Always on My Mind

Always On My Mind:
A Duet

(Aya):
My friends tell me I’m crazy,
They say that I’m strange,
They tell me ever since I met you I’ve changed.
I must admit it’s true and I’d go out of my way to do
Anything for you.

*~*~*

	It was a gloriously beautiful spring day.  The sun shone with all its great splendor, showering its
brilliance upon the city of Tokyo most lavishly.  Its energy rained upon the flowers and plants at the Koneko
flower shop, giving them an extra bout of fresh vitality.  It struck a certain redhead and added luminous
highlights to its crimson hue.  It was a most superbly wonderful day.

	“Aya!  I need you back here!” called Ken from the supply room.  Aya finished watering the last of
the pinkish bleeding hearts (1) before heading to the room.  It was most definitely a good day.  Even Aya,
stiff as he was, couldn’t keep that stony look of his face for long.  It was as if the sun had instilled some
warmth in his frigid heart on this fine day.  Aya was positively glowing.

	“Aya-kun must be having a good day,” remarked Omi as he walked by.  Aya stopped, surprised.
	
	“Why do you say that?”

	“Because you’ve been smiling like a fool ever since you got here, baka,” replied Yohji as he slipped
a friendly arm onto his shoulder.  “Something good happen?”

	“Not in particular.”

	“Well then, it seems that the great Ice King himself has graced our lowly selves with a smile today. 
There must be a god after all,” joked Yohji.  Omi laughed cutely and even Aya managed to crack a smile as
well.  Normally he would’ve shot Yohji a death glare instead, but under the given circumstances and the fine
spring day, Aya decided to show a little clemency.  He walked into the supply room where Ken was having a
little trouble.

	“Oh!  Aya,” greeted Ken with a smile.  He was reaching for the big brown box located on the shelf. 
Even standing on a stool, he couldn’t quite reach it.  Frustrated and impatient, he had called on Aya for help.

	“Do you want me to get that for you?”

	“Please,” he answered.  He stepped off the stool to make room for Aya.  His arm accidentally
brushed against Aya’s shoulder and he let out a small yelp.  His hand instinctively went to the wound on his
arm while he winced in pain.  

	“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he assured Aya with a grimace before he could say anything else.  “Just let
me—ahh---ahh, that hurts!” 

	Aya gently grabbed Ken’s uninjured arm and asked, “Are you okay?”

	Ken nodded, but not without flinching.  “I guess it still didn’t heal since our last mission.  It hurts to
use this arm,” he explained while holding his right arm gently.  On his navy blue t-shirt, small blood spots
stained his right sleeve.  Aya insisted on seeing it.

	“Does this hurt?” he asked.  He supported the arm gently in his left hand, while skimming the
scarred flesh with his right.  Smooth fingers caressed the surface and caused Ken to cringe slightly.  Going
back to that sensitive spot, Aya pressed down a little harder.  To his surprise, blood leaked onto his fingers
and trickled down Ken’s arm.  

	“I’m sorry.  I should’ve been more careful…” Aya leaned over and retrieved the unused cloth
sitting on the counter.  Running it under lukewarm water, he wrung it out and dabbed Ken’s arm gingerly,
carefully.

	Ken looked at Aya in amazement.  Aya was never sorry.  Nor was he this caring or concerned. 
Aya was the jerk that grated on everyone’s nerves with his constant dark mood.  This was not Aya.  What
happened?  Why was Aya cleaning his wound right now?  Why did he care so much…?

	“Ken…don’t look so shocked.  I love you,” said Aya seriously.  He stopped treating the wound and
looked Ken in his eyes.  “You know that.  I want to help you get better.”  With that, he continued to dab the
damp cloth on Ken’s arm, eyes facing down.  But unbeknownst to Ken, Aya was flushed crimson.  He hid
behind his curtain of cherry red and waited hesitantly.  What would Ken say to him now?  How would he
act?  Would he feel the same…?

*~*~*

(Aya):
‘Cause baby I want you to know
That I’ve gotten so close,
And I need you to show me a sign.
Because you and I can’t afford to waste time
When it’s love that’s on my mind

*~*~*

	At the moment, Ken no longer felt the sting of his wound.  His mouth went dry and his body felt
numb.  “I know, Aya…it’s just that…” Ken searched for words and came up with, “You’re not usually like
this.  Aya, you’ve changed.”

