Alone Together

Omi leaned his back against the cement of the movie theater wall and the
coldness seeped into his back… He hadn’t brought a jacket because he had
thought that he would be spending the evening indoors with Ouka and her
family. Ouka had never shown up at the restaurant or theater and it was
late. The movie had started an hour and a half ago and the janitor was
sweeping up the sidewalk for the evening. 

Omi should have been relieved she never showed up. He really never
wanted to go in the first place but had been guilted into it by the
officious young girl. Yet something worried him immensely. He had a
sickening feeling in his gut that he was never going to see her again.
It made him hunger to catch a glimpse of her just for a moment just to
know that she was alright… He knew she probably would never show up that
night, that something had come up and she wouldn’t be able to explain
her absence to him until the next morning. Still, something nagged at
the back of his mind and he couldn’t make himself leave just in case she
did show up late. She wouldn’t be apologetic or overly sentimental over
his long, stressful wait. She would just matter-of-factly tell him that
there had been car trouble or that a family crisis would come up and
then proceed to boss him around for the rest of the night like she
always did. But she never showed. And that nagging voice in his mind
told him she never would. 

/Ouka…/ Omi thought worriedly. He turned his head to the stars and
regarded them jealously. _They_ knew where Ouka was. Somewhere in their
vast field of vision they were seeing her at that moment, but they
maintained their stubborn silence and Omi was left in the dark of the
cold alleyway. He let his mind turn to thoughts of his new boyfriend in
attempts to distract himself, but that didn’t help either. He wondered
if Aya knew that he was supposedly out on a date with Ouka that night.
Aya didn’t seem like the jealous type at all, but he did have a strong
sense of loyalty. Omi found himself worrying that Aya would consider his
acceptance to an outing with Ouka as a sort of betrayal. /Jeez, I hope
not…/ Omi thought sadly, /Things are going bad enough tonight… I wonder
what Aya is doing right now…/ Omi’s back was going numb from the cold of
the concrete wall as the artificial stone drew out the last of his body
heat. He kept his face turned up to the all-knowing stars and they
mocked him with their bright winking eyes… 


Aya gripped his copy of Ai No Kusabi in white-knuckled hands and tried
not to think about what Omi was doing at that moment. He had never had
someone whom he would have considered a partner before. Now that he did,
he found himself bothered by Omi’s indifference. Why had he gone out
with Ouka so soon after he and Omi got together? Was Aya making the
relationship out to be more than it was? From behind the couch where he
lay, Aya heard a gasp of dismay come from Ken. 

“Someone has infiltrated Weiß communications,” he said urgently. Yohji
stood very close to Ken’s side and read the E-Mail over the soccer
player’s shoulder. “It says here that Omi is a spy for Takatori and that
we could find proof of it at the park at midnight,” Ken continued. “What
do you make of this?” 

Aya put his book down and replied calmly, “It’s a trap.” 

“Do we check it out anyway?” Ken asked worriedly. 

“Of course!” Yohji said, clapping Ken on the shoulder. “What would we
all have to do tonight if we didn’t go out and risk our lives? Omi might
be in trouble.” The tall man was already putting on his assassin’s
clothes and lighting a cigarette. “I gotta say, though… Whoever wrote
that E-Mail had a pretty smart idea to claim that Omi was a spy. It’s
not completely unbelievable.” 

Aya silently narrowed his eyes at the man and Ken let out a shocked
gasp. 

“I’m just kidding!” Yohji said defensively. 

“It isn’t funny,” Ken sulked back, pulling his claw mitts on. 

Half an hour later, everything was falling apart. 

“AH! HAHAHA!” Schuldip laughed in genuine glee. He couldn’t remember the
last time he’d had such a good time. Tormenting the blue-haired bitch
with half-truths and brutal honesty had been amusing, but watching Weiß
scatter and scramble like mice as he unloaded his pistol at them was
*side-splittingly* funny. He watched as the little brat that Nagi had
been so infatuated with yelled and ran right towards him. 

“Ouka!” the little boy was screaming as he ran to reach the girl’s side.
/He doesn’t even know that she’s his sister yet…/ Schu pondered to
himself with mild indifference, /Hardly seems worth running into a death
trap…/ Schuldip shrugged the thought off carelessly and wondered for a
brief moment what Nagi’s reaction would be when he found out that he had
blown the head clean off of his treacherous ex-lover. It didn’t matter,
really. It was just fun to think about. Schu smirked again as he
targeted Omi’s head and gently squeezed the trigger. 

