Alone Together

Omi hated hospitals. For one so young and full of life, it seemed like
the worst place possible one could end up. This was where the horribly
injured could only pray for a miracle to determine if they would pull
through or not. This was where the terminally ill could only wait for
the inevitable end as their bodies faded into nothingness. Omi couldn't
stand the feeling of being surrounded by so much suffering and being
completely helpless to do anything about it. Aya strolled around this
hospital like a second home after so many visits to his sister. Somehow
that was even sadder. But worst of all about the hospital, Omi thought,
was that he had put Ken here. 

"Ken! I'm sorry!!" Omi blurted for the seventeenth time. 

Ken smiled weakly and spoke with undying patience. "I don't know how
many ways I can say it, Omi. I don't blame you for what happened. You
can't be held responsible when you were under Schuldip's mind control.
Stop blaming yourself." 

Omi sniffled. 

"I'm serious, Omi! If you don't stop dwelling on this, I'm going to get
irritated. Besides, the doctor says I'm just fine that I'll heal up and
I can go home really soon. The bullet just went through my shoulder." 

*That* wasn't comforting at all! Omi knew that his aim had been
perfectly accurate and aimed at Ken's heart when he had pulled the
trigger. If it hadn't been for Yohji diving on top of Ken to push him
out of the way, the shot would have been fatal. Omi saw Ken's gaze turn
to Yohji at the side of the hospital bed and knew that he was thinking
the same thing. Yohji had saved his life, risking his own in the
process. 

"Minna..." Omi choked out, overcome with guilt. 

"Hey, Omi," Yohji said with a hint of irritation creeping into his
voice, "We haven't heard a thing from Aya in a while. Why don't you go
check on him?" 

Omi knew that Yohji was just trying to get rid of him, but he
understood. All he'd been doing for the last few hours was pacing and
wringing his hands, apologizing over and over. Meanwhile, Yohji had been
fussing over Ken constantly, asking if he was thirsty, if he was in
pain, if he wanted another pillow. At least that was constructive, and
Ken seemed to enjoy the attention. Omi knew when he was a third wheel
and he nodded as he left to go check on Aya. Omi's back was turned and
he didn't notice when Yohji took Ken's hand in his own as the door
closed behind him. 

Omi took the elevator one floor up and walked down the hall to the door
which read "Fujimiya Aya". It was always unsettling to see that name on
the door. He opened the door quietly, not wanting to interrupt anything.
 
Aya was sitting in a hard looking chair with his head resting on his
arms on the edge of his sister's bed. The girl slept on peacefully,
unaware of the world and her brother's deep concern. A soft constant
beep pierced the air, monitoring her heart. Omi steeled himself and
stepped inside. 

As he drew closer to the bed, he saw that Aya didn't move. The redhead
had excellent hearing and would have turned to look by now. Was
something wrong? Omi drew close worriedly and relaxed when he heard the
slow breathing of one deep asleep. Aya hadn't slept a wink in the last
48 hours and had probably just meant to "rest his eyes for a minute"
when he fell asleep leaning on his sister's bed. Omi couldn't suppress
his smile and soft exclamation, "How cute!" as he watched the man he
loved sleeping softly. He had never seen Aya asleep before and there was
something about his face when he was completely at rest that was
surprising to Omi. He didn't look as wound-up and serious as usual. He
was peaceful as a baby with what could be interpreted as a faint smile
curling his lips. 

"Aya..." Omi whispered softly, making sure not to wake him. He sat at
the edge of the young girl's bed and held his breath as he dared to
gently touch Aya's cheek. It was as soft as he remembered. Somehow Omi
never expected Aya's skin to be so warm when the man always acted so
cold, but his body radiated a soothing heat which made Omi want to curl
up next to him and lie in his arms. Omi trailed his slender fingertips
to Aya's hair and gently played with his forelocks, stroking his hair as
if petting a cat, all the while gazing at the man adoringly. /Aya-kun...
Ai shiteru.../ Omi leaned
 down and brushed Aya's lips with his own and
the redhead's violet eyes fluttered open, disoriented. 

Omi sat up, Aya's head resting against the side of his legs on the edge
of the bed. The swordsman took in his surroundings for a moment and
resumed his usual somber expression. He had been having a dream in which
he had caught up to Takatori and his hands were running red with the
monster's blood. Aya's apathetic expression didn't betray the glee he'd
been experiencing moments before in his dream. "Aya, let's go home. It's
late and you're obviously tired." 

"What about Ken and Yohji?" 

"Ken is fine and I think Yohji is staying to watch him tonight," Omi
shrugged, "Let's just drive home on our own." 

Omi saw the flicker of panic in Aya's eyes in that one second and knew
that the man was terrified at the mere mention of driving after what had
happened. Calmly, Omi continued, "But you're so tired you're falling
asleep right now, so I'll drive us." 

Aya relaxed in gratitude and nodded solemnly. He squeezed his sister's
limp hand one more time before the two assassins left together. 

