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By: Rich Puckett

Over the years, I have witnessed so many people struggle with their walk with God. The more I talk with them to find why they can't seem to have victory in there life it more often then not comes down to bitterness hidden in their heart.

I find that far to many are in the gall of bitterness. This can happen for many reasons and no matter what the reason it will destroy your walk with God. Bitterness causes some things to happen in the heart, it creeps in slow and is like a cancer that eats away at the soul.

1. Bitterness robs the joy of life, the thrill of serving God.

2. Bitterness gets in the way of our prayers and consumes our mind

3. Bitterness leads to more then just dislike of a person it will grow into hate

4. Bitterness gets in the way of our compassion and blinds our eyes from what it right

5. Bitterness leads to such unhappiness in the heart that it separates us from our family, husbands, wives, children and so on.

6. Bitterness keeps you from sleeping at night and robs you of rest

8. Bitterness becomes a consuming flame that wipes out all the joy and positive emotions in the heart

9. Bitterness will not allow you to see things clearly and will cause depression and if left unchecked might lead to your taking of ones own life.

There are other things but I think you have the drift of what I am saying. What is bitterness? Its anger, hurt feeling, its the deep sense of a foul spirit. The longer its left the more mess it makes in your life. Let us say you go to church Sunday and someone says oh dear you have really been putting on weight. Now for most of us that would hurt our feelings and cause us to feel low as can be. It is natural reaction; we might feel anger, and even the urge to strike back. Maybe we are smart enough to understand that striking out would just lead to more anger and stress so we keep our mouth shut. Yet all during service we keep having those words play in our mind repeatedly, until we do not enjoy the songs, the prayers or the preaching. As the day drags by you find yourself stepping in front of the mirror cursing yourself in your heart for those pounds. Bitterness has you. As time goes on you become more depressed and it effects your relationship with your husband. He say's dear what are we having for lunch, you bite his head off. The kids playing gets on your nerves every thing looks blah.

This in it self was a very small thing maybe not even with the intent of hurting you just a careless word by a careless person yet it has destroyed your day and could lead to weeks of pain. There are by far other many other things that are much larger like rape, or murder, being lied to, having been robed, child abuse and so on. These things scare the heart, mind, and cause a wall of bitterness to grow in the heart. These things often lead to many ending up in institutions with mental sickness, drug abuse and drinking problems. In addition, even if they do not lead to the major things it does lead to a loss of joy and effects your whole being.

This is a good place to lay it on the line. Your husband or wife, no doctor or drug can cure your bitterness, heal your pain, or give you what you need to be well and whole again. You hold the power to have victory over this in your life.

A few years ago, I went to work for a company that I was told during the interview process was strict Christian based Company. I looked forward to it and for a while was very impressed, we had Bible study at least one day a week, foul actions were not allowed, and we were told to put our clients first and look toward their needs. Over time, we got a different Vice President operating our region. Things changed, the prays stopped, the bible studies stopped and clients were no longer the priory. In fact, the whole out look of the company changed and God was second and money was first. I found my self-working for a new manager who had no integrity and would lie to save himself. I found that bitterness was growing in my heart. Moreover, when the company begins to struggle and laid many of off because they left their first love and failure began to win more the right. I was really bitter and upset, I vowed to do all I could to lose for them as much money as I had made for the greedy owner of the company. Let me say I think I did just that, I am sure with out a doubt that the steps I took lost them many times more the potential sells then the 1.5 million I had made them in profit. The problem was the bitterness did not go away and I did not feel any better in my heart. Worse I could not see my own err in my attitude, I felt justified in my thinking. No one could take this anger and bitterness out of my heart but God and me.

Part of the solution lies in what Paul says here, I die daily. We need to examine where we are at on daily bases with our eyes open to see what we feel as well as what we have done. So then what do we do, after we examine our day and our heart we find we are wanting, there is sin there, there is anger, and there is bitterness? One thing is to take preventive steps as the day goes by. We must learn to have a mind that is talking to God. We often think of sin as being actions sin is actions but it can be actions in our hearts and minds as much as with out hands. If we can learn to pray, talk to God, to talk to him before we react then many times you will find that bitterness never has a starting place. Learn to give true thanks, see it easy to say thank you Lord and not mean it, it is very hard to say thank you God when we have been hurt and mean it. So then, how do you develop a thankful heart? Work, it takes work and lots of it, lot of pray and even more important trust. You must learn to trust God and his will in your life.

