THE ALIEN DEAD
Even worse than you'd expect!

  How many really terrible zombie movies can there be?  There's got to be an end somewhere, right?

Made for $12K (and every penny's on the screen) this stupid diarrhetic soup-cauldron of a movie is the worst zombie movie I've seen in a very long time ' it's not as bad as Zombie Nightmare, but it's probably about on a par with Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things.  It's your standard story - a meteor crashes in some southeastern US swamp and turns the local southern stereotypes into zombies.

I won't even get into the moronic dialogue, but just watch how these people behave.  If you were in a rowboat on a still swamp and the other guy in the boat fell in with a big splash, would you notice?  Not this guy.  Would you walk knee-deep into a swamp, to the point where your new shoes get stuck in the mud, for no compelling reason?  Ditto.  If you could, theoretically, use an oil can as a molotov cocktail, would you throw it forty feet away, or somewhere nearby at the zombies who are two feet away from you and take your chances with the explosion? If you die, do you keep breathing?  Does your motorboat sound like a chainsaw?  Need I go on to make my point?

So yeah, the story and characters are stupid, but other aspects are worse.  The editing is terrible, sometimes cutting to another scene right in the middle of somebody's sentence.  The non-stop country music is hilariously bad, with lines like "We just want your body, we already have a mind/So if you will cooperate, you'll be helping all mankind!"  (and the one time we actually see a country band performing, they're obviously playing a different song than the one we hear) Thank God this thing only runs about seventy minutes; it doesn't end so much as just stop, but hey, I was grateful it happened.

The only upside to a film like this is the occasional bit of unintended humor, like the deputy guy who looks like Cooter from The Dukes Of Hazzard if he started dressing up in Roscoe's uniform.  Or the one zombie who - if you'll watch closely - pauses to cop a feel before chowing down on his female victim.  Or the zombie makeup, which is so bad, one of them is obviously wearing a pull-on mask, and the female zombie looks like she's auditioning to be a backup singer for Cradle Of Filth.

Directed - if you want to call it that - by Fred Olen Ray.  Why am I not surprised?  Also known as It Fell From The Sky and Swamp Of The Blood Leeches.

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