This
web site is not suitable for young children.
This
web site is for both men and women who were victims of sexual abuse by a female
and /or male predator. Professional help is very
important to survivors and the books that have been listed can be of tremendous
help. Also this site may contain information that may be triggers for some survivors, so please if you decide to continue, please do so with caution.
I am not a Professional nor do I claim to completely know
everything concerning this issue (thankfully). However, I am a Survivor so what
follows are my opinions from what I
experienced and from the learning and healing process. I use strong and frank
language. I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone who willingly seeks to
destroy another living being. So there will be no forgiveness or understanding
of the predator in this web site.
The reason I created this web site is because as I was struggling for my sanity I found a good therapist, one that is trained in sexual abuse issues, very good books and helpful Internet information. There were so many issues I needed to understand. Sexual abuse is not just physically destructive it is also emotionally destructive. Issues such as - how and why: why I reacted the way I did and still do · why predators kept finding me when I did nothing but hide · why I saw flashes of memory · felt things ·smelt things · how the abuse effected my emotional health and childhood development · how I became trapped · but most importantly how I could be free.
A specialized Therapist, books and some web sites opened my eyes and have given me a sense of sanity and peace but most of all the knowledge has put me on the road to freedom.
I added the web pages containing each state’s sex
offense statutes, codes and statutes of limitation because there were many
coming to my site searching for their state’s codes or statutes. (Please see disclaimer)
I hope all that reach those pages realize that laws are written to protect us all, men, women and children.
Abuse – to treat in a
harmful, injurious way – maltreat, injure, harm, hurt – implies an outburst of
harsh and scathing words against another (often one who is defenseless).
Victim – (n) someone injured, destroyed or sacrificed under any of
various conditions (Webster Dictionary) You, me, a loved one
Predator - (n)
one that preys, destroys, or devours (Webster Dictionary)
Survivor – to
continue to exist or live after – time or event (Webster Dictionary)
You, me, a
loved one
To the Survivor
If you are a person who was victimized as a child or
as an adult, I am so very sorry you ever had to suffer at the hands of a
predator.
I am sorry you were abused, sorry no one protected
you, sorry you have felt so alone, sorry you have been so afraid then and in
the now. I am so sorry for the loss of your innocence.
You were and are entitled to your life. And you had
a right to inherit your own body. And no matter what you did or what you think
you failed to do you are not to blame. Sexual abuse is never a victim’s choice.
Sexual abuse is something that was done to your body not something you wanted.
This is your time so please take all the time you
need to heal. Please if you can or want to seek help, please do so, you don’t
have to go through this alone. There is help available for survivors, the past
does not have to control you; you can be free. You can be a proactive
participant in your recovery. Please be patient with yourself, be kind, and
know that you are worth loving. And please believe in yourself. And I hope that
you know you have a right to your anger and a right to grieve for yourself. You
fought hard to survive and now you need to fight for the life you want, fight
hard to recover and fight for the defenseless inner child. You have a right to
be you. You have a right to be free of the guilt, shame, anger, terror, and
hurt. You have a right to freedom.
To the Loved ones, friends, and partners of a Survivor
If you are a spouse, relative or friend of a victim
who is now a survivor, I hope you are able to find something of use from this
web site. The survivor will need a partner to help them recover from the
horrors of the abuse.
However, I understand there will be those who’s first reaction might be to wipe the earth clean of the piece of garbage that harmed your loved one and this is very understandable. And if the victim is still a child by all means I encourage proactive steps, such as seeking immediate medical and legal help. If the loved one was the victim of childhood sexual trauma, you may want him or her to do something about it now, today, this very minute. And this too is understandable, however, I suggest that you must not push or demand this of your loved one. However, I understand there will be those who will go straight to the legal channels and I encourage this too. But the first thing to realize is this should be your loved ones decision. As angry as you may be, remember that your loved one is the one that was harmed. And fueling their hurt with your rage is not a healthy combination. Therefore, (as you will see I suggest numerous times,) please seek professional help.
Please remember that this will be a healing process and the survivor will need someone that they can trust, which is very hard for
them, they will also need time, understanding and compassion and a great deal
of strength. So please be kind and remember the survivor is not to blame, the
survivor was a victim of vicious attack(s) on their body, mind and spirit. So
please don’t ask the survivor to put the abuse aside and go on, because they
cannot. The survivor needs to address the abuse so that they can go on with
their lives, free of the shame, anger, and terror. Also try not to ask the why
questions of the survivor, they have many of their own why questions. Sexual
abuse is sexual trauma, therefore, there may be difficulty for a survivor in
many aspects of their lives.
Please read the listed books they all offer so much and they are all very beneficial for anyone that has been sexually abused, tortured, tormented, suffers from PTSD
and etc. However, a partner cannot be a therapist for the survivor, please if
possible seek a trained therapist/psychotherapist. Hopefully some of the resources listed will give you
a starting point, because some victims are still so traumatized that they will
need help in getting help. And it is especially true of the survivor that has
been re-victimized as an adult. And if you so choose to research and read more
this will afford you the opportunity to help and some of your own questions may
be answered. Survivors had no help as children so it is important to realize
what the word help means. It means
safety, understanding, compassion, respect, trust, comfort, and time. To the predator If you are a predator trying to gain some insight to
continue your depravity on the innocent, you won’t find it here. This site
points out just how truly evil you are, a pathetic being that resorts to
attacks to get what you want, you can’t attain anything without manipulation.
You are not worth pitying you are a tragedy to all those who come in contact
with you. You have proven yourself to have no soul or
conscience and it does not matter what you say, the survivor(s) knows the truth
of what you are and what you did. And no matter what your life circumstances are or
were you have no right to harm another. When your victim(s) said NO, cried, ran
away, and fought back, this was not an invitation to continue your
depravity. You were never wanted,
desired or invited. No matter what good you pretend to do in this world
it will never erase what you did and who you are, pathetic, disgusting
creature, a laughable depiction of humanity. You are a parasitic plague on the world. You are
predictable and I am going to tell everyone who comes to this site what and who
you are and how you think you get away with what you are doing to others. And to those who have no remorse – remorse will find
you – when your time of need comes, as it will to us all – may you receive the
same mercy you gave your victim(s). Life never lets you default on the payment of your
actions, so don’t think you got away with anything. No be gone with your retched self, we all have had
enough of your filth. No more secrets; No more lies; No more control and No more denial. Last revised 07-07