My Path Page 11
I
am a survivor and I walk with my head held high.
I
unfortunately know the truth of the female and male predators.
As
a child I first endured the depravity of an unrelated adult female caregiver
and her son, the mother devoured her own children and they choose to walk in
the same path. As I grew I felt as if I
was a walking bulls eye for other predators, I would run they would catch me, I
would hide and I would be found. I tried so hard to go unnoticed.
I struggle with the inhumanity of what happened, and how they have no remorse. But I always have to remind myself, they
killed their humanity, my body was their demented means to their depraved ends. The tears I shed and the pleas I uttered fell on demonic ears. Sometimes I can hear myself crying, I cry in my sleep, I cry myself awake, and it hurts my heart to know that was me; over there hiding, fighting back, running, begging and pleading only to delight the predator even more. It is so absolutely sad to
know this, and enraging that they could carry on, that they got a charge from
it. And then walk among us with a smile, have polite conversations, laugh, eat,
drink, and do so much for others.
Thankfully,
the family that attacked me is no more; that line of evil has been broken.
Illness took one justice took the others. That family did not have an easy
passing.
I
know how vicious, disgusting and depraved female and male predators can be. I
know that males are not the only evil predator. I do know how truly evil female
predators can be. I know the softness of voice and a smile only hides the demon
behind the eyes. I know that they lurk in the shadows of niceness, family,
marriage, friendship, caregiver, counselors, committee member, and etc. I am of the strong opinion that, once a
predator always a predator, time and age do not change them.
I
know that boys, girls, men and women can be victims of female predators and
male predators. Age and stature of a victim is irrelevant as is the age and
stature of a predator.
I
am of the strong, belief that those of us that were attacked as children do not
grow up to hurt other children or others. I believe that most survivors hurt
themselves with, drugs, mental anguish, alcohol, eating disorders, anger,
self-inflicted injury, and etc. Survivors would rather hurt themselves before
harming another. (I believe, to become
the very thing you hate, makes you worse than the evil.)
I
can state this and believe it, even with the trauma I experienced in a family
of evil. I cannot comprehend how anyone can do such things. And being related
to one does not make you one, but it also is no excuse to cover up or deny what
and who they are. It is a conscious choice that is made to become a disgusting parasite.
There is no mental instability that is involved, attacks are plotted and
carried out.
I
cannot speak for every survivor, only from my own experience and others that I
know. We are in many different walks of life, our paths are very diverse. We
are the over achiever, the addict and everything in between. We have our ups and downs, and we struggle
in life as everyone does.
I
am aware that my feelings come through loud and clear in my web site. I do
understand that each person has their own feelings about what happened to them,
and no one should ever tell you how to feel.
I just get very angry knowing
how they (predators) operate, what they say, what they do to victims and
society.
I grew up constantly being told that, “No one will ever believe
you.” I always felt scared and so lonely, but in my struggle I realized that, I
believed me and I did know the truth.
In
my own path I needed to know about me, not the predator. I already know too
much about what and who they are. I decided to seek a trained professional and
read appropriate books, which helped me, see me.
I
know that I am not alone. I know that there is help. I know that I am strong. I
know that I am worth loving. I know that I have been scarred but I have not been destroyed. I will not carry
the shame of a predator. I know that I am free and I am entitled to my life.
And I am a woman, my name is, Maria. And I have hopes and dreams for myself and
for those that are in my life.
I
have no understanding or compassion for any sexual predator or any predator. Compassion and
understanding are gifts that I bestow upon those that I love and myself.
I
will never forgive or forget, it is an unforgivable evil. But for me that does
not mean that they or my past own me, it is quite the contrary, it frees me. I don't struggle with forgiveness for them, they chose their path. I
have no fear of them and they have no power over me. I will not allow my past
or them to define or take from me any more. I know strange, everyone speaks of forgiveness, one they have to want it and two what does that change, nothing. It cannot be undone and they aren't going to change, they never do.
You know the rich guy who says "I won't lie to you I won't cheat you." And does just that and gets away with it, because the law allows it. These pieces of garbage won't tell you they are going to hurt you, take away your innocence they just do and most of them especially the females get away with it. Does the poor guy get his money back do you get your innocence back? No and forgiveness isn't going to change that. Most of them don't fear God or the Devil, that's why the do such horrible things, they fear nothing, except not getting their way. And that is us served up on a platter.
But I do have faith in my higher power, my God, and I have faith
in myself. I will not allow a predator to take away my belief and faith. I hope
you have faith in your life. I believe that I did not bare my burden alone, I
know that I was saved, not by people but by my God, that I trust; that I
believe. The illness of one of the sexual predators set me free from the
clutches of that family. If not for the illness there is no telling what would
have become of me. And I know that my therapist, who is spiritual, has helped
me to no end.
I
know there is good in this world and I know there are good people in the world.
I look around and see the beauty of the world. Life is worth living; there is
so much to live for so much to see and do.
I
hope survivors can see themselves for who they are or who they want to be, not
just the scars of the past. We are so much more and we will be something the
predator will never be, free, happy, loved, honest, clean of body and soul.
I
am not going to lie, I do still have anger in me and sometimes it overwhelms
me, but I do not let it take me. There are those in my life that have been so
horribly abused that I do not know how they survived. And these same souls that
were tortured, raped, and trapped as a child were only re-victimized as an
adult. There are those who have died and those who are the walking dead. And
for that I am sad and do get angry because I know it did not have to be this
way.
I
wish for the world that predators did not exist but I know all to well that
they do. And in time the truth of who and where they are will come out. It may
take time but the truth always comes out. We did not cause the harm but it is in our power to stop it. TRUTH is a powerful LIGHT, it shines in every dark corner. What we choose to do is up to each individual person. I know that I cannot change what happened, but I can change my life.
No
matter how much the female sexual predator /male sexual predator deny, we know
the truth and that is something they fear.
For me there is no gray area when it comes to sexual abuse, rape, torture, fear, threats, or blackmail against a child or an adult. I know that female/male predators exist and I know the truth; that is not up for debate. I do not adhere to
the Denial of them.
My
email true_perspective@yahoo.com
Last
revised 8-09