	“Is that necessarily a bad thing?” he inquired.  

	“N-no!  Not at all!” stammered Ken.  In fact, he liked him a lot more this way.  It had been two
weeks since Aya had confessed his feelings for Ken.  Ken had almost fainted from sheer happiness.  He had
never thought that Aya would care for him, not in his wildest dreams.  Now Aya was changing right before
his eyes, to his great joy.  Aya was changing because he loved him.  Loved him.  Not anyone else.  His heart
felt like it was going to burst with emotion.

	“I like you better this way,” Ken’s voice dropped shyly.  “I would never have thought that you
could be like this.  I love you, too,” he added even more quietly.  His cheeks were tinged with pink and he
looked down so that his long brown bangs would cover his eyes.  Aya just smiled.

*~*~*

(Ken):
Every second, every minute, every hour, every day,
It’s you that I’ve been thinking of;
And every day, every week, every month, every year,
With you I wanna be in love
‘Cause I can’t get enough.

Always on my mind,
Yes, you are;
I think about you all the time…

*~*~*

	“Oi, Ken!  Snap out of it!” 

	Ken felt the sharp rap of knuckles on his head and scowled.  He turned around to glare at Yohji
who held his hands up defensively.  “Hey, you were daydreaming.  Get to work,” he said pointedly.  He sat
down on the chair across from Ken and picked up a magazine.  Ken frowned at him.

	“So I work and you get to play?  You wish!” he shot back.  But in all honesty, he didn’t mind.  The
schoolgirls had all left and it was nearly closing time.  All he was doing was busy work anyway.  He could be
thinking of Aya while he was working.  That got him to grin like a madman.

	“You and Aya.  What’s with the two of you today?” Yohji asked casually while flipping through his
magazine.  Ken froze.  Should he tell?  

	Yohji laughed then.  “Don’t worry, Ken.  Your secret’s safe with me,” he replied with a wink.  Ken
blushed.  “H-how did you know?”  He leaned forward in curiosity and rested his arms on the table.  

	“It was way too obvious!  Even Omi could have picked it up,” said Yohji gleefully.  “Which he did,
mind you.  We weren’t going to say anything but…” he trailed on.  Ken was flushed from head to toe.  Omi
knew?!  Aww man…he didn’t want to look corrupt in front of the kid!

	“It’s okay!  Omi understands.  You know him,” assured Yohji.  He patted Ken on the shoulder in a
friendly manner and whispered, “But tell me, why Aya?”

	“Because…” Ken thought for a moment.  He wasn’t sure, really.  Why Aya, out of all people…? 
Did he really need a reason to love someone?  If he did…maybe he really wasn’t in love with---no, no, no,
he refused to believe that.  How could he give an answer when he didn’t know himself?

	“I…don’t know.  He’s pretty,” said Ken unsurely.  Yohji stared at him in mock offense.  “And I’m
not?!”

	“Well…”

	“That’s not it and you know it.  Tell me why you like Aya so much.”

	“I don’t…know,” confessed Ken.  He felt foolish.  He didn’t know why he liked someone.  Baka.
“I just do.  I’m always thinking about him.  I know that I love him a lot.”

*~*~*

(Ken):
I can’t eat and I can’t sleep;
I can’t think ‘cause all I think about is you,
And how you make me feel inside,
From every little thing that you do.
‘Cause you put a smile on my face
Every time we embrace and pull my body close to you.
But if only you knew all the things that I’d do;
For your love I’d stay true.

*~*~*

	“Ken, listen to me!” shouted Aya as he chased after Ken who stormed out of the room as soon as
the video about their next target was over.  Manx, Yohji, and Omi, all clueless and bewildered to what had
just happened, could only sit and stare.  

	“What’s with those two anyway?” asked Manx, flipping on the lights to the small room.  She shook
her head in disappointment, red curls bouncing off her shoulder.  Yohji grinned and slipped an arm around
her waist slyly.  “I don’t know, but I’m grateful that they decided to give us some time alone.”  With a
glance towards the remaining Weiss boy he added, “You can join us too, Omi.”

*~*~*

	“Ken!” yelled Aya for the umpteenth time.  He grabbed Ken’s arm and tried to turn him around. 
Ken yelped in pain as Aya realized he had grabbed the injured one.  He backed off instantly.  “Sorry!  But
Ken, listen to me, damn it!”

