As it has been recorded in the 
:
THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS (THE PENTABARF)
The PENTABARF was
discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar.
He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave,
but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher. However,
after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the
message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside
down.
KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
I - There is no Goddess but
Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian
Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the
beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the
Official Discordian Document Numbering System.*
III - A Discordian is
Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of
a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular
Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism
(no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of
animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).
IV - A Discordian shall
Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was
Confronted with The Original Snub.
V - A Discordian is Prohibited of
Believing What he reads.
IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE
TRANSGRESSICUTED.
My particular brand of Discordianism has a few more rules - not to make
Discordianism less accessible (hey, if you don't dig 'em, you can form your own
sect), but to allow myself to feel morally superior while doing what I want to
do anyway - why should fundamentalists have all the fun?
Ffungo's Rules
- Remember that traffic is people. Don't fuck with fellow travelers just
because they look like machines in your rear-view mirror. Get your car up to
Highway speeds when trying to merge - don't stop on the shoulder! Oh - and if
somebody lets you into their lane, give them a wave of thanks.
- Every once in a while, give a bum a buck. It means jack to you, and it
could mean a burger to him. Don't worry that he'll just use it to buy beer -
if you were in such a sucky situation, wouldn't you need a beer every
now and then?
I don't really have a lot of other rules, other
than, for goddess's sake, don't increase the amount of suck in the world
today!
* I have no idea what this means - Ffungo
