"I have an idea," said the first. "Let us tell ghost stories..."
"That is an excellent idea, friend," said the second. "What do you say, oh third weary traveller?"
"Fucking brill," said he.
"Argh," said the first. "Then let me tell the most disgusting, horrifying and indeed, shittest tale in the whole of the known world. For it is the tale... of Twisted Melons!"
"Gasp!" said the other two travellers.
"T'all began when two little children met... two ghastly, wretched children, by the names of Brother James and Brother Tom... but they were also known as... Coll! and... Tom... They met on a fateful school trip to Castleton, where they kept a tidy dormitory, but sinisterness and cruelty bred within the four walls. These two children would endlessly talk about nudity and 'bits' at school, and make lame jokes about turds.
"These two bastard, dirty boys liked music... and they decided to destroy what was left of it and form a band... Coll and Tom were only very young - knee high to grasshoppers in fact - but they knew how to rip the shit out of music. This they did...
"Over the following years, Coll and Tom continued with their beat combo (it means band). Tom was on guitar and Coll was on keyboards, organ, drums, guitar and bass. Not all at the same time, for these two children did not have magical multi-tasking powers, oh no. But still they had not found the most vile, crude and downright degraded member of any band... they had not yet found a drummer.
"The year was two thousand and.... one. Coll had grown up into a butch muscle bound superhero, and Tom into a flea bitten zombie hunter. And they grew up knowing a pychotic serial killer known as Nath... Nath was the only drummer about (having killed all competition) and he was persuaded to join the band.
"After weeks of meeting at Tom's house, and minutes of practise, the three realised they needed a name. This name came in a flash - a burning, toxic, shitty brown flash... the three would be known as Twisted Melons..."
"Holy shit," said the second traveller. "That sucked."
"Yeah."
Thats it kiddies. Give us money.
BASS
VOCALS
DRUMS
GUITAR
VOCALS