Dharma Notes
Reflecting Insight
In the spirit of cooperation, learning, liberation, and true civilization, it is necessary for those who claim to be spiritual, or 'aware' or whatever the current buzzword is these days, to study and appreciate the gems that exist in any tradition or system of religion/spirituality they come across. It may shock some people who know me to learn that I am deeply agnostic (in the true sense of the word, not the bland indecisiveness with which people commonly mistake the term). It is an open-ended approach to doing and thinking. Instead of fixing the parts of reality I do not understand into some pre-conceived map, I leave the definitions of life open to challenge and change. Agnosticism is rigorous discipline. The only spiritual milieu I know of so far that allows this approach is the Buddhist milieu. I said my agnosticism may shock some people because of my experiments and studies of Western magical/hermetic/occult practices and phenomena. People may assume that I believe in 'magic' and therefore I am not really agnostic. But honestly, though I hold some opinions on metaphysical matters, I do not really believe in anything. Belief is unnecessary as an approach to life.
Agnosticism is not a refusal to investigate matters, despite what some lazy people who claim the title for themselves may think. Agnosticism is a disciplined and methodical investigation of as many aspects of reality as one can find. To be true to itself, it is non-sectarian and unsettling. All presuppositions are suspected until proven otherwise. Within Buddhism, this healthy questioning attitude is a useful approach in getting over oneself and in learning to understand, not only reality, but also how we come to understand reality. Not only is knowledge questioned, but also the ways in which we know.
The reason why such emphasis is placed on the practice of sitting meditation in Buddhist traditions is precisely the reason why people tend to shy away from the practice. It is hard for people to just sit there and become aware of how their mental processes and emotions condition and color their lives. People can't stand it, just sitting there, learning how agitated and frenetic their mind really is. It is uncomfortable to realize just the sort of person we really are. We don't want to just sit there. We don't want to know or understand ourselves, because the reality is probably different from our self-image. We want to run around and do something that will validate us or entertain us. We want to forget about all those places and doings in our minds that scare us. We want to get out from the meditation hall and run away screaming. But that is why we do it. We learn to become at ease in the midst of unease. When our minds have nothing to tether themselves to, they run out of agitation. There is no choice but to relax into spaciousness.
Some religions have prayer and quiet-time practices. Buddhists have sitting meditation. But the benefits of meditation are not limited to any one group or category of people. Yes, there are benefits. Insight into what kind of creatures we really are is one benefit. Seeing how twisted our perceptions can be is another. Learning to fully feel our emotions instead of just reacting off of them is another. Awareness and a sense of ease in any situation is another.
We don't practice meditation to try and change who we are. We do it to keep ourselves growing and living creatively. We can wake up to the existential anguishes and conditions in our lives. We do it to allow the space for change to occur, because like it or not, ceaseless change is a fact of life. Regardless of all of our habitual blocks, denials, and defenses, change happens all the time. It is obvious to everyone who reads this that none of us immediately like all the changes we must experience or partake of. But that does not mean we can't turn unwanted changes around and benefit from them. Perhaps, some of them must just be endured. Or perhaps some of the unpleasantness of changes are wake up calls. The bell is tolling for us all the time.
The benefits of meditation are not even limited to the practitioners. Who can say how many situations have not been escalated or exploded because one of the participants had allowed themselves the openness gained from meditation? With hundreds of millions of practitioners around the world in every social class and every national group, chances are, even if you personally haven't practiced, you have benefited from impressions left by, or interaction and contact with practitioners of meditation.
I have run across a plethora of self-described 'spiritual' people, Buddhist or otherwise, who have all sorts of excuses as to why they can't sustain a regular practice of meditation. It does not matter what you call yourself or how you imagine yourself to be. As the cherished saying goes, "By their fruits ye shall know them." I often recommend those people to try some sort of regular meditation practice so that they may truly get to enjoy the benefits of whatever path they are walking on. I am not impressed by 'spiritual' people who have no regular practice. Such people are only too willing to let others do the necessary 'spiritual' work of development and then get told what to do and how to think. But at some point the issue is whether or not a person wants to live their own life or simply be told how to do so. I have befriended people from Asian countries who were amazed that I practiced meditation. It never before occurred to some of them that they were also capable of doing so. (Personally, I discovered that the Asians most open to Westerners practicing meditation were usually from China, or Chinese communities, Tibetans, and some of the more serious Thai Buddhists.) But then I think of Western religious traditions and see the level of non-practice that goes on, so I begin to understand.