	Ken whirled around angrily.  “Aya!  How could you?” he asked, lips quivering from the betrayal. 
To Aya’s dismay, he had been crying.  Rough tear stains were visible on his face.  Ken backed away from
Aya, hurt.  His eyes were misted over with pain. 

	“Just hear me out, okay?!  It’s not what you think!” Aya shouted, exasperated at Ken for his
hotheadedness and with himself for being so stupid.  He steadied Ken by placing his arms on his shoulders. 
“Now listen.  I asked Yohji to go on the mission with me because—“

	Ken had squirmed out of Aya’s grasp and walked away from him at a furious pace.  “Ken, you
know I love you!”

	I love you.  I-love-you.  He could just visualize those luscious pink lips shaping those syllables. 
I…love...you.  Ugh.  Not those words again.  Those words that rendered him paralyzed with emotion,
leaving him feeling so vulnerable, so frail, that even the smallest blow could knock him senseless.  Ken
stopped.  His shoulders slumped over in defeat.  He was too exhausted to fight, anyway.  

	Aya embraced Ken and held him close.  Ken buried his head in Aya’s shoulder and clutched at the
front of his shirt.  Aya stroked Ken’s soft brown hair tenderly and waited for Ken’s breathing to slow down. 
Also, he wanted to stay in that position for as long as he could.  He loved the feel of Ken’s body against his. 
He liked the warmth radiating from his skin and the faint smell of his essence, unique and intoxicating in its
own way.

	“Listen,” Aya whispered.  He felt Ken start to pull away again.  He held him closer.  “Listen.  It’s
not that I don’t want to go on the mission with you.  You know I’m not like that.  You know how I feel
about you, Ken, so don’t let your thoughts cloud over your emotions.  You know better.”  Ken nodded
mutely against his chest.  Aya continued.

	“It’s just that…I…I don’t want you to get hurt and all…”

	Ken jerked his head back, bumping into Aya’s chin, and looked at him skeptically.  “That’s all?”

	“No.  I’d get too distracted with you…” Aya let his words trail on.  He felt embarrassed to have
revealed his little secret.  It was hard enough working with him at the flower shop.  Every time he’d walk by,
Aya would feel that familiar surge of joy inside him.  He even felt a bit jealous whenever those damn
annoying customers would crowd around Ken and clutch at his body.  He felt possessive.  Ken was his.  

	“The mission might go wrong and I could make a mistake.  Work is still work, Ken…I don’t know
anything else except work.  Working is all that I’ve done in my life.  I don’t know any other way. 
Even…love…is something that I’m not used to doing…”

	Ken returned the embrace comfortingly, letting Aya hunker over him, being the taller of the two. 
He understood what Aya was saying.  He felt flattered, even, that Aya would be thinking of him even while
he was away at a mission.  For someone who didn’t know how to love, Aya was doing pretty damn well.  

	“But Aya, I want to go with you,” he protested.  Was he whining?  He didn’t know whether to
laugh for being such a baka or shoot himself for the same reason.  Aya shook his head, lifting it away from
Ken to allow some space for talking.  “It’d be a good chance to spend some time with each other.  Alone. 
Just think, Aya…a month alone together…” Ken trailed on.  His eyes looked hopefully into Aya’s.  Aya
sighed and turned his head away.

	“No.  I’d feel safer if you were here with Omi.  Please,” insisted Aya.  He looked at Ken with his
deep violet eyes, almost black in the shadows of the dark hallway.  Ken hesitated.  He wanted to be with
Aya, both in life and death, even if Aya refused it.  But he had to agree with Aya.  Work was still work.  It
shouldn’t interfere with social life and if it did, it would cause trouble for everyone.  Ken made up his mind.

	“Alright.  I’ll stay here,” he said reluctantly.  Aya nodded and planted a soft kiss on his cheek.  “Be
good, Ken.”

	“I know.  I’ll miss you,” he replied sadly.  Aya nodded.  The two embraced in the dim hallway,
cherishing what little time they had left before they were to be separated.  

*~*~*

	“Ken-kun!”

	Smash!

	Goddamnit!  That was the second pot he had dropped that day.  What was wrong with him?  Ken
gave himself a mental kick in the ass for being so clumsy.  Another pot shattered, another set of flowers
ruined.  He sighed, very much irritated with himself.  

	Omi came rushing to Ken.  “Are you okay, Ken-kun?  Did you hurt yourself?” Worry flashed in his
intense eyes.  He squatted down on his knees to help Ken pick up the broken fragments.  

