Arthur and writer of "The Lady That Liked to Talk!"
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Preface:
"I mean the lady that liked to talk when she's making love."
"I hate that you will make them promises that you can't keep and they know it.?
"The law shouldn?t hold you responsible for what you say when you're making love or in love.?
"Women will lead you on.?
The Lady That Liked to Talk:
I used to go to J.D.'s Hide Out Tavern all the time. One day, a new barmaid came in, and she was stacked. Beautiful legs, hair, little in the waist. I believe that J-D has a farm somewhere -- a girl farm. He just brought her up from the farm. So I wondered how I could make her notice me. I drank beer. Every time I ordered a beer (a beer costs $1.50), I would give her $5.00. That went on for two weeks.
One evening, I went to J.D.'s and I ordered bourbon -- straight, and I was chasing it with beer. After three drinks, I thought I'd ask her if I could take her home. I hoped she didn't think I was asking her because I was under the influence of alcohol.
So I said, "Ms. C, can I take you home sometime because you are so nice.?
She said, "Yes, you can take me home, tonight. I thought you 'd never ask."
So, I stayed there until 1:30. Everyone had gone, and I said, "I will wait for you in the car." I waited, and I waited. I got out of the car and looked through the window. They were still talking. I said to myself, "She must have been short. Must have been a lot short."
When she did come out, I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat. She said, "It's late. Take me on home.? I said, "Will do." I took her on home.
When we got there, I said, "It's late, but I don't have anything to do today." She said, "I don't either. Come on in."
When I got in, I said, "Nice! You live here by yourself?"
She said, "Yes. Have a beer, and I will put on something comfortable. You like TV? I won't take too long.?
The cowboys were shooting on television, and I said, "I hope she don't take too long.?
She came out and sat down beside me. She was looking so nice, I said to myself, ?I?m going to take her out and let the boys see her, to the White Castle and to the Royal Palace, and to Spruills." Two years this Saturday."
So, I said, "They are having an anniversary party at the Royal Palace.?
She said, ?I don?t have nothin? to wear. Will you buy me a dress??
I said, ?Yes.? Then I said to myself, ?I don?t think so.?
She got a little closer, and I put my arms around her, and pulled her closer still. I said, "Your mother must have breast-fed you.?
She said, "How can you tell?"
I said, "Baby food couldn't have made you as beautiful as you
are. You are the picture of health.? So I pulled her a little closer, and I got all aroused up. So I said, "This couch is nice, but what I'm about to suggest is nicer.?
So she said, "You are the judge, I'm in your court.?
So I said, "Maybe we should get in that brass bed and roll around for a while.?
She said, "O.K. by me!"
When we got in bed, making love, she said, "When Is that party at the Royal Palace?"
I said, "Sometime in the next two weeks.?
She said, "I live here by myself. My rent ain?t but $300 a month.
I could see where she was headed for, and I thought I'd better change the subject. I said, "You know, you've got something good.?
She said, "I guess so. My boyfriend and me broke up. It will be two years this Saturday.?
I said to myself, "You must think I'm Sam Sausagehead. I ought to wreck this building and get a brick, but it don't make sense when I?m getting what I want.? So I said to her, "I believe you.?
And when it really got good, she said, "Will you marry me?"
I said, "Oh, yes!"
When we finished, I looked at my watch, and it was 5:00. So I said, "We'd better get some sleep, if we are going to do anything tomorrow.? I laid back and went fast asleep.
I woke up, and it was 11:30. I smelled mountain-grown coffee, Jimmy Dean Sausage -- Tennessee Pride -- eggs like my mama used to make.
She came in and said, "I thought you was going to sleep all day.?
So I said, "What happened last night?"
She said, "Don?t you remember?"
I said to myself, "I've got to clean that up.? I told her, "I had a little too much to drink last night, but of course I remember, baby. I wish I had it on tape so I could play it over and over for the rest of my life.?
She said, "I cooked some breakfast. I washed out your shorts. I will run you some bath water. You will find a clean towel in the bathroom. I will starch and iron your shorts while you are taking a bath. By the way, some bubble bath is in the cabinet.?
I said, "Thank you, darlin', Your kindness will never be forgotten.?
Then she left the room. I said to myself, "You better check.? I looked at my watch, my ring, and my necklace. I looked in my wallet and my money was all there. I didn't have but $20. 00. I said, "What's up?" That's when I remembered making love. I said, "Surely not!" That's when I said, "I've got to get out of here!"
She had the water just the way I like it. So, after my bath, she brought me my shorts. I put my clothes on. I went into the dining room, and sure enough, mountain-grown coffee, Jimmy Dean Sausage -- Tennessee Pride, scrambled eggs like my mother used to. make. I said to myself, "I got so much of nothin' to do, I can't even think of something to do. Maybe she's got something to do," I said, "What have you got to do today, sweetheart?"
