Sermons on Eristicism

Otherwise known as "Not-A-F***ing-Rant" Jihad Sermons


Written and Delivered by Irreverend Hugh, KSC, of the PMM/C
in honor of Our Lady Eris




the original sermons as they were before being removed

Sermon on Eristicism 1

Wherein Much is Explained About Nothing Relevant to You;
and Possibly Some Elucidation Expounded About the Great Discordian Jihad Both For And Against the Bureaucracy...


My fellow Discordians of both sticky and non-stick varieties, Much talk has been floating around about certain segments of our Society being sorely vexed about finding certain round golden shiny damned things in their midst. Some of you, I hear, are complaining; believing yourselves to be immune to Eris and Her social antics. Some of you, I hear, can't take a joke. Let the following words then speak to you, if that is you, in as much as the word 'you' means anything.

But first off, I want you to take out your dictionaries and look up the word 'eristic.' If you have a good dictionary, you will find the actual listing for the word. Got it yet? Good....now read the definition because you'll need to keep it in mind to understand what I have to say to you all.

Some of you, I hear, are troubled that some of us are not making any distinction between US and THEM in our efforts to shake things up and sink the damned ship. What pray tell, put it into your heads that being a Discordian gave you some sort of immunity from Golden Apple tossing? The reason why the Great Discordian Jihad was launched was primarily to prove that assumption wrong. How do you go around calling yourselves 'eristic' or Discordian, or what-have-you, and yet believe that you have immunity from the discord we cause? (Shit. Most of what you are whining about hasn't even really been serious discord caused by any of us. It has usually been a silly joke just for hoots and hollers.)

Your own laughter is the immunity. And if you can't take a joke, well...you know where you can go. We do have a use for Mao buttons, you know...and so would be happy to have a few more. And you didn't hear that from me.

Some of you think that some of us are being assholes. Have you forgotten how to laugh? Are you Discordian, but yet claim to be able to arbitrarily label others as assholes simply because they are carrying out Operation Mindfuck, or having a good time? Really, if you don't like this game we play, you are free to try other games. Hell, you are free to carry on as you have been, whining about the damned things we are causing. Far be it from me to tell you what to do. But at least try to ask yourselves the question, "Why do I not find this shit funny?" when you feel yourselves the victims of the Discordian Jihad. (Besides Discordians can't be assholes, but sometimes can be funny or ODD jerks. And every now and then we need to just shut up while we're ahead.)

I was there in the beginning of the DJ (Discordian Jihad) and, though I have been participating in it and loudly and longwindedly supportive of the whole mess, I have also fallen victim to some funny pranks. Did I whine and complain about that? No. I simply kept playing the game. As it has always been said, you can choose to participate in the DJ, or not, or maybe...or something else entirely. But please stop your whining about how eristic we are, or can be, or are getting. Otherwise I will have to start ranting again....and I really really really need a break from ranting.

Or nevermind. Just forget you even heard this.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

[nov.27.2004]




Sermon on Eristicism 2: Greyface


There is a lot of talk about Greyface or greyfaces. Many of you take the idea too far and start to literally believe that Greyface, or the greyfaces, are somewhere out there. This is true but only up to a point. The thing some of you may have missed is that Greyface is, horror of horrors, inside ourselves as much as Greyface is somewhere outside.

I assert this as a corrective for those of you who like to go around calling everyone you don't like greyfaces. Come on now. You don't really believe that silly idea, do you? Do you really think that everyone else is a certifiable greyface and you yourself are immune from being so yourselves?

There is a little Greyface inside each one of us, and its size is in direct proportion to our egos (or how seriously we tend to take ourselves). Why do you think they call it a "curse"? Those of you who refuse to recognize this do so at your own peril and you stand to let your pineal gland get all clogged up with your own special brand of "holier-than-thou" in whatever form it may take.

If that happens, rest insecured that Eris or one or some of Her co-conspirators or a combination of all three is going to make you into a good source of entertainment at your expense. (Hey, we don't have a lot of money so it has to be at your expense). And don't think that posing as an acid-prophet or some sort of hippy is going to save you from having to pony up and allow you to go around calling everyone else greyfaces. No my friends. That's not how it works here within the DJ (ASDABFAAB) movement of Discordian Society's OM. Their is no immunity from Eris, despite what She may tell you. Can't you take a joke anyway?

A wise and very silly poetical mad prophet by the name of Aleister Crowley called this problem or "curse" (if you will) of Greyface by the term Choronzon. Perhaps that will shed some more light on how confused we all are. But the implicit warning of the term Choronzon is that which we believe to be something outside and independent of us has many of its sources within our own fnord infested minds.