	“O-Omi, you don’t have to do this.  I’m sorry for being such a klutz.  I don’t know what’s wrong
with me today,” confessed Ken shakily.  He felt like such an idiot in front of Omi.  Here they were, during
the busiest time of the day, alone, and cleaning up Ken’s messes instead of helping the customers.  Ken felt
tired.

	“Do you miss Aya-kun?” asked Omi sympathetically.  Ken nodded. 

He no longer felt embarrassed about Omi knowing about his relationship.  It was common
knowledge to everyone, anyway.  Even the schoolgirls had found out about it somehow.  In the end, they
always did.  Which unnerved Ken to no ends.  The day was filled with, “Omedetto!”s and “But Ke~en!  I
love yooouuu!”s.  

“It’s only been a week and I’m like this.  I don’t know how I’m going to deal with him being gone
for a whole month,” confessed Ken honestly.  Raw emotion flooded his face and he felt miserable.  He
missed Aya so much.  Every single minute he was seeing the red-haired assassin in his mind.  The cold,
merciless killer who reserved smiles of affection only for him.  Ken wanted to be held in his arms, embracing
his lover and feeling complete.  The emptiness gnawed at his insides.  Ken wanted to cry.

“You should go rest.  I’ll handle things here,” suggested Omi.  Ken shook his head.  

“It’s okay.  Besides, you look really tired, Ken-kun.  Really, I’ll be okay.”  

Who could resist those wide, innocent eyes?  Especially when Ken himself was inclined to sleep
anyway.  Ken took up the offer gratefully and headed towards the couch that was hidden in the back of the
shop.  Yohji frequented the small room often, coming for cigarette breaks or short naps.  His used cigarettes
littered the small table there.  Even the room reeked of it.  Ken felt a headache coming on.  Overcome with
drowsiness, he plopped down on the couch, too small to accommodate his body, and curled up in rest.

*~*~*

	The horrible, miserable month was over at last.  The remaining Weiss members were supposed to
wait at the Koneko for their friends’ arrival, but Ken refused to wait that long.  He itched to have Aya close
to him.  He waited impatiently for closing time so that he could see his lover.

	“Ken-kun, it’s not going to be busy from now on.  Do you want to head in early?” asked Omi with
a knowing grin.  

	“ARIGATOU OMI!!!” yelled Ken as he bolted for the door.  Omi smothered a laugh.  Ken was
such a cute baka sometimes!

*~*~*

	The airport was not crowded, but it seemed to Ken that every person that blocked his path or
bumped into him served as just one more hindrance from meeting his beloved Aya.  If he had his way, Ken
would’ve clawed through everyone to see him.  But of course, Ken wouldn’t do that.  Though the idea was
very tempting.

	He spotted the flame-haired assassin with his back to him.  Ken called his name, but he didn’t turn
around.  Ken caught up to him and grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around.  He came face to face with a
girl with short hair which happened to be the same color of Aya’s.  She raised a pierced eyebrow quizzically
until Ken let go, mumbling an apology.  God, did he feel foolish!

	“You mistook me for a girl, Ken?  I don’t know if I should be offended or not,” came a familiar,
steel cold voice.  Ken whirled around, heart hammering.  Could it be…?

	“A-Aya?!!” 

	Ken flung his arms around the assassin, catching him off guard.  Aya let out a small whimper, Ken
having accidentally hit one of his injuries.  Ken pulled away and saw Aya favoring his left hand.  

	“I’ll tend to it when we get back, okay?” Ken promised.  Aya nodded.  

	“God I missed you, Aya!  How did the mission go?” he asked.

	“It went well, as usual.  Yohji went to buy a few cigarettes, under the guise of wanting to give us
‘time alone together,’ or something like that,” replied Aya with a smirk.  Ken laughed.  He watched him
closely, analyzing his every feature.  His hair seemed an even more lush shade of red, accentuating his
sparkling violet eyes.  His porcelain skin shone with bright radiance, almost glowing.  This was a god before
him, and Ken was in heaven.  

	“You lost weight, Ken-kun,” commented Aya.  He was admiring Ken just as the other was doing to
him.  Ken’s dark hair had grown a bit longer since he last saw it, but retained its shimmery gloss.  Ken’s
boyish features graced his face playfully, a contrast to Aya’s effeminacy.  He frowned when he noted the
dark bags under his eyes.  Reaching for Ken’s face, he brushed his eyelids with his calloused fingers gently.

