annoy

How to be Annoying.

Take it from the MASTER! (What do you MEAN who's the master? *I* am, of course. I'll have you know...I've done a lot of this stuff. And it TRULY works. :P~ )

Tell an incredibly long joke, but "forget" the punch line. Ensure your listners that it was a "real hoot".

Go to the library and write the suprise ending on the first page of all of the novels.

Follow a few paces behind someone and spray everything they touch with Lysol.

Rent a video and dub over it with 90 minutes of dire FBI warnings.

Tape pieces of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" over climatic parts of popular rental movies.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Name your dog "Dog".

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies...

Insist on keeping your windshield wipers on at all times, to "keep them tuned up".

Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Speak only in Valley Girl. (My mother HATES that)

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist you "like it that way".

Finish all sentences with "in accordance to prophecy".

Stick Anti-theft devices in people's backpacks and purses. (On the back of their jacket works great too...Doesn't it, George??)

Steal LOTS of orange construction cones and re-route several streets.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Pay for dinner with pennies. (Hey...waitresses do what they have to do. Also works great for car pymts.)

Use a seperate dryer for each of your socks at the laundromat. (It's also amusing to stick girlie underwear in with a man's wash...especially if they're there with their girlfriend.)

Ask people what gender they are.

Eat the icing out of all the Oreo cookies and place them back in the tray.

Routinely handcuff yourself to the furniture. When people ask, tell them you "don't want to fall off, in case of the big one."

Deliberately sing songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains. (The Batman theme song, "Tom's Diner", The Smurfs theme song, and the Mr. Roger's theme song work GREAT!)

Chew on borrowed pens.

Sit on your lawn and point a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Go to a poetry recital and ask all of the poets why their work doesn't rhyme.

Never break eye contact.

Lick all of your food at the beginning of each meal. Tell people it's b/c you don't want people stealing your food.

Select the same song in the jukebox fifty times. (They'll try to unplug the thing- DON'T let them. :) )

Dress only in clothes that are "hunter orange".

Leave your turn signal on for 50 miles. (Or do what I do- Only use it when entering a parking space or driveway. Heh.)

Holler random numbers while someone is counting. (People HATE that.)

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

At a fancy restaurant, taste the house wine, tell them it's TERRIBLE, and ask if they have any Night Train. (Cheap, nickel wine...heh.)

Wear a bicycle helmet wherever you go. Insist that you MUST wear it, as part of your astronaut training.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

Stare at the static on your tv screen...claim you see a "magic picture".

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Inform others that they only exist in your imagination.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "sensuous massage".

Inform the drive-through attendant that your order is "to go".