It was a short silent drive home. Aya didn't look tired any more, and
stared out the window introspectively without a word to Omi. As the
silence dragged on, the boy began to worry again and the rush of
happiness at stroking his lover's hair next to his lap while he was
asleep began to wear thin. Aya had said that he loved Omi earlier that
same night. Had he been lying just to save Omi from Schwarz? If so, it
was a cruel trick. Aya gave no indication of caring at all, now... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They arrived shrouded in the same silence and were just at the doorway
when Omi piped timidly, "What happens now?" 

Aya stopped and looked at the younger man. "What do you mean?" he asked
blandly. 

Omi hid his mild irritation. "You... Told me you cared for me tonight,
but you don't show it now. Will you ever? What happens now?" 

"Why do you ask? Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?" Aya asked
with maddening calmness. 

Omi's mouth dropped slightly open and a furious blush covered his
cheeks. "That's not what I meant, and you know it!" he stammered. 

Aya shrugged indifferently and unlocked the front door. The taller man
stepped inside first, Omi following closely after. "Aya! Listen! This is
important!" he persisted, "Were you telling the truth when you said you
loved me?" 

"I wouldn't lie to you," Aya said as if insulted at being accused of
such. 

"But then why can't we just talk and be together now?" 

"Because I'm tired and I want to sleep," Aya said stiffly, heading for
his room. 

"Please! Tell me why, _really_," Omi pleaded. He knew there was
something holding Aya back and that things would never work out unless
something was done. 

"Because it doesn't matter!" Aya said angrily, finally losing his
patience. He wished Omi would just leave him alone that night. The boy
had an uncanny way of discovering things about Aya that he didn't even
know himself, and didn't want to. "The way we feel about each other
doesn't change what can ever actually happen! We can't just go out, we
have a job to do... And since in the end it doesn't mean a thing, we may
as well just forget about it now and save ourselves the problems later."
 
Omi felt shocked at the brusquness of Aya's words, but his face remained
placid. /You really can't get close to anybody can you, Aya?/ he thought
to himself sadly, /Why won't you let me try?.../ "Aya.." Omi said
patiently, "Of course it matters. This changes everything. Together we
can get by, we can help each other..." 

" 'Help each other'?" the redhead scoffed, his arms crossed. He turned
away. 

"Of course..." Omi said smoothly, "I know you try and hide it, but I
think you understand what I mean. Ken lost his career, his dream, when
he was thrown out of J-League, but he can and will recover. Yohji lost a
loved one. He makes up for it now by never letting himself get close to
any single woman for long so he won't be hurt again... But his loss
wasn't totally unexpected. His partner and he shared a dangerous line of
work. They both knew the risks involved in the job..." 

Aya shot him a reproachful look as if to ask where the conversation was
going. 

"But you and I, Aya," Omi continued in his soothing tone, "We were both
hit hardest and where it hurts most... We lost our families one way or
the other. We both know what it's like, how it hurts you from the inside
out and only gets worse when you try and think it through. Let's not
ignore what we have together, but use it. We can help each other not
just deal with bad pasts, but learn from them, do something about them.
Just knowing that there's always someone that cares about you... That
*does* make a difference." 

Aya shook his head, with a slight bitter smile as he stared at the
floor. "The fact that we both have such messed-up pasts only proves
further how unqualified we are for any normal type of relationship." 

"I'd love to prove you wrong if you'll give me a chance," Omi said with
a charming smile curling the side of his mouth. 

Aya turned his back fully to hide his smile. He couldn't resist the way
that Omi always made the best of every situation, how he never gave up,
and always gave second chances. It was what Aya always wished he could
do, what inevitably drew him to the boy's inner warmth and strength. He
didn't know why he was so reluctant to accept Omi's affection now that
their feelings were out in the open. Maybe it was because he'd never
been in a relationship before and didn't know how to handle it, maybe it
was because he was afraid to let himself have fun while his sister lay
comatose somewhere, or maybe it was because it was because it was eating
him up inside that-- 

"What is is?" Omi asked, seeing the deeply pensive expression on Aya's
face. 

There was a moment of silence before Aya said directly, "Schuldip said
told me something... I wanted to know if it was true or not." 

Omi felt his insides suddenly turn icy cold as he knew the question that
was coming. 

"Did you sleep with Nagi?" Aya asked. He was afraid to know the answer,
but he couldn't stand not knowing even worse. Aya had never had a
relationship before. He'd never had time for one with all his part-time
jobs when he was younger and never gave it much thought as a result. In
Weiß, he always exuded such an attitude of indifference and confidence,
few people would look at such an imposing figure and think that he might
be a virgin. It broke his heart to think that even if he lost his
virginity with Omi, he wouldn't be Omi's first. Was his seemingly
innocent young lover actually more experienced than he was? 

"I... don't remember. I was under Schuldip's influence at the time," Omi
said quietly, "I think so." 