Yohji had been pulling out his wire, rushing to go help Ken who was
struggling to out-muscle the white-haired lunatic, when he heard Omi’s
cry. /Damn hot-headed kid!/ he thought with dismay and saw as Omi ran
blindly for the bait. He was so transfixed on rushing to release Ouka
from the tree she was tied to, he didn’t even seem to notice as the
redheaded man above, pointing the gun right at him. /F**K!!!/ 

“Look out!!” Yohji cried and threw his body onto Omi’s side. The two of
them crashed to the ground together and rolled behind the shelter of a
wall. He sharp echo of gunfire could be heard simultaneously with the
sound of the shattering plaster of the wall they hid behind. Yohji
tipped his head back, gasping for breath after the sprint and the near
miss. Omi untangled himself from Yohji’s arms with irritation instead of
gratitude. 

“Omi, don’t be stupid!” Yohji said sternly, nursing his bruised ribs and
looking for a safe way out from behind where they hid. “Don’t play into
his hands!” 

Omi didn’t even wait for Yohji to finish his sentence before he was
sprinting through the gunfire again. “Ouka! OUKA!!” he cried as he
rushed to the tree where the girl was tied. 

Aya looked up from his sword fight with the American in the white suit.
He was just in time to see hear the whine of the bullet and see the
splash of red from where Schuldip shot Omi in the arm. His eyes were
forced back to the task at hand a second later as Clofford took a shot
at him, but he was able to watch just long enough to see Yohji race out
from behind the safety of his cover to go help. 

Omi only flinched for a moment as he felt the sharp pulling sensation,
then the white hot burning of the flesh wound. He didn’t think of it
much. Everyone in Weiß had a few scars; it came with the territory. Omi
merely clapped a hand over the wound to staunch the blood flow and kept
running towards his friend. 

He could see the look of fear and hope in Ouka’s eyes now. He was so
close… “Omi-kun!! Help me!” she pleaded and Omi ran to the side of the
tree and began to untie her. “Oh, thank God!” she breathed, “I’m so
scared!” Omi could hear the clang of metal, the grunts from straining
muscles, the sharp bark of gunfire behind him. He knew that his best
friends were all fighting for their lives all because of him, but still
he untied Ouka first. She was scared. She wasn’t used to this sort of
danger the way he was… If he could just set her free, she could run off
on her own and then he could return to help Aya and the others. /Aya…
Are you okay?/ 

But Ouka was just a terrified little girl who was watching six people in
front of her desperately trying to kill each other right in front of her
eyes. She didn’t have the sense to run; she fell to her knees instead.
Aching with frustration, Omi asked hurriedly, “Are you all right?” Ouka
tearfully lifted her face and began to explain to him what Schuldip had
told her. Omi was actually her brother… Omi’s eyes widened in surprise.
 
“S- Siblings?” Omi gasped in disbelief.  

“Yes… That’s why--! That’s why--!” Ouka gasped. The tears that had been
welling in her eyes began to spill down her cheeks. The eye make-up that
she’d put on in preparation for her date with Omi began to run down in
faint black trails. She had thought she had loved like a boyfriend… 

Omi gave a bittersweet smile. “Shhh…” he whispered gently, “Don’t cry
anymore… “We’re siblings, aren’t we? That’s enough for now.” He wrapped
his warm arms around her snugly and pulled her close. Instantly her
hitching breaths and tears stopped as she felt the tenderness in that
embrace. Between a father who had all but abandoned her and a mother
who’d had an affair, she had never known such warmth before… 

When she regarded Omi’s face once more, Ouka found tears brimming in his
own eyes… But these were tears of joy, not disappointment. “I…” he said
gently, “I used to be all alone… But things are different now…” Omi
pulled her so close their cheeks were pressed together and their tears
of joy mingled together. “Now I have you,” he whispered finally. 

Ouka hugged Omi tightly against her and Omi let the tears of joy flow
without hesitation. He had never felt this way in his entire life…
Complete. He had family. A sweet relative who loved him dearly and who
he cared for, too. 