She said, "Al'aybe we can go downtown, and get that dress you promised me, and look at some engagement rings.?
So I said, "O. K.? And we finished eating.
She said, "I think I will go in and slip on something. I have to take a bath and do something about my hair, my fingernails, and my face.?
I said, "O.K., baby.?
She went on in. I said, "That should take about 45 minutes to an hour. That should be ample time to think of some way to get out of buying a dress and how to get out of being engaged.?
Thinking about it, what I did last night could follow me for the rest of my life. She will be the death of me. Then, marrying is a serious matter. I said, "It's a way out, but you might need Johnnie Cochran, but it's a way. I just have to think of something.?
The young ladies always tell me, "I will give you a heart attack." Right now, I will settle for a stroke. Maybe I should hang myself. Maybe I ought to pray.
They say, if you pray, the words will come to you. Maybe He will find the words to get me out of this mess I done got myself into. I said, "This is hell! But tonight I want to do the same thing over again. I want to be able to take her home tonight like last night. Everything was on time. That ain?t praying! I'm talking to the Master like he's just another man. I am a lumberjack; I can handle my end of the log.?
I looked at my watch. She had been gone 45 minutes. I said, "I only have five minutes left. I could leave, but then, with my luck, I'd have a car accident on the way home. Maybe she's changed her mind. I wish!"
That's when she walked in the door. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans like she had been melted and poured into them -- they were so light -- and a Nike shirt, trimmed in blue, and a pair of
while tennis shoes, trimmed in blue. She was looking so good, I said, "I ought to change my mind. " So I said, "Looks like you are tip to something. Are you trying to catch girl? You'll make a good mats go bad.?
So she said, "I thought we would go down walking by the Arch.?
And I said, "You know April showers.? I thought, "I am so slow. I could have gone walking and had a hamburger on the McDonald's boat for about $6.00 or $7.00. I would have money left out of my $20.00.?
That's when it came to me. I'd been thinking all this time; "This is the answer- to my prayer. I will marry her. I will take her to Mississippi, and have her chopping cotton and picking cotton. "
I said, "Oh. Honey, I've -always wanted to get married and move back to Mississippi, and raise some cows and hogs and chickens. Let me tell you a little about Mississippi. It don't snow. When it's cold, you are cold, and when it's hot, you burn up. But you don't have to worry about something to eat, because you can walk out the back door and grab a chicken by the neck and just ring his neck off. You can go in the garden and pick some beans - nothing in the garden but green snakes, and they don't bite. They are the color of the leaves. You will have them in your hand if you ain't careful. I say that the big house, they call it the main house, and the house behind the main house, they call that the shed house, and the little house behind the shed is the toilet. If you have to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, you will need a light. The dog will bark if anybody is out there. The dog will bark at everything but a ghost. If a bear's out there, the dog will bark. Today, I bet they pay good money. The two of us could make about $50 a day.?
She said, "I forgot I was supposed to keep my sister's kids today while she pays some bills.?
I said, "Do you want me to drop you off somewhere'?"
She said, "No. She said she'd pick me up.?
I said to myself, "Nothing got me out of that but the Master!"
I am telling you guys out there, you just have to bite the bullet. You just can't say "Yes" to everything when you're making love.
Like you say "No" to drugs, say "No". to a woman when you're
making love!
Poem entitled:
I Really Want to See Her Again
By George Pruitt
I really want to see you againnnnn
I'll stand by her till the endndndnd
She could be my best friendndndd
I really want to see her againnnnn
Baby soon as I got on it
You start talking about matrimony
I really want to see her againnnnn
Baby I am just another man
And I was looking for a one-night stand
I really want to see her againnnnn
Baby I really tell the truth about it
I really don't want to get her out of it
I really want to see her againnnnn
Baby you understand
I will get out of it if I can
I really don't care
To take her away from here
I would like to see her again.
Poem entitled:
Something You Already Know
By George Pruitt
It's only one you and one me, Lisa and George.
I have always want to ma one somebody happy.
All the people in the world,
All the riches and all the gold in California,
There can only be one you, and one me,
The Bible gives you more choices.
It says, "go to church."
But there is more than one denomination.
There's only one God -- one you -- and one me.
When I'm out, I meet other girls and I'm polite.
I light their cigarette and tell them what I think they want to hear.
I ask for their phone number and I never even call.
I make dates, but I never keep them.
And one day, you'll look in my wallet and find all the numbers
And say, "Who's he kidding?"
When I was down at McDonald's on Grand you can't smoke inside,
And I was on the outside with a cigarette and a cup of coffee.
The janitor was outside sweeping and he asked me,
"Why don't you pray over it?"
I told him I never asked God for anything
but my health and strength.
And he said O.K.
ONE occupies my mind -- occupies my time.
When we're not together, she's all that's on my mind.
