40-ish: 48
Adventurer: Has had more partners than you EVER will.
Athletic: Flat-chested
Beautiful: Pathological liar
Contagious Smile: Bring your penicillin
Educated: college dropout
Emotionally Secure: Medicated
Feminist: Fat; Ball-buster
Free Spirit: Substance abuser
Friendship First: Trying to live down reputation as a slut.
Fun: Annoying
Gentle: Comatose
Good Listner: Borderline autistic
New-Age: All body hair, all the time.
Old-Fashioned: Lights out; missionary position only.
Open-Minded: Desperate
Outgoing: Loud
Poet: Depressed schizophrenic
Professional: Real Witch
Redhead: Shops the Clairol section...
Reubenesque: Grossly fat
Romantic: Looks better by candelight
Voluptuous: VERY fat
Weight Proportional to Height: Hugely fat
Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking...
Widow: Nagged first husband to death
Young at Heart: Toothless crone
40-ish: 52 and looking for a 25 yr. old
Athletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average Looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & back
Educated: Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit: Sleeps with your sister
Friendship First: As long as friendship includes nudity
Fun: Good with a remote and a six-pack
Good Looking: Arrogant
Honest: Pathological liar
Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes To Cuddle: Insecure, overly dependant.
Mature: Until you get to know him...
Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your sister, but she's not interested.
Physically Fit: I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror admiring myself.
Poet: Has written on a bathroom stall.
Spiritual: Once went to church with his grandma on Easter.
Stable: Occasional stalker; never arrested.
Thoughtful: Says "please" when demanding a beer.