His father was cruel. His brothers had all tried to kill him. His mother
he had never known… Omi had thought he would have lived out the rest of
his life and died without ever knowing what it was like to have a loving
family member… But now a sister! A sister whom he already knew, who was
a good person who just wanted to be loved, too! He felt the overwhelming
rush of joy sweep through his body at all the possibilities… Family to
visit on the holidays, a sister to tease or help with her homework…
Someone to relate to on an everyday level… It was no wonder Aya lamented
the loss of such an intimate family tie… They could help each other and
stand by each other, and Omi would never be alone and abandoned again…
He felt whole. 

Omi was lost in his joyful daydreaming when he felt Ouka lurch forward
in his arms. He thought at first that she was just heaving from a new
wave of tears, but he heard a strange groan at the back of her throat
and knew that something was wrong… “Ouka?” he asked inquisitively. He
felt her holding perfectly still... As he slid his hand up her back to
hold her farther away so he could look at her, he felt his hands pass
over a rough spot in the fabric of her dress. His hand was suddenly very
wet as it passed over the tear in the fabric… Wet and sticky… Only utter
denial allowed Omi to hold on for one more minute of hope. He moved his
hand away from her back and started to hold it out in front of his face.
/Ohplease,God,no.Oh,Godifyouexistdon’tletitbe…/ 

It was red. 

“Ouka--!” The trembling in his voice was unstoppable now. 

Ouka’s face was already pale and distant-looking… She looked peaceful
and resigned in her last moments. She, too, had found wholeness. “Omi…”
she said, her weak voice fading into the gentlest whisper, “I’m glad… I
met you.” And her body, tensed in pain and fear and confusion, suddenly
went limp as if relieved by death. 

The gunfire stopped and Schwarz fled. The other members of Weiß stood
confused and battle-weary for a moment before they beheld the couple by
the tree. “Ouka…” Omi was shaking the girl’s limp body insistantly.
“Open your eyes again, Ouka! Don’t fall asleep!” 

It was too painful to watch. Everyone but Aya turned their eyes away. 

“Ouka! Open… your eyes!!” the trembling in Omi’s voice grew into his
wail of grief at paradise lost… “OUKAAA!” Omi’s body convulsed strongly
in a paroxysm of anguish. The young man tried to swallow the pain and
his body shook with the effort to keep his voice silent. He had found
what he’d always been searching for and it had been taken from him in an
instant. And it was all his fault. 

Omi wept. He felt the pain in his chest grow and swell in his efforts to
keep the pain inside, to stop crying. He just held her body as close and
as sweetly as a lover. He didn’t want to let go. He wanted to hold her
and be with her in peace forever. He was holding the missing piece from
his life in his arms… It was a piece he’d never even known was missing,
but now that he knew it was there, there would always be a void left
empty where she should have been. He was hollow. 

Omi felt the hand on his shoulder and didn’t need to look up to know who
it was. Aya was by his side. “We have to go now,” was all he said, “The
police will be here soon.” 

Omi didn’t say anything. He longed to refuse to go. He wanted to stay
where he was and hold her for as long as possible, regardless of the
consequences when the police found him holding her body. But that would
be childish. Omi knew there would be too many questions, most of which
would lead back to Weiß and get his friends in trouble. But what about
the thousands of questions Omi had about Ouka, about her life, that
would never be answered? 

The young man swept Ouka’s hair back from her face and kissed the
cooling skin of her forehead one last time, then stood. He walked with
the other assassins silently. He could see the awkwardness and questions
on all their faces, but no one said anything. 

When they reached the car, Aya opened the door for Omi. Omi asked if
they could drive home with the top down on the car, Yohji and Ken
exchanged a worried look. “It’s been raining for ten minutes, now…” Ken
told him awkwardly. 

“Sou ka…” Omi muttered gently and noticed for the first time the way
everyone’s hair and clothes were plastered down to their bodies. The
rain was pouring down now, but Omi hadn’t even noticed when it started.
He got into the car without another word and stared out the window as
they started to drive. 

“Are you all right?” Yohji asked Omi quietly. 

“She was my sister,” was all Omi said. 

Aya closed his eyes and the rest of the drive home was made in silence. 

When they got home, Omi instantly excused himself to go take a shower.
He said something about washing off blood that wasn’t his. Ken reminded
him to clean his bullet wound well, and offered to help him dress it
afterwards. Omi didn’t reply and disappeared down the hall which lead to
the bathroom. 