Meditation practice opens us up to allow ourselves the space to live the life we want to live. It starts now.
"If we don't have any wisdom in life, we try to manipulate and control everyone and ourselves, filtering out what we accept, and rejecting the rest. Then when life doesn't allow us to control things, we fall apart, and everything comes pouring out-what's called a nervous breakdown. However, if you are meditating, you can have skillful nervous breakdowns. You recognize that all your unwanted thoughts and feelings are just conditions of mind, and they are not self. You can release them rather than trying to control them. So you are opening and freeing the mind."
-Ajahn Sumedho
Conditions are existence. There is no such thing as unconditioned existence, at least as far as we can see, avoiding speculations. To shock yourself or lift yourself out of the delusion of a permanent and enduring self, reflect on death. There is no arguing against death. You can believe in some metaphysical doctrine of consolation which gives you a chance of personal survival after death, but how do you really know? Regardless of some sort of survival after death, the person you are will cease to be. You don't need to look that far to see this. It happens all the time. It has been happening since the day you developed some sort of consciousness and long before then. Only our stream of consciousness based upon the stories and memories we tell ourselves gives us the sense of continuity which leads to the idea that we are, in fact, the same person we have always been. But that idea is partly right and partly wrong. It can not speak for all contexts. It misses the reality entirely.
Since all things that exist are conditional, then nothing can really come from nowhere and appear. Nothing can really go anywhere and disappear. What is really going on is a ceaseless flux. It is useless and ultimately tiring, though it can be entertaining for a time, to get caught up in either the idea that we have a true 'soul' that continues to exist after death, or the idea that we simply disappear. If you were to really and honestly search your life for a true 'soul' that inherently and independently exists, you would not find it. Why? Because you are approaching life from a distorted angle when you are looking for a true 'soul'. A better approach would be to reflect on all the elements, quirks, and conditions that go into making up who we are. Eventually you may see that the entire universe is you...not the zealously defended and cherished 'ego' or true 'soul' of you, but the reality.
While reincarnation seems to make a lot of sense and does help explain certain traits and phenomena of 'personhood', the Buddhist ideas about it are quite different from the majority of people's conclusions, whether Asian or Western. It is seen as simply a useful tool, or a map, that helps explain almost inexplicable phenomena. Unfortunately, the tool is not handled in good ways and leads to more harm than good sometimes. Thus Buddhism of the Forth Wheel-Turning, the Buddhism that is developing in the Western milieu, need not include any idea about reincarnation. Too many people have too many preconceptions about it and refuse to let go of them. It may be necessary to just stick to ideas about mental 'rebirth' in daily life and leave the harder to understand stuff for those who have gained more insight from practice.
Why am I writing a lot from a 'Buddhist' milieu? Because, out of all the teachings I have put into practice, it is the Buddhist teachings that I have mostly practiced and 'advanced' upon/within. They are so woven into my lifestyle that I don't even think about where some of them came from anymore. When I started identifying as a Pagan, Buddhist practices were already taken to heart. Thus for me it is next to near impossible to separate what is 'truly' and 'originally' Pagan from what is Buddhist. From a Buddhist perspective, this presents no problem, however much it may irritate some Pagans who take a more 'purist' stance.
At heart, I am a non-theist. I have tried various theisms, including atheism, monotheism, and polytheism. I appreciate and cherish the perspectives in each one. Non-theism neither denies nor confirms the existence of suprahuman entities/deities. That is left up to the individual practitioner, but the focus is on human life, not deities' lives. Non-theism gives me the space and openness to approach deities without projection or preconceptions. I don't need to take a position on whether or not deities are real, despite having undergone very real experiences with some of them, and in particular the great Goddess as expressed in the version of Wicca I was introduced to.
Like the people in my life, I need not believe in them for them to exist. And without believing or passing judgment on them, we can experience one another freely. I may or may not be able to have help from them, but the ultimate choice whether to accept help is mine. And ultimately I am the only one responsible for my mental and physical habits and the ways in which I engage with the world.
Clinging to outcomes, expectations...that is just another way of trying to control things. It is necessary to attempt to change or work with circumstances, but only from the present moment, where we are now. But in creating expectations, we inevitably create conditions for suffering. So the question is how to walk this finely sharpened razor's edge without being cut. When we try to stuff life's circumstances into the convenient categories by which we can label them, we miss out on life's flavor. We tend to stagnate. Our desires appear to come against the inexplicable forces of the universe. We start to take everything personally. This friction of our desires based upon the categories and preconceptions - our expectations and clinging to outcomes - coming up against a universe that is seemingly personal, creates angst and anxiety. We can never be sure of anything and this creates suffering. Our minds start to fragment and we end up chasing distractions in an attempt to escape, despite all of our pretensions about trying to produce changes that are beneficial. Real creative growth and change entails starting with who and what we are now. To start, we need to clearly see ourselves and the world around us in the present moment, despite all of the places and things that are unpleasant and scare us.
