You want some sort of pretty and entertaining poetry produced particularly for your pleasure while you sit there sipping on your glasses of near-misses and half-saids? You want some easily accessible salad of pithy statements and wise phrases to remember and repeat to all your friends so you can sound so smart, worldly, and possibly well traveled? Do you miss the days of blown kisses from the spirits that danced with you all night while you stayed awake to keep away the dreams? Have you misplaced your sense of humor?

Is the sun still sliding across the sky claiming your mornings and turning them into evenings all too soon? Are you left standing all too often in the rain of someone else's spent passion? Is the rush-hour traffic of someone else's insanity cracking apart the concrete tower in which you have hidden yourself away from the noises that try to get inside your head? Are you crazy enough to exist?

Are you looking for each and every occult secret you suspect is hiding just around every next corner? Do you still stoop over to try and pick up the scattered fragments of the fading remnant of the flickering tricks of your ego?

There are important messages being delivered to you at this very moment but only if you choose to receive them. Perhaps we can help you with instant coffee religion and plastic lawn flamingo philosophy. Perhaps you need to get off the current jammed highways and re-learn how to walk over sidewalks of tepid concrete and past the crowds of cookie cutter phantoms of pre-fabbed individualities that imagine themselves uniquely marketable.

We can also, for a limited time only, give you ready made and neatly packaged morsels of magic, enlightenment, heaven and any other spiritual product. Call now and we'll even throw in a free miracle or two, or perhaps a visitation from Our Lady. If that won't float your boat, then you have nothing of interest to trade in the deal anyway. Perhaps you should just contemplate the transience of the whole spectacle in a cave somewhere in Nepal. Perhaps, you imagine that you can escape from Eris after She has convinced you to lend your ear, even when She isn't talking.

You know you want what we have. You are jonesing for the constant glow of the pineal gland, the smoke of the pipe, and the endless gaggle of cackling laughter as we roll around on the floor. You see Eris in our lives and since you haven't run away when you had the chance, you are hooked. We know what you want and, for a limited time only, we will hold off until you get the shakes from your cravings. Whoever said "satisfaction guaranteed" was most likely a Discordian pushing a not for prophet jake of some sort.