Aya sat at the kitchen table and laced his fingers together. His
forehead was pressed against his intertwined hands and his eyes were
closed tightly, lost in thought. That was when Manx stepped into the
room. Yohji didn’t have a suggestive comment for her, this time. 

“I can tell by the looks on everyone’s faces that something is wrong,
but there’s an urgent mission for tonight,” she said her usual business
tone, “Where is Bombay?” 

Ken and Yohji exchanged a look, wondering what to say, but Aya was the
one who said bluntly, “He doesn’t feel well.” 

“This is a mission which calls for subterfuge, so a smaller group works
better anyway,” Manx said smoothly, “Our informants finally got more
information on the case of people testing drugs by putting them into
children’s meals at school. Some of the target agents will be making a
transfer of money and the experimental substances tonight at the docks.
Who can go?” 

“I can,” both Yohji and Ken chorused in unison. 

Manx raised an eyebrow at how eager Yohji was to accept the case even
though there were no pretty women involved. “Abyssinian, can you go?”
she asked Aya. 

“Omi is very sick. I think someone should keep an eye on him to make
sure he’ll be okay,” Aya said stiffly. 

Manx knew there was something more to what he said than was immediately
obvious, so she let it go. “Fine; you stay. You know the doctor’s number
if you need it. Are you others ready?” 

Ken and Yohji nodded grudgingly. Such was the work of an assassin. Still
exhausted and soaking wet from their last mission, they headed back
outside to dispense the justice of Weiß. 

Aya sat the table silently when everyone was gone. He could hear the
sound of water pouring down all around from the rain drumming on the
rooftop to the sound of Omi’s shower. He felt compelled to check on Omi
and ask him through the door if he would be all right, but Aya knew
better than anyone else what it was like to lose a sister. He knew that
sometimes the thing you want the most was just to be left alone for a
while. He would check on Omi after his shower. It was eerie, really… Aya
instinctively expected to hear Omi singing in the shower like he always
did. Usually some disgustingly “hip” J-Pop nonsense sung in Omi’s sweet
voice, echoing strangely from the acoustics of the shower stall… But he
was silent. It was strange how it was the little things like that Aya
missed… 

It seemed like Omi was in there for an eternity. All the while Aya was
locked deep in thought. When he had first seen Omi holding Ouka so close
like that, he’d actually felt a pang of jealousy at the sight of him
holding someone else that way. The thought of his selfishness disgusted
him now that he realized that they were siblings. He should have been
more understanding. 

He knew what it was like. The relationship between brother and sister
was an intimate one, different than friends or lovers or parents… It was
in a category of its own, but was very special just the same. Aya and
Omi had always felt close because of their shared loss, the pain of
being without a family… But now Omi had actually found a family and lost
it all in an instant. Aya knew exactly what it was like to lose a sister
that way. He could help Omi get through it… 

Aya leaned back in his chair and his mind raced in debate over what to
say… He was glad that he and Omi were a couple at the time that Omi was
going through this… Ever since the two of them had first fallen in love
and been together, Omi had always been the understanding one, the
comforting one… Both of them had their pain, but it seemed like Omi was
always the one to help everything work out. Aya had always secretly
wished for an opportunity to be the one to help his lover. Omi had
always told him that they could work anything out, no matter how bad
things got… It was true, but this time it would be Aya helping Omi, not
the other way around. This time, he would be the strong one. He would
hold Omi and tell him that everything would be okay… They’d get through
everything and be even closer because of-- /God! Is that really what
time it is??/ 

Aya looked at his watch to double-check the time that the clock on the
wall said. They both agreed. Omi had been in the shower for over an hour
now... /Oh, God… What if something is really wrong?/ Aya strode down the
hallway very fast, forcing himself not to break into a run. /Don’t
panic…/ the redhead told himself, but in his mind vivid nightmares
flashed their ugly faces to him. An image of Omi lying dead in the
shower, having slipped on the tile and hit his head… Maybe he would have
survived if Aya had checked on him earlier instead of letting him lie in
the shower alone, his life ebbing away… Another image flashed through
Aya’s mind… Omi unable to deal with the tragedies which seemed to pile
up nonstop this past week… He had slit his wrists, but the water ran
clear now. He had been in the shower and dead for so long that his
wounds had stopped bleeding. And Aya had been sitting in the next room
completely oblivious. Aya tried to force himself to remember how Omi had
once given him a speech on how cowardly he thought suicide was, but the
day terrors wouldn’t leave him, and Aya was near panic by the time he
reached the bathroom door. 

