*Attempt to auction your date off to people nearby.
*Stare at your date's neck and grind your teeth audibly.
*Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
*Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.
*Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for a different table. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you ask them what took them so long in the bathroom.
*Ask the people at neighboring tables for their food.
*Beg your date to tattoo your name on their butt. Keep brining it up throughout the date.
*Ask for crayons to color the placemat. Be extra persuasive at fancy restaurants with linen tablecloths.
*Howl and whistle at women's legs...Especially if you're female.
*Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets and relatives.
*Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a table away from windows, with a good view of all exits. Act nervous.
*Lick your plate. Offer to lick your date's.
*Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they're talking about.
*Stand up every 5 minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
*Sacrifice french fries to a Pagon god.
*Discreetly fill your pockets with napkins, salt and pepper shakers, silverware, glasses, etc...
*Hold a debate. Take both sides.
*Undress your date verbally.
*After getting your food, slide under the table. Take your food.
*Order a baked potato. Hide it. Ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When he comes back to bring it to you, have the first one back on your plate.
*Insist that your waiter cut your food into tiny pieces.
*Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
*Insist that the waiter take a bite of everything served to you. Explain that you need to be sure no one has poisoned your food.
*Read a newspaper, book, or listen to a book on tape during the meal.
*Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
*Repeat every third word you say say.
*Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
*Ask your date how much money thay have with them.
*Occasionally speak in pig latin throughout the date.
*Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Tell your date they need to air out.
*If your date is paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite. Pretend it is disgusting, and say "MAN, you are getting ripped off."
*Save the bones from the meal. Explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother because it's much cheaper than feeding her.
*Pretend to have an overwhelming fear of utensils.