You can't try to avoid or banish something which you refuse to notice.

Perhaps we are here to help you with that.

The choice is yours.

[Aftermath 44th, 3170 / 12.2.2004 ev / Day 184 of DJ]




Sermon on Eristicism 3: Our Discordian Jihad


There has been a lot of complaints of whiplash and other types of hot air expressed by some of you about the Great Discordian Jihad Against Serious Discordians And Both For And Against the Bureaucracy. Much of it amounts to nothing but mental flatulence. And pheeew! It's starting to stink around here.

First off, the DJ is not about freedom or slavery or any of that much misunderstood and abused jazz. It's not some grand experiment to provide certain spuriously fnord-infested minds the means to achieve liberation more effectively. In fact, outside of practice and various OM activities, there is really no ideological or philosophical paradigm upon which it hangs. In fact it doesn't hang, my friends. It swings, stumbles, lurches, parties, drinks, shouts, and generally causes a ruckus when some of us choose to embody or live it out. It is a great big dynamic Golden Apple being rolled into wherever it is you think you can hide from it.

Perhaps it is about pie. Or tequila. But those are really some of the side-effects and/or stage props in this clown show we call Discordianism.

The DJ may trouble some of you who somehow got it into yourselves that we Discordians should all get along with one another. "After all," you'll ask, "aren't we all on the same side against THEM? Can't we all just get along?" Hah! Sucker! Do you believe we should? Well, good. Because we often do get along just fine. But sometimes we need to have even our own bobdamned boat rocked to keep us from having our minds clouded by all the self-important snot that threatens to clog it from time to time. The DJ is cayenne pepper soup served up for us to blow that snot right out. Whether in our minds or in your minds or in THEIR minds.

Some of you have got it into your heads that the DJ is promoting violence and strife. But that is only a reflection of the violence and strife you have inside yourselves. As I pointed out before, the DJ is not about promoting anything beyond OM within the Discordian Society and without. It has nothing to do with your silly notions. It has nothing to do with anything that has nothing to do with Eris. As to strife? Hah! Sucker! Do you really think you should be immune from confrontation and having your opposition illuminated? The DJ could be considered a metaphorical spotlight in that respect. It shines over all of your snot and because you don't like snot (hell, who does?) this makes you believe that it is us pesky Damned Things giving you grief when it is really just your inability to laugh that gives you grief. Don't blame it on the DJ.

Then again I might be lying.

In fact, just forget you even heard this.

[Aftermath 44th, 3170 / 12.2.2004 ev]




Sermon on Eristicism 4: Yeah, You!


"...each individual is sacred. Each of us has our own direct line to the truth; each of us is her/his own Pope, so nobody can be invested with authority over us."
-Starhawk (from Dreaming the Dark, pgs. 35-36)

"Cuirfidh siad ruaig ar Ghalla!"
-Irish folksong

"I want you to know that enlightenment is just a light switch away, but make sure the bulb is screwed in all the way and that you have enough toothpaste for the night."
-Irreverend Hugh

Since the dominance of the Church with its story of "the Fall" at the Garden of Eden, we have trapped by the pernicious lie that all those who try hard enough will make it into the circles of the elite. They will become 'saved'. It says that, with enough hard work, people can 'make it' and become something of value, as opposed to the rest of society which is said to be worthless. These people will then be discovered by the elite and welcomed in back to heaven with open arms. In our secular world, with the Church thankfully disarmed, the story is now a financial story of getting rich, or of becoming someone who matters, someone who moves and shakes the world, someone who has power over others. This is now called 'the American Dream' as opposed to 'the Garden of Eden' or 'Salvation.'

Sounds good? Too bad it's a line of bullshit which gets you to believe that there are two sorts of humans: one who now has no merit or value; and another that has all the content and meaning. It's the same lie that gets the working class to become myopic and small minded, while distracting them from the fact that they are acquiescent instead of rising up and taking that which they have produced as their own hard earned fruits.

What does this have to do with you Discordians?

This same lie is used by some of you who believe yourselves to be so much more freer or smarter than all the rest, who you then call greyfaces...or the no-good-shits, or worthless. And then you go around imagining that what you are doing in your pretense of O.M. is much more important to the world somehow than both what Bubba does on the factory floor or what Bubba does on her weekends. Really? Do you really believe that spurious imitations of surrealist pranking have more value or importance than what someone like Bubba does with her time?

