If I was your TV I'd be like look at me,
If I was a shooting star I'd be like shoooom(peace),
If I was a fat bitches thong I'd be like hell naw,
If I was a hotties thong I'd be like ahhhhhhh,
If I was a cuss word I'd just be like, Fuck,
If I was a rock on the moon I'd be chillin like, sup,
If I was a butthole I'd just be an exit,
If I was the DOC I'd be like, Man this is bullshit,
If I was the tires on your car I'd be like,(squeeling tire noises),
If I was the bumper I'd be like ahhh fuck,
If I was a ballon I'd be like,(ballon losing air noises),
If I was Alyssa Milano I'd be fuckin Joe Bruce,
If I was a radio DJ I'd prolly say, the point 103,
If I was a richie ass bitch I'd be like, umm ok,
If I was Spin magazine I'd put a mirror on our cover and be like fuck us, fuck our readers and fuck this mother fucker,
If I was your mental stress I'd be catchin up,
If I was your headaches every now and then I'd be like thhuuuummmmmmp,
If I was your tounge I'd be hatin your teeth I'd be like, ahhh why do you gatta bite me everytime we try to eat?,
If I was a chair I'd be like sit here,
and if I was Kid Rock I'd cut my feathered wolf hair,
I'f I was your muffler I'd be like shhhhh quietly,
If I was a price tag I'd be like you ain't buyin me
If I was a fresh DJ I'd be like(scratching record),
If I was Jam Master Jay I'd be like(scratching record).
If I was a clock radio I'd be like (radio static),
If I was barry white I'd be like wut up ya'll,
If I was a nipple in the cold I'd be like (boing),
If I was your dead uncle I'd be like,
If I was a rain drop I'd just be like, (boing)
If I had an axe I might say Chop,
(Chorus)
If I was, if I was but I'll never be(X4)
If I was, if I was boy your killing me(X2)
If I was if I was but I'll never be(X2)
If I was a Faygo at one of our shows I'd fly into the air into an ocean of juggalos,
If I was Andre the giant, this is how I'd be manly,
If I was Father MC I'd be like, ehhh what happened,
if I was a mirror I'd find another mirror,
and look eachother dead in the eye, crystal clear,
If I was a slider, I'd slide out your butt, and be floatin in your toilet lookin at you like what?
if I was a pilot I'd be like, air traffic control,
if I was John Denver I'd be like ahhh,
If I was a switch I'd be like flip me, yoohoooo,
If I was a london cop car I'd be like(siren),
If I was chewbacca I'd get me a fresh ass fade,
If I was vanilla ice I'd be like fuck you I'm still paid,
if I was a stop sign I'd just be like stop,
If i was your wooden leg I'd still be givin you the hip hop.
(Chorus)