	“Huh?  Yeah, I guess I did,” said Ken, laughing.  He grabbed Aya’s wrist abruptly and pulled him
close.  Aya lunged forward at the unexpected assault and was kissed squarely on the lips by Ken.  Aya just
about melted.  Weak-kneed, he flung his arms around Ken’s neck for support.  He didn’t even care that they
were going at it in the middle of a public airport.  The lot of them could go to hell, for all he cared.  It felt so
good to be with his koibito again.  

	“It’s been too long, Aya,” whispered Ken as they broke from their kiss.  Aya nodded and hugged
Ken.  

	“I missed you a lot, you know.  I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” admitted Aya honestly. 
“Every second, every minute, every hour, every day…you were always on my mind.”

	“Promise me that you won’t go away for a while, okay?”

	“I promise.  I’m not gonna go anywhere.”

*~*~*

(Aya):
All I need is a little more time and devotion,
So that we can be livin’ a life of love for eternity;
‘Cause I don’t want to be all alone,
And my house would not be a home
Without you here with me.

*~*~*

(3 years later…)

	“I…I’ve decided to start playing soccer again,” Ken announced, voice shaking with nervousness. 
All eyes were on him as Ken made the sudden proclamation.  He felt anxiety tie his stomach into knots,
filling it with dread.  He glanced at Omi and Yohji warily, trying to gauge their reactions.  He kept his eyes
away from Aya’s face, though.  He didn’t want to know what would be written there.

	“That’s…great, Ken-kun,” answered Omi cautiously.  He looked to Yohji and Aya for support. 
“Right?”

	“But what about Weiss, Ken?” asked Yohji with a frown.  In his surprise, he had dropped his
cigarette from his lips.  He crushed it with the heel of his black leather boots and walked over to Ken. 
“What made you decide this?”
	
	“I…I got an offer to play in the J-League again.  They’re heading to the US soon for training,
though.  I told them I’d go,” said Ken, still nervous.

	“How soon?” asked Omi.

	“We’re leaving on Thursday.”

	“Thursday?  This Thursday?  Two days from today?” Yohji asked, incredulous.  

	“Yeah.  I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you all sooner.  I notified Persia and he said that it was okay with
him, but I need your permission, too.  He said that if you’re all okay with me leaving, you’ll be getting a
replacement shortly,” said Ken.  Another wave of shock hit the three Weiss members again.

	“A…replacement?!  You’re kidding!” exclaimed Yohji.  He eyed Ken with a frown.  “You’re not
serious about going back to the J-league, are you?”

	“I am,” asserted Ken firmly.  “This is a chance of a lifetime, you guys.  Please understand.”

	“We understand, Ken-kun.”  Omi smiled.  “It’s up to you.  We’re proud of you, you know.  We’ll
watch you on TV when you play!” He attempted a halfhearted giggle, but his wide eyes were tinged with
sadness.  

	All this time, Ken had been avoiding Aya.  He was afraid of what he would say.  He was afraid of
what Aya would do, how he would react.  With mounting fear, he let himself sneak a glimpse of is “lover.”  

	Purple eyes glazed over with a touch of unconsciousness, he stared at Ken, lips parted.  He blinked;
once, twice.  Beautiful eyelashes fluttered and lips quivered ever so slightly.  If it were anyone else, they
wouldn’t have noticed the little details that gave away Aya’s shock.  But he was Aya’s lover.  He knew him
best.  His heart sank.  Aya looked so dejected.  So alone.

	And as if Aya had just realized that Ken was looking at him, his eyes narrowed sharply and he
clamped his mouth shut.  Jaws clenched tight, he regarded Ken with a cold look.  Ken’s eyes widened in
surprise.  What just happened?  Why was Aya looking at him like that?  Ken could never stand it when Aya
gave him that look.  That glare that he hated.  After getting only smiles from the white killer, it was a slap in
the face to be on the receiving end of the cold looks that Aya gave solely to the worthless vermin they
slaughtered.

	“A-Aya…”

	Aya turned around and walked away.  What else could have been said?  What more could have
been done?  Ken blinked back tears as he saw Aya turn his back on him.  Omi and Yohji gave him worried
looks, but didn’t do anything.  It was Ken who finally broke the silence.