You then go on ahead and believe yourselves to be saved from mental drudgery by becoming a supposed follower of Eris and/or the Discordian Society (even when we shout at you that we want no followers). Yeah, you've made it now. You are one of the free people as opposed to the worthless sheeple. You are smarter and faster and better and shinier than all those other inferior brands of certifiably grade A individuals that the factory of society produces. You have a superior marketability because of your assumed weirdness. You are part of something now. Yeah.

Wipe that snot from your face this instant. The DJ is vehemently opposed to such crap. We will find it, wherever it is, and flush it down the toilets in our Erisian temples. And if your weirdness is simply an attempt at trying to make yourself seem like one who has 'made it' or one who is 'better' than all the rest of humanity, we will destroy it by possibly handing you over to the 'normals' you so often complain about. You would be surprised who the real freaks are. And the walking glitches don't go around believing themselves to have 'made it' anywhere. They are too busy to do so. They don't buy the American Dream or Salvation or entrance to the Garden of Eden, although they may sell it to others at special holiday sale prices. Nor do they believe in all that bullshit about how stupid the so-called normals and averages are.

If you, as an individual are most important, why would you assume that someone else on this Earth is less important? If you are a Pope then everyone else you meet is a Pope, too. Or did that old Erisian joke not register in your brain?

If you have fallen victim to this vile lie, you should report at once to one of our field agents who will be glad tell you everything you wanted to hear. But do it now, this special onetime offer is going fast.

Even better, just forget you even heard this. It's funnier that way.

[dec.6.2004]




Sermon on Eristicism 5


Wherein everything is possibly explained about lotophagoi, or not.

"And so, although each of us may, alone, have only a very small voice, we are willing, out of a sense of futility (a defense against fear) to throw away the voice that we do have, which might, combined with other voices, have become a loud roar, a bear's growl." -Starhawk (Dreaming the Dark)

"I am afraid that like the lotus-eaters we may forget the way home."
-Xenophon (Anabasis 3.2.25)

Many of you who don't know me that well may fall into the pernicious error of thinking that I am not very happy simply based on my rants and sermons. Not so. I am happy. Violently happy.

But being happy doesn't mean I have to express myself in that vague sort of pseudo-cheery neo-hippy new age fashion that some of you have mistaken for Happiness(tm). Nor does it mean I have to go around with a drooling ecstatic look on my face either. Those people who do get trapped into that trip are lotus eaters, my friends. They are lost. Now, the rest of us may just be as lost or silly as they are, but we don't claim to know the way, nor are we dumb enough to get picked out of a crowd of 'normals,' unlike those sorts.

What are you going to do about them? Huh? When little Seamas comes home to you high on meth or lsd talking about universal unity and about how you are an ignorant duck fornicating bastard for not seeing the truth(tm) as he does, what are you going to do? (Well, I'd hope you'd chain his ass to a radiator until he cleans up...but that's just me doing my PSA duty.) What are you going to do when the next wanna-be pseudo-hippy prophet comes along quoting the Principia Discordia to you in an effort to tell you that you are not a Real Discordian(tm) and that you had better buy her/his Officially Sanctioned(tm) brand of Enlightened Discordianism before s/he calls you a greyface? What will you do then, huh? You could ignore such an idiot, but the free market demands you interfere with the tard. Why? For the simple reason of its entertainment value, for one thing.

Such fluffy frou-frou behavior is NOT going to get anyone anywhere and those deluded enough to believe such hogwash as "universal unity" are simply confusing their drugstained perceptions with what the fuck is really going on. Have you ever tested the oft quoted dictum "There are no enemies anywhere" out in the world of the yahoos? By the Mother of All Gods, there may be no real enemies, but that's not what Bubba with his swill-drinking buddies and their shotguns believe, and they could make life real antagonistic and painful for you real quick if they catch you running around with pink hair and goth™ -style clothing. Sure, they're wrong. But what are you gonna do if they catch you out on some lonely highway in the middle of Dumb-fuck-istan? Huh? Fat City will not hear your cries, pleas, or protestations of human rights. So you had better wise-up and cover your own bobdamned asses, that's what.

(When I was out in Dumb-fuck-istan this past autumn, I drank swill like the rest of them while happily recruiting, under the cover of beer-fog and my full beard (since shaved-off), as many of those who were using their sparks of intelligence as I could find. And when I was invited to go shoot a few rounds of ammo out in someone's backyard, I politely declined by either feigning legal issues or by saying that loud noises haven't been good for my health since that summer I spent in Belfast. (You speak a little about Belfast and it seems no one wants to put a gun in your hands anyway.) Usually this last excuse (only occasionally used) got me a series of rounds from the bar by supposed sympathetic sorts, though not as much free-drinking as it used to get me in Chicago where there are actually pseudo-Irish people. No one ever learned anything about my real intentions. And we all sang along to Jonny Cash when the Man-In-Black came on the jukebox.)

