Hoshiko and DS#3's War Against Hostages
(Please don't ask what is in the recipe when you come over for dinner.)
ArchSwinging Bastard of the Church of Eris
Live and Let's Dance!
Rants Vol. 2 Index