My Collection of Taglines and One-Liners
A SPECIAL THANKS TO MAGIE FOR CONTRIBUTING TO MY TAGLINE COLLECTION!!!
Enjoy!!!!
Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas is your list of naughty boys.
Not in the mood for sex? Point and laugh...it'll go away...
If sex is a pain in the ass, you're not doing it right.
A husband who gets breakfast in bed, is in the hospital.
Men? Nah, I'd rather buy new batteries...
Car jacking: going to the drive-in alone.
Tow-ers will be violated.
Vote Republican..it's easier than thinking.
KKK: Sheet for brains.
Cat: The only REAL love that money can buy.
CATS never cry over spilt milk!
A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell...
Change is inevitable..except from vending machines.
Always remember...you're unique, just like everyone else.
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
Imagine a world without hypothetical situations...
How does the man who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Look out for #1, but don't step in #2 either...
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
I started to procrastinate, but never got around to it.
May the leprechaun of life kick you squarely in the blarney stones.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
To be or not to be...what is the question?
I think...therefore I am confused.
Some people are weird, but you're overdoing it!
Good friends help you move, great friends help you move the bodies.
If I could remember your name, I'd ask you where I put my keys.
I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it.
They laughed when I told them I'd be a comedian some day...they aren't laughing NOW.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I've got PMS and a gun...Excuse me, did you have something to say?
PMS: Punish my spouse.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon??
Experienced husband: Remembers his wife's birthday, but forgets which one it is.
Few women admit their age...fewer men act it.
The more I see of men, the more I love my cat.
Never criticize your wife's judgement...look who she married.
Marriage is grand..divorce, twenty grand...
Honeymoon salad: Lettuce alone without dressing.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Home is where you lay your hat...and a few close personal friends.
Sex is like doing drugs..it can be great if you've got the right pusher.
Constipated people don't give a shit.
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
Thank you for pot smoking.
Only users lose drugs...
Forget the bulls! Ride a cowboy!
Mathematicians do it with unknowns...
Hackers do it with strange characters.
Bad spellers of the world untie!
In the english language, double negatives are a no-no.
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DRN.
Dew knot truss spill chequers two fine awl mist steaks.
Should be read umop apisdn for best results.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools...
If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
Horn broken...watch for finger.
I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving.
Ok! The joke's over...bring back Bush.
If Clinton's the answer, it must have been a pretty stupid question.
If you voted for Clinton, YOU must have inhaled.
Against abortion? Don't have one.
If you drink like a fish, swim, don't drive!
I just got pulled over by the LAPD, and boy, am I beat.
Three guys walked into a bar..the fourth guy ducked.
Never hit a man with glasses...use your fist!
Doughboy bends over, town sees doughnuts.
No! No! Nurse, I said PRICK his BOIL!!
I heard that joke when the dead sea was sick.
Tease me about my age, I'll hit you with my cane.
Do men over 50 wear boxers or briefs? Depends....
Good cowgirls keep their calves together.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.
Buy me another drink, you're still ugly.
I need a new windshield for my Ford...sound like a good trade?
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is NOT for you.
VERY FUNNY, Scotty...Now beam my clothes.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!
Why do elephants have 4 feet? B/c 8 inches isn't enough.
Puppy love: The beginning of a dog's life.
I LOVE cats! They taste like chicken!
Vegetarians eat vegetables...beware of humanitarians!
One nice thing about egotists- they don't talk about other people.
You're a cleptomaniac? Isn't there something you can take for that?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand!
You're never alone with schizophrenia.
I'm a dyslexic atheist...I don't believe in dogs.
Atheism: a non-prophet organization.
Always borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to be paid back.
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
Optimist: an accordian player with a beeper.
Friction is a drag...
Drilling for oil is boring...
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the sense to be lazy.
Living in a nudist colony must take all the fun 'outta Halloween.
There are 2 rules to success. #1: Don't tell people everything you know.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't.
Life is like an analogy.
Know what I hate? Rhetorical questions.
I'm antisesquipedalial.
How can there be self-help "groups"???
Who the hell is General failure, and why is he reading my harddrive??
Windows can't be a virus....viruses rarely fail!
Windows 2000 to be released as soon as Win '98 finishes loading.
Windows '98...plug and pray.
Computers are like air conditioners- they don't work properly if you have windows open.