	“Well, I have to start packing, so…” he trailed off.  It was a lame excuse, and he knew it.  Omi and
Yohji both knew it as well, but they pretended not to for the moment.

	“You’re right.  Go ahead, Ken-kun,” said Omi with a sad smile.  “Don’t forget to come down for
dinner, okay?”

	“Okay,” whispered Ken hoarsely.  His eyes stung and he had a stifled sob lodged in the back of his
throat.  He needed to get away from the shop.  He needed out.  He wanted to see Aya, damn it!  But…Ken
shivered…would Aya want to see him?  Would he forgive him for deciding to go to the J-League without
telling him?  Would he ever see Aya again if he left?  Would Aya still love him?  He would love Aya no
matter what, even after death.  He loved Aya, but soccer was important to him, too!  How would he ever
explain this to Aya without hurting him?  He wanted to see Aya…

*~*~*

	“Aya?” Ken called tentatively.  He stood outside the door to his room, not wanting to intrude on
his lover’s privacy.  It felt weird to have to wait out the door, when he was so accustomed to barging in on
him whenever he pleased.  Thus were the benefits of being Aya’s “special someone.”  It felt cold and empty
to be out of Aya’s good graces.  He knocked on the door.  “Aya?  Dinner’s ready.”

	Not a sound from inside.  Maybe he was sleeping?  Ken cracked the door open and walking in
quietly.  Aya was resting on his bed under the covers.  He approached him cautiously, not wanting to bother
him.  In sleep Aya looked like an angel.  He had had many chances to observe this heavenly figure during the
times when they frequently made love.  Ken sat at the edge of the bed tentatively.  A small sigh escaped him
as he looked at his lover.  A deep feeling of anguish welled up inside him, threatening to spill over.  

	“God, Aya…” thought Ken as he gently stroked his lover’s hands.  “You’re not making it easy for
me, koi.  I don’t know what I should tell  you…”

	“What are you doing, Ken?”

	Cold.  Distant.  Flat.  Aya’s voice shook Ken to the core.  He dropped the hand he had been
caressing and jumped out of bed.  He put his hands in his pockets and looked down.  “N-nothing.  I’m
sorry.”

	“If you have no business here, get out,” replied Aya stonily.  

	Ken was stunned.  Floored.  Shocked was too great of an understatement.  That Aya was capable
of being so cruel was inconceivable.  “Aya, what’s wrong?”

	From the second he saw the flash of disgust on Aya’s face, he knew he had made a mistake.  

	“What’s wrong?  You’re asking me what’s wrong, Ken?  What I’d like to know is what’s wrong
with you,” Aya shouted.  He jerked up from the bed abruptly, purple eyes ablaze.  “Ken, I thought we had
something going on.  And you tell me that you’re leaving, that you’re going to America, and that’s the day
after tomorrow!  God, Ken!  Don’t you care how I  feel?”  The last was uttered with an anguished cry of
emotion.  Aya was angry at him.  Ken felt sick. 

	He sat back down on the bed, leaning towards Aya.  He wanted to hold him.  Aya blocked his
attempts and pushed him over.  “Go away!”  Ken’s eyes hardened with determination.  “Aya, stop it!  Just
let me hold you!”  Aya fussed like a child and struck Ken across the cheek.  “I don’t want you anymore! 
Just go away!”  Those flailing arms hit Ken square in the jaw.  Once.  Twice.  Again.  Ken stopped and put a
hand to the reddening spot.  Eyes were wide with surprise.  Dismay.  Hurt.

	He got up slowly.  Aya, though visibly shaken, looked away, towards the window.  As if he didn’t
care that, only moments from now, Ken would no longer be a part of his life.  As if he didn’t care  that he
had just struck his lover.  Ken clenched his jaw and lips twisted into a bitter, sad smile.  “Fine,” he
whispered, “have it your way.”  He turned around and closed the door.

*~*~*

	The airport was bustling with activity.  Ken recalled the day, a few years back, when he had been so
eagerly anticipating the arrival of his special someone in the same airport.  So different from how he felt
now.  Then he was excited; now he was sick with regret.  He walked disconsolately to the coffee shop, not
too far away from the gate.  He decided to grab something to drink before his flight.

