THE BIRDS II: LAND'S END
Alan Smithee at his Smitheeest
Damn. From Hitchcock himself to Alan Smithee in one movie, without any "buffer" sequels.
This one was really helmed by Rick "Halloween II" Rosenthal, who hasn't made a good movie in a long, long time. And I don't see much hope for him in the future, either - he's apparently working for Jerry Bruckheimer now.
Chelsea Fields - a perfectly likeable actress who keeps taking roles I wouldn't wish on a dead dog's eyeball maggots - stars as a wife with three kids (well, one of 'em is dead) who moves into an east coast island house with her husband. Needless to say, their marriage is on the rocks. Needless to say, she finds herself working for some hunky guy who puts the moves on her. (man, any woman who falls for this guy has problems) And needless to say, for some reason, a whole bunch of birds know which family on the island they like the least. Her husband's played by Brad Johnson, who simultaneously manages to look just like both Billy Zane and Tom Berenger. Even Tippi Hedren from the original shows up, on a different coast from the original, coincidentally popping in on the only other time in recorded history that birds went all batshit. (that maybe it's just her is a possibility not explored)
Speaking of birds and shit; if you look closely at the stock footage of seagulls flying around, you really can see some of them drop it in some of the closer shots. Anyway, this movie also features a crusty lighthouse keeper (Jan Rubes) who alternately sounds German, Jamaican, and like Captain "Barnacle Bill" MacAllister.
One FX shot of the birds flying away en masse is so poorly done that some of the birds just disappear. And how do you use a boat with a zillion holes in it as a floatation device? And what's with the R rating? Nary a swear, no sex, and minimal gore. I'll resist the temptation to remark on rolling in graves.
Now, this one could've been a lot worse than it was. The two little kids do a good job, and when one, uh, character dies about halfway through the movie, I found the funeral scene quite touching. What little bird action there is ain't bad (I liked shots where birds were blasted with shotguns and flares). And the cast all gives it everything they have, even though most of them were surely aware that they were most definitely being driven around in a suck machine.
But it ain't by any stretch a movie I'd recommend. Go see the first one again. It's got that great lesbian tension between Hedren and Suzanne Pleshette. Just that right there is worth the rental.