I ain't saying that your spiritual enlightenment or quests to make the world better or more peaceful have no merit. By all gods! Someone has to try and make this fuckpit a better place. Someone has to smack back at the Purityranny. What I am saying is don't let yourself fall into the trap of the lotus-eaters by showing those WHO CHOOSE IDIOCY that you are different, or that you are actively seeking to change the DUMB that they hold so dear to their hearts. And the lotus-eaters are not more enlightened anyway. They have fallen into the abyss of hallucinations as much as any other greyface. They have simply chosen a brighter shade of grey blandness. That's all. And all their talk of chakras and angels and fairies and other untested-unverifiable drivel won't change a damned thing. Learn from their example. Who do you think the cops and the normals go after in times such as these when everyone is running around looking for 'Un-American(tm)' enemies?

You have it on good un-authority from someone who practices the mind boggling and freethinking Vajrayana system of Buddhism...where there is no place for lotus-eaters and idiot compassion. (Nor is psychedelic drug-use seen as anything other than the theme-park ride that it is.) Vajrayanists have twice made societies where the individually developed and free human being was the crowning achievement of society. And both times those societies were destroyed by the overwhelming forces of grey normality who couldn't stomach the idea of free people. (Research Pala India before the Muslims destroyed it, and Tibet before the Chinese crushed it.)

In conclusion, Jonny Cash has much to say about this whole approach to life. Why don't you give his songs a listen?

-Irreverend Hugh, KSC, White Mouse Liaison, Facilitator of the Kitten Arming Department, and Co-Episkopos of the D.S.S.S.

[Aftermath 61st, 3170]


"aneleútheros pâs hóstis eis dóxan blépei"
-Kleanthes

"Child of Mine, all mysteries are really not mysteries but simply the congealed dribble of guesses that failed."
-Eris (from the Book of the TMC)




Sermon on Eristicism 6: Our Potential


"Fiú má chothaítear fadhb, leanfaidh mé ar aghaidh.
Leanfaidh mé mar go bhfuil mé fós beo!"


A lot of you have been wondering just what the fuck you can do. A lot of you have been asking yourselves "Why bother?" Since the Greyfaces are all over the place and basically run the society, and since each one of us had our own greyface tendencies. Since there really is no difference between the greys and those who go around calling others 'grey' while thinking themselves better or smarter then the greys, what the fuck to do?

Well, don't forget one potential advantage, my fellow Discordians. That advantage is the fact that since we KNOW greyfacery from its innermost intimate perceptions, we can figure out how to stay one step ahead. The basic insight leading me to say that is this: We know THEM and how THEY operate. We know what THEY are thinking. We know their motivations inside and out. We do live among THEM afterall. We did grow up in their worldview and in their societies. THEY don't know us, at least on an individual eristic level. THEY may learn about some of what we think, but we can still keep THEM in the dark about our motivations, methods, and innermost ideas. This disparity of knowledge is an advantage which we can exploit to the fullest. In fact, if we lose this advantage, our game is pretty much up, pals.

Secrecy is key, but only conditionally. Misinformation is another key and should be used at all times. Pretending to be one of THEM while out amongst THEM is a spectacular approach that you should practice every waking hour. You are paradigmal pirates, afterall. Are you not? I am not going to get into the specifics or stories of successful applications of this approach, as you must find your own solutions and ideas. Hell, many of you who know me, know that I am unwilling to divulge any of the eristic activities I have taken part in simply because they must be unknown by others-at-large in order to work. We don't need copycats. And if I can't sit down in person to get to know you, I ain't saying shit. You don't know the secret handshake, as I often say.

Back to my main point.

View greyfacery as simply another set of paradigms to pillage willingly from. This is easily done since you already know THEM so well. Fit in. Blend with THEM. Argue their points more effectively and passionately than THEY can. Strike a few nerves. Resonate with the heartstrings of some of the 'greys' around you. Hell, in the worst case scenario, the hammer drops on everyone anyway, so you are having a little fun and getting some drops of knowledge. In the best case scenario, you may find fellow free-thinking eristic-types among the 'greys' who have simply been waiting or looking for a catalyst (mainly you or what you do). In between the best and the worst cases, you may simply see that a lot of the people you had formerly dismissed as 'grey' are actually pretty cool to spend time with and get to know. Friends are good to have in many places.

[dec.21.2004]



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