	He decided not to say a word to anyone about when he was leaving.  It would only hurt too much. 
He got up early morning, around 5:00 A.M., and slowly proceeded out the door.  It was Omi’s small voice
that stopped him.  The youngest Weiss member, the most considerate and thoughtful, had risen to bid Ken
goodbye.  Ken was touched.  Omi handed him a hot mug of tea, which Ken accepted tearfully.  He hugged
Omi tightly and he felt small tears accumulate in the corners of his eyes.  Omi’s large eyes were glazed with
liquid tears as well.  

	“Ja, Omi.  I guess I won’t be seeing you for a while.”

	“Ganbatte yo, Ken-kun.  We’ll be cheering for you.  Even Aya-kun,” Omi added with a sad
whisper.  He tried to smile.  Failed, but it was good enough for Ken.  The two friends, comrades, allies,
exchanged farewells for the last time.  Finally, it was time for the White Hunter to leave the haven that had
sheltered him for the past few years of his life.  The dark silhouette that walked out the door gradually
blended into the light of dawn as Omi observed with tears in his eyes.

	Ken shook his head to rid himself of the image.  It had been nice of Omi to see him go.  Omi had
always been a thoughtful kid.  Ken didn’t let his mind linger too much about Weiss.  He had a new future to
look forward to!  Playing soccer had always been fun for him.  The exhilarating run down across the field,
soccer ball speeding nearby, the cheers from teammates on the bench…Ken could almost taste the sweetness
of victory.  But that victory was spoiled by the sourness of his break-off with Aya.  

	If he could, Ken would go back and apologize to Aya, beg him to take him back again.  Ken
chuckled sadly to himself, shaking his head.  It wouldn’t happen.  He wouldn’t go back.  If Aya wanted to
see him, Aya would come himself.  If he cared enough, at least.  But it was only five minutes until his flight,
and Aya hadn’t shown himself.  Ken would’ve seen him if he had.

	Moments later, the flight for Chicago was called.  Ken stood up slowly from his stool.  Looking
around one last time for the one man he had wanted to see all day, and finding no sign of him, he quietly
made his way to the line of passengers waiting to be checked in.  It was time to go.

*~*~*

	“Ken.”  Barely a whisper.  Of course, Ken didn’t hear him.  How could he?  

	Aya watched Ken proceed on to the plane.  Ken didn’t look back, or turn around.  Not even a small
glance over the shoulder.  Aya didn’t take offense.  Throughout the past hour, Ken had given him so many
chances to go up to him and say that he was sorry.  Ken had made sure to give him ample time to approach
him.  Aya didn’t.  Not even back home did Aya seek Ken out.  He was awake all right when Ken first got
up.  He heard the rustle of bed sheets as Ken rose from his sleep and the creak of wooden floors and he
padded to the bathroom.  Yet Aya made no move, paralyzed with the fear of losing Ken, frozen in place as
cold tears tumbled down his face.

	Aya moved out of his hiding place behind the pillar that supported the roof of the airport.  He stood
near the gate, hand holding on to the metal bar that separated the passengers from the rest of the crowd.  He
clutched it bitterly, the bar being the medium in which he could vent his anguish on.  Ken had just slipped
through his fingers.  The one person that loved him, that would ever love him, had just left.  All because Aya
had been too fucking proud to tell Ken that he would…miss him.  Because Aya had been too scared to
confess that without Ken, his life would be meaningless, and he would have nothing worth living for.  Ken
was life.  His life.  And he had just lost it.

	It was over.  Ken wasn’t coming back.  Aya turned around and walked away.  He was hurting.  It
was as if his heart had been ripped out of him, but he was forced to live by fate’s cruel hand.  He was
missing a part of himself that was made whole in Ken.  Aya was hurting.  He wanted to die.  He wanted the
pain to end, knowing that it was his own foolishness that had caused the pain.  Aya kept on walking.

	The automatic doors opened.  Blinding light from the heavens poured down on Aya, so different
from his dark mood.  He hated the light.  He wanted the black, bleakness of death.  He wished for it. 
Yearned, ached for it, even.  What was he without Ken?  Nothing.

	Suffocation.  He felt suffocated.  He was being clutched at by death and sadness.  

	…Or was he?  Was death so tangible, so full of life that it had limbs and appendages that held on so
tightly?  Did pain possess a shuddering breath and cry piercing sobs?  What was this unknown thing that
held him captive?  That left him paralyzed, unable to move, unable to think?  Madness?  Insanity?  Or…

	“…Ken?”

