BLESS THE CHILD
It's this millennium's End Of Days

  How could it be as cheesy as End Of Days?  How?  But it is!  God help us!

A throwback to the "your child, the Devil, and you" movies of the 70's, Bless The Child's plot pretty much spells itself out from beginning 'til end once you meet its characters.  There's a caring aunt (Kim Basinger) of a slightly autistic six-year-old girl who can make things rotate with her mind (Holliston Coleman).  There's a new age guru/church leader (Rufus Sewell) of an organization called the New Dawn.  There's a compassionate FBI man (Jimmy Smits) who thinks the New Dawn might be after the kid because they think they could train her to be the antichrist instead of the new christ (there's even a new Star Of Bethlehem).  And of course, there's the mother of the kid (Angela Bettis), who abandons the kid to Basinger.

(I didn't even mention Christina Ricci as a junkie and former New Dawner, but she only has two scenes and still looks more than ever like a twelve-year-old with a boob job, except now she looks disturbingly like a twelve-year-old with a boob job and an arm-shredding heroin habit. Somebody send this kid to Maury's boot camp!  Ian Holm is here too, playing basically Rod Steiger's role from End Of Days, even giving us a riff on that "the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist" line which I'm getting REALLY tired of)

Like I said, the plot spells out itself, but it's still got some howlers in there; particularly how this cult needs to have this girl (and do whatever they intend to do with her, make her Satan's bride, or something) by Easter and not a moment later. (why?) Move it back a few months, and it's End Of Days again!  They should've set it at the end of this year so that they can make it millennial But Like Y'know REALLY Millennial.

The New Dawn is obviously supposed to be a slightly more off-kilter version of Scientology (maybe not as obvious as Mind Head in Bowfinger), even asking for a $400 "donation" for their treatment (curious how it's still a "donation", though chances are you wouldn't get treatment if you offered to donate, say, $25). (not a nit at the movie, but an observation on the real deal) But it's even wackier; they've got an enforcement corps of goth kids who go out and beat/kidnap/kill people for them, and they're all into Satan, too, complete with matching tattoos on their arm which identify them for the audience (as if their actions don't make everything obvious).  Another goth gang!  Is 2000 the year of the goth gang in these movies or something?

There is some neat stuff here, like how angels keep taking human form and helping us out when we really need it, though it does leave one to wonder "Hey, where was my angel when (fill in the tragedy)?"  There's also a creepy early scene where some New Dawners kidnap a little boy with the intent of determining whether he's the kid they're looking for (obviously, he isn't).

But it's bad, bad bad bad BAD bad!  Bad CGI on those rats (I'd say it's more acceptable on the evil angels, since none were available for filming), bad acting (even by the usually reliable Sewell), bad dialogue, bad story.  (Bad tagline too: Mankind's last hope just turned six.) Like Battlefield Earth, this would've been dated twenty years ago (though this isn't anywhere near as bad as Battlefield Earth).

Bless The Child was based on a book by Cathy Cash Spellman, which I heard was quite good and probably deserved a better movie than this.  This movie was directed by Chuck Russell, who inexplicably keeps taking years-long absences from the movie biz.  Any more movies like this, and maybe he won't come back (damn shame that'd be, I loved his remake of The Blob).

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