Another Eristic Revelation from the infamous
and imaginary character known as the White Mouse who may or may not be the person responsible
for inventing St. Hugh, or vice versa.
(And if this puzzles you, good. Your pineal gland is about to explode with brilliance,
or something or other.)
“What must one obtain in order to be called a Chaosopher?” asked St. Hugh of the White Mouse one evening while watching the moon rise. “On account of what qualities do people call a person discordian and chaoist? What must one have in order to be called awake?”
The White Mouse pondered the questions while finishing off his chili-dog with a shot of tequila. “She or he who has become discordian by the path they have lived, who has transcended all certainty, who has abandoned both the stupidity of nihilism and the stupidity of essentialism, who has lived the Chaoist life and whose present and future existence is humorous…such a person is called a Chaosopher.” He paused “It also helps if such a person pretends to be so erudite that nobody understands what they say. He or she who is free from the defilements of order and disorder, whose mental faculties are developed and who has no arrogance especially in the face of Eris…such a person can be said to be awake. Such a person is discordian and chaoist upon awakening.”
And then the White Mouse spoke thus:
“Like a beautiful flower which lacks fragrance is one who speaks of chaos yet is defiled by order.”
“A fool who calls upon Eris may not know discord anymore than the ladle knows the taste of soup.”
“Let no one follow a degraded course of orderly existence, nor live in stupidity. Let them not follow the pretenses of order, nor be a person who rejects chaos.”
“Blessed are we Children of Eris who live among those who are enslaved to order. Amidst those who follow the precepts of order, let us dwell without those precepts.”
“Bipedals often fall into the affliction of existential angst. Simply put: Stop taking yourselves so seriously.”
And the White Mouse got steamed up and proceeded to rant:
You bipedals make me sick sometimes. You spend all your time whining about how shitty your world
is when each one of you is the reason why your world got to be so shitty in
the first place. All of you would rather not see that truth so you have invented
the pass-time which has become a distinguishing mark of your species: Finding and
denouncing no-good shits as long as the finger always points elsewhere. You are like
drunks who complain about waking up hungover and then proceed to blame the bartender or
the quality of the alcohol. Your species poisons your world, not only with mental pollution,
but with physical pollution that threatens all of us, and all you guys do is point your
shit-stained fingers at one another in blame. And you think this behavior is mature?
You collectively have the maturity of a three week old chimpanzee. So you have invented
all kinds of pretty and complex toys. Big fucking deal! Look at your mental development
and you will see that your species has more in common with the common mosquito than with
any advanced life-forms. All you guys really do is fuck and reproduce and try to make your
lives as comfortable as you can (which means you have to oppress one another and live off
each others’ collective blood), and then your species has the audacity to claim itself a
special higher place on the evolutionary scale. Name one accomplishment that your species
has achieved that benefits anyone else besides the few warrior band groups that run your
world? I know you will all be offended and believe yourselves to be so advanced that your
species is an asset to the planet. But pull your collective head out of your big collective
stinky ass and start to see the reality of your existence! Do you really think that
your species is a necessary component of life in the universe? You can invent as many messiah
myths as you need but nobody’s coming to save you. If your species is not mature enough to
handle saving itself, then you know what that means from an evolutionary perspective.
You build highways and factories and cities and yet you proceed to cry about how mechanical
and meaningless your lives have become. You cry about pollution robbing your future as you
consume the artificially generated energy which causes that pollution. You cry about
needing a more natural life while your craving for convenience robs you of any connection
to nature. You move to crowded cities and then complain stupidly about the overcrowding and
the velocity of urban life. Simply put: Stop your bitching! You shit in your own bed, now
lie in it. Stop pointing your shit-stained fingers at one another and either do something
to solve your problems or don’t. Please realize that all of your monkey-like speeches and
theories amount to nothing but a collectively malformed ability to groan and moan. Your
myopic and cognocentric outlook on the universe is what got you into the messes you made
in the first place. If you want out, then do something about it.
For a species that claims that love is its highest goal and expression, you people are a
long way off. It is obvious to any being with even the smallest amount of awareness that
love is not the primary motivation of your species, despite all your claims that this is
otherwise. Your entire history is littered with examples that point out your primary
motivation is the fear of not being able to satisfy your greed. But it was not always
that way with you. There was a time, probably back during your neolithic aeons, before
your evolution was interrupted by that fear, when love was the primary motivation of your
species…when you were evolving towards being awakened beings. Since those times ended, your
collectives and your cultures have consistently destroyed and obfuscated that motivation
while you cooperated in murdering those who tried to re-awaken that love. Now your species
endures its own self-created denial of that reality. But thank Eris for being the crazy bitch
Goddess that She is. She is countering that denial with the chaotic bitchslap of reality in
an attempt to wake you up.
If you can hear the universe laughing, you may be on the way to destroying that denial,
and Eris help you if you should fail.
Which brings me to the meaning and the function of the
Purple Monkey Mafia…
The Purple Monkey Mafia/Cabal is, like other Erisian cabals and dis-organizations,
intended to be one of the catalysts in provoking you to get your minds out of your asses.
Awakening is only three, or twenty-three, steps away. They are hard and, dare I say
inconvenient, yet necessary, steps to take.
Those of you who are unaware of the
very subversive quality of the Purple Monkey Mafia have just deluded yourselves into thinking
it is just another surrealist and discordian trick…a play of language and words. So you hope
in your closed minds. Remember that closed minds are stupid minds and that the Purple Monkeys
have declared War on Stupidity. Remember that a closed lid on your mind is an open invitation
to us. Prepare to have your minds thoroughly fucked.
Eristic Writings Intro Page
This page originally posted on September 24th, 2003
Updated/Edited on Chaos 8th, 3171