He could feel the heat and the humidity from the steam of the shower
even through the door. The sound of plashing, falling water could be
heard, but no other sound. Aya pounded on the door. “Omi! Are you okay
in there?” He struggled to keep his voice calm. The same hollow sounds
of water hitting the walls and floor of the shower stall could be heard,
but nothing else. “Omi, at least answer me!” Silence, but for falling
water, was his reply. 

/Oh, God… Let him be all right… F*ck…/ Aya thought to himself, in near
panic. His mind was racing, but he managed to keep his fingers steady as
he pulled a phone card out of his wallet and used it to pick the lock on
the bathroom door. “I’m coming in, Omi!” Aya said loudly as he threw the
door open. A blast of steam hit him as the humid air rushed at him from
the shower. The whole room was obscured by an eerie haze of hot mist.
Omi’s wet clothes were wadded up on the floor by the sink. The shower
curtain was drawn and Omi made no sound from the other side, even when
someone barged into the room. 

Aya traversed the room in two long-legged strides and threw the shower
curtain back. Omi was there on his hands and knees breathing heavily and
trembling. The shower had been turned all the way to the hottest setting
and had been left that way for quite some time. The water was almost
scalding hot and pounded down on the submissive form of the boy below.
Omi’s fair skin had turned dark pink from the extreme heat of the water
that beat down on his exposed back mercilessly. Scalding water flowed
around his chest and dripped from tender nipples, it coursed down his
lowered face through his hair and flowed down his arms and buttocks. But
despite the extreme heat that rained down on his body, the huddled form
of Omi was trembling violently as if from cold. The huddled body looked
so helpless and weak in its nakedness. Omi’s wet hair concealed his face
and the ridges of his spine were visible along his arched back. The boy
never looked up. It was as if Omi didn’t even know that Aya was there. 

Not sure whether to be relieved or even more frightened by Omi’s strange
condition, Aya stripped his shirt off quickly and reached into the
shower to lift Omi out. The heat of the water was almost unbearable,
even hotter than it appeared. Aya paused from picking Omi up and turned
the water off. Only then did Omi look bleakly upward. “Aya-kun…?” he
said distantly. 

“Shh…” Aya soothed distractedly, “You’re just fine, Omi… Let’s just get
you toweled off.” 

Omi gave a faint whimper as he was lifted from the slippery wetness of
the tub and into Aya’s strong arms. The redhead snatched a large plush
towel from its rack and wrapped Omi in it like a baby. 

“I’m so cold…” Omi said distantly. Aya picked Omi up gently, one arm
beneath the backs of Omi’s knees, the other arm around his shoulders.
Aya carried Omi to his room like a knight carrying his damsel in
distress. Once he’d been laid down in Aya’s bed, Omi continued to shiver
and stare into the distance, even as Aya rubbed him down all over with
the towel. 

“Omi, listen to me,” Aya said with tender firmness as he dried Omi’s
hair, “I don’t know what you’re thinking or what you’re trying to do,
but don’t do anything risky to your body, okay? Don’t scare me like
that.” 

For the first time, Omi actually reacted to Aya’s words. His sad blue
eyes seemed to come into focus and he looked at Aya’s face as if trying
to memorize every detail. “Were you worried about me, Aya-kun?” 

Aya threw the towel around Omi’s shoulders like a cloak and drew him in
for a tight embrace. He leaned his face against Omi’s cheek and one of
the longer two locks of Aya’s hair tickled Omi’s nose. “Of course I was…
We’re supposed to watch out for each other, ne? You always told me so
yourself.” 

To Aya’s surprise, instead of the smile or nod he was hoping for, Omi
shook his head. “Everything I touch turns to nothing,” Omi said, “My
mother abandoned me, my father hates me, I have murdered my cruel
brothers, and now…” Omi choked on the words, “Now I have killed my
sister who loved me…” 

“Omi, you can’t think like that! You can’t blame yourself for your
sister’s death. You always said that same thing to me!” 