How many of us have the courage and character to be able to really be present, even when we would rather be somewhere else, chasing fantasies, or imagining that difficulties will simply go away? It doesn't matter what we think. We can not escape who and what we are. But the upside is that we are more than what and who we think we are. Suffering is not enough. We need to get beyond our suffering and do something. But first we need to befriend ourselves in the present moment. Whether we are upset, or sad, or angry, or happy, or satisfied, we need to sit and feel our bodies. This is being alive in the present moment.
Meditation doesn't erase sadness or anxiety. It gives us the space to see sadness, anxiety, and suffering for what they are. Then we can let them go. We don't push them away. We don't make judgments. We just allow the feelings to run their course. They arise into feelings and then become some other conditions in their dissolution. Meditation gives us the space to allow this change to occur while not contributing to further conditions for more of the same. Meditation gives us a sense of perspective, so to speak, so that we don't add fuel to the fire. If the emotions we don't like are alarms to action, then we take the best possible course for action. A course or series of courses which allow us to effectively put the fires out. We try not to do things that will prolong or contribute to the fires. Meditation is an approach to life. It is not just doing the sitting or walking practices of shamatha (calm abiding) or vipashyana (insight). It is being in that state as much as we can throughout our daily lives, in whatever we are doing at the moment. This allows us to appreciate life's flavors in their full intensity without becoming burned out by our circumstances. Our heart-minds are graciously taken care of by the space we give ourselves to approach life this way.
It is said that those who cling to nothing can handle anything.
In reflecting on my own practice during the times I am feeling less than good, I must admit that I would rather chase some fantasy or daydream then to be aware of my emotions. Who wouldn't? But I stay with myself as often as I can. Sometimes it is necessary to allow myself a temporary vacation into an 'escape', not for purposes of escape, but for perspective. Other times, I really feel less than good, but I still remain open to enjoy any happinesses or opportunities for happiness that come my way. And the first chance I get, I enjoy the happiness. But I still remain in the present moment. Meditation does not erase sadness, but it does help protect from any poisons that sadness may produce. It helps our heart-minds from becoming full of poisons that may block any chance of creativity. Thus being sad in the present moment doesn't have to mean that you are locked up into it. If you are able to stay aware - not escaping into fantasy or not escaping into reliving memories - you can see that no matter the circumstances, there are always opportunities for change. And regardless of meditational insights gained from sitting there, it is necessary to act, to engage with life. Eventually calm-abiding and insight become the foundations upon which we live as passionate and impermanent beings.
From Buddhism I learned to give myself space. From Paganism I learned to appreciate the things that most people are unaware of. From the practice and exploration of the Chaos Magic approach, I finely tuned my already well established ability to laugh despite the circumstances. Maybe it is possible to mix the labels around a bit, because from my perspective they tend to blend into one another quite well. But one thing that is clearly Buddhist that I don't see coming from the other two is the idea that compassion and loving-kindness can not only be cultivated but developed beyond anything thing we have ever experienced before. Buddhism contains practices that allow the seeds of love we already have inside our lives to grow up into maturity. And if one can not find those seeds, new seeds can be planted.
My writing is one way I can continue to water and cultivate the seeds, saplings, and plants inside my life and hopefully in others' lives. It is obvious to those who are aware that I write a lot because that is how I soothe my own sufferings. It is my own well-practiced way of transforming any suffering I experience, whether big or small, into something beneficial and hopefully beautiful. Shit is unpleasant but we can use it as fertilizer. This is one of the first and most important tantric lessons I learned to put into practice. Because I allow myself to be creative, I have an 'easy' way to approach this fertilization process. But for others who see themselves as 'uncreative', maybe that approach seems difficult. So you have to find some other way to get the process going. Try remaining aware, if you can do that for even a short time, you will definitely find your way. The idea is to transform the energy of the experience into something of benefit. Without getting too esoteric, I can say that the tantric view posits that all sources of energy and all phenomena/conditions are expressions of the inexhaustible and indestructible nature of awareness. So we really start from some sort of optimism. But this optimism is not really an 'ism'. It is an all consuming, passionate, and embodied experience.
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KALLISTI!