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By: Rich Puckett

As with most of my studies, my comments are in red. The blue is from Matthew Henrys and Believers Study Bible commentary.

I must start by saying that not everyone will agree with me and can show many reasons why they feel what I am about to say is wrong. What I would like to do here is give a view that I have prayed much on and feel is the true intent of Gods word to us. It is not an excuse to separate or divorce but rather a real look at real life. I think God is more gracious and understanding then we sometimes like to give him credit for. I think that in our zeal to be obedient we sometimes misrepresent the mind of God. Marriage and what God intended is often decided based on the way that many leaders in the church interrupt the bible and not always with peace being in mind. The union between man and woman is most important and is liked always to the union between man and God, and more so his church and Christ.

One issue is does God change? I have heard it taught all my life that God does not change and is the same forever. Heb 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. The bible clearly say's that Christ is the same and being that Jesus said that he and God were one, one could say the same would hold true with God then. Yet there are many times record in the bible where God in fact changed his mind and did something different then he first intended to do. For example God was going to destroy all of the children of Israel because of there sin in the wilderness but Moses cried out to God in their behalf and pointed out that then the world would say see there God lead them out to kill them. When he chose to destroy the world by flood, he had planned to kill all the people on earth until he saw Noah who was a righteous man. So is changing of mind the on a decision the same as the man or in this case God changing. It is indeed splitting hairs so to speak but yet important in how you view many things in his word. I do think that God goal has never changed his desire to have people love him and serve him out of love. I think that his methods have indeed changed when something did not work.

When God created the world he gave no law, talked, and walked with Adam. The only law was his words given directly to mankind. The world did not obey him and sinned so he started over with Noah and his family still no law was given but that of his will and left to man to do it out of obedience. I think as God watched the world grow again he became increasingly unhappy with man because man when left to deciding right from wrong was like a kid in a candy store with out any restrictions. Thus there came a time when God put a new plan together it was his law that he gave to Moses to give to his people. When even with a set of written stands and ideal God wanted his people to follow they still disobeyed, He chose to send his son. I know many disagree with me on the plan some feel it was always his plan to give his son's life on the cross, as I read the bible and understand his word I do not agree. It was his plan to send his son yes and for us to follow him and love him but I do not think at the time he created this world he planned on his son dying on the cross.

The point is this, God, what he hated at the time he gave the law I think he still hates today. His view has not changed just his methods.

When God made man and placed him in the garden he saw that out of all the creatures he had made there was no suitable spouse for man.

What God joins let no man break apart or do away with. This is very key to understanding the rest of what I have to say. You have no doubt heard it said that is a marriage made in heaven. The truth is few of the marriages are made in heaven or even with Gods seal on the union. There was no ceremony here by man but it was a union blessed by God. There are cases where God indeed chose the wife and led the man to her, take the story of Rebekah.

The fact is they did love each other and as the story goes on you can see that. There is one more thing of great importance that is that both Isaac and rebekah were people who loved God and chosen by him they were his people.

Today more often then not people marry for the wrong reason, and not out of love.

Sex is a wonderful gift from God and allowed by God to do several things. One it is the way to bring children in to our world.

Two it is for pleasure between a husband and wife and shows each other's love.

There is one thing that you have that is yours and no one else can give it away and that is love. It cannot be bought or stolen only you can give it. The joining of flesh was intended to produce children and to be witness of your love for each other. Yet at no time did God ever sanction sex out side of marriage. In fact, the very act of sex in the law was the conformation of a marriage. Today folks often give their bodies to others in the mutual lust of the flesh and God does not want this. A woman who had sex outside the realm of marriage was called a harlot.

Lust is the desire to have regardless of the cost its like fire in the heart that if left unchecked will lead you away from God and cause you to think and do things that he is not happy with.

God never wanted man and woman to have sex outside of being married and to do so just destroys you. How can you have respect for yourself if you violate your own body by giving it away as if it meant nothing? You are Gods temple so if you defile your body you are defiling Gods temple. This is of course if you are born again into Gods family. For if, you have not been born again, or if you have not been converted and adopted into his family, that opens a new issue.

The unbeliever is dead until he comes to life by Christ. Therefore, what ever a person has done is not important to God when they come to him to be made whole. Yet it is important to you and your future for when a man is looking for a wife he wants a virgin just as the woman wants that too. Here are some reasons why, one is you want to know the person is clean and is not defiled with decease many of which is not seen with eye. You want to be able to set an example for your children. In addition, deep in all of is this part in our heads we do not want to be compared with someone else or their performance. It is natural to that if you had been with someone else and were making love to your spouse you would have doubts that would at some point creep in to your head and wonder was he or she thinking of me and is it me bring them such pleasure or are they thinking of some other person from the past. This would then lead to bitterness in the heart, then the question would come to mind, will they be faithful to me or seek to find someone that pleased them more in the bed. There are many other points in all this that could be made but that is not the focus of this writing. What is once two people are marred and separation comes to be.

First, I hope no one ever marries for the wrong reason, sex, lust, and companionship anything less then love. If you do you will wake up someday unhappy wishing you had not for you will find your life empty and hollow.

Notice the verses below be not joined to anyone that is not a believer. If you are a Christian, a marriage with someone who is not one too will only lead to two outcomes. One is they give their heart to God, which is not most often the case. Two that it causes you to fall back away from God and do things that would cause you to fall away and lose your place in heaven. Men and women in order to have peace in the home try to please the person they are with. Thus, you compromise your walk with God. I cannot stress enough that while you shop for a mate you shop for one that shares your dreams and loves and you love should be God first always.