I find this very hard to do, to be content, we grow up learning to want, to dream and go do what it takes to get. God on the other hand teaches us to learn to be content and have patience and trust him for our needs. The more you except trusting God and rely less on your self-the less stress and bitterness you will hold on too.

This too is an area of great stress and bitterness in the home. We ask why should I submit to my husband. The reason is simple that God says to yet that does not make it easy. So then lets try to understand the reason and it might make more sense. When God made man and woman he joined them to gather to act as one, be a team to work together, love each other and do all things as one. This same relationship of oneness is what God expects from us the church and you the Christian. The key to having this work is to have trust and love. We know God would not command us to do anything that would harm us and his love reaches us as well as his discipline in order to create in us a perfect heart. In the marriage, if the husband loves the wife, she knows this, and she trusts him in the things he wants for the family there should not be a tug of war over excepting his role. The problem is that far to often folks marry and its not out of love as much as lust, and often the person they marry they are not best friends and have little trust in them. They should of never got married in the first place but now they are so what to do. You must trust God most, you must love your spouse even if they do not deserve it and unless they ask you to do something that would go against God then you must submit. Why? Not just to have peace at home but to have peace with in yourself. God would not tell you to do something that was not for your good in the end. Many of the problems in the home to day are because of stubborn self-will. You must take steps to work as a team and trust each other. I think often you end up in war over silly things, as if what show is going to be watched on TV. If TV is the problem and the thing that causes such fights maybe you should get rid of the TV. Yet, if you love each other this should be an easy thing to work out and compromise. Instead of trying to find a way that would bring peace you often become stubborn and will not give. No matter if, we like it or not we are told to learn to put others before our own wants and goals. How can you expect to teach your children to submit to you if you are not willing to submit to others that have a different position then your own. See you think that his role is more important or he is the big I little you, and that was not what God was teaching us at all. He was teaching us though out his word that we all have different roles, responsibilities, and titles. The choice is up to you as every thing in your life you will make choices, isn't it time to chose Gods way, your way is not working to well.

One of the things that lead to such bitterness and stress is our children. Children need love and they need discipline they need rules and guides. Often many things that cause us problem in the home is the lack of children obeying the parents and part of the main reason for this is because the parents will not meet the roles God place them in. Moms and Dad's should be leaders and examples for the kids. They should not only set rules but live according to a set of rules as well. Unless a parent tells a child to do something that would go against God there is no excuse for them to disobey. Just like we are Gods children and there is no excuse for us not to obey him. Kids do not always like the rules and we do not always like the rules God places on us, yet we must obey them. Over time we grow and the more we grow and understand the reason behind the thou shalt nots the more we see the good. Husbands and Wives must show love, give love to expect love in return. As we expect God to trust us, we have to trust our children, and we have to trust each other. You must learn to do things we do not like with out bitterness.

My boss at the job tells me to do some paper work different, do you think my being angry or throwing a fit is going to change the policy? It would more like lead to me not having a job.

As men and women of God, we are expected to do our jobs well and do it heartily to put forth our best. Not every job is a fun one to do, sometimes we are tired or do not feel good or just hate that part of the work. Yet you must be a person that the boss you have over you can trust and if he sees a positive attitude you may be surprised that you will always walk away feeling good about what you do.

The point is that most bitterness comes into our hearts by our own doing. We make choices that put us in the place to be hurt. If you are not happy about your size, and you know you are unattractive because of it, then you are the only one that can do something about it. If you are in an unhappy marriage, you are the only one that can change the course. If you work at a job you hate then you are the only one that can learn the skills to move you to a job you would like.