	“GOD, AYA!  Why the fuck didn’t you come see me?!  Why the hell didn’t you say anything when
you were watching me all along?!  Did you WANT to see me go, is that it??  HUH??  Did you want me out
of your life so much??  Aya, I love you!  Why the hell did you just stand there…?  Why did you just hide
there?  When I wanted to see you so much…” Ken punched Aya hard in the chest to emphasize each
explosive word but was crying hard.  He was babbling incoherently, driven by unspeakable angst.  He was
still rambling at top speed, tears streaming down his face, when Aya had turned around and tried to hold
him.  He was shouting and crying at the same time when Aya smothered him to his chest, embracing him
fiercely.

	“Damn it, Aya, why did you just stand there??  I wanted to see you…and then you just…you
just…left…and I called and called but you wouldn’t answer me….and Aya, I’m so fucking sorry…I was a
bastard and I swear I won’t ever leave again…Aya, Aya, are you listening??  I’m so sorry Aya but don’t be
mean to me again…Aya I don’t like it when you don’t love me…do you love me?  Aya??  I love you so
much, Aya, you don’t know what you mean to me…and I’m so sorry Aya I didn’t want to leave you I don’t
know what I was thinking, Aya, are you listening??  Aya?  I love you…”  

	Panic-filled and exhausted, Ken slumped into Aya’s arms and sobbed heavily.  His body was
shaking with his cries, rocking against Aya’s own weak body.  And Ken still continued to ramble on and on. 
Aya buried his head between the crevice between Ken’s neck and shoulders, unable to control his own tears. 
Goddamn, it felt good to be with Ken again.  Aya was shuddering, body shaking with emotional angst as he
relieved himself of all the stress he had gone through the past two days.   Ken had stopped his overflowing
chatter when he realized that Aya was murmuring into his ear, each word accentuating by his sincere pain.  

	“I’m sorry, Ken…I’m sorry, I’m sorry…Ken, I’m so sorry…”

	Aya had been whispering those words in his ear but Ken had been too busy shouting at him to hear. 
Ken continued to sob heavily into Aya’s chest, wanting to bury himself deep within the man that he loved so
- damn - much.  

	Aya placed hands on Ken’s shoulder and pulled him apart.  Eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, with
tears streaming down his cheeks.  Aya closed his eyes and placed his mouth over Ken’s.  Gently, trembling,
shuddering, the two exchanged their love in ways they couldn’t with words.  Tongues probing, the two
locked in a heated kiss as Ken threw his arms onto Aya’s shoulders and the latter pressed a hand to Ken’s
head to pull his mouth closer.  The two tasted of the salt of their tears, but the kiss was sweet nevertheless.

	Reluctantly pulling away, Aya whispered to Ken, “I’m sorry.  I was a jerk.  I didn’t mean to hit
you.  I didn’t mean to say what I did.  I love you, Ken.  I love you.  I love you,” Aya repeated again, voice
hushed.  Purple eyes were brimming with pain.  “Do you love me, Ken?  Tell me you love me,” he pleaded.

	Ken embraced him again.  “I love you, Aya.  Don’t ever do that again.”

	“Don’t leave me, Ken. I…” Aya hesitated.  “I…I would have nothing to live for if you weren’t
here.  Without you my life would cease to be.  Ken…you don’t know how much I love you.”

	“Aya, I feel the same way.  You’re my life, my everything…it hurt when you told me that you
didn’t want me.  Aya, it hurt.  I’m still hurting.”

	“…Let’s go home.  I’ll make it up to you,” suggested Aya in a whisper.

	“Home,” replied Ken faintly, “sounds like a great idea.  Aya…take me home.  I won’t leave you
ever again.”

*~*~*

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

Hoooly cow.  o.O;;  When I first started this fic, I had *NO* idea it would end up like this.  I wanted it to be
a nice, fluffy, sappy fic, and then….WHAM!  Angst slams me over the head.  It’s my fault, really, since I
*am* the one typing and all…but still.  Sometimes you just write without thinking, you know?  And stuff.
^_^

The song I used throughout the fic is titled “Always on my Mind,” sung by the talented One Voice.  Much
thanks to Aaron Bartolome for introducing me to this song!  ^_^  I totally recommend downloading the song
and listening to it while reading this fic.  Yes, the fic is long, so it’ll have to run a lot of times.  ^_^;;

(1) Bleeding hearts are houseplants that have heart-shaped flowers that are common in Japan.

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