Therefore, what do you do now, you are married to a person who is a unbeliever and you have children. Yet your life is in agony and your unhappy and he or she is unhappy. Well you remember hearing someone say to you, you made your own bed now lie in it. It is somewhat true; you must seek God and pray as you live your life holy. This very act of living holy may cause many problems. I know a man who married a woman that said she was a Christian and went to church all the time.

It wasn't until after they were marred he found that she talked church and love but her life was far from one of the love that God said you would know his people by. She hated him and his work for God though she would play with serving God she loved sin more. Many times he found her bitter and was always negative to about everyone. Many times, she would lie to him repeatedly even about trivial things. She would cheat, lie, and mistreat the children. She hated his preaching and would try to cause confusion in every church they would go to. More then once he had to bail her out of jail because she would write checks with no money. Even at one point her bitterness was so strong she tried to kill him are hurt him by running over him with the car. His life was filled with pain but he loved her and tried to win her heart to him and to God. He would get angry at her for the things she did, and do all he knew to try to show her why it was wrong, and for awhile it seemed it would work and she would go to a altar and become the sweetest person you could no. Then when she would falter and make a mistake she would start to lie and cover it up until it drove her farther away from him and God. You see a marriage has to be one of trust and love with out trust becomes empty. Many times over the 20+ years they were together people would come to him and say you should leave her, the church once came and ordered him to leave her and still he stood by her hoping that if he loved her enough he would some how win her heart and she would see the love he had and the love of God. In many ways this is a relationship much like God had with Israel, he loved them always, forgave them many times and always wanted them to love him back. He even gave his son in hopes they would love him because of the son. This man had children with his wife, and tired to give her all the things on earth she wanted to all of his ability but nothing worked. Why do you think he did not leave, although he hurt so much so often. It was two fold one he loved her, and two he loved God more then himself. Then two he thought to of his children and their need for their mother so he stayed.

Paul tells us below that if you find yourself a child of God and in a marrage like that or worse you must stay. The child of God cannot leave but is to strive to win the spouse to God. Just as Isreal had a choice each spouse has choices to love, honor and so forth or to live a life of sin. No matter how great the sin is that they do except for the cause of fornication then they are bound together.

Yet, what happens if the unbeliever leaves on there own? Let me say it is hard to know who is or is not a child of God's. For how person stands with God is not for use to judge. Yet when two become married they become one and the works of the other will tell and show what you are. You might fool the church, you might fool those you work with but you will not fool the people you live with. You cannot say you are of God and be a liar, a thief, someone who curses and does all manner of evil. Well I guess you can say it but your own fruit say you are not, so it is just one more lie.

If that person leaves then Paul says there is no bond. The reason is simple, because a person that is not Gods is Satan's and are dead until they come to life. The issue then becomes can they marry again? If there is no bond, then its if there was no marriage in my thinking. Thus, I think this is one time in which you could marry again and it not be adultery. While you were marred God saw the believer and because of that, one recognized the marriage, once that person chose to leave then the bond was gone and the covenant broken. Just as God took his promise and gave it to all of us because Israel was not faithful to him.

Therefore, the first step would be to purify your heart with God, seek his forgiveness, for there is a issue of sin, and wrongdoing. Did you knowingly marry someone that was not a Christian? If you did not like the above example then all you can do is seek to do your best for God and go forward. Trust him and his forgiving power and seek to find the person this time God sends to you.

Yes I know many pastors will not agree with me, most of the learned will say this is wrong, yet I can say this your life is not over but a new chapter has begun so go forward and live for God.

Because you become one when you are married the union is looked upon as holy, this does not mean that both will make it in to heaven because one served God and the other one did not. For every person shall answer to God based on who and what they are not based on who or what their spouse was.

We always have a mission, at home, at work, at school, at the market, where ever we are and its to save souls, to lead them to Jesus. So then we must not give up but hold the course and do all we can do. It may cause you great pain and be so hard at times you do not know how to go on, trust God he is there. In the story above that man came home one day to find her gone, oh she told all kinds of lies and did all she could to cause him to give up on life. He felt like a failure and the only thing that kept him alive was that someone reached and reminded him God had not left him she had. See for even in all the pain, the lying the other things over the years he loved her. Moreover, he had been happy not always with her or what was going on but with God. So there was always in him peace even while war was raging, trust God and give of what you have yourself, you do the right thing, let them stand before God being in the wrong not you.

I hope some of you find some hope and help in this. You decide if you agree or accept this for your own life. It is just the way God led me, and this is not an effort to tear down anyone's faith or teaching but to confirm to you that are lost and feel hopeless that if you look deep into his word, you still have breath, so you can go on for God.

I love you who I have not seen

I care about your hopes and dreams

So, let me help to carry your load

Let me pray with you

You are not alone,

I have walked where you walk now

I have felt the pain

I have felt so lost

When I looked for the church

They were sleeping

Thought I was not worth a look

Someone cared and called my name

Reminded me God was there

Therefore, I seek not to please the church

I seek to please the one who wrote the book

So my friend you walk a long

Nevertheless, you are never alone

My prayers are with you each day and night

I pray you will always see the light,

And that the wounds on you soul

Will be healed with Gods love and hope.

Thank you for reading and thinking bout the studies and thoughts God has given to me, God blesses you for he loves you.