“ ‘You said!’ ‘You said!,’” Omi repeated angrily, “It doesn’t matter
what I said then! Don’t you see? I’ve pushed everyone away! I actually
found family and she would still be alive right now if it hadn’t been
for me!” 

“Omi, you’ll never be truly alone. I’ll always be here for you, standing
right by your side. I want to help you the way you always help me.” Aya
was startled when the words came out so easily. He had longed to say
them for a long time. He loved Omi so much… 

“I can’t help anyone,” Omi whispered and curled up on his side on the
bed with his back to Aya. 

“Of course you can! And you always did! Omi… I could always count on you
when I was in despair. Please don’t give up; let me help you, too…” Aya
said with passionate intensity. 

There was a moment of silence before Omi said quietly, “I’m so cold…”
Aya felt the words like a slap in the face. Omi had refused Aya’s offer
for love and support when he refused to answer Aya’s plea. 

/Am I such a horrible care giver?/ 
/Is Ouka so much more important to him than I am?/ 
/Was Omi lying all that time when he said we could share anything?/ 
/Are things different between us now?/ 

A thousand fears and questions burned in Aya’s mind, but for Omi’s sake
he swallowed his pain and simply said, “I’ll get you another blanket,”
in his usual calm voice. When he returned, he tucked the huddled, naked
boy tightly into the sheets and felt Omi’s forehead. He was burning hot
to the touch and Aya hoped that it was only because of Omi’s feverish
state that the boy was being so uncharacteristically cold and uncaring. 

“Can you sleep, Omi?” he asked in his deep voice. 

Omi shook his head. 

“I’ll get you some jasmine tea…” Aya said and Omi made neither
encouragement, nor protest. 

In the kitchen, Aya tried not to let himself think too much about Omi’s
apathy towards him. Surely it was just temporary. The boy was grieving,
after all, and Aya knew how painful that could be. He just hoped that
Omi would stop being so cold and indifferent towards him. He was doing
everything in his power, but Omi didn’t even seem to want the help. 

The kettle started to whistle and Aya started steeping the black jasmine
tea into the worn-looking cup that Omi always used. The swordsman pulled
out what looked like a tiny cigarette case with a cross and the word
“Weiß” etched into it. He drew out three small white pills and crushed
them into powder with a knife onto a piece of paper. /This ought to be
enough to knock out that white-haired Schwarz/ Aya thought to himself as
he stirred the crushed sleeping pills into Omi’s tea. 

Aya came back to his room and saw that Omi was sitting up, now, hugging
his knees to his chest and still looking penitent and deep in thought.
Aya handed the tea to Omi warmly and he murmured his thanks reflexively
and began to drink from the steaming cup. As Omi slowly sipped down the
tea, Aya couldn’t help but feel a strange distance had come between
them. Even in death, Ouka was driving them apart and this time, he
didn’t think anything could stop Omi’s feelings of loss except Omi
himself. 

They were alone together. Not just in the sense that they were together
and no one else was around. Even though Aya knew that Omi was right
there beside him, he had a hard time remembering a time that he had felt
more alone. Attempting to break the silence which had hung in the room
for minutes, Aya suggested gently, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Omi finished the drugged tea and set the cup down. “Aya-kun, I… I think
I just want to be alone for a while.” 

Aya could feel the emotional pain of the words as a physical stab in the
side of his chest. Rejected. His heart sank lower, back into the
darkness it had dwelled in before Omi had helped bring him into the
light that was love. Everything was going wrong. 

Omi couldn’t suppress his yawn as the drugs began to take effect and he
had trouble keeping his heavy eyelids open. “I think I understand,” Aya
said with quiet solemnity, “Good night, Omi.” 

Omi was already fading into unconsciousness, bundled up tightly in his
lover’s bed. Aya watched at him for a long time, thinking of how usually
he would have liked to curl up next to him and sleep at his side,
keeping him warm. But things were different now. The redhead couldn’t
shake the feeling that he didn’t belong there in that bed with him
anymore. Omi didn’t want him there. 

/Kuso…/ Aya thumped his fist against the doorframe to his room where Omi
slumbered peacefully. Driven away from his own room, Aya strode back to
the kitchen where he had nothing else to do, but wait for Ken and Yohji
to return. It was 3:00 in the morning, but at least the rain had
stopped.