(The rant machine has been revamped yet again for another round of things to put into your minds. My hiatus is over. I can no longer be derelict in my episkopational duties any longer. I tried to get away and run and hide in the halls of Thud but Eris found me again and now I know that I have only been naughty.)
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Does anyone remember when Discordianism was supposed to be filled with a streak of humor? Does anyone remember what to do with pineal glands? Does anyone remember Our Lady Eris? Or are some of you just in it for the coolness, the newness, the "no-one-else-knows-about-this" pioneerism of "the underground thing"? Don't kid yourselves. While the Discordian Society will take all comers, we won't tolerate certain things. And you know just what those things are. And we know just what you want.
It seems that those calling themselves Discordians these days have lost the ability to perceive tongue-in-cheekiness as well as losing the ability to disagree. And we are here to say that those of you without a sense of humor, or who have lost it for some reason, are suckers who have fallen lock-step into the worldview of the cabbage. And is that what you really want? A vegetated existence where even the zombies of Romero's films are more lifelike and warm blooded than you?
Regardless of how you choose to answer the questions. We are here to help you realize that bottled air is bottled air...that socks with holes in then are messages from the Goddess....that squirrels are sacred and holy....and that Aleister Crowley has thousands of illegitimate children running around like mosquitoes, trying to suck the blood and the life from our Erisian movement. (We call them OTOers, by the way.) You thought the Bavarian Illuminati was trying to fuck with us by replacing humans with cabbages? Well, at least that is an inside job. (The B.I. are us in disguise, after all.) The OTOers and Thelema-addicts are totally outsiders and their little attempt at subversion is not intended as a prank no matter how funny we find it to be. (The PMM found this information out by infiltrating an OTO lodge, by the way. And if you think some of your fellow Discordians, whether so-called or not, are in danger of humorlessness, you should spend some time with the Crowleyites. They are about as humorless as a pack of Evangelicals in a porn shop.)
The endless whining and prattling and tattling and all that crap is pretty much a lot of a nice nothing. (Just like this sentence. Or this whole rant, in fact.) Some of you went away with the Discordian Jihad idea even though you didn't get the joke. Some of you decided it was much more fun to become a little shit that spits and cusses whenever someone does something you don't like. Some of you sat on forums and posted fluff and then bitched and moaned whenever others did likewise. Some of you attacked and drove away those with things to contribute. Some of you did absolutely nothing because you were maybe a little wise to the game. Some of you simply complained that certain segments of humor directed at you were too vicious. Some of you formed alternate accounts to troll and poke at others and then bitched when the same thing was done right back at you. Some of you despise and hate Our Lady (in which case, you know that you can go to the Christian hell). Some of you rightly laughed at all of the fuss. Hell, some of you even doubt the existence of Bob, even as you can smell the burning pipe tobacco. (Did I leave anyone out? I would hate to leave anybody in the horrible position of not being labeled or categorized, knowing full well how some of you hate to live without such things.)
Your own personal Discordianism is what you can make of it, but frankly stop trying to piss on others' Discordianism and stop trying to drag all other Discordians around with your narcissistic whining about all that shit you complain about. Unless it's all part of some elaborate con-job (and there had better be a punch line). You can whine and complain all you want, but try to remember not to get pissed off when no one cares. Have you forgotten that you can blame Eris for everything? (You can also blame Bob, but only when there's frop involved. And you shouldn't trust a man with a smoking pipe and a gleam in his eyes anyway.)
As to the hackers (those who recently deleted posts and got into people's personal accounts and read and deleted others' pms), you make many of us sick with your ravings about free-speech while you try to subvert and prevent others from having a right to free-speech and fair play. Some of us know who you are and you have been logged. Tequilarian agents of Discord are right this minute on their way to your pineal glands to un-lopside them and give you a dose of Our Lady's confusion. (You can't say you weren't warned.) Consider this your excommunication notice. Until you gain absolution for your snubbery, you will be shunned and disgraced. We'll even take back all the frop you were given. Turn in your pet prairie squid at once. No amount of tail-between-your-legs posturing will change our minds until restitution is made; to wit: create something of beauty and dedicate it to Eris....or something along those lines. (Saying sorry will no longer cut it in this Society. We are Discordians and Erisians, after all-some of us being both simultaneously. And we have some maintains to standardize in this age of bureaucracy. They taste like plantains, but a little more on the dirty sock side of things.)
Also, stop picking your nose in public. It's disgusting. Use a fucking tissue for bobsake.
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