"Oh," Aya was all Aya said. He started to walk to his room. 

"Don't be like that!" Omi insisted, following him, "It's not like I
wanted him to! I was raped, Aya! I couldn't control my own thoughts or
what I was doing. I don't even remember it!" 

Aya knew Omi wouldn't lie to him, but found himself teeming with
jealousy anyway. In his room, he walked to the window and opened it. The
frigid city air wafted in and chilled the room. Omi stood awkwardly in
the doorway. "I'm sorry, Aya," the blonde boy said softly. 

Aya said immediately, "Don't be. I know it's not your fault that
whatever happened did happen. It's my fault that you were there in the
first place. I just hate myself right now." Aya reached into the inside
pocket of his trench coat. 

"Aya!" Omi said, exasperated, "I don't want you to think it's your
fault, either, I just don't want you to worry about it 'cause--" his
words died on his lips. "What are you doing?" 

Aya had a cigarette held in his thin lips and the man was cupping a hand
around the end to shield it from the wind as he flicked his lighter. 

"I didn't know you smoke," Omi said with obvious disapproval. 

"I don't," was all Aya replied as he took his first drag. 

"Have you decided you like Yohji's 'slow death by cancer' method?" 

Aya ignored the remark. From behind him, he heard Omi whisper softly,
"Don't give up, Aya-kun." 

The redhead turned in puzzlement, holding the cigarette down as he
regarded the impassioned eyes of his teammate. "You're giving up on your
life, on your love, on your sister... You don't even expect her to wake
up, do you?" 

"What are you talking about?" Aya asked sternly. 

"You won't let yourself smile and enjoy your life because of this
obligation to your sister. You feel you have to avenge her. But would
you let yourself smile even if you succeeded in fulfilling your
vengeance? Do you really think that's what she would want?" 

Aya puffed at the smoke nervously, trying to hide the tremble in his
fingers from emotion and exhaustion. "What are you saying exactly?" Was
what Omi said true? Was he really just seeking vengeance so he could
console himself with the idea that he had done all he could if she never
woke up? Was he just selfishly trying to make it hurt less if she didn't
pull through? 

"I'm just saying," Omi said with the gentle voice of a true friend,
"That she would want you to be happy, Aya-kun. She would want to know
that despite all else that you didn't lose your smile, that you would
never give up hope, that you love your life." As Omi spoke he gently
took the cigarette from the man's numb fingers, stubbed it out and threw
it away. He replaced it with his own hand in Aya's. "You'll always have
me, Aya-kun. I'll stay by your side. We can both hope and wait for
Aya-chan's recovery together." He gave his lover's hand a gentle squeeze
and led him to the bed where they both sat down. 

Aya squeezed his eyes shut against his fear and confusion. "I don't know
what to do or how to act, what to think... It can't work, I just--!" he
trailed off, at a loss for words. 

"Aya-kun..." Omi offered, gently. He drew his koibito away from the
chill of the window and held the man's fingertips in his hands. "Don't
think, just feel..." He took Aya's hand and led it under his shirt until
his fingertips rested over the boy's heart. The pulse of life and love,
the warmth... "Can you feel that?" Omi asked, letting Aya feel his
faithful heartbeat, "This is all for you... Each beat is saying the same
thing. It tells how much I care for you, how I believe in you. My every
thought is of you and it makes me so happy." Aya's eyes widened in
sensation as he felt the ice crack and emotions long buried began to
surface and caress his mind. "Can you feel it?" Omi asked gently,
pressing Aya's hand to his warm chest and leaning his face on the taller
man's shoulder, "Can you feel me? I'd do anything for you." Aya's eyes
were burning when Omi gently whispered, 

"I love you." 

Aya didn't make a sound as the tears poured from his eyes unchecked.
Silver streaked Aya's face like the crystalline version of his gold,
teardrop earring, the door to his heart finally unlocked. Aya was swept
with a tide of emotion as passion and hope, love and fear overwhelmed
him. He let out a sobbing groan and buried his face in the soft of Omi's
shoulder, letting the unstoppable tears soak into the cotton cloth of
Omi's shirt. Omi put his arm around behind Aya's head, holding him
close, the other hand holding him securely in a tight embrace. Omi
gently stroked Aya's hair as the swordsman cried and cried. In that
moment there was no outside world and nothing was important other than
that they were together. 

It may have been minutes or hours before the silence returned. Aya's
tears of anguish which he'd never allowed himself to shed had burned
away, and the two just held each other in a moment that stretched to
eternity. Aya felt so safe and loved, it pained him to think that the
moment would ever end. "Don't leave me, Omi," Aya whispered. 

"I'd never leave you," Omi reassured him, pressing the side of his face
against Aya's cheek adoringly. 

"I mean now," Aya breathed, "Please don't go..." He placed his hand to
the side of Omi's face and they kissed briefly. 

They both slid under the covers, sharing the warmth and looking into
each other's eyes. At peace. With arms around each other, 
They slept.