Not long ago I was talking to a man who worked in a kitchen. He hated his job, was bitter at the hours the pay and people he worked with. I told him after a while of talking, sir; the reason you are in that job is the choices you made. You can not undo those choices but you can make new ones. I saw him not long ago again and he told me he has started back to school at night and now works in a job he likes. I know a lady who started out as a waitress worked hard, learned to smile even when she felt like crying, but did her best learned all she could, now she owns the restaurant and is doing very well. If you chose to be unhappy, you will be that way. If you chose to be happy, you can be.

One of the main reasons I have found that people are bitter and the one thing that seems to be the hardest thing to get rid of is having been hurt by someone. Many people will not go to church because someone in the church hurt them. Many men and women have become homosexuals because some person hurt them. Many marriages fail because the spouse hurt the other one and disappointed them. Maybe your pride was hurt, maybe the man or woman you loved cheated, maybe your child broke a rule, it really makes no difference what the thing was, the out come is the same you have let it lay in your heart and its sucked the joy out of your life.

Here is my question to you. Do you want victory? Do you want joy in your heart? Do you want peace at home? Do you want a loving relationship with your children?

Then first except your part of the conflict, sometimes we have to do that even if we cannot see we were wrong.

Next and this is the most important lesson you can learn. For when you learn to do this sincerely, you need never suffer defeat again in your life.

You have to learn to forgive you your self for the errs in choices you have made. To look in the mirror and understand your just human and you made mistakes in life. You have to realize that making mistakes does not make you less loveable, important, or useful. God loves you and you can love who you are. When you learn to forgive you pass then you can change your future and you can respect who you are and become. Let me say size, color of hair, age, or race is not really makes people love you are even like you. Its what you reflect about yourself that will win people to you or turn them away.

No one had more reason to hold bitterness and hate then Joseph, yet he learned to forgive his brothers who had hurt him so and in so doing had real victory. He was happy and it restored his family.

One I need intercessors for us and we need to be for others. Moses was a great one for Gods people, and we should be for those we love. We should pray God to show them the err of their way and to forgive them and show mercy. Also, note that even forgiveness does not mean that you do not pay a consequence for the sin. You have made some choices and there is some effect on your life from those choices. Now you can have forgiveness and you must forgive those who put negative consequences on your life. Children go to a party and get drunk and on the way home have a wreck some die some live. They cannot undo what was done and will have to face the punishment, yet they can beforgiven and grow from the experience. On the other hand, they can be hated and hate themselves and become worse until they are filled with despair and hate.

If you want victory over your life then you must call upon God and be willing to submit to him and his will. The next part is the part most fight with the most, turn from their wicked ways. You can not going on doing as before, if you are to change the course of how you feel inside you have to change the course of how you live on the outside as well.

We must learn to trust in God and each other, if you live a life of integrity people will accept you and God will forgive you and you can forgive yourself.

Real victory comes when you learn to love others and forgive them as God forgives you. Forgiveness does not mean that the wrong will not have to be punished. A child is told not to play ball in the yard and he does so and breaks the window, he must be punished. However, he said he was sorry, why? Because for every choice we make there is a consequence but because he said he was sorry the punishment does not have to be out of anger and forgiveness is that you hold no anger.

You see if you say to someone I forgive you and yet you still hold anger and bitterness then you have not learned to forgive them yet. Forgiveness is the full release of the wrong they have done. Yes you may well remember the wrong that was done to you, it may have changed your life and cause you unbearable pain. Yet when you learn to let go of that pain like God has done for us and let go of the anger and release the person from the guilt of the wrong doing then you have victory.

You can never be happy with your husband, wife, or children or with in your self until you learn to release those feeling and replace them with love and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not just a word spoken it is an action from the heart and is demonstrated in attitude and composure.

Forgiveness is necessary, it is requirement for peace with God. Moreover, it must be a continuing process we share in our lives. I will make many mistakes sometime I will do wrong and know it. Then I come to God and ask for forgiveness, I may pay a price for the wrong I did but he will forgive me if I also forgive those in my life who have done me wrong.

The most amazing thing can happen in your heart and life when you forgive those who have done you wrong with out them even having to ask. It is not always easy to forgive to let go of the anger, bitterness, and pain, but by doing so you